The Violation

By

Monster Moofie

Authors notes: This is the fourth story in an ongoing series. The others are Thanks to the Monkey , Unexpected Connections and The Separation.  I highly recommend that you read both of these stories first. 

Thank you to Ocean and Maryilee for the Beta, to Aimee and Amanda557 for consultations.  Also thank you to all who have written me asking when this story would be done and sticking with me for so long as well as those who have pre-read it and given me feedback in progress. :-)

All EMERGENCY! Characters belong to MARK VII LIMITED, but any and all OC's (Original Characters) belong to me and can not be used without my permission.

Warning:  This story contains graphic violence and difficult subject matter.  It may be disturbing to some, so proceed at your own risk.  Any and all medical mistakes are my own.

Dixie McCall, head nurse of Rampart's emergency room sighed.  Her shift had barely begun when things began to go wrong.  Two nurses had called in sick, the portable x-ray machine was broken, and a toilet in the men's bathroom had overflowed, flooding the hallway.  Now, half way through her shift, those troubles looked like mere annoyances in light of her newest worry.  She sat at the nurses station staring into space, concern etched on her face.

Dr. Joe Early approached her desk and anxiously asked, “Any word yet?”

Dixie glanced at her watch. “No.  I've called but he isn't answering the phone.  I just don't understand; it's already after four p.m.  He's never been this late - he was due here over an hour ago.”

“True...actually, when you stop and think about it, he's almost always early,” Joe agreed.  “I'm not sure what we can do about it right now.”

“We can't leave to check; we're too short staffed.”

“I know, Dix.  What about someone else?”  

Dixie sat and thought for a moment, ‘ Kel wouldn't want any of the staff here to check on him, nor the fire department...except maybe Johnny.  They have become very good friends in the last few years.'   Out loud she said, “Johnny.  He's the only one I can think of that I'd feel comfortable calling.”  She picked up the phone and quickly placed her call.   Unfortunately it rang and rang with no answer.

Dixie looked up at Joe. “I thought Johnny had the day off.  I don't know who else to call.  We really can't call it in since we don't know something is wrong.”

Attempting to reassure his friend, Dr. Early replied, “I think we've already done everything we can for now.  We all know it isn't like Kelly Brackett to be late for work.  You've checked for accident reports and with the other ER's.  I guess we'll just have to wait for now.”

*~E~*

Dr. Kelly Brackett was enjoying his morning off.  He very rarely took more than one day off and the few he took generally were filled with errands and other life necessities; even an extra morning off was pleasurable.    He had lounged out back in the sun for a couple of hours, just simply relaxing while he ate his breakfast.  Shoeless, wearing shorts and a T-shirt he relished the freedom from his suit and tie. Sitting down with a book while he peacefully ate his breakfast on his patio was a rare treat.  He'd had his patio specially designed shortly after he moved into the house.  It was made of stone and had a built in barbecue and a hot tub.  Part of the patio was covered so it could be enjoyed in either the heat or the rain.  Kel had equipped it in comfortable, wrought iron furniture with luxurious cushions.   

His breakfast finished, he stretched out in one of his chaise lounges and read for awhile.  Soon he found his mind wandering.  He'd had Dixie over for dinner the night before.  He found himself smiling, thankful for her presence in his life.   ‘ I'm so glad we're finally seeing each other again.  It hasn't been easy, especially since we're both so busy at Rampart.  I really like the idea of a future together.  I think she does too.  Maybe it's time I took her away for a few days.  We could go to a nice romantic location where we can get away from things here for a bit.   Yeah, that sounds really good.  I'm going to do it as soon as possible.'  Pulling himself back to the present, Kel looked at his watch.  “Almost noon already.  If I want to get my errands done before my shift I guess I'd better get going,” he murmured, a smile still playing on his face.  He picked up his dirty dishes and carried them inside, then returned outside to get his book.  As he descended his porch steps, he was startled to see two men sporting very malevolent expressions on their faces.

“You won't make a sound if you know what is good for you, Doc.  Now step back inside,” the first man commanded, as he pointed a gun at Kel.   One look at the man's menacing face told Kel he meant what he said.  The man was about the same size as Kel, dressed in jeans and a leather jacket.  He had sandy blond hair and was clean-shaven. What struck Kel the most in the split second he looked at him was the coldness emanating from him.  His otherwise handsome face was hard and angry, his eyes a boring flame.  These hate filled eyes, along with the gun, filled Kel with apprehension.

Impatient, the second man shoved the unsuspecting doctor, causing him to fall hard onto the stone steps of the porch. Kel's right knee made an audible pop as it slammed against the concrete.  The attacker then grabbed the physician roughly by the arms and pushed him inside the back door.  Favoring his knee, Kel stumbled, and fell into the counter.  As he impacted with the hard surface, the dishes he'd placed there crashed to the floor. Before he could recover, Kel felt his assailant grab him, immobilizing  his arms behind his back.   The man then forced him along, causing Kel to grunt as he felt the sharp china bite into the soles of his feet.  

The blond man followed them, keeping the gun trained on Kel.  He shut the kitchen door then gave the doctor an evil grin as he said, “I promised her I'd come and get you one day.”

The M.D. stared at the duo.  His pulse was racing and the building anger at the intrusion temporarily overwhelmed the intense pain from his body.   He considered voicing his protests, but just then the cold steel of the gun was pressed into his temple.  The invaders laughed as they pushed Kel down the hall into his bedroom, knocking over the chairs as they went.  “You have a good hold on him  Freddie?” the first man asked the second. 

“Yep, sure do Clyde.” Freddie dug his fingers into Kel's arms.  He shoved Kel against a wall and tightened his hold, then turned the doctor to face Clyde.  Large and burley, Kel figured Freddie must weigh three hundred pounds and be about six and a half feet tall.  He was unkempt, had several days growth on his sneering face, his teeth were yellowed with un-brushed plaque, and his brown hair was dirty and stringy. 

Clyde set the gun down on the portable television in the bedroom.  He pulled the backpack he was wearing off his back and rummaged through it, pulling out several lengths of rope and putting them on the bed.  Setting the backpack out of the way, he then pummeled Kel with his fists as Freddie held him in position.  After a few minutes, he picked up the gun again as Freddie shoved Kel down on the bed onto his back. Grabbing his captive's wrists, Freddie tied them tightly together and then to a bedpost.  Kel turned his head, repulsed by the fetid breath of the giant manhandling him, only to find himself staring into the evil eyes of his other captor.

“Freddie used to be a sailor.  Let me tell you, he knows how to tie knots!” Clyde advised.

Finally daring to speak the question that had been on his mind since Clyde's earlier comment, Kel growled, “Promised who?  What do you want from me?”  Despite the gun, Kel's eyes were lit with barely contained fury.  He gritted his teeth and valiantly controlled his anger.  Fear grew in the pit of his stomach as a hard knot, but he forced it under control.   He knew he was completely helpless; he also knew he would not be missed for several hours.

“First, I want you to shut up!” Clyde said as he backhanded the doctor hard in the mouth, splitting his lip, then stood back and glared at him.  Rummaging again in the backpack, he grabbed a large handkerchief out of it.  He opened Kel's top dresser drawer and pulled out a sock. 

“I'm being nice, I could get a dirty sock for a gag,” he said as he stuffed the sock partway in Kel's mouth, then he tightly tied the handkerchief tightly over it. 

“I think we'll skip the blindfold.  I want to be able to see your face as we give you what you deserve.” 

“Hey Clyde, let's go raid his fridge before we get on with this.  I'm hungry,” suggested Freddie. 

“Yeah, sounds good Freddie.  It will give him time to think about his sins,” Clyde responded with a laugh. 

The two men went into the kitchen, leaving Kel to consider his plight.

Kel struggled, attempting to get loose.  Unfortunately he found that Clyde was right about Freddie's knot tying skills.  Turning his head toward the closet, he caught sight of his reflection in the mirrored doors of his closet.  As he looked at himself in the mirror, he stilled his efforts to free himself and for the first time silently cursed that he had a sturdy oak frame bed.  He fought to keep his breathing as calm and even as possible.

Shivering, he wished he'd been dressed in warmer clothing.   He felt the sting of the gag biting into his split lip and his body badly ached where he'd been beaten.  Adding to his distress, his knee--injured when he fell on the steps--throbbed painfully.   When he managed to lift his head he saw a scraped and swollen limb.   After a quick evaluation, Kel decided that despite the fact he ached very badly nothing was broken.  ‘ Probably nothing broken,' he amended his thought.  He heard the men rummaging around in his kitchen and then heard the TV in his living room come on. ‘ I wonder if I know the person Clyde referred to.   Who is she?  Was she my patient? Is she dead?  Could that be why he's after me?'    After an hour of waiting in fear and running multiple scenarios through his mind, he heard the men's footsteps heading back. 

“Time to pay your debts, Doc,” Clyde told him. 

Pulling a large knife out of his backpack he laughed menacingly at the look of fear in Kel's eyes.  Clyde took the knife and cut the doctor's t-shirt open.  He purposely nicked Kel under the chin, giving him a small cut.  “Gee, I can be a surgeon too!” he remarked.  Grabbing hold of the bottom of Kel's shorts, he cackled louder as Kel's eyes changed from fear to horror.  Kel kicked out with his good leg, trying to stop what was happening.  Freddie grabbed hold of Kel's ankles and held them still, digging his fingers into Kel's flesh in the process, while Clyde cut Kel's shorts and underwear off.  “Look at the great Dr. Kelly Brackett now!  What a sight to see!” he crowed. 

‘ Oh, no, no, please, no…not this,' Kel thought, terrified.

Freddie flipped the captive physician onto his stomach, causing the ropes to dig into Kel's wrists as they twisted. Clyde stuffed a couple of pillows under the doctor's belly then jerked the injured leg towards the post.  The doctor gasped when white hot bolts of pain shot through him, and his head swam as Freddie tied the limb to a bottom bedpost.   After they had both legs secured to the bed they cut the rope on his wrists and retied them to each corner post, stretching his arms tightly.

Seething in anger, Clyde grabbed Kel's hair and forced his face towards the mirror and screamed into the reflection, saying, "You brought this punishment on yourself Mr. High and mighty Doctor.  I'm going to make you pay for the deaths you've caused.  My girl is dead because of you and you're going to wish you were too!"

Clyde unzipped his pants, then positioned himself over Kel and savagely violated him.   His cries of pain unable to escape, Kel writhed in agony throughout the attack.  Salty tears unwillingly leaked from his eyes.   Waves of pain rolled over him as the violation continued. 

Kel felt teeth sink into his shoulder, adding to the insult.  He caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and felt a humiliation like nothing he'd ever known before; he tried to envision another place, any place other than the here and now.  It stopped for a moment, only to resume again as Freddie took over.  To his horror, he realized that Clyde was reaching in the gap created by the pillows, roughly fondling his groin, attempting to get his body to betray itself.   The men laughed at Kel's obvious distress when his body responded to their torture.

‘ Why is this happening to me?  I can't believe this is happening.'

“What a crybaby!” Clyde sneered as he saw the tears on Kel's face, mistaking the tears of pain for those of fear.  

Sated, the two men left the room, returning to the living room to watch TV. 

The time ticked slowly away on his clock as Kel lay captive on his bed.  He tried to shut off his mind and forget the attack he'd just suffered through, but as he felt the blood and semen trickle out of him he was unable to stop the thoughts that assailed him.  His body hurt more than he ever remembered, even after the car accident he'd been in.  As if that wasn't enough, dread of what was yet to come filled the helpless doctor's mind.  Kel heard the sound of glasses clinking as the two men helped themselves to the scotch he kept on his counter and found himself full of rage, felt the urge to lash out at the men and hurt them back.   He heard them sit down in his living room and the sound of a game show on the TV. 

Unable to move, his body stretched taut in an uncomfortable manner, caused the waiting to seem like an eternity, but in reality it was just over an hour.  The uncertainty of what would come next kept him rigid with fear.  His body hurt, his knee throbbed continuously and the tight bonds emphasized every ache and pain from the assault.  As he  attempted to keep the rising nausea at bay, Kel couldn't help but think, ‘ Who knows when anyone will come check on me.  They're probably going to kill me before they leave.  Oh no, please don't let Dixie find me like this.'

After watching a couple game shows, Clyde and Freddie headed back down to Kel's bedroom, carrying the scotch with them. 

‘ Please, not again.  I can't take it again.'

“How about one more round for the road, Freddie?”

Freddie caught sight of the mortified look on Kel's face.  With a chuckle, he said, “Hey Clyde...he wants a drink too.  Why don't we share?”

