To Catch a Phantom
by
Station 51
Captain Hank Stanley opened his desk drawer and let out a yell. “Kelly!!” he screamed, his voice cracking with the strain. “Wait until I get my hands on you!”
Mike Stoker looked up from his sweeping and grinned when his superior tore out of his office. “What's the matter, Cap?” he asked, suppressing a smile.
“That twit put this in my desk drawer!” Hank growled, holding up a very life-like rubber spider.
The engineer lost his composure and burst out laughing. “You should see what he left for Gage!” he sputtered, tears squirting from his eyes. “Johnny swore revenge, and you know what that means!”
The Captain muttered under his breath and went into the dayroom for a cup of coffee. He threw the rubber insect onto the table, making Roy Desoto leap out of his chair before he saw that it was fake. “Let me guess,” grinned the senior paramedic. “The Phantom strikes again?”
Marco Lopez hid behind the newspaper he was reading to cover his smile. A chuckle bubbled up in his throat. “You know, Cap, if you really want to get even with Chet, you could ask Lou for some help. She's the only one who can out-prank him.”
Hank grinned slyly. “You've got a good point there, pal. I bet she would jump at the chance to make a little mischief.”
Outside the station, Johnny and Chet were busy hanging hose. The junior paramedic grinned when he heard his Captain's yell. “Looks like Cap found your little surprise, Chet,” he snickered. “Hope you like scrubbing tile.”
The Irishman blanched. “I already know every single tile in the latrine intimately,” he answered. “Guess I better lay low for a while, huh?”
“You got that right,” chuckled Johnny. “So, who's next?”
“What do you mean, John?” asked Chet, raising an eyebrow.
“Well, you got me and Cap. Knowing you, you're probably gunning for everyone in the station.”
“My lips are sealed,” grinned Kelly, his mustache twitching. “I never know when the Phantom will strike next.”
Johnny glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was listening. “Tell you what, Chester B.,” he whispered. “I'll help you get Roy . I know for a fact that he absolutely hates cockroaches. Now if a few of them just happened to end up in his bed…..”
“Keep talking, pal. I'm all ears.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
That Night
The crew had just returned from a call and were getting cleaned up to go to bed. As chance would have it, Desoto was the first in the shower, giving Chet and Johnny time to plant a few plastic roaches in his bed. They giggled as they imagined their shift-mate's reaction.
“Put them near the foot of the bed,” whispered the Irishman. “That way, he won't notice them until it's too late.”
“What are you two up to?” bellowed Hank, his hands planted firmly on his hips.
“N-nothing, Cap,” squeaked Johnny. “We were just fluffing Roy 's pillow for him.”
“Uh huh, and the Chief doesn't enjoy teasing me about burning his hat,” replied the Captain. “Finish whatever it is you're really doing and hit the sack.”
“Yes, sir,” said Chet, replacing the blanket and smoothing it with his palms. He went into the latrine to brush his teeth and crawled into his bunk.
Roy came out of the latrine and stripped to his boxers and t-shirt. He pulled back his blanket and settled in. Just as he was about to drift off, his foot touched one of the plastic insects Gage and Kelly had put between the sheets. He scrambled out of bed and threw back the blankets. “ Chet ! I'm going to murder you!” he shouted. “He put cockroaches in my bunk!”
Marco buried his face in his pillow, smothering his laughter. Mike coughed and shrugged when Desoto glared at him. “That makes three,” he said quietly. “Guess we're next on the agenda, right, Marco?”
The Latino fireman didn't reply. His whoops of glee echoed behind him as he ran into the bay. He returned carrying a broom and dustpan and swept the offending bugs out of Roy 's bunk. “You want these as souvenirs?” he grinned.
“No, I don't , “ answered Roy through clenched teeth. “I know you're not sleeping, Johnny, so cut the possum act.”
Gage rolled over to face his partner, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “You can rest easy now, Pally,” he snickered. “Better check under your pillow though. Might be something else there.” He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, struggling to keep a straight face.
“If you don't have anything else in store for us, Kelly,” grumbled Cap, “can we all get some sleep?” He punched his own pillow. “Twit!”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Next Morning
Hank pulled into his driveway and got out of his car. His wife, Louisa, met him at the door. “Good morning, honey,” she said. “Long night?”
“You could say that,” replied the Captain, leaning in for a kiss. “Chet was in full prank mode all shift.”
The young woman grinned. “Who was his victim this time?”
“Victims, sweetheart. He got me, Gage, and Desoto. I think that tile-waxing idea the Chief had a few months ago might just get tested at our station.”
“What did he do, honey?” asked Louisa, trying to contain her giggles.