Clyde snorted.  “Sure, Freddie.  Why not?”  With that statement they flung the liquid in their glasses onto their helpless victim, causing it to splatter all over.  Kel writhed as the alcohol stung the myriad of cuts and scrapes on his body and face.  Seeing his reaction, both men laughed at the doctor's obvious pain.        

Mounting Kel again, Clyde once again used his power, taking out his aggressions on a helpless victim, reopening all the wounds that had started to clot.   As he proceeded, he continued his verbal assault, jeering and raging at the captive doctor.

*~E~*

Deciding to stop on the spur of the moment, Johnny drove into Kel's driveway.  He'd completed the addition to his barn and was anxious to invite his friend over.

‘ This would be a great opportunity to introduce Jackie to my friends.  She's been home for three months now.  It's time for everyone to meet her.   I could invite Kel and Dixie for dinner.  They'll think they are coming for dinner and to see the barn but in reality it will be to meet Jackie.  They're going to be shocked...heck, sometimes I still am!  I never figured a doctor would want to go out with me, let alone one as smart and pretty as Jackie.' The paramedic hopped out of the Rover and bounded towards Kel's door, a huge lopsided grin on his face.

As he approached the front door, Johnny's smile died when he heard the unusual sound of a game show coming from Kel's television.   Just as he was absorbing this oddity, he heard the sound of raised voices and the hair on the back of his neck stood up, his instincts telling him something sounded wrong.

‘ Something isn't right in there.  I know Kel's here - his car is in the carport.'

Proceeding with caution, Johnny hurried around to the kitchen door.  Stealthily entering the kitchen, Johnny immediately saw the broken dishes and a trail of bloody footprints on the floor.  He heard more jeers coming from the back of the house.  Pausing, he considered what to do, then quickly picked up the kitchen phone to call the police.  Just as he started to dial, he heard a muffled cry that he quickly realized had come from Kel.  Replacing the receiver quietly, Johnny hurried to investigate.  He silently approached the bedroom door.  Unseen, he stopped just outside the door and had a clear view of the bed.  His jaw dropped open as he saw his friend tied on the bed with a man on top of him.  Frozen, Johnny could only watch for a moment, horrified by what he saw.

Shaking himself, Johnny instinctively raced into the room, forgetting his intention to merely find out what was wrong.  He screamed at the man to stop, yanking him off Kel.  The two men struggled, wrestling with each other on the ground.  Clyde was much bigger than Johnny, but the paramedic fought with the will of a tiger, fighting for his friend. 

Unfortunately, Johnny had not seen the other man.  Pulling a booted foot back, Freddie kicked Johnny brutally in the hip, giving Clyde a momentary advantage.   Clyde managed to pull his fist back and punched Gage in the nose.   Johnny gasped in surprise as his nose exploded in pain and sent a shower of blood everywhere.  Taking advantage of the moment, Freddie used his three hundred pound bulk to toss the hapless paramedic across the room.  Landing hard, the reeling paramedic lay still, dazed.

Rubbing his ribs where Johnny had hit him, Clyde growled in anger at the interruptions.

“Stupid idiot!  Why in the heck is he here, anyway?”

“I dunno Clyde.  What are we gonna do with him?”

“I don't know; I'll worry about that later.  I just needed him out of the way so I could finish what I started.”  Clyde turned back to the dazed physician, realized he wasn't watching him, and slapped Kel full in the face, bringing his attention back to the present.  “You better pay attention to me, you charlatan!  You have more punishment to come.”

Clyde continued as if he hadn't been interrupted, and proceeded to take what he wanted, pulling out before he finished, letting Freddie take over.  Clyde moved to the doctor's head, grabbed his hair roughly, forcing his face toward him as he let his release pour over Kel's cheek.

Johnny lay sprawled on the floor, paralyzed by the blinding pain that had exploded from both his hip and his face.  The bile rose in his throat as he registered the sounds he was hearing from the bed.  Revolted, he began writhing, trying in earnest to hoist himself up off the floor and to the doctor's aid.  It was when he glanced over and caught sight of the sadistic act Freddie was performing that his body finally lifted itself from the floor--almost on its own accord--his mind unable to bear the terrible act of violence he was hearing and seeing.  With a strangled cry of anguish, Gage gathered his feet under him, intending to get up and attempt to stop the two mad men.

“Oh no you don't!” Clyde let out a roar as he saw the paramedic getting to his feet.  He grabbed a lamp and drew it back, bringing it down over Johnny's head; he laughed in glee as Gage's body hit the carpet, unconscious.

As the two men examined Johnny closely, Clyde bent down to touch the intricate tribal belt buckle the paramedic wore when he was off duty.

“Ew you're not gonna….”

“No way...this idiot's a filthy Indian!  I'd probably catch some horrible disease from him.   Now that I'm finished with the quack I'm going to mess with the redskin's mind; we're going to teach him a lesson.”

Clyde leaned over the unconscious paramedic, undid his jeans, and yanked them and his boxers down past his knees.  Taking a piece of Kel's cut up clothing, he wiped some of the blood and semen off Kel and wiped it on Johnny to make it seem like he, too, had been violated. 

“What're you doin', man?”

“I'm gonna play with his mind a little.  Let him think we did it to him too.”

“Yeah.  That's what he gets for interrupting our little party,” Freddie cackled with glee.

Looking back at the object of his wrath, Clyde chuckled and said, “We've gotta go; sorry we have to leave you all tied up.  I wish we could still be here when your cute little head nurse finds out you haven't saved yourself for her.  On the other hand though, maybe we'll stick around and sample her wares too.  Bet she's a hot little number.  You wouldn't mind if we shared her with you, would you?” 

He laughed evilly at the horrified look on Kel's face.  For good measure, both men rained their fists on Kel, not caring where they pounded him, cursing and shaming him with their words at the same time, leaving him barely conscious.   Clyde picked up his backpack, then turned and ferociously kicked Johnny in the same hip Freddie had kicked earlier, causing the paramedic to let out a moan as he began to drift toward consciousness. 

Freddie laughed, then suggested,  “Let's really make him squirm.  We'll put the Injun on top of our good buddy here.  Maybe Brackett will even think Tonto here thought it looked like fun and decided to nail him too.”

“I like it, Freddie!”

The burly man lifted Johnny up, placing him face down on top of Kel, leaving the two friends alone, one unconscious and the other nearly so.

The two men were barely out of the room when the phone rang and Kel jolted to awareness.  Feeling the warm weight on top of him,  he struggled to turn and find out what was on him.  At his movement, Johnny's shoulders slowly slid sideways, slumping to the mattress, and Kel found himself staring into a pair of closed eyelids, his nose now resting snugly against Johnny's bloody one. Shocked and unnerved at the discovery of his friend's close proximity to his own, Kel jerked away; he couldn't help it that he was appalled at the macabre sight of Johnny's bloody face, appearing like a victim of some horror movie, in such close contact with his own.  The horrible thought suddenly crossed his mind that the men had killed Johnny and dumped his dead body on top of his own. A few seconds after that mind numbing thought hit him, he felt the slow rise and fall of Johnny's chest, and knew he was alive.   After his initial reaction, Kel continued his attempts at movement and attempted to call Johnny's name through the gag.  ‘ What have they done to him?  What did they say?  Called him a redskin but I'm not sure what else.  They must have hurt him though.'   He grunted again through the gag, then finally gave up turning his attention inward.  His body ached; he longed to relieve it of its uncomfortable position.   His wrists and ankles were bloody and raw, his knee pulsed in unrelenting pain, and his feet throbbed from the broken glass embedded in them, all adding further to increase his discomfort.  As if the physical pain wasn't enough, he kept hearing the accusations shouted at him over and over in his mind, causing him to wonder what they thought he'd done to deserve such an attack.  ‘ Is Johnny hurt because of something I did?  How badly is he hurt?  What'll I do if he dies?  Oh god, the last thing he saw was them doing...he's hurt because he tried to help me.  How am I going to live with what has happened?'

Waves of pain overcame Kel and shortly he sank back into near unconsciousness.

*~E~*

Moments later, the phone rang again; this time it aroused Johnny, bringing him toward awareness.  He moaned as the throbbing in his head made itself known.  His eyes still closed, he became aware something didn't feel quite right.  The paramedic stayed still, hoping the pain would recede if he didn't move.  Noticing something warm underneath him, he briefly wondered if he was with Jackie, but then the odor of aftershave reached his nostrils.  He cracked his eyes open and saw he was lying with his face against Kel Brackett's.  Frantically jolting back, he threw himself off the bed, crashing onto the floor, causing his head to swim.   As he tried to stand he became aware that his pants were down and, mortified, reached to yank them up, then realized something wet and sticky was between his legs.  Sickened, he limped quickly to the bathroom and vomited violently in the toilet, the droplets of blood falling from his face tinged the water red as it mixed with the emesis.   As soon as the heaving stopped, it dawned on him that Kel had been bound and gagged when he woke up and he quickly returned to his friend's side, feeling the ache of his head and hip as he walked.

Johnny stared down at his friend in shock at what had been done to him.  ‘ I've got to get help.'  The cognizance of the blood and sticky fluid he'd found on himself momentarily pushed itself to the forefront of his mind.  ‘ They must have…oh god no…don't think about it….' The sound of a soft moan from the bed forced his focus back on Kel.   Speaking gently to his friend, he said, “Easy Kel, I'm here to help.”

Johnny spotted Kel's black bag on his dresser and grabbed it, rummaging until he found the doctor's bandage scissors.  As he leaned over his friend he couldn't help but notice the strong aroma of liquor that wafted up at him.  He cut through the gag and pulled the sock out of his friend's mouth then proceeded to cut Kel's arms and legs loose, methodically checking his limbs for broken bones, taking careful note of the obviously swollen knee, then grabbed the robe hanging on a bedpost to place over the physician's shaking body.  Kel immediately made himself as small as he could, turning on his side and pulling his knees up towards his chest, encompassed in the pain radiating throughout his body as he moved.  The paramedic found his head clearing as he focused on helping his friend.   Softly he told him, “I'm going to call for help, Kel.”

“NO!” Kel croaked out in a panic.  “I'm fine.  Please, Johnny, I can't go to Rampart.  Please don't call anyone.”

‘ I really should call a squad.  Although after what's happened to him maybe that would just make things worse.  He's been traumatized worse than  anyone I've ever seen before...I could just imagine being in his position...any paramedic I could call works under him.  I'm feeling awful enough myself...sure don't want them to evaluate me either, at least until I figure things out.  I could call Jackie, I know she would be willing to help.  I guess I can check him out and call a squad if I think it's necessary.  I'll think more about it after I get his vitals.'

“No, Kel, you're not fine.  Tell you what, let me check your vitals while we think about what to do, okay?” Johnny replied.

Kel glanced up at Johnny and started, clearly frightened by the blood still present on the paramedic's face. 

Johnny observed this very strange reaction, confused at first until he saw a small drop of blood fall onto the bed beside his friend.  Intent on attending his friend, he mumbled, “Sorry about that.”  He quickly grabbed some tissues from a box on a night stand and haphazardly wiped his nose.  ‘ Man this is bad...usually Kel could wade through a whole kiddie pool of blood without a problem.  Those bozos really messed him up.'

After taking Kel's vitals, he said, “Well they aren't that great but they aren't too bad.  You've been bleeding in places but luckily it seems to have stopped fairly quickly.  Would you like to have someone come here?  I know Dr. Early would come if I asked him, Dixie too.”

“No, no one else...please...don't tell anyone, I'll be okay,” he implored again.

Johnny knew that he wouldn't be okay, but yet he realized going to Rampart would be very difficult for the same reason being seen by a paramedic would be.  He also feared that Dr. Early and Dixie would likely pick up on his own injuries.  As he thought about it further, he knew any other hospital would know Kel too.  The prestigious head of emergency medicine couldn't go many places without being recognized.   Johnny also found himself somewhat reluctant to call Jackie, although part of him knew she was probably the best choice, the other part of him was worried that she, too, would pick up on his injuries; that was something he didn't think he could face.

‘ I guess I could call Roy, maybe he could think of something.  Hm.  No, that doesn't make sense.  Roy would want to help but he's not a doctor.  He'd recommend a hospital for sure.'

As if reading Johnny's mind, Kel immediately said, “Please…not Roy…just help me into the bathroom…no one can see me…I'm fine.”

Putting himself in his friend's position, Johnny shuddered at the thought of being seen in Kel's condition.  Yet he knew Kel was not fine, no matter how much he insisted.  He had to get help. 

After allowing the war to wage in his head a moment longer, Johnny finally said, “I know a doctor at the local tribal center where I volunteer.  I know she will help you if I asked her.” A wave of dizziness passed over him, and he brought his hand to his head.  ‘ Got to think a minute.'  Speaking again, he said, “I'll be right back Kel.”

Kel's only response was to pull his robe around himself even tighter as he attempted to conceal himself from view.

Johnny went back in the bathroom and splashed his face with water, quickly scrubbing off the now dried blood and noticed the slight bruising that had formed around his nose. His vision blurred momentarily and he squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head.  ‘ Am I okay?  Will I be able to drive safely?  I've got to be sure before I do.  The last think I want to do is hurt Kel more.' He gingerly felt his head and hip, testing them, then peered into the mirror to check his own pupils.  ‘ I was unconscious...for how long I'm not sure...was nauseated and I vomited...my head hurts...was dizzy but I'm not now.  Pupils are fine, vision is fine...I've had concussions before...this doesn't feel the same...I'll be okay.'

 Returning to the bedroom, Johnny went  to the other side of the bed and picked up the phone to call Jackie.   “This is John Gage.  May I speak to Dr. Kingston please?  It's urgent.” 

Waiting on hold, he watched Kel and silently prepared himself to do everything he could to be there for him.  Once again, the possibility of what might have happened to himself entered his mind and he shuddered involuntarily.  ‘ Did it happen to me too?  Quit it Gage.  Can't think about that now.'   Turning his attention back to the phone he spoke, “Jackie, this is Johnny.  I have a friend who needs help.  I can't explain more right now but I'm going to bring him in.  I'll be there in about twenty minutes.  Would you meet me at the back door please?” 

After receiving her assent, he hung up the phone and went over to Kel's closet and picked up a small bag.  He grabbed pajamas, a second robe, some clothes and slippers and stuffed them into it. 

Placing the bag on the foot of the bed, Johnny turned his attention back to Kel.  He said, “Kel, I'm going to take you to my friend.  She works at a local tribal clinic and she's willing to help you.  We need to get your robe on, okay?”

Kel's only response was to shrink away from Johnny's touch, curling tighter into himself. 

“Look Kel, you wouldn't let me stay here.  I'm giving you a choice...either you go with me to my friend or I'm calling a squad.”

“No!  No squad!” Kel responded forcefully. 

After a moment, he gave in, allowing Johnny to help him put his robe on and attempted to sit up but failed as waves of pain overwhelmed him.

“I'll be right back Kel.  I'm going to bring my Rover as close as I can then I'll come back for you,” Johnny said. 

He got up, grabbed the bag he'd packed and headed quickly out to the Rover, backing it into the driveway and opening the back.  He unrolled the sleeping bag he kept for camping then headed back inside.

As he walked down the hallway, the phone began to ring again.  Still somewhat unsteady, his hip causing him to limp, Johnny tripped and fell into the still ringing phone, knocking it off the hook.  He grimaced as he heard a familiar voice repeatedly saying, ‘hello'.  Sprawled on the floor, Johnny clawed for the phone receiver and breathlessly said, “Hello?”

Dixie's shocked voice asked, “Johnny?  Is Kel there?”

“Dix…uh…yeah, he is, Dixie…sorry but he can't come to the phone right now.  We were just on our way somewhere…kind of in a hurry, Dix.  We've got to go.”

“Johnny, wait!  Don't hang up.  I've been calling for a while now.  What's going on there?  We need Kel in here, things are going crazy.”

Johnny stammered, “No…we've got to go…I'm sorry, Dix…got to go.  Look, I'll call you when I can…don't worry, okay?”

Without waiting for her answer, Johnny hung up the phone and hurried back into Kel's bedroom.  He had no idea of the panic his shaky and unsteady tone had just instilled on the nurse.

Leaning over the bed, Johnny helped Kel sit up.  Seeing the pain flash on his friend's face he inwardly winced, not wanting to cause more pain.   His own head spun as he leaned down and he fought the nausea that tried to make itself known again.

“Easy, I'm going to lift you Kel,” he said. 

Gently lifting him into his arms and careful not to bump his injured knee, Johnny quickly proceeded out to the Rover, placing him onto the sleeping bag.  Johnny shut the back and got into the drivers seat, heading off towards the clinic.   

‘ What am I going to do…everyone is going to know,' Kel thought.   ‘ I should have stopped them.  Why didn't I stop them?  What if they come back again?  They obviously know where I work.  What if they do try to get Dix like they threatened?'   Silent tears fell as his fear grew.  The experienced physician in him knew he had no choice, but the scared victim in him was overwhelming that physician.

‘ Why me...why did they do this to me?  What did I ever do to them?'

He curled himself into as tight a ball as he could, drawing his robe closer around himself and willed time to stop.   

*~E~*

Arriving at the clinic, Johnny pulled up to the back door. 

Seeing Jackie waiting, doing his best to hide his limp, he approached her. “My friend has been severely beaten and….”  He trailed off, his eyes sending his obvious distress, silently imploring her to understand what he meant.

Jackie didn't miss the limp, nor the remaining traces of blood and the bruise on Johnny's face.  ‘ Johnny's hurt too...why didn't he say anything?'  Uncertain of whether to pursue Johnny's injuries, she stepped closer, peering into the back of the Rover and saw Johnny's friend, curled up in a semi-fetal position.   She could clearly see streaks--made by trails of tears--in the dried blood on his face.  Jackie's eyes widened as she noticed the tell-tale crimson stain on the man's robe, between his legs.   Momentarily speechless,  realizing the implication of the evidence, Jackie thought, ‘ Johnny may have witnessed something unspeakable...oh god could it have happened to him, too?'   Speaking softly, she asked, “This isn't just a simple beating, is it?”

Unable to meet her eyes, Johnny found his throat suddenly constricted.  He looked down at the ground for a moment, then slowly indicated she was correct.  Finding his voice again, he spoke, “Jackie, I couldn't take him to Rampart, or any of the other ER's for that matter.  He's the Chief of Rampart's Emergency department, Dr. Kelly Brackett.”  Johnny watched her reaction as she realized what the situation was.

The pretty doctor's eyes grew wide as Johnny revealed this startling information.  Although Jackie had never met Dr. Brackett, Johnny had told her many stories about the well known physician; she knew that in addition to being the paramedic's boss, he also had quite a distinguished reputation in the field of Emergency Medicine and was one of Johnny's close friends.  Her voice conveyed her understanding of the situation. “Okay, let's get him in here.”  After calling for a gurney, Jackie turned back to Johnny and asked, “How badly are you hurt?”

“I caught a punch in the nose but I'm fine.”  Johnny looked back at Kel, unable to make eye contact with Jackie as he gave her a small part of the story.   He knew if he met her eyes she would see the truth.

‘ Have to take care of Kel first…can't let her know anything.  I'm fine.'   In his concern for Kel, Johnny minimized his injuries, even to himself. 

“I'll talk to him, prepare him that we're going in,” Johnny advised her. 

Watching her return quickly through the back door, Johnny opened the back of the Rover and crawled up beside Kel, stifling the moan of pain that attempted to surface as he bent his hip.

Softly speaking to his friend, Johnny said, “Jackie's a good friend, Doc. Don't worry; she understands....” Johnny's voice trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

Jackie took the gurney from the orderly and wheeled it out beside the Rover then backed away, letting Johnny handle getting Kel onto it and into the clinic.  Watching as Johnny gently handled Kel she admired his bedside manner.  She knew Johnny would treat anyone with the same care and kindness, but she could also see the extra concern showing through.  Jackie knew how hard it was when the patient was a friend.  She held the door to the clinic open as Johnny wheeled the gurney in, then led the way down the hall to a secluded treatment room.  “I'll give you a few minutes,” Jackie informed them before leaving the room.

“We need to get you transferred to the table, Kel,” Johnny told him.    The paramedic helped his friend remove his robe then lifted him over, carefully placing him on the treatment table and covering him with the sheet.

A few minutes later, after assuring her patient was ready, Jackie re-entered the treatment room and introduced herself, “Dr. Brackett, I'm Dr. Jacqueline Kingston.  You are welcome to call me Jackie.  I'd like to help you if you'll let me.”  She knew that she needed to give Kel the chance to accept her help on his own terms. 

Kel's only response was to curl up, once again making himself as small as possible.  He tried to blot out everything around him, hoping it would all go away if he ignored it.  A shudder involuntarily went through him. 

‘ Oh no... this strange woman's going to examine me...I can't handle anyone touching me there...oh god what if I respond again when she touches me...she'll think I'm some kind of sick pervert...think I wanted it...oh god I can't trust myself.  What's the matter with me?'

After observing for a moment, Jackie realized her patient needed a little more time to acclimate himself to the idea of an examination.  She turned her attention to creating a chart and continued to subtly observe Kel.  As she gave him a chance to adjust, she couldn't help but think about Johnny.  ‘ Is he really okay?  He's limping, his eyes are bloodshot and his face is bruised.  I'm going to have to question him as soon as I've finished with his friend.'

Unbeknownst to Jackie, Kel's attention also turned to Johnny's welfare.  ‘ When I woke up Johnny was on top of me...oh god his pants were down...what if they...what if he's dealing with the same thing?  He doesn't seem to be having the same difficulty I am...how can he keep it together and I can't?  Oh god why can't I?  I can't even think about what's happened to myself let alone him.'  He cringed again, realizing that when they pulled away the sheet this doctor would know his shame.  He fought the visions that once again lurked in his mind, and attempted to stop the experience from replaying itself again.

Even if she hadn't observed Kel's reaction, Jackie already knew this wasn't going to be easy.  Working at the tribal clinic here and during her three years in Washington, she'd experienced her fair share of rape and abuse victims--women and children as well as a few men.  One common factor most seemed to have--they all thought something they had done contributed to the attack.  They also frequently thought they should have been able to prevent it.   In addition, they also all had difficulty being touched, often making necessary medical exams a traumatic experience. 

Pulling the stool up in Kel's line of sight, Jackie asked, “Will you let me help you Dr. Brackett?  Johnny can stay if you would like him to.”

Kel found himself filled with mortification.  Although part of him knew he had nothing to be ashamed of, right at this very moment the voice crying in his mind was full of shame, remembering the things they'd done to him and even worse remembering how his body responded.  Yet he knew he was just putting off the inevitable; he looked around, locating Johnny and silently implored him not to leave.  He knew he had to face this but he didn't want to do it alone.  Looking at Jackie he gave a slight nod of his head.

Deciding not to have a nurse come in yet, Jackie picked up the blood pressure cuff herself.  Knowing how important giving her patient control was she stated, “I'm going to start by checking your vitals, Dr. Brackett.  Then we'll get an I.V. started.  Is that okay with you?”

Again, Kel gave a slight nod. 

Nodding her understanding, careful to only uncover Kel's arm, Jackie eased the sheet back and wrapped the cuff around Kel's right arm and took his blood pressure.  She silently noted the obvious marks on her patient's wrist from being tightly bound and the multiple bruises on his arm alone.  Jackie then took Kel's pulse and respiration.  

Taking out her penlight, she watched to make sure Kel was aware of what was about to happen.  She checked his pupils and then noted his vitals on a chart, giving him a chance to collect his thoughts.  His eyes were severely bruised and partially swollen shut, his nose swollen and red.  His lips were dry and split open.  After Jackie finished taking his vitals she again gave Kel the opportunity to approve what was about to happen to him. 

“Okay, Dr. Brackett we're going to get an I.V. started.”

“I'll be glad to do it, Jackie,” Johnny quickly volunteered.

Jackie stopped and carefully scrutinized the paramedic, unsure if he was in the condition to be helping her. 

Seeing her hesitation, and in an attempt to put both doctors at ease, Johnny quipped, “Hey, I can do it!  I learned from the best, right Doc?” 

Accepting the help, Jackie showed Johnny where the I.V. supplies were.  After she turned away, Johnny swayed slightly, unsteady, as he moved toward the cabinet, and his vision blurred again as he prepared the I.V.  Waiting for his vision to clear, the paramedic's hand trembled slightly as he prepared to insert the needle.  Determined, he took a deep, calming breath and started the I.V. perfectly. 

Kel glanced up at the I.V. now hanging beside him in an attempt to read the labels on the bags as Johnny hung them and began to adjust the drip.  Noticing Kel's scrutiny, Johnny spoke up and said, “It's ringers and some morphine Kel...just enough to take the edge off and help you relax a little.”

Taking a moment to update Kel's chart, Jackie had stepped back allowing Johnny to get the I.V. going.  Now that he was finished, she turned her attention back to her patient.  “Dr. Brackett, I need to examine you now.  I have to touch you but I promise I will be as gentle as possible.  Let me know if something hurts you, okay?”

“Get it over with.  Would you please call me Kelly...I don't feel very much like a doctor right now,” Kel spoke with a painful sigh.