“I got a rubber spider in my desk drawer, John ended up with a foam snake falling out of his locker onto his head, and Roy had plastic cockroaches in his bunk,” replied Hank.
The young woman lost her composure and burst out laughing. “And Chet is still b reathing ?!?” she snorted. “I can't wait to see what he has in mind for Mike and Marco.”
“I don't want to even think about it,” grumbled Hank. “Lopez gave me a good idea, though. How would you like to help us get even?” he questioned, a wicked gleam in his eyes.
“Do you have to ask? Of course, but it'll have to wait until I get home from work,” giggled Louisa, picking up her purse. “We can brainstorm tonight, honey. See you later.”
As she drove to her job at Rampart General Hospital , the young woman picked her brain for pranks to play on Chet Kelly. While stopped in traffic on the 405, a brilliant idea came to her, making her laugh out loud. A man in the next car stared at her in confusion, thinking she was out of her mind. Louisa was still giggling when she walked into the Emergency Department.
“Someone is sure in a good mood this morning,” observed Dr. Kelly Brackett, Louisa's boss. “Care to tell me what's so funny?”
“Hi, Kel,” greeted Louisa. “I was just thinking about the perfect prank. Chet Kelly is at it again! Hank practically begged me to help him get even.”
Brackett's mouth twitched. “After the last joke you played on him, I don't want to know. I heard all about the snake John found in his locker.”
“Child's play compared to what I have in store for our friend, Kel,” answered the young woman, an evil smile blooming on her lips. “This will make my fake vampire act look like a walk in the park!”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Next Shift
Chet crept around the station, keeping a low profile. The rest of the crew acted as if nothing had happened, all trying to catch their prank-happy co-worker off guard. John and Roy watched the Irishman out of the corners of their eyes as they completed their morning telemetry test.
“Rampart, this is Squad 51 for morning test. How do you read?”
“We read you loud and clear, 51,” came the calm voice of Dixie McCall. “Have a good day, boys. Rampart out.”
“Same to you, Dix,” replied Roy . “51 out.” He nudged his partner as Chet hovered near the office door, eavesdropping as Hank spoke to the Chief. “Kelly, what are you doing?” he asked.
The Irishman jumped. “Nothing, man. Just go on with what you're doing and ignore me.”
Johnny laughed and couldn't resist a dig. “If it were only that was, Chester ,” he snickered. “Waiting to here if Cap is gonna report your recent ‘activities' to McConikee?”
Chet blinked, his mouth dropping open. “You don't think he would, do you?” he gasped.
Roy shrugged nonchalantly. “You know how Cap feels about spiders,” he chuckled. “He hates them as much as Junior here hates snakes, and I hate cockroaches.”
“Man, I'll really be in Dutch if the Chief finds out about this,” muttered Chet. He looked up when Charlie, the Department's mechanic, drove up. “Morning, boys,” he grinned. “All right, Gage. What did you do to my squad this time?”
“Nothing,” Johnny defended himself. “I just thought you'd want to know that one of the tires is wearing unevenly.” He pointed to the right front tire. “Look for yourself.”
The mechanic bent down and examined the tire in question. “You're right, Gage. It is wearing right on the edge here. Won't take me more than a few minutes to change it.”
In the office, Hank hung up the phone and got up. He came out into the bay to watch as Charlie made the necessary repair. He noticed Chet trying to slink away and grinned. “Where you going, Kelly? Don't you want to stay and enjoy my company?”
“Uh, no, Cap, I mean, yes, Cap,” he stuttered, blushing rosily. “I was just gonna go finish cleaning the latrine.”
“Your loss, pal. I was going to make a pot of coffee from that stuff Lou dropped off this morning. She says we'd love it, or she would eat the Chief's hat.”
“You mean instead of burning it?” teased Roy with a grin. “What is it? One of those new flavored coffees?”
Hank nodded. “Yeah. Lou told me Dixie bought some to put in the doctor's lounge and Brackett and Early went nuts over it.”
“Speak of the devil and she appears,” said Johnny when Louisa herself walked in carrying a covered plate. “A gracious good morning to you, Mrs. Cap,” he grinned, bowing low to the young woman.
“Good morning yourself, hose jockey,” answered Louisa. “Hey, Charlie. These two mess up your squad again?”
“Something like that,” replied the mechanic. “How's it going, Mrs. S.?”
“Pretty good, I can't complain. Say, Charlie,” she said, winking at her husband. “I heard you have your speedboat up for sale again. How much you asking for it?”
Johnny and Roy exchanged a curious glance with their Cap. “Is this the same boat you wouldn't sell to us ?” asked Gage.
“Sure is,” answered Charlie. “I was thinking maybe a grand, Mrs. S. I didn't know you liked boats.”
Louisa grinned. “Of course I do! I love to go sailing. At least I don't get seasick like some people I could name,” she teased, playfully poking Johnny in the ribs. “I've never water-skied before, but I bet it's a blast!”
Charlie reached into his pocket and pulled out a pad and pencil. “I'll give you my home number. Give me call tomorrow morning and we'll make an appointment so you can check it out.”
“Great! I can stop by on my way to work tomorrow. Is eight o'clock too early?”
“That's perfect. See you in the morning. Now, if there's nothing else here that needs my attention, I better be going. Captain Stone called and told me that his engine is idling rough. Later, boys.”
“Bye, Charlie,” said Hank. “All right, sweetheart, what's under that aluminum foil? Smells like brownies. Hand it over.”
“Aren't you the bossy one?” giggled Louisa. “How did you guys like the hazelnut coffee I gave you?”
“We haven't tried it yet,” replied Johnny. “Cap was about to make us a pot just before you got here.”
“In that case, he better check to make sure there aren't any spiders near the stove,” she joked, her eyes sparkling with good humor. “On second thought, maybe I should make the coffee. Big hairy bugs don't bother me!”
“Since when, little sister?” teased Marco, giving her a hug. “Who was it that always screamed bloody murder when a spider got within ten feet of you?”
“Okay, they don't bother me anymore . Satisfied? I seem to recall that you aren't too fond of them yourself, buster.”
“Guilty,” grinned the Latino fireman sheepishly. “They're so unnatural, they creep me out.” He noticed the look on Chet's face. “Don't even think about it, amigo .”
“Think about what, Marco?” snickered Kelly. “I would never put a spider in your desk drawer.”
“He reserves that honor for me,” grumbled Hank with a grin.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Rampart Hospital , Two Days Later
“Thanks for coming in to help out, Louisa,” said Dixie . “With Betty out sick, it's been rough.”
“I don't mind taking on some overtime,” grinned the young woman. “Any idea how long she'll be on sick leave?”
“A couple more days,” replied the nurse. She looked up when one of the call lights flickered on. “Mr. Thomas again. You want to do the honors?”
“No problem,” said Louisa, heading for the patient's room. She pushed open the door, plastering a wide smile on her face. “What can I do for you, Mr. Thomas?”
Gideon Thomas groaned in discomfort. “My pillow slipped down again,” he muttered. “Can you fix it for me?”
“That's what I'm here for!” answered the young woman pleasantly. She repositioned the pillow, placing it under the man's head. She noticed sweat beading his face and frowned. “Are you still having pain, sir?”
Thomas nodded. “A little, but it's not too bad. I'm not crazy about having this bayonet in my arm, however.”
“I'll tell you a little secret, Mr. Thomas,” answered Louisa with a wink. “I'm not fond of needles either! Especially when they're aimed at me! Can I get you anything else? A glass of water or maybe a magazine?”
“No thank you, I'm all right for now. By the way, when's lunch? I'm starving?”
Just then, an orderly entered the room, carrying a tray. “Hey, Louisa,” he greeted. “I didn't know you were working today.” He put the tray down in front of Mr. Thomas. “Eat up while it's hot!”
Gideon made a face and rolled his eyes. “Jell-O again ?” he complained good-naturedly. “Any chance you could sneak in some vanilla pudding?”
Louisa smiled. “Well, you've been a good boy, so I'll see what I can do. If you need me, you know what to do.”
The orderly followed the young woman out of the room, talking a blue streak. “You didn't answer my question,” he chuckled. “Your husband kick you out of the house again?” he teased.
“You wish, George. Nah, I'm covering for Betty until she get back. Don't you have anything better to do than flirt with me?”
George adopted a hang-dog expression, pretending to be hurt. “Okay, I get the hint. Catch you later, gorgeous.”
Louisa walked back to the nurse's station, giggled softly. “I swear, Dix, he's almost as bad as Johnny.”
“Who's almost as bad as me?” asked Gage, as he and Roy came in. “George flirting with you again, Mrs. Cap?” he joked.
“Something like that. Chet pulled any pranks yet?”
Roy shook his head, grinning broadly. “He wouldn't dare, not with McConikee around. Cap told us you had a plan to give Kelly a taste of his own medicine. You care to let us in on it?”
“You'll know sooner or later, hose jockey,” smiled Louisa. “Believe me, Chester B. Kelly won't know what hit him! Stop by after your shift tomorrow and I'll fill you in.”
At that moment, the base station crackled to life. “Rampart, this is Squad 16,” came the prissy voice of Craig Brice.
Dixie reached for the phone to page Brackett as she responded. “We read you loud and clear, 16.”