“All right, I'd be glad to call you Kelly,” Jackie softly responded.   She decided now wasn't the time to address the rest of Kel's statement.  “I'm going to pull the sheet down to your waist, Kelly.” 

Kel reluctantly released his hold on the sheet.  He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and tried to distance himself from the present.  His apprehension grew as the sheet was pulled down, and the bruises on his torso became visible, then felt Jackie's light touch as she listened to his heart and then palpated his ribs, followed by her gentle touch as she examined his arms, accessing the damage from the ropes. 

“I'd like to check your back, Kelly.  Will you please roll onto your side, facing Johnny?”

Kel  turned, as requested, allowing Jackie to examine the bruises and bites on his back and shoulder, then returned to his former position when requested.

Jackie replaced the sheet, then said, “Kelly, I need to check your legs.  I'm going to pull she sheet up part way.  She could sense her patients growing anxiety so was glad to see his accepting nod.  She folded the sheet just below Kel's hips then thoroughly examined him, taking note of his severely swollen knee, as well as the glass deeply embedded in his feet.

After finishing her initial assessment, Jackie advised, “Kelly, I'm going to have X-ray come in and get some pictures of your ribs and your knee.  We need to make sure nothing is broken.” 

As the technician entered the room, Jackie told her patient, “Kel, this is Curtis.  Johnny and I will be right outside.”

“Hang in there Kel.  I'll be here if you need me,” Johnny told his friend.

Kel nodded his acknowledgment of both statements, once again wishing this wasn't happening. 

Johnny and Jackie stepped out, and once the door had shut, Jackie asked, “What can you tell me about the assault, Johnny?”

The paramedic partially collapsed against the wall outside the treatment room, completely overwhelmed from the stress of having to put on a brave front to Kel.  He bent his head, glanced at the floor for a moment, then looked back at Jackie, his eyes full of the emotions he felt.  His voice soft, barely over a whisper yet tight with barely contained anger, he told her, “I found him naked, bound and gagged.  He obviously was grabbed in or dragged through the kitchen.  I saw broken dishes on the kitchen floor - you saw his feet.”

Running his hand through his hair, Johnny took a moment to try to comprehend what had actually happened to his friend.   Every time he did, he couldn't stop thoughts from bombarding him that maybe he'd been violated the same way. The evidence had plainly been there, and when he thought of what they might have done to him while he was unconscious, and pictured that scene, it made him feel like puking again. In order to be able to keep it together he couldn't allow himself to think of any of it right now, so he forced himself into paramedic mode, focusing only on Kel's injuries, trying to block out the rest. Besides, he knew it was selfish to think of himself when Kel was in such dire straits. He would deal with his own demons later. It was the only way for him to be able to function at the moment.   Turning back to Jackie, he took in a shaky breath and went on.  “The men were there when I showed up but I have no idea when the attack began or how long it was.  I just happened to go over because I wanted to invite him and Dixie to come out to see the addition to my barn and maybe have a barbecue.  I was planning to call you next.  The instant I approached his door I knew something was wrong...I heard noises that I knew he wouldn't be making, so I went around to check things out...I came in and two brutal creeps were working him over.  After they left, I got him untied and took his vitals.  He begged me not to take him to Rampart.  I figured any of the hospitals would be hard.  At least here an entire Emergency Room staff won't know him,” Johnny responded.           

During his explanation, Jackie had been scrutinizing the man she had come to know and love so well, seeing his pain, both emotional and what she feared was also physical.  Just as she was about to question him about his own injuries further, the treatment door opened, halting any further conversation. 

Knowing she would need assistance now, Jackie called a nurse in, then she and Johnny re-entered the room.

“Kelly, I need to clean these abrasions,” Jackie said gently to her slightly groggy patient. 

She continued her exam, cleaning and bandaging his wounds and gathering evidence.   She put two stitches in the deep gash Clyde had made in Kel's chin.  When she came to his feet, she carefully removed the broken glass and cleaned them, then put in the necessary stitches before bandaging them.

Just as Jackie finished Curtis brought in the x-rays so she went over and viewed them, then returned after she had confirmed the results.  “As I hoped, you don't have any broken bones, Kelly.  I need to examine your knee now.”

Kel grimaced as Jackie carefully manipulated the joint and palpated his knee.   He felt woozy from the drugs but they didn't prevent him from feeling the pain the movement caused.  Kel's leg was swollen to nearly double the normal size and painful when he bent it. Although he could partially bend his knee he was unable to straighten it fully.  After she finished examining the joint, Jackie wrapped his leg in a soft brace.

Jackie sighed inwardly.  She knew the last part of the exam wouldn't be easy.   “Kelly, I need to do a pelvic and a rectal exam now.” Jackie spoke in a firm, gentle voice.

Kel was silent for a long moment then gave a slight nod.

“I can leave now if you want,” Johnny said to Kel.

“No Johnny.  Please stay.  I think I need a friend for this one.” His words were slightly slurred from the drugs as he responded, trying not to show his growing dread. 

“Okay Kel,” Johnny acknowledged.  He inwardly cringed, trying to squelch the fear that he, too, could possibly need to go through a similar exam.   ‘ I can't deal with this now.  After Kel is taken care of I'll figure it out.'   The paramedic shook his head slightly, attempting to clear the thoughts that were entering his mind, then immediately regretted it as a wave of dizziness overwhelmed him.  Willing himself to ignore it, he sat down at the head of the bed and placed his hand lightly on Kel's shoulder in support.   As the exam began, his mind couldn't help but turn back to the possibility that he, too, might have to endure this.  ‘ Oh god...who would examine me?  Obviously it couldn't be Jackie...I wouldn't want to be at Rampart anymore than Kel did...I certainly couldn't ask him to be there for me...that would be horrendous for him!'   His head throbbed and he felt the nausea growing again, causing him to fear he might vomit.

Kel looked up at Johnny, taking note of the anxiety growing on his face.  ‘ He's repulsed by this...not that I can blame him.  It isn't fair I asked him to stay.'  “Johnny if you want to le....” he began.

Snapping back out of his misery, Johnny firmly responded, “No, I'm staying.”               

Kel remained stoic, bearing through the rest of the exam in silence.  He tried to clear his mind of everything, waiting for the end to finally come.

Finished with the exam, Jackie removed her gloves and threw them away.  “I want to get some prescriptions ordered for you, Kelly.  I'll be back soon,” she said, knowing Kel could use a few minutes to collect himself, before quietly leaving the room.

Kelly was overcome with dueling feelings of relief the exam was over and his urgent desire to escape.  “I don't want to stay here Johnny,” Kel voiced his wishes.  “I just want to go ho….” He trailed off, realizing he was afraid to go home.  “Oh no!” he exclaimed.  ‘ I'm not sure I can face seeing what they did to my house...the bed...the mess.'

“The only home you're going to is mine. At least until you're back on your feet again--I'll take you to my ranch when Jackie releases you.  You'll be safe there.”

After a short while Jackie returned. 

“As I already said, your x-rays look good Kelly; your ribs are bruised but none are broken.   You've probably torn the anterior cruciate ligament in your knee.  Right now the swelling and muscle spasms in the joint are making it difficult to tell for certain.  In a week or so you'll need to see an orthopedic surgeon.”  Jackie paused for a moment, then added the last detail she needed to relate. “You have some small tears in your rectum but I believe they will heal without any further intervention.  I think it would be best if we keep you here for a day or so....”

“No…please…I just can't…can't stay here.”

Looking at Jackie, Johnny suggested what he had proposed to Kel.  “Jackie, I'd like to take him to my ranch. That way I can help him out…until he's on his feet again.”

Jackie looked thoughtfully at Johnny.  He obviously was equally aware of Kel's inability to care for himself and was handling the subject with finesse.  After considering the paramedic's words, she responded, “That might work.”  Noticing her patient's involuntary trembling, Jackie took a blanket out of a cupboard and covered the shaking physician and then turned the morphine drip up slightly. Addressing Kel alone for a moment, she said, “Kelly I need to talk to Johnny for a minute, okay?”  Receiving a nod from the doctor, Jackie opened the treatment door and walked out, with Johnny in her wake.

She took him to a private nook just down the hall and indicated that he should take a seat, then sat next to him.  “Johnny, you know I don't doubt your ability to take care of Kelly, but I'm concerned about you...as your girlfriend...not as a doctor.  I know you've both been through an awful experience.  On the other hand, as a doctor, I can tell something has happened to you, but I'm not certain exactly what; I've deduced that you aren't very steady on your feet...although you are hiding it well...you're also clearly exhausted...and in pain.”

Johnny leaned back in the chair and attempted to gather his thoughts.  ‘ What do I tell her?  How can I tell her something is wrong when I don't know what?  I have to be there for Kel...that has got to take priority.  Oh man but I hate to not tell Jackie the truth...I've never lied to her...I just can't do that.'   Johnny ran a tired hand over his eyes, not wanting to get into any details, but knowing he had to. If there was one time in his life that he would've liked to take advantage of doting from the opposite sex, it would have been now. Unfortunately, this time he didn't have that luxury. He didn't think he could bear to see Jackie's face if he confided in her the possibly that the same abuse had been done to him, nor could he bear the examination he knew she would insist he have if he did. So he did the only thing he thought he could do. He didn't lie, but he sure didn't tell her the whole truth either. He gave her just enough information to verify her suspicions that he'd been hurt, yet assured her that he was okay. It was the only thing he could do if he was to care for his friend. And, downplaying his own needs was somewhat self-serving--it allowed him the opportunity to avoid the possibility of having to deal with something that he couldn't imagine coping with. Injuries he could handle, but sexual assault was something entirely different.  Kel's needs gave him the perfect excuse.   Johnny looked at her with eyes that he tried his best to make reassuring, yet left doubt in the female doctor's mind. “Jackie, I'm okay. Really.”

Jackie's expression was one of skepticism and worry combined.

“Look…you're right, it was an awful experience…I mean, what I saw….” He stopped for a moment, trying to choose the right words. Automatically, his hand reached over and took hers, taking strength from her as she squeezed his hand back. "I interrupted those bozos in the act, Jackie. Problem was, I didn't know it was two men...I only saw one...so I rushed in and dragged him off Kel and then fought with him...then the other guy jumped into the fight and kicked me in the hip…that's why I'm walkin' a little funny. And yeah, my nose hurts, but I've been through worse.  They're just bruises, Jackie…that's all.” He looked at her beseechingly. “I gotta take care of the Doc…”

Inwardly, Jackie let out a hesitant sigh of relief...she trusted Johnny's judgment. Her voice expressing the depth of her feelings, she said, "I'm sorry you had to witness something like this Johnny. Promise me you'll call if you feel worse?"

Johnny's shoulders sagged ever so slightly with the realization he'd convinced her.  “You know I will, Jackie.  I won't take any chances when I've got someone else depending on me.”

“One other thing we need to discuss, Johnny...Kelly is really going to need some help...emotionally...I know a doctor I'll recommend to him...not today, he isn't ready, but soon.  If you think he's ready before I talk to him call me?”

“I will,” Johnny responded solemnly.

Jackie stood up, saying, “I need to grab those prescriptions for Kelly.  Why don't you disconnect the I.V. and get him ready to go.  I'll bring the meds and a wheelchair to the room.”  She extended her hand and helped her weary boyfriend up, then went to get the medicine.

Johnny returned to the treatment room.  Kel was huddled under the blanket but the morphine seemed to be doing its job, keeping the doctor sleepy and seemingly in little pain. After the door shut, the paramedic spoke softly to his friend, saying, “We've got the go-ahead, Kel.  Jackie needs to get your medicine then we can leave.   He carefully removed the I.V. and then he picked up Kel's robe and helped him put it on.  After the doctor was ready to go, Gage sat down in the chair he'd previously occupied while they waited for Jackie to return.

Re-entering the treatment room with a wheelchair, Jackie told Kel, “I realize most of what I'm going to tell you now, you already know--they're all things you would tell patients yourself.  I've got three prescriptions for you...one is an antibiotic, the second an anti-inflammatory.”  She held up the last bottle, then explained, “I'm also giving you Tylenol with Codeine.   I removed all the glass that was imbedded in your feet, but walking will still be difficult. When they've healed some we'll get you on crutches.  Due to the bruises, movement will hurt for a few days, so I urge you to take the pills; try to rest and stay off your feet.  Call me if you have any questions or problems.  I'd like to see you in a week, earlier if you have any complications.

Kel gave her a brief nod, unable to respond more right then; Jackie was correct - he did already know everything she'd told him--unfortunately, practicing it on himself would be another matter.