“Rampart, we have a 45-year-old man, suffering from chest pains. Vitals are as follows: BP 138/92, pulse 64, respirations, 12 and labored.”
Johnny and Roy slipped away as the little drama unfolded. “What do you think Lou has planned?” asked Gage.
Desoto grinned wickedly. “If it's anything like the prank she pulled on Halloween a few years ago, it'll be a killer.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Whew! That was a close one,” said Bob Bellingham as he walked out of Rampart with his partner, Craig Brice. “I never knew Mrs. Stanley had it in her to do CPR for that long.”
Brice flashed a rare smile. “Neither did I,” he admitted. “Guess it comes from throwing around those bales of hay.” He climbed into the squad and started the engine. “If we hurry, we can make it back to the station in time for lunch.”
Bellingham rubbed his stomach. “Gil's cooking today, so it should be good. Any idea what he's making?”
“Spaghetti, I think,” answered Craig, steering into traffic. “Mike Stoker gave him the recipe. The Chief told me last shift that he is thinking about collecting recipes from all the stations and putting them together in a cookbook.”
Bob chuckled. “Knowing Gage, he'll put in how to boil hot dogs.” The paramedics shared a laugh over Johnny's rather limited culinary skills.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Stanley Home, The Next Morning
Louisa stretched her arms above her head, working out the kinks. She smiled when her four children bounced down the stairs. “Your breakfast is on the table,” she said. “Matthew, I don't want to see oatmeal on my wallpaper this morning, got it?”
“Yes, Mama,” grinned the boy. “What about strawberry jam?” he teased, his eyes sparkling.
“Save it for the toast, young man,” chuckled his mother. “When your father gets home, tell him I'm out cleaning the stalls.”
Fifteen minutes later, Hank's car pulled into the driveway, followed by Johnny's Rover and Roy 's Porsche. The men got out of their vehicles and went into the house, just in time to catch Emma dump her orange juice over her twin brother's head. The girl flushed guiltily and smiled widely. “Hi, Daddy. Hi, Uncle Johnny. Hi, Uncle Roy.”
“Good morning, princess,” chuckled Hank. “What did your mother tell you about making your brother shampoo with juice, young lady?” he questioned sternly.
“She said not to throw oatmeal or strawberry jam,” put in Robert, Hank and Louisa's youngest son. “She didn't say anything about orange juice.”
The two paramedics smothered their laughter. The Captain rolled his eyes and scooped Robert from his chair, tickling the little boy's ribs. “You've got a point there, tiny man, but I doubt your Mama would appreciate having to clean up the mess. Where is she, anyways?”
“Cleaning the stalls, Daddy,” said Hannah, the younger Stanley girl. “She said to tell you when you got home.”
Louisa walked into the house just then, having finished her chores. She leveled a steely gaze on her children and raised an eyebrow. Emma jumped off her chair and went to the sink to get a sponge. “There, Mama! All done!” she giggled, wiping up the mess.
“I see that, sweetheart,” answered the young woman, struggling to keep a straight face. “If you hellions are done eating, go upstairs and brush your teeth.”
As soon as the children had left the kitchen, Roy and Johnny burst out laughing. “Are mealtimes always this exciting?” guffawed Roy .
“Only when we're not here to supervise,” grinned Hank. “Honey, Mike and Marco are on their way. Did you make any coffee or do I have to do it myself, after a very long shift saving the people of this County from themselves?”
“It's on the stove, hose jockey,” answered Louisa. “I'm gonna go take a shower, then I'll make you guys some breakfast. No oatmeal, I promise!”
The men sat around the table, nursing cups of coffee while they waited for their crewmates to arrive. “Did Lou give you any clue what she has planned for Chet, Cap?” asked Johnny.
“All I know is that it's a doozy, pal,” replied Hank, stirring sugar into his coffee. He looked up when his children came back downstairs. “You kids can go outside for a while, but stay away from the horses. Your grandmother will be here in a couple hours to take you over to her house for the day.”
Half an hour later, Mike and Marco walked in. While they ate, Louisa outlined her scheme to repay Chet for all the pranks he had been pulling lately.
Part 2
Mike threw his head back and howled. “That's brilliant, Lou!” he laughed. “Where do we fit in?”
Louisa grinned, her eyes shining with mischief. “Just sit back and watch Chet squirm,” she said. “Phase one of Operation Torture Kelly goes into effect in two days. Here's what I want you guys to do.” She leaned over the table and outlined the first prank she had planned. “All you have to do is get Chet in the right place at the right time. Think you're up to the challenge?”
“I'm glad you aren't gunning for me , little sister,” smiled Marco. “I never thought you would top that vampire stunt, but I was wrong.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Next Shift
“Morning all!” called Chet as he entered the locker room. “Beautiful day, isn't it?”
“Sure, is, Chet,” replied Mike. “How were your days off?”
“I had a date with an absolutely fabulous chick!” grinned the Irishman. He threw open his locker door and started to change into his uniform. He frowned slightly when something slid out and dropped to the floor. “What the heck is this?” he said, bending down to get a closer look. When the towel-wrapped object hissed, he jumped back, tripping over the bench and landing on his backside. “It's alive !” he shouted frantically, scrambling to his feet.
Johnny bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. He pulled back the cloth, revealing a tiny calico kitten. “Relax, Kelly,” he said. “It's just a cat. See?” he continued, holding up the small ball of fur.
“Yeah, but how did it get in my locker?” grumbled the Irishman. “All right, which one of you is responsible?”
Marco rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Chet, why would any of us want to put a cat in your locker? Some kid probably dropped it off or something.”
“Roll call, gentlemen!” called Hank from the bay. His eyes widened in surprise when he saw the kitten Johnny was still holding. “Where did that come from?” he asked.
“It was in my locker, Cap,” replied Chet, glaring at Johnny.
“Uh huh,” answered the Captain. “Sure it was, pal. You brought it in, you take care of it. And keep it away from Henry. He might mistake it for a snack.”
After making the day's announcements and doling out chores, Hank went back into his office and picked up the phone. “Morning, Mrs. Brackett. Could I speak to my wife please? Hi, honey, how's your day going so far? Well, you're not going to believe it, but Kelly found a kitten in his locker this morning. Could you stop by and take it home? Okay, see you later. Bye.” He hung up and laughed silently. “Phase one has begun.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
While the men were eating lunch, Louisa stopped by on her way home from work. She greeted them with a smile and sat down next to Henry, the station mascot. The Basset hound rolled over and licked her arm. The young woman rewarded him with a belly rub, sending the dog into a state of bliss.
“I heard you brought a cat to work with you today, Chet,” she joked. “Is it National Bring Your Girlfriend To Work Day or something?”
Kelly frowned. “First of all, I didn't bring it with me, it was in my locker when I got here. Second, do you want it? She's really cute.”
“I suppose I could give it to the kids,” answered Louisa, suppressing a grin. “How old is she?”
“No idea,” replied the Irishman. “I'll go get her. Wait right here.” He got up and ran into the locker room.
“How did he react?” whispered Louisa, keeping an eye on the door.
Johnny snickered gleefully. “It practically fell on top of him. How do you think he reacted? He jumped back and landed on his keister!”
“The same way you did when you found that rubber snake?” She looked up when Chet came speeding back, the kitten held in his hands. “Aww, she's adorable,” said Louisa, taking the animal. “You sure you don't want to keep her, Chet?”
“Positive! I'm not fond of kamikaze kitties,” growled Kelly.
“Kamikaze kitties?” giggled the young woman. “What are talking about , Chet?”
“Crazy thing jumped out of my locker and almost nailed me,” muttered Kelly. “Almost had my guts for garters!”
Louisa shook her head, chuckling softly. “Such exaggeration!” she teased. “Maybe she has a thing for crazed Irish firemen.”
The tiny kitten squirmed in Louisa's hands and purred. The purr turned to a hungry meow. “Okay, okay. I'll stop at the grocery store on the way home and get you some food. But you need a name. What shall I call you?”
“How about Cujo?” snickered Johnny. “The way Chet tells it, she tried to attack him.”
“She did !” stressed Chet. “You know, she is kinda cute. Maybe if we keep her around long enough, she'll have kittens on Gage's bed.” The crew laughed, remembering the stray that had chosen to use Johnny's bed as a feline maternity ward.
“One mascot is more than enough!” grinned Hank. “Henry's good for a few things, you know.”
“Yeah, honey, like keeping the sofa dusted,” giggled Louisa. “If he was any lazier, we'd have to call the coroner for an autopsy.” The Basset hound raised his head and stared at her mournfully. “All right, pooch, forget I said it. But you could use some exercise.”
Henry yawned and rolled over to continue his nap. Marco burst out laughing. “I think you've just been given the paw, Lou!” he chortled.
“Wouldn't be the first time, buster. Remember that Jack Russell terrier Tía Carmen had? Good thing he couldn't talk; otherwise, he would have tasted soap more than you did!”
“Seems to me you tasted the Lifebuoy a lot yourself, little sister,” retorted the Latino fireman. “At least until you learned to curse in Swedish instead of English or Spanish.”
Hank raised an eyebrow. “You speak Swedish, honey?” he asked. “You never told me that.”
“You wouldn't understand if I did anyway, hose jockey. I not only speak English, Spanish, and Swedish, but French, Lakota, a little Italian, and a little Cheyenne , too.” She winked at Johnny and spoke a few choice words in Lakota.