Johnny helped Kel off the table and into the wheelchair, covering him with the blanket.  He saw Kel wince at the sitting position and inwardly groaned in sympathy. 

“You ready?” he asked. 

Seeing Kel's nod he wheeled him out.

“Thanks Jackie,” Johnny said, trying to smile, but tight lines of strain in his face prevented it. 

After loading Kel back into the Rover, Johnny started the engine and drove to his ranch.  He mentally prepared himself, knowing more difficult steps were yet to come.  ‘ Man this is a day I sure don't want to relive.  I hope I have the strength to do whatever I need to help Kel.  I'm glad Jackie knows a doctor that can help him...I hope he will be willing to go...oh god I hope I don't need to think about that myself...I don't think I could handle talking to anyone about this...man I'm gonna be in enough trouble if Jackie figures out I didn't tell her everything...my goose is cooked if she finds out I was unconscious.'  The thought had barely entered his mind before he amended it, 'Who am I kidding?  It isn't if she finds out, it's when she finds out.'

Once again on his side, lying on Johnny's sleeping bag, the ER physician's thoughts drifted back over the past couple of hours. ‘ I've never felt so humiliated in all my life... that exam hurt like...like...I know she was gentle but it felt like it was happening all over again...thank goodness Johnny was there.  I can't even begin to tell him how much of a difference that made...oh god I don't know if I could be there for him...oh please don't let him have to go through it too.'   Kel fought the emotions that were threatening to spill out.  ‘ I'm not going to break down...got to preserve the little dignity I have left.'

Arriving at his ranch, Johnny parked right by the door, then jumped out and opened the back.  As Johnny unlocked his door, Kel struggled to sit up, not wanting to be carried again, but realized his feet were bare and conceded to the assistance; it hadn't hit him yet how difficult walking was going to be.   Johnny helped him to the edge of the Rover then picked him up, carrying him again, taking him inside and setting him down on the living room couch.

Kel shifted onto his side and pulled his good knee up and then wrapped his arms around himself, unable to look at Johnny. 

“I'm sorry Johnny,” Kel murmured apologetically.  “I'm sorry you had to see...this...sorry I've put you out.”

“You haven't put me out Kel, and you've got nothing to be sorry for! Those sick son of a...god if only I could have stopped them…if only I'd have come by sooner…I'm just so doggone sorry Kel. I'm sorry I couldn't stop it. Why in the hell would they do such a thing?” Johnny responded, his hands clenched in anger at the wretched act he'd witnessed.   

“He said they had to punish me because  his girl died ...that I deserved the punishment for each death I've caused,” Kel said as he fought back the images that once again became forefront in his mind.  “I can't for the life of me figure out who she could have been...was she a patient?  Did I miss something?  I just don't know.”

Johnny grabbed a nearby table chair and straddled it, forcing his face to stay neutral--despite the pain from his hip and a pounding headache--and faced the doubting physician.  “Kelly Brackett you have not let anyone die.  I know that and everyone who knows you knows that.  You're a good doctor; you do everything in your power to save people every day.  You sure saved my life when that snake bit me...you've even helped people when you were off duty.  Look at that woman who had her baby at Manny's.  You came out here when I cut my arm last year.  As far as I'm concerned...heck, many of my friends too...you're the most competent doctor in the whole state of California! 

Kel didn't respond.  He knew what Johnny said was true but he was still struggling with the physical pain and emotions too much to take the words to heart right now.

Realizing Kel needed some time to collect his thoughts, Johnny stood up and said, “I'm going to go grab your bag, Kel.  I'll be right back.”

 He went out, fighting to keep from limping, especially after having been sitting in the manner he had for several minutes, and grabbed the bag and Kel's medication while he contemplated how to broach the need for calling the police - not to mention calling Dixie and Joe.  He knew they would still be worrying, especially after the abrupt end to his conversation with Dixie earlier.

Re-entering the house, Johnny set Kel's suitcase on the table then removed the medicine from its bag.  He took out the prescribed amount and poured a glass of water.   Carrying the water and pills he returned to the living room. 

After sitting down in a nearby chair and handing Kel his medications, Johnny said, “Kel, you need to take these.”  He waited while the doctor swallowed the pills, then broached the next subject.  “I know it isn't easy, but we really do need to call the police.  I could call Lieutenant Crockett or Vince.”

“Why do I get the feeling all the times I've advised patients to call the police has just come back to haunt me?” Kel moaned.   He closed his eyes wearily. 

“Maybe you should see if you can get some sleep for a bit, Kel,” Johnny suggested.  “I've got a guest bedroom for you to use.”

At the mention of sleep, a deep weariness settled on the battered doctor.  ‘ Sleep...then I can forget.  Maybe I'll wake up and find this all been a horrible nightmare.  My skin is crawling...I can't sleep like this.'   “I need a shower,” Kel responded. 

Johnny nodded; when it became apparent Kel intended to walk, he helped him stand up and supported him walking down the hall.  Kel grimaced, with each step a new wave of pain washed over him; he could barely put weight on his knee and both feet felt like they were on fire.

Helping him sit in the bathroom Johnny said, “I had this bathroom equipped with a shower seat and rails when I had the broken leg the first time.”  He opened the clear glass door to verify that everything was ready for his friend.  Turning back, he said, “Here are a couple of towels and there's soap and shampoo in the shower.”  He rummaged in a drawer and pulled out a new toothbrush, leaving it sitting on the counter.  “I'll go get your bag - be right back.” 

Returning with the bag he set it on the counter then helped the doctor to remove the bandages and the splint.  “I know it isn't easy, Kel, but please stay sitting down.  It's going to take you some getting used to moving around right now.”

“Yeah...okay, I will.”

I'm going to go call Lieutenant Crockett and ask him to come out here.  Call me if you need anything.”

Johnny returned to the kitchen and started some coffee, then sat down at the table and picked up the phone to make his call.   Soon Johnny was speaking with the Lieutenant. 

“Lieutenant Crockett, this is John Gage.  Would you be able to come out to my place, please?  I've got Kelly Brackett here with me and he needs to report a crime.  I'd rather not go into any further details on the phone.”

“Sure, John, I can head out your way in say about an hour?” Crockett replied, obviously curious, but honoring Johnny's request none the less. 

“See you then,” Johnny confirmed.  “Good bye.”

‘ I'm going to have a hard time keeping up with everything...better call my neighbor about the horses.'  He quickly placed his call to the neighbor and arranged  a couple extra days care of the horses.  His calls completed, knowing he hadn't eaten for hours, Johnny fixed some sandwiches and made coffee.  Sitting down at the table he picked at one, attempting to eat but was unsuccessful.  He found himself reliving the experience, feeling the fists punching him and the feet kicking him again.  His head throbbed and he had a vision of something crashing down on top of it, causing him to jump slightly.  ‘ You'd think it was happening right now the way I jumped,' he thought.  He rested his head on the table for a moment, trying to find the strength to continue helping his friend rather than focusing on his own misery.   Before he knew it, thirty minutes had passed.   Johnny decided he'd better go check on Kel.  As he approached the bathroom, he heard the shower still running. 

After knocking on the door he spoke, “Kel...are you all right?” 

Receiving no answer, he opened the door and found Kel sitting on the floor of the now cold shower.  Upon seeing Johnny, Kel tried to hold back the tears he had been crying.  Softly whispering, Kel said, “I can't get clean...no matter how much I scrub...I just can't get clean.”

Johnny reached for the faucet and turned the shower off then softly spoke to his friend, “Come on; let's get you out of here.” 

He handed Kel a towel and then helped him up and out of the shower, allowing the doctor to sit down again.  “Get dressed; I'll help you get re-bandaged when you're ready.” 

Johnny stepped back and shut the door.  After a few minutes his friend called him to come back in, and then the paramedic re-bandaged Kel's wounds.  As he put the brace back on his friend's knee, he told him, “Lieutenant Crockett is on the way so why don't we get you to the couch.”

Feeling the effect of the drugs, Kel offered no further argument.  He let Johnny carry him to the couch and then settled down on it and curled up on his side.  Momentarily the Codeine caught up with the weary physician and he fell asleep. 

Johnny limped back up the hallway to the kitchen and sat down with more coffee. 

Just before 9:00 p.m., Johnny heard a car pull into the drive, followed by a knock on the kitchen door.  He opened the door and admitted Lieutenant Crockett. 

“Come in Lieutenant, have a seat,” Johnny said indicating the kitchen table.  “Would you like some coffee?”

“Sure, sounds good, thanks Johnny.  Oh, and call me Ron please.  So do you want to tell me what's going on now?  The way you sounded I got the feeling something's pretty serious,” Crockett replied as he sat down. 

“Yeah, Ron, it is,” Johnny agreed as he handed the officer a cup of coffee and sat down opposite him.  “Kel's sleeping...I'll get him in a few minutes.”

“Care to fill me in on what's happened?”

“Kel had a run-in with a couple of real nasty characters...they beat him up pretty bad...physically and emotionally...it really is his story though, so I guess I'd better go wake him.  He stood and headed down the hall.

Kel started awake when Johnny spoke to him; disoriented, he tried to leap off the couch but stopped when pain rippled through his body. 

“Easy, Kel, it's just me,” Johnny soothed.  “Crockett is here and wants to talk to you.”

Kel gave Johnny a panicked look, and then lowered his eyes to the floor. 

“You need to talk to him Kel.  I'll be here with you, it will be fine,” Johnny reassured him.  “I filled him in a little - just that a couple of creeps beat you up.”

Once again fighting the limp, Johnny walked back to the kitchen.  “Come into the living room, Ron.”

Crockett followed Gage down the short hallway that separated the kitchen from the living room, then stopped short when he caught sight of the doctor.   Startled by Dr. Brackett's appearance, Ron asked, “Do you need to go to...?”

Johnny, understanding the direction Crockett was headed interrupted and said, “We've already been.  He may be a bit groggy though.  He took some Tylenol with Codeine just before I called you.”

Crockett nodded, then asked, “Dr. Brackett could you tell me what happened?  Start at the beginning.”

Kel sighed, wanting to vanish, knowing Crockett was going to want details; things that he didn't want to share with anyone; thoughts he didn't want to contemplate himself.  He took a deep breath and ran his hand over his head.

‘Why can't I just disappear…they are going to ask me why it happened to me… why they'd think I've killed people.'

Finally he spoke, “I was out back, enjoying my morning off.  I took my breakfast dishes inside and started back out to get my book when two men jumped me.  One of them held a gun on me and the other forced me back inside.  I think I knocked the dishes off the counter inside and then they pushed me down the hall knocking over the table chairs as they went.  The man with the gun said he promised ‘her' I'd pay...later he called her ‘his girl....said she was dead and I was going to pay for the deaths I'd caused....'” He trailed off, unable to continue.   “Johnny, I don't want to talk about this now,” he pleaded, looking over at his friend seated in a nearby chair.

“Kel you have to decide this for yourself, I can't make you report it.  If you tell Ron what happened you might be able to stop it from happening to someone else.” 

After giving the physician a little time to consider Johnny's words, Crockett suggested,  “Doctor, why don't you tell me what happened and we can figure out what you want in an official report later.”

“They tied me up and beat me…and went out and ate my food...then they left me that way…and went out and watched my television...then they came back and….” Kel stopped again, trying to collect himself. 

Crockett, sensing that Kel had been subjected to more than just a casual beating, said, “It's okay, Dr. Brackett, take your time. 

Unable to continue into further details, Kel remained silent, looking away and attempting to avoid any further conversation.

Deciding to try a different tact, Crockett said, “Tell you what; could you describe these men to me?  Do you have any idea who this ‘girl' was?”

After a moments thought, Kel answered, “I've been trying to figure out who she could be...I just don't know...I do know I've never seen these men before...I presume she must have been a patient but I can't place her....”       

“What did the men look like?” Crockett prompted.

“The leader had blond hair, blue eyes, well-kempt, wearing a leather jacket and jeans...I guess he was about 5'9", maybe 180 pounds...in pretty good shape...I'd say he was forty to forty-five.”  Kel tried to suppress the shudder that flashed through him as he pictured Clyde once more, then added, “The other man called him Clyde.”

“What about the other man, Dr. Brackett...what does he look like?”

“Clyde called him Freddie.  He was big, probably close to 300 pounds, unwashed brown hair, blue eyes.  He had a jagged scar on the inside of his right arm...he was younger, probably about thirty.”  Kel shuddered; it almost seemed as if he could smell Freddie's nauseating breath once again.

They continued on, Crockett asking questions and Kel answering for another half hour, until it became obvious to both Johnny and Lieutenant Crockett that the doctor was at his limit.  Dr. Brackett gave reluctant permission for Crockett to go to his house and gather evidence of the crime. 