The paramedic laughed. “That's not a very nice thing to say, Mrs. Cap,” he joked. “But in this case, it's the honest truth.”
Roy looked confused and nudged his partner. “What did she say, Junior?” Johnny leaned over and whispered in his ear, making him blush. “You're right, it's not nice. I hope you don't use that kind of language around the kids,” he joked.
“Only when I'm mad,” admitted Louisa. “That way, they can't pick up any new words, right, Mikey?”
“The engineer grinned. “Then who taught them a very bad word for a certain part of a woman's anatomy? Wasn't me.”
Before the young woman could respond, the kitten she was holding mewed plaintively. “We'll discuss it later, Michael. I have to feed this critter before she starts chewing on my hand. See you later, guys. And Chet, if anything else jumps out of your locker, make sure it's dangerous before you freak out!”
“Very funny,” grumbled Kelly.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
By the end of the week, Chet was a nervous wreck. Several ‘unexplainable' things had happened to him during every shift and his nerves were almost completely frayed. The Irishman, having been assigned to mop the bay, cautiously opened the supply cabinet and peered around the door, half-expecting something to jump out at him.
Hank and Marco watched secretly from the locker room, snickering under their breaths. “I think he's ready for phase two of my sister's diabolical plan,” whispered Marco, his mustache twitching in anticipation.
At that moment, Louisa walked through the bay's front door. Raising a finger to her lips, she snuck up behind Chet as he dragged the mop across the floor. He was humming a current tune and didn't hear her approach. The young woman tiptoed up to him and let out a blood-curdling shriek. Chet threw down the mop and whirled around, his curly hair standing on end.
“What's the matter, Chester ?” grinned Louisa, as Hank and Marco laughed. “A little jumpy today?”
“Geez, you almost gave me a heart attack!” complained the Irishman. “Don't do that!”
“Come on, Chet, be a sport. I was just checking to see if your nervous system was working properly. Considering how fast you jumped, I'd say it's very healthy.”
Kelly muttered something and retrieved his mop. He pushed the bucket to the other side of the bay with his foot and went on with his chore. “To be safe, I'm staying away from you until you leave.”
Louisa shrugged and winked at her husband and brother. “Watch out for flying felines, pal,” she giggled, going into the dayroom.
“I thought I heard your dulcet tones, little sister,” greeted Mike, glancing over the top of his newspaper. Roy and Johnny flashed identical grins as they poured cups of coffee. “How's it going, Lou?” asked the senior paramedic.
“Same as always, Roy . The usual chaos and insanity. You know how kids are,” answered the young woman, taking his cup. “Thanks, Desoto.”
“Everything ready for phase two?” questioned Johnny. He looked at his superior. “Are you okay with this, Cap? I'd hate to get on your bad side. Cleaning the latrine isn't my idea of fun.”
“Don't worry about it, Gage,” replied Hank. “I trust you. Just don't get too familiar, if you get my drift.”
“Wouldn't think of it,” grinned Johnny. “Lou would probably bust me in the mouth if I tried anything, anyway.”
“As long as you make it look convincing, I won't smack you,” chuckled Louisa. She took a sip of her coffee, a grimace of disgust crossing her face. “Yuck! Who made this poison?” she choked, wiping her mouth. “It tastes like old dish water.”
“I made the coffee this morning, sweetheart,” said Hank. “Is it that bad?”
“Let me put it this way, hose jockey,” shot back his wife. “It tastes like the varnish we used to finish the dining room table. God, how can you guys drink this stuff without gagging?”
“I always said Gage had no taste,” said Chet from the doorway. “But he does breathe in a lot of smoke. It probably affected what's left of his brain.”
“Shut up, Kelly!” retorted Johnny. “At least I don't look I'm chewing on a gopher. When was the last time you trimmed that fur growing out of your puss?”
“The same day you had a date,” replied Chet with a smirk. “And it has been a while, come to think of it.”
“Knock it off, you twits!” growled Hank, effectively ending the argument before it could escalate. “Honey, did you finish packing my suitcases? I'd really hate to get to Montana and not have anything to wear.”
“Rest easy, my dear. Not only did I pack everything you and the kids will need, I put it all into the van for you. Even the handcuffs and muzzles for those hellions of ours.”
“You sure you won't change your mind and come with us?” asked the Captain.
Louisa shook her head. “Not with Saffron about to deliver another foal. With all the trouble she's been having this time, I better stay close by, just in case. Besides, I have other things planned to keep me busy. Speaking of which, I have to get going. I need to stop at the market and pick up some groceries. See you later, guys.”