Johnny saw Crockett out and was about to return to the living room when he heard another car in his driveway. 

‘Oh good grief. Now who's here? Probably Joe and Dixie. God, I wish they would have waited until morning for this, but I should have known they'd come by, especially after that bone-headed conversation I had with Dixie earlier. All I did was scare her.'

Stepping out on the porch he discovered his visitor was his partner, Roy DeSoto. 

Roy got out of the car and approached Johnny.

“Hey Roy,” Johnny nervously greeted his partner.  He tried to keep the weariness he felt from showing but he knew he wouldn't fool Roy.”

Roy studied Johnny, taking in his appearance and immediately noticing his bruised face and heard the odd tone in his voice.  Not mincing words, he said, “Johnny, what the heck is going on?”

“What do you mean, Roy?” Johnny stalled, hoping to figure a way out of this unwanted discussion.

*~E~*

Inside, Kel heard the voices and panicked.  He jumped up and attempted to make his way to the back of the house, out of sight.  He only made it a couple of painful steps before staggering and tripping over a nearby chair.  Kel fell down, causing an end table beside him to tip over, knocking its contents off with a loud crash.

*~E~*

“….can't explain right now,” Johnny said, trying to figure out a way to convince his partner to go home.   They heard the crash from inside and Johnny quickly said, “I'll be right back, Roy.  Please stay out here, okay?”  He hurried in, not realizing Roy had stuck his foot in the door and began to follow him.

Leaning over Kel, Johnny gave him a quick once over to make sure he hadn't hurt himself.  Then he said softly, “It's only Roy.  Come on, let me help you up.”

Following Johnny, Roy stopped briefly in shock at the sight of a very bruised Kelly Brackett - clad in a robe, slippers  and a visible leg brace - collapsed on the floor.  It only took a brief few seconds before he kicked himself into paramedic mode and  instinctively ran forward to help.

Extending his arms, Johnny began to help his friend up, when his peripheral vision picked up Roy's rapid approach.  Turning quickly, he held up his hand and said sharply, “Roy, back off!”  Gage saw the hurt and confused look on his partner's face as he turned back to Kel and helped him up.  Remorse washed over his face - he knew he'd been too harsh.

Roy stood there, shocked at Johnny's sharp tone.  ‘What in the heck is going on here?  Dr. Brackett looks horrible and I'm not sure how much better Johnny is.  Why doesn't Johnny want my help?'

Kel tried to turn away, mortified that Roy had seen him like this.  ‘Great, just great!  Roy's going to want to know what happened. And then he'll tell Joe...and Dixie...and she reads me like a book...She won't accept a simple answer, she'll want the details...I can't deal with them knowing about this. It's too humiliating.'

Restraining his frustration, Johnny requested, “Roy, would you please wait in the living room?  I'll be out there in a few minutes.”

He turned away from Roy, assisted the doctor up and then helped him to the guest bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

“I'm sorry, Kel.  I asked Roy to wait outside.  I know he's just concerned though.  Joe and Dixie will be too.”

Completely weary and unable to deal any further with what had taken place, the tired doctor crawled into bed, curling up on his side and forcing his thoughts away.  The codeine he'd had earlier was still affecting him, adding to his need for sleep.   He barely noticed Johnny's departure.

Johnny turned the light out and said, “Call me if you need me.”

*~E~*

Trying to curb his irritation, Johnny paused outside the guest room door.  Rationally, he knew Roy was just acting as a concerned friend, but part of him was very annoyed Roy had not respected his wishes, ending up intruding on a scene neither Johnny nor Kel wanted Roy to witness.  However, he also knew that his feeling was unjustified, since Roy wouldn't have any reason to think Johnny was hiding something from him. Plus, just by the nature of the friendship they held, it was only natural that Roy would feel comfortable enough to let himself into John's house without asking. They'd known each other long enough and were close enough that it was a common occurrence for either of them. The problem was Johnny knew that Roy would be asking even more questions now--after his little inappropriate outbreak--questions he wasn't sure how well he could answer without violating confidences.  Finally, he turned, realizing if he didn't reappear soon Roy would likely come looking for him again.  As he approached the living room, he tried to school his features and hide his frustration.

Jumping up when Johnny came back in the room, Roy awkwardly began to apologize.  “Look, Johnny…. I'm….”

Motioning with upraised palms Johnny interrupted him, wordlessly telling him he understood, then he let out a heavy sigh and sank wearily onto the couch.   He pinched the bridge of his nose in a futile attempt at warding off the headache that had plagued him for the last several hours, then ran his hand over his hair.  Finally, he glanced up at Roy, attempting to form the appropriate words.

Reading his friend's body language and recognizing the headache, Roy went to the kitchen, took out a bottle of Tylenol and brought a couple pills to Johnny with a glass of water. 

Grateful, Johnny took the offering from Roy and quickly downed the pills, then set the glass down on an end table. 

Speaking softly, his tone expressing his concern, Roy asked, “What happened to Dr. Brackett Johnny?”

Johnny sighed again. “It's just…personal, Roy. If Brackett wants you to know what happened, he'll have to tell you. I….” Johnny's eyes looked full of sorrow. “I can't.” He hated leaving Roy in the dark, especially when Roy's concerns were quite understandable, but he couldn't betray Kel's wishes.

Roy opened his mouth to pursue the line of questioning and then closed it again.  He fiddled with his keys restlessly for a moment in frustration as he attempted to curb his curiosity.  This vision of the doctor--his mentor in so many ways--was so foreign to him that he couldn't help but want to know the details that were being kept from him.  He sighed; he knew he'd just be up against the proverbial stone wall--Johnny's mind was clearly made up--he would not be convinced to explain anything further.   Finally, he said, “Okay.  If I can help in any way you'll let me know, won't you?”

“I will.”

Roy stood and turned to leave, then instinctively turned around and stared at Johnny.   ‘He was limping when he came into the room - that wasn't just my imagination!'   As he worriedly studied his friend, he noticed the slight bruising around Johnny's face once again.  ‘Okay, I can't question about Brackett, but Johnny better give me a straight answer about himself.'   Out loud, he asked, “Did you get involved in the altercation Dr. Brackett was in too?”

Johnny groaned inwardly.  'I should have known he'd bring my welfare up.'   “Somewhat, but I'm okay.”

Roy raised his eyebrows, indicating to Johnny he had reservations about Johnny's version of his own injuries.  “I hope you would let me know to the contrary.”  As he spoke he gave his partner a look that told him he didn't like being left in the dark.

Standing, Johnny started towards the door, indicating to Roy that the subject was closed.  “Thanks for coming over, Roy.  The chores come early so I think I'm going to get ready for bed now.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Johnny regretted them.  His shoulders slumped as he saw the bewildered expression cross Roy's face for an instant before he schooled his features, concealing his hurt.  It was a lame excuse, not one that should be given to his best friend; his partner.  Johnny recognized that Roy knew that he'd been through something traumatic, but was respecting Johnny's wishes and didn't pursue the subject.  Johnny flashed Roy a grateful look, nonverbally thanking him for his trust and understanding.

Roy followed Johnny outside and got in his car.  He rolled down the window. “Dixie's the one who called me, you know.  She's pretty worried.”

Johnny cringed slightly, guilty he hadn't called the nurse back yet.  “Calling her is the next thing on my list, Roy.”

Roy nodded, then getting in one last point, Roy said, “I'd be glad to come back if you need anything, Johnny.”

“I know you would, Roy.  Thanks, but we'll be fine.  Good night.”

Johnny stood on the porch and watched Roy drive off.  He'd no sooner stepped back in the kitchen when he heard another car in the driveway.  He muttered, “I knew there would be another hurdle to get through tonight.”  Looking out the window he recognized Dr. Early's car.  ‘How in the heck am I going to handle Dixie and Dr. Early?  I doubt they'll leave without getting more information than what Roy did.'

Stepping back outside he stood on the top step of his porch and watched the pair get out of the car.  Dixie approached him and immediately said, “Johnny, please tell us what's going on.  We went to Kel's house and found it locked up and dark.  His car is in the driveway though.  What's going on?  Where is Kel?”

“It's okay, Dix.  He's here, in my guest room asleep.  He had a run in with a couple of guys and was beaten up pretty badly.”

As Johnny finished speaking Dixie dashed towards the house, intent on seeing Kel for herself.

Johnny moved, blocking her way, and said, “Wait Dixie!  Let me finish.”  After he had the duo's attention again, he continued, “I had to get him to a doctor quickly. That's where we were heading when you called, Dixie. I'm sorry I didn't have time to explain.”

Dixie gasped softly and began to speak but stopped as Joe spoke up.

“Get him a doctor?” Dr. Early questioned, his voice conveying his confusion.  “Why didn't you bring him to Rampart?”

Johnny looked away uncomfortably, not liking to have to share the next part with his friends, then cast down his eyes and quietly answered, “Doc, he asked me not to.”

They stood silently for a moment, clearly feeling surprised.  Finally, Joe broke the silence, asking, “What are his injuries Johnny?”

“His ribs are bruised,  he's torn his ACL, and he's pretty banged up but has no broken bones...all things considered his injuries aren't too bad.”  ‘At least the visible ones aren't.'

“How on earth did this happen, Johnny?” Dixie anxiously questioned.

Johnny realized he had just shocked his friends but knew he'd had no other choice.  He paused a moment, considering how to answer Dixie's question.  Finally, he replied, “I don't know exactly, Dixie.  I walked in after-the-fact.  I really don't have too many details - we haven't really had a chance to talk about it much.  Kel was with the doctor for quite awhile; once we got here Lieutenant Crockett came over, then just before you drove up Roy was here too.  Just like I told my partner, you're going to have to let Kel explain everything to you.”

“Why wouldn't he call us, Johnny?  Why didn't he want you to bring him to Rampart?” Dixie was shocked and somewhat hurt.  It seemed like to her that Kel hadn't trusted them to take care of him.

“I can't tell you his reasoning, Dix.  You'll have to wait and talk to him.”

“Okay, then I'll come in and talk to him now,” the worried nurse insisted.

“Dixie - he's asleep.  Please...wait until tomorrow,” Johnny responded, his voice strained as he tried to reason with her.

“I'd feel better if I could take a look at Kel myself, Johnny,” the silver haired physician requested firmly.

“Doc, like I said...he's asleep...he's not going to wake up easily...his doctor gave him Tylenol with Codeine...he had them a couple hours ago so he's really wiped out now.  I know....”

“No, I want to see Kel, Johnny,” Dixie interrupted.

“Dix, please.  I really don't think now is the best time,” Johnny implored nervously. 

Joe picked up on the barely noticeable panic in Johnny's voice and saw his eyes dart to Dixie and then back to him.  ‘I think I need to talk to Johnny alone,' he thought, and then said, “He's right, Dix…I'd like to see him too but what Johnny says makes sense.  We'll come back tomorrow.  Maybe we could bring breakfast.  I'll give you a call before we head out.”  Joe gently steered the worried nurse back to the car.

“Okay, Doc.  Sounds good.  ‘Night.”

*~E~*

Somehow Johnny managed to make it into his bedroom, undressed and took a shower before he collapsed.      Still damp, he sat down on his bed, involuntarily letting out a groan as his hip complained.  He found himself starting to shake as the shock of the day finally caught up with him.  ‘I can't believe what's happened today.  How could they....' Johnny shook his head unthinkingly attempting to block the thoughts that were overwhelming him only to find his head was reeling.  He shakily stood up and pulled the covers down - feeling the need for the warmth they offered - then carefully laid down, relieving the pressure on his hip.  Despite his wish to block the images of the day, they continued to swirl through his mind, assaulting him at every turn.  His breathing came in ragged gasps as he remembered the condition he woke up in.  Remembering the ‘sticky stuff' he felt on himself he once again felt nauseated. ‘Not just ‘sticky stuff' it was semen...and blood...oh god was it mine?  Could I have done something to Kel?' he shook his head...as soon as the thought entered his mind he knew he couldn't have possibly done that.   ‘It must have been theirs…and….did they do to me…what they did to him?' Another wave of nausea overcame him but he fought it, forcing himself to think things out logically, trying to stop the horrendous thoughts running through his mind.  ‘Wouldn't I feel it if I'd been through that?   What really happened to me?'   Unable to come to any firm conclusions, Johnny painfully got up and went back to the bathroom and washed his now sweaty face.  As he did so, he studied his image in the mirror for a moment, then closed his eyes as if to draw from his own inner strength.  After a moment, he re-opened his eyes and looked determinedly into the mirror and muttered, “I've got to forget about me, have to be strong to help Kel.”