The Next Morning
Hank suppressed a grin as he watched his children scramble into the van. He turned to kiss his wife goodbye, hugging her tight. “I'll expect a full report when I get back, honey,” he whispered. “And tell Gage not to get too fresh. I may trust him, but I know how he is!”
“You remember what to do if Chet calls you, right?” answered Louisa, her eyes sparkling merrily. “Play the jealous husband to the hilt! It has to be convincing; otherwise, Chet might get suspicious.”
The Captain grinned. “How's this? If Kelly does call me, I'll act like I don't care and say that you fooling around with John was inevitable.”
The young woman burst out laughing. “I love it!” she giggled. “That'll make him crazy.” She slid an arm around her husband's waist and walked to the van. Leaning in the open side door, she said, “Okay, kids. I'll see you in a couple weeks. Behave yourselves and don't give the Johnsons any lip. Got it?”
“Yes, Mama,” answered Matthew, rolling his eyes. “We'll be perfect angels.”
“Somehow, I doubt that, young man. I know you too well. Don't forget to give Gray Eagle the package, all right?”
Louisa stepped back as Hank started the engine and buckled his seatbelt. She waved until the van was out of sight and then went into the house. She picked up the phone and called Johnny. “Hey, John, it's me. Hank and the kids just left. Come on over so I can go over the plan with you one more time. Okay, see you in a while.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Later That Afternoon
“Are you kidding me?” gasped the paramedic after Louisa had told him what Hank planned to tell Chet. “Oh, man! Chet is gonna have kittens!” He leaned against the deck railing, hooting with laughter.
The young woman grinned. “Here's what I was thinking, ‘darling',” she teased. “Day after tomorrow, when you go into work, instead of driving your Rover, I'll drop you off. If anyone asks you about it, tell them you had car trouble and called me for a ride. Then, during your shift, when you get time, call me. Make sure Chet is listening and start laying it on thick. You know, tell me how much you miss me and that you're glad Hank is gone so we can spend time together. When I stop by to pick you up, I'll give you a hug and call you a sweet name like ‘babe' or something like that. That should start the wheels turning in Chester 's head.”
“I'm glad Mike, Roy, and Marco know what's going on,” replied Johnny. “That way, I won't get my face pounded for having an ‘affair' with my Captain's wife.”
“All part of the plan, my dear,” chuckled Louisa. “Since Stoney is filling in for Hank while he's ‘on vacation', I let him in on the joke. McConikee knows, too.”
“You really put a lot of thought into this, didn't you?” asked the paramedic. “Very sneaky, Lou. You should work for the CIA.”
“I just put myself in Chet's shoes and figured out what would really get his goat. The rest was child's play.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Next Shift
Chet was just getting out of his van when Louisa pulled up. The Irishman's eyes widened when Johnny climbed out of her car. “Thanks, Lou. See you in the morning.” The young woman waved as she drove off, leaving Chet standing there with his jaw hanging to his chest.
“Gage, you care to explain why Louisa is giving you a ride to work?” he asked. “Where's your Rover?”
“I couldn't get the darn thing to start, so I called her and asked her to give me a lift,” replied the paramedic. “You gotta problem with that?”
“I guess not,” answered Kelly. “If she doesn't mind, why should I care?”
Marco popped his head out the back door. “Was that my sister I just saw driving away?” he asked.
“Yeah, she gave me a ride this morning,” said Johnny. “My Rover wouldn't start.”
After roll call, Johnny went to sweep the dorm. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Chet lurking in the corner of the bay and went over to the phone to call Louisa. “Hi, baby,” he said softly when the young woman picked up. “Nah, no one thought twice about it. As far as they know, it was just a friend giving a friend a ride. Okay, sweetie, talk to you later. Bye.” He hung up, suppressing a grin when he heard Chet gasp.
For the rest of the shift, Johnny watched Chet. The Irishman seemed to be wondering what was going on, but didn't voice his concerns. The paramedic slipped away to continue his phone calls to Louisa, noticing that Kelly eavesdropped each time. With each call, he laid it on thicker and thicker, enjoying his co-worker's obvious confusion.
The day passed quietly with few runs. As the men got ready to turn in, Johnny snuck into the kitchen to use the pay phone. He nudged Roy and flashed him a ‘thumbs-up' sign. Desoto raised an eyebrow, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief.
The next morning, Louisa strolled into the station like she didn't have a care in the world. “Morning, guys.” she greeted. She concealed her amusement when Chet stared at her intently. “See anything green, Chester ?” she asked.
“No, I'm just surprised to see you, that's all,” returned the Irishman. “I mean, with Cap gone, what reason do you have to drop by?”
The young woman bit the inside of her cheek. “Both of my brothers work here or have you forgotten? Besides, Johnny asked me to pick him up this morning. Where is he, anyway?”
“Changing his clothes,” said Chet, walking out the door. He got into his van but didn't start the engine. He waited for Louisa and Johnny to come out, his eyes flying open wide when he saw the paramedic give the young woman a kiss on the cheek. “What in the world is going on with those two?” he said to himself. A sudden thought entered his mind. “No way. Lou would never cheat on Cap. This can't be what it looks like.”
As soon as Louisa drove out into the street, Johnny burst out laughing. “Did you see Chet's face?!?” he hooted. “He looked like he swallowed his tongue!”
“I sure did!” answered Louisa. “Before too long, his curiosity will get the best of him and he'll start asking questions. Then, the real fun begins!”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Four Days Later
Her prediction proved accurate. Thinking he was being subtle, Chet drove by the Stanley 's ranch several times, noting that Gage's Rover was parked outside each time. Unable to stand it any longer, the Irishman pulled into the driveway and got out of his vehicle. He spotted Louisa and Johnny out in the corral, exercising the horses. “Hey, you two!” he called. “What's up?”
The young woman winked at her friend and murmured, “He took the bait.” She turned to wave. “Hey yourself, Chet. What brings you out into the wilderness?”
“Thought you might want some company,” replied Chet. “With Cap and the kids gone, I'll bet it's pretty lonely all by yourself.”
“Not really. Johnny's been helping me do the chores and stuff. He's been a real sweetheart,” answered Louisa, smiling at Gage.
“Yeah, he's a real prince,” muttered Kelly. “Can I give you a hand with anything?” he asked, gesturing towards the corral.
“You could go and get a bale of hay from the barn for me, if you really wanted to,” said the young woman. “It's on the left side of the loft. Careful, they're pretty heavy.”
“No problem,” answered Chet. He sauntered off, whistling a tune. “Just one, right?”
As soon as the Irishman disappeared into the barn, Louisa leaned over an whispered in Johnny's ear. “Pucker up, baby,” she joked. “Hope you used mouthwash this morning.” The instant Chet came out the door, she planted a smacking kiss on the paramedic's lips. Johnny put his arms around her, struggling to contain his laughter.
“Hey!” shouted Kelly. “Can I get one of those or do you only smooch with abnormal men?”
Louisa and Johnny jumped apart, pretending to be flustered. “That was fast! I guess I could kiss you, too, Chester .”
“All right,” demanded Chet. “What's going on between you guys? That didn't look like a thank you kiss to me . Something you want to tell me, Gage?”
“Not really,” muttered the paramedic, scraping a foot back and forth in the dirt. “Anyone ever tell you that you have an over-active imagination?”
Kelly rolled his eyes in disbelief. “Whatever. Anything else you need me to do, Mrs. Cap?”
“No, Chet, that's fine,” replied Louisa. “I can take it from here. Why don't you and Johnny go into the house and grab a beer? I'll be along in a few minutes.”
The men walked towards the house, neither willing to speak. After getting their drinks, they sat on the porch, watching as Louisa broke open the bale and spread it into a neat pile.
“Come on, Johnny,” Chet said finally. “If you're messing around with Cap's wife, I think I have a right to know.”
The paramedic glared at his shift mate. “What Louisa and I do together is none of your business, Kelly,” he spat angrily. “”Just drop it, okay?”
“No, man, I won't drop it. If Cap knew that his wife was stepping out with someone else, he'd be crushed,” persisted Kelly. He glanced up when Louisa climbed the porch stairs. “Whatever you're doing with Gage, Lou, knock it off right now!”
“Guess that means our ride has been cancelled, huh,?” asked the young woman, her eyes downcast to hide her amusement. “Chet, what are you talking about? Johnny and I are just friends.” She realized what the Irishman was eluding to. “Wait a minute. You think we're having an affair ?!? You can't be serious!” She started to laugh, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Of course not,” mumbled Chet, desperately trying to back pedal. “But I saw you kiss him. What's up with that ?”
“You're off your nut, pal,” giggled Louisa, wiping her eyes. “I kiss lots of guys. What's wrong with that?”
“Forget I said anything. Thanks for the beer. See you later.” He got up and climbed into his van.
“The seed has been sown, Johnny. Now we wait and see if it sprouts. I bet you anything he calls Hank as soon as he gets home.”
The paramedic grinned mischievously. “Not to be fresh, Lou, but you're quite a kisser. It's a good thing Cap is in on this or I'd be tempted to go further.”
Louisa blushed crimson. “You're not so bad yourself, hose jockey,” she teased her friend. “Maybe because you get lots of practice. Seriously, I thought Chet was gonna get dirt in his mustache. Did you see the look on his face?”