*~E~*

Kel woke early the next morning, startled at being in a strange bed. Memories washed over him instantly, causing him to jolt up in fear. Waves of pain crashed over him as he moved.

‘ I feel like I've worked a three day emergency trauma session without a break.'

He tried to get up but found that neither sitting nor standing was an option just yet. Not wanting to wake Johnny--who'd already gotten up twice during the night to bring him more pain medication--he curled on his side, trying to ignore the horrific thoughts that were engulfing his mind.

After a short while he saw Johnny stick his head in the door and Kel quipped lightly, “I decided getting out of bed wasn't an option.”

Johnny offered Kel an uncomfortable smile and said, “Yeah, I can't blame you.”

Kel closed his eyes a moment, gathering the will he needed, then finally conquered his resistance and made the necessary request of his friend. “Would you help me get to the bathroom please?”

Naturally an independent man, Kel found it extremely difficult to have to ask for help. The last time he had been in a position of needing help was when he'd been in the car accident; that time had been difficult enough.

*~E~*

Although rationally he knew the help he'd received was a physical necessity, he couldn't help but feel humiliated as he remembered being carried in his friends arms; carried in front of a strange doctor. ‘ Oh god, I couldn't even get out of the shower myself. Johnny found me in there crying.' He found his thoughts drifting even further back, seeing the faces of Clyde and Freddie in front of him again, heard their words of hatred. Kel fingered his bandaged wrist and remembered the position he'd been placed in.

Through the closed bathroom door Kel heard the phone ring, then heard the sound of Johnny on the phone. ‘ I may feel humiliated, but thank god it was Johnny that found me, not Dix. He's made this a whole lot easier for me than if it had been Dix or Joe that found me.'

He attempted to stand but found bearing weight on his left leg was impossible and his right foot wasn't much better. ‘ Face it Brackett, you're not getting out of here without Gage's help...unless Johnny could figure some way to get a wheel chair in here, but the doors aren't wide enough so that isn't practical. I hate this...I know I wouldn't let any patient of mine walk...god I hate being the patient!'

“Kel? Are you about ready for me to take care of the bandages?”

Leaning against the sink to try to ease the pain on his foot, Kel opened the door. He briefly wondered how to best handle the dressing changes when Johnny interrupted his thoughts.

“The bedroom would be a better place, I need to take care of your feet, too.” He hated seeing his friend in such obvious pain.

“Yeah...thanks, Johnny. I could probably do some of them my....”

“Kel.”

The physician grinned sheepishly at Johnny's gentle reprimand. “Okay, I get it,” he acquiesced, flushing slightly as he gave an accepting nod.

Johnny sensed Kel's embarrassment, and so he threw the doctor's arm around his shoulder and supported his weight while they tried to get out of the bathroom. They were barely past the door when Kel's good leg gave out on him, throwing them both off balance, and nearly resulting in them hitting the floor. Straightening up carefully, Johnny muttered, “Oh, shoot...I'm sorry...here...I'll just....” He bent down and awkwardly scooped Kel up into his arms. As he took his first step, Johnny's hip almost gave out, causing him to stumble slightly. He quickly recovered and made his way toward the bedroom as he mumbled, “We make quite a pair, don't we?”

Giving a brief laugh, Kel commented, “I hope you're more graceful than this when you carry your girlfriends in here.”

Thinking of Jackie, Johnny blushed and then responded, “Guess I'm out of practice.”

The two friends laughed briefly as Johnny began cleaning Kel's wounds and changed the dressings. The doctor didn't have too much difficulty with the needed work on his wrists or shoulder, both places were healing nicely. Even his scabbed knee didn't hurt too much to the touch. His feet, however, were another matter; he winced as the paramedic worked on them. As Johnny replaced the last of the bandages, he said, “After you went to sleep last night we had more visitors.”

“I suppose I don't need to ask who.”

“No, ‘fraid not. I finally convinced them not to come in...but they're going to be back....” Johnny broke off his sentence and looked at his watch, then continued, “....in about half an hour.” Finished with the bandages, Johnny gathered up the debris and carried them to a trash can, then put the rest of the supplies away.

“I'm not exactly presentable,” Kel stated, looking down at his robe and slippers, but in reality thinking of all the bruises. “What did you tell them?”

“I basically told them other than your ACL you weren't hurt badly. Don't worry, Kel, you're fine as you are. They know you've been banged up - they aren't going to expect you to be in a suit and tie. ”

“I know...it's just hard...I really hate the idea of Dixie seeing me like this.”

“Believe me, I understand,” Johnny stated. ‘More than you know my friend, more than you know.'

Knowing his friend would be more comfortable, Johnny suggested, “Let's see if we can get your pajama bottoms on over the brace without cutting them.” He helped the doctor to do just that the said, “Ready to go out to the living room?”

“Yeah, might as well.”

Johnny assisted his friend out to the living room and sat Kel in his recliner and then supported his leg with pillows before placing a blanket over him.

The doctor shifted carefully in hopes of easing the pain that sitting brought. ‘ How am I going to answer her questions? I don't want to tell her what they did to me. I know she's going to want to know...want to know everything that happened and every injury I have.'

Johnny went out to the kitchen and filled two cups of coffee and a glass of water, then poured out the pills Kel needed to take. Returning to the living room he handed his friend the pills and water, then set the coffee on the end table before going back to grab his own coffee. He sat down on the couch and sipped his coffee as the two men sat silently waiting for the arrival of their friends.

The still weary physician took a few sips of his own coffee before placing it back on the table. He closed his eyes and was dozing after a few minutes.

Noticing Kel had drifted off, Johnny finished his own coffee then picked up both cups and took them to the kitchen. Refilling his cup he found himself wishing he, too, could have returned to the land of slumber. He opened the cabinet and grabbed the Tylenol, quickly downed two tablets with a large glass of water, then sat down at the table to wait. Suddenly the likelihood of the true reason for his headache hit him. ‘ Gee whiz, I can't believe I drove yesterday. That was probably a real bone-headed thing to do. What if I'd have passed out and had an accident? I could have killed Kel, or someone else! What was I thinking?' He shuddered as he thought about the possible repercussions. ‘ Thank God nothing happened...man I'll still get grief when Jackie finds out.'

He heard a car in the driveway and went out the door to verify it was Dixie and Dr. Early. Seeing it was, he leaned on the porch railing as he greeted them. ‘ Just forget about yourself, Gage. You've got much bigger worries than that right now.'

A very anxious nurse exited the car determined to head straight in to check on Kel. She heard Johnny's greeting and passed the bag of food off to him when he reached for it. “How is he, Johnny?”

“He's okay Dixie. He's dozing in the recliner. You can see him but let him sleep until we're ready to eat...he really needs the rest.”

Having said that, Johnny led the way into the house, set the food on the counter, then quietly led the way towards the entry of the living room, allowing them to see their friend.

Kel lay sleeping, his bruised face evident in the morning light. One bandaged wrist was resting on his stomach.

Dixie took in the sight of Kel's face - his eyes both black, his lips split and engorged, his cheeks and nose bruised and swollen - and covered her mouth in shock, stifling a gasp. ‘ What on earth? Who did this to him?' Returning to the kitchen she said softly, “I never pictured he'd look like this.”

Noticing the prescription bottles on the counter Joe picked them up, reading the labels.

“Who is Dr. Kingston, Johnny?”

“She is a close friend of mine, Dr. Early. I met her a few years ago when I started volunteering at the tribal clinic. Trust me, Dr. Brackett's in good hands with her.”

Johnny placed the food on plates and placed them on a couple of trays then offered the duo coffee. “Hang on, I'll go wake Kel now. He really needs to eat too.” The paramedic slipped back into the Living Room and spoke softly to his friend. “Wake up, Kel. Dixie and Dr. Early are here and they brought us some food.”

Kel's eyes snapped open as he heard Johnny's voice. He slowly sat up, his muscles aching from the movement. As he absorbed the paramedic's words he steeled himself to greet his friends. He shuddered at the thought of trying to sit at a table to eat and was relieved when Johnny proposed they eat in the living room.

Seeing Dixie and Joe approach, Kel said, “Hi Dix, Joe. I'm sorry I worried you. His tone carried a touch of apprehension...he really wasn't sure what their reaction might be.

“You're right - we were worried, but we're just glad you're here , Kel. We didn't know what to think for a few hours yesterday until Johnny finally answered your phone,” Joe responded in his soft-spoken manner.

Momentarily lost for words, Dixie reached out to give Kel a hug. Not ready to be touched, Kel shrank back.

Startled by the unusual reaction from her close friend, a hurt look flashed on her face for a split-second before she quickly masked it. ‘ He seems so...broken,' she thought sadly. She looked over at Joe and was steadied by his reassuring gaze.

Seeing Dixie's surprise Johnny spoke up quickly, attempting to cover their friend's action. “He's pretty sore right now, Dixie.”

Johnny brought the food out and they all sat down. Kel tried to eat but ended up merely picking at his food. He gratefully drank the water and juice that Johnny handed him. After a few minutes, he found he was beginning to feel somewhat sleepy from the pain medicine. ‘ Better just get this over with,' he thought as he looked towards Dixie with apprehension. His voice conveying his discomfort, he began, “Well, I guess you two would like to hear an explanation…I…I'm sorry about not showing up for work and worrying you.” He paused again, then continued, showing little emotion as he filled his friends in on the clinical facts of his condition, but carefully avoided the intimate details. “A couple of men surprised me yesterday...I was outside and they forced me in...I fell on the back steps causing me to tear my ACL...they worked me over pretty good. My ribs are tender and I've got multiple contusions. I suppose it could be worse. I'm sorry I worried you two but I just couldn't come in to Rampart the way I was.”

“Oh Kel, I'm sorry. I should have come out to check on you as soon as I knew you weren't at work. You are never late...I should have known something was wrong!” The nurse lamented, causing Kel to shudder inwardly at the thought of Dixie having found him exposed like he was.

“It's okay, Dix...really, it probably worked out for the best that Johnny came along.” He attempted to stifle a yawn, fighting to stay awake and finish answering his friends' questions; he wanted this over!

Ever the practical one, Joe inquired, “What did Lieutenant Crockett say? Johnny told us he was here yesterday.”

Seeing the medicine was taking effect on Kel, Johnny answered, “Yes, Lieutenant Crockett was here last night. Kel gave him the information and he is investigating.”

Johnny stood up and took the dishes to the kitchen then returned, pointing out the obvious in hopes the duo would take the hint to leave. “Looks like the meds have about knocked him out again.”

Understanding the paramedic's unspoken request, Joe stood up. “Dix we're due at Rampart in just over an hour. We probably should be going.” He turned to Kel and added, “Hang in there Kel. I hope you're feeling better soon. Don't worry about work; I'll get that covered for you.”

Dixie reached over to Kel and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead, bringing a sleepy smile to his face. She whispered, “Call me if you need anything.”

Johnny walked Dr. Early and Dixie out, walking with them out to the silver haired doctor's car.

Joe turned and quietly advised Johnny, “Call us if we can help. I can read between the lines enough that I know it must have been very bad, probably far more than he's told us. Make sure he knows we'll support him in any way.”

“I will.”

“When's your next shift, Johnny?” Dixie asked pointedly. Not waiting for a reply, she continued, “I'll arrange some time off so I can take care of him.”

Johnny looked at her, unsure how to answer. He opened his mouth to attempt an answer but Joe beat him to it.

“Dix I think you're going to need to talk to Kel about that. He's fine with Johnny for now, okay?”

Dixie reluctantly dropped the subject, her expression clearly unhappy. ‘ I want to be the one to care for him,' she thought, clearly frustrated at the circumstances. “I guess you're right, Joe,” she responded reluctantly as she opened the car door and got in.

Johnny gave the two departing Rampart staffers a wave and then went back inside. Returning to the living room, he softly spoke to the doctor. “Would you like to move over to the couch, Kel? You'd probably be more comfortable there.”

“Okay.”

Johnny assisted Kel out of the recliner and over to the couch. After the physician was settled on his side, Johnny covered his friend with an afghan. “Do you mind if I go run a couple of errands?”

Kel sleepily answered, “No that's fine...go ahead.”

*~E~*

Johnny left the house, locking the doors securely as he went. He knew he had to hurry to be back before the doctor awoke. First he went out to the barn to use the phone extension, placing a call to Lieutenant Crockett. After verifying the detective had been to Dr. Brackett's house and cleared the scene, the paramedic drove to Kel's home and unlocked the front door. He went through the rooms cleaning up the mess that had been left behind.

When he arrived in the doctor's bedroom, horror overwhelmed him as he took in the bloody bedding and the ties still attached to the bedposts. He shuddered as he pictured his friend prone and suffering the indignities that he'd experienced. Suddenly, in his mind, the victim on the bed morphed and he now pictured himself in that humiliating position. An involuntary shudder passed through him and he exclaimed, “No! I won't think that. I can't think that.” He quickly stripped the bed and removed all signs of the attack and made the bed up with fresh bedding.

His work completed, the paramedic went to the grocery store and purchased food for the next couple of days. After he arrived back home, Johnny took the groceries in and set them on the counter. He looked in on Kel, finding him still sleeping on the couch.

As he looked into the room, he was not surprised to see his Norwegian Forest Cat, General Beauregard, a.k.a Bo, watching over Kel. The cat was stretched on the back of the couch, his front paw reaching down and touching Kel's arm. Johnny went and stroked the cat, causing him to softly purr.

Going back to the kitchen to put the groceries away Johnny had to smile, thinking, ‘That's just like Bo to try to take care of someone who needs it. He'd have made a good mama.' Johnny had experienced Bo's staying in an unusual amount when he'd broken his leg both times in the past. The cat had watched over him like he was currently watching over Kel.

Johnny put away the groceries and made some lunch, keeping it available for when Kel woke up.

The phone rang and when Johnny answered it his face instinctively lit up with a grin when he heard Jackie's voice.

“How is Kelly doing today, Johnny?” she asked him.

“I guess about what is expected,” Johnny answered. “We had a police detective here last night, which was hard. Then this morning Joe Early and Dixie McCall came over. He'd taken the meds just before they got here...he lasted through most of their visit but has been asleep ever since.”

“Did he sleep okay last night?” Jackie questioned.

“Yes. He took the Codeine and between that and the exhaustion, he slept. He's pretty sore today but I cleaned and re-bandaged his wounds this morning... they look fine. He took the meds about three hours ago and is sleeping on the couch right now.”

“Good,” Jackie responded. “I'm really most concerned about making sure he gets the counseling he needs...It still may be premature to bring it up to him, but I do know of someone I think would be the right fit for him--one that wouldn't be connected to Rampart.”

“I'll talk to him about it if the opportunity presents itself. I'm doing what I can but I'm definitely not trained for that,” Johnny stated.

“I know, I'm not either; although I've had some experience with this in the past. We've got to emphasize to him that what happened was not his fault. He needs to know that rape is not about sex, it's about power. Also, even though he may know it, he needs to be reminded about the natural physical reaction many men experience. Because of his position at the hospital I'm sure he already knows many of these things in his head, but we'll still need to re-enforce it repeatedly. It always seems like when it actually happens to a person they tend to think they shouldn't react like others do.”

“I'll keep those in mind,” Johnny said. “He's having difficulty with the memories of what they said to him...the creeps accused him of letting people die...multiple people but also specifically one girl. He has no idea who she may have been and he's worrying he might have done something wrong.”

“From his reputation I'd highly doubt that.”

“Yeah it definitely is not true...he's far too meticulous...I don't know if it was just a mind game or if the guys were on a vendetta or both...anyway, I'm saying what I can to counter their accusations.”

“You are doing great, Johnny. I've got to get back to work now, but give me a call if you need anything.”

“Okay, Jackie I will,” Johnny agreed as he hung up the phone.

*~E~*

“ Time to pay your debts. I'm going to make you pay for the deaths you've caused. You brought this punishment upon yourself.

Kel felt the pain as he was violated again. Fists hitting him. Teeth biting him.

His silent tears poured down.

“ What a crybaby!”

“ I wish we could still be here when your cute little head nurse finds out you haven't saved yourself for her.”

He discovered he was at Rampart, naked, restrained on a treatment table. Clyde, Freddie, Dixie, Joe, Mike, Roy and Johnny chanted together, “You're disgusting...it's all your fault...you wanted it. You deserved it.”

Evil laughter rang out, “Look at the great Dr. Kelly Brackett now!”

Kel shot up off the couch, tripping over the blanket in his hurry to get away. His feet and knee, not ready to tolerate the pressure, protested and he crashed into the nearby coffee table. Feeling the nausea rising, Kel placed his hand over his mouth, hoping to stop the inevitable. He struggled, trying to pick himself up, needing to get to the bathroom in a hurry but found his body unwilling to cooperate.

Johnny had barely hung up the phone when he heard the crash. He turned immediately and rushed into the room only to find Kel on the floor, his hand tightly over his mouth and the frantic look in his eyes clearly conveyed the situation. Speaking softly to his friend, he said, “Let me help you up, Kel.”

Johnny extended his hand and the physician reached out to him, attempting to stand, but was unable. The paramedic pulled him up, ready to help his friend to the bathroom.

Kel had barely been on his feet for a moment before he lost his battle with the nausea, doubled over and vomited. As he drew a breath in he lamented, “I'm sorry, god I'm sorry.”

Johnny assured him, “Don't worry about it, Kel. It happens to all of us.”

Embarrassed by his action and still reeling from the dream, Kel protested, “It hasn't happened to me in years.”

Choosing to not push the subject, Johnny continued towards the bathroom, guided Kel in and told him to call him when he was finished. Johnny went and quickly cleaned up the mess and brought a glass of water out to the Living Room.

Kel rinsed his mouth and then splashed some water on his face. He glanced in the mirror then stopped, shocked at his first look at himself since the attack.

‘ I feel so helpless...can't even walk to the bathroom by myself. Why did this happen? Why didn't I resist more? I'm a man...I should have stopped them.'

Kel finished his business in the bathroom and reopened the door, allowing Johnny to assist him back to the living room. The doctor lay back on the couch, forcing the emotions that were threatening to spill out to recede. He turned away, his back facing Johnny, unable to face his friend...unable to talk about it right now.

“I'm going to go make us some lunch, Kel. Call me if you need anything,” Johnny told his friend, sensing this was not the right time to try to talk to him. He could see this was a wise time to give the doctor some space. The paramedic somberly left the room, entered the kitchen and wearily leaned against the wall. ‘ I wish I could do more.' He ran his fingers through his hair as his thoughts turned back to the prior day. He began worry, finally admitting to himself some of the questions plaguing his mind. ‘ What DID happen? Why can't I remember? Was it so bad that I've blocked it out? Did they do the same thing to me?'

The phone rang, interrupting Johnny's train of thought. He answered it. “Hello?”

“Hi Johnny, it's Captain Stanley.”

“Hi Cap...I was meaning to call you today.” Johnny's voice exhibited the slight tone of a penitent child.

“You were, huh? I wondered if you would.”

“I suppose you talked to Roy.”

“Yeah.”

“Look, Cap...I'm sorry...things have just been difficult.”

“Roy said Doc Brackett is staying with you.”

“Yeah.”

“Roy also said he wasn't sure if you'd been fully forthright with him about yourself. He's concerned about you, John. So am I.”

Johnny looked down, guilty. He traced an invisible line on the floor with his foot, then said, “Roy caught me at a bad time last night Cap. I'd been up all day and I had a pretty bad headache.”

“Did your headache have anything to do with what happened to Dr. Brackett? Level with me John.”

Once again, Johnny felt himself sighing inwardly. Finally he said the only thing he could, “Cap I got kicked hard in the hip...I have a nasty bruise. I also got punched in the nose leaving it nice and purple today.” The paramedic paused a moment, pondering how to broach the topic he needed, then decided to just come out and say it directly. “Cap, I need a favor. I'm really sorry for the short notice...I need to take a few days off. Probably at least the next three shifts. Please, don't ask me to tell you anymore than you already know...I can't tell you what it's about. I need to help Dr. Brackett.”

Captain Stanley remained silent for a long moment as he contemplated how much he should push Gage to explain. Finally, deciding he'd best let it go for the moment he simply said, “I'll arrange the leave for you...vacation days if I can.”

“Thanks, Cap. I appreciate it.”

“No problem John. Do me a favor too though? Don't just take care of Dr. Brackett...take care of yourself too...and keep in touch!”

“I will, Cap. Thank you!”

Johnny hung up the phone and let out a huge sigh of relief. ‘ I hope I didn't just lie to Cap. How can I tell them what is wrong when I don't know?'

He turned to the task of fixing lunch. Once his preparations were complete, he placed the items - including Dr. Brackett's pills, on a tray and carried it to the living room and set the tray down on the coffee table.

The doctor looked up at Johnny as he set the tray down. For the last little while he'd been feeling very uncomfortable. His knee had started throbbing almost immediately after his failed attempt to get to the bathroom. ‘ I never thought I'd be so glad to take pain medication.' He turned and awkwardly tried to push himself up to a sitting position only to feel the protest from his battered ribs.

“Let's move you to the recliner again, Kel. I think you'll have an easier time eating there.”

Frustrated but helpless to do anything else, Kel reluctantly agreed and accepted the help moving to the recliner and then took the tray Johnny gave him.

The two men ate in silence, each concentrating on their food. Johnny had prepared chicken noodle soup and then added crackers, cheese and fruit to each plate, along with juice for the doctor and milk for himself. He'd also provided them both with a glass of water and placed Kel's pills on his plate.

Kel managed to eat most of his soup, a few crackers and some fruit as well as drink the juice and some water. He took the pills with some reluctance - he knew the Codeine was going to knock him out again but right now he was in too much pain to consider refusing it. He hesitated, but then finally asked the question he wanted, attempting to put a trace of humor in his voice. “You got the third degree from Dix and Joe, I presume?”

“No, just a few concerned comments. They said call if we need them and that they want you to know you have their support in any way,” Johnny responded, having immediately understood the doctor was referring to the conversation he'd had with their friends that morning.

“Do you think they…?” Kel started to ask but then broke off, unable to finish.

“I'll be honest with you, Kel. I think they might suspect. They definitely know that it's more serious than you made it seem.

“I half expected Dix to say I should come stay with her...or more specifically suggest she take care of me at my house.” The battered doctor gave a shudder at the thought. “Dix means the world to me but I just don't think I could stay with her right now.”

“Actually, she did, Kel. She pointedly asked me when my next shift was and said she'd make arrangements for time off work.”

As Johnny spoke, Kel grew agitated. He felt his heart begin to pound and his mouth went dry. ‘ No, I can't have her see me like this, I don't want her to....'

Johnny saw the doctor go pale and quickly interrupted his musing, “I understand, Kel. So does Joe. He managed to convince her she needed to talk to you about it, not just assume control.” He paused a moment, then added, “You're right about one thing though--she is pretty special.”

Johnny stood and took the dishes back to the kitchen before returning to the living room. “I don't know about you, but I feel like I could use a nap. Would you like to stretch out in bed for a while?”

Grateful for Johnny's help and understanding, Kel nodded and then accepted his friends help moving to the bedroom.

*~E~*

After he got up from a short nap, Johnny went out to the Rover and gathered the medical journals he'd picked up at Kel's house. He brought them in and placed them on the coffee table for the doctor. He wandered into the kitchen on automatic pilot, poured himself a glass of milk and took some cookies out of the cupboard as he normally did following a nap. He sat down at the table and lifted a cookie towards his mouth. Stopping with the cookie in mid-air, he stared at it as a mixture of emotions suddenly hit him. He dropped the cookie back onto the plate and gave it a frustrated shove, then cradled his head in his hands. ‘ Man I'd hoped tonight would be so nice...I was looking forward to introducing Jackie to Kel and Dixie...we would've had a barbecue...I'd have shown them the barn...spent time as two couples. I know the time will still come but it just isn't going to be the same.'

The phone rang, starting the paramedic back to the present.

“Hello?”

“Hi Johnny.”

“How are things at the hospital, Dix?”

The nurse sighed. “It's what, 3:00 p.m. now? This is the first break I've had to call you. We've had several nurses call in sick...again...and with Kel out too...it looks like both Joe and I are going to be stuck here for a double.”

The paramedic grimaced in sympathy, then said, “Ouch, Dix. I'm sorry.”

“How is he?”

“Sleeping at the moment...The medicine helps, but he's hurting.”

“In more ways than one.”

Johnny fiddled with the phone cord, trying to figure out how to respond. Finally he simply said, “Yeah.”

“I've only got about five minutes left...I have to grab something to eat before I faint...but would you...please would you tell Kel I'm sorry I can't come over tonight? Tell him I'm sorry I couldn't work out the time off...and that I'll try to call him later.”

“Okay, Dix. Ya know, you're a pretty terrific lady. Don't worry, I'm sure he knows...I'll give him your message.” The paramedic smiled sadly. He knew where the nurse's heart truly laid.

“Thanks, Johnny.”

“Welcome Dix. You take care, okay? Get some food...wouldn't want you to collapse on us.”

“I will. Bye.”

“Bye, Dix.”

*~E~*

Later that night, after getting Kel settled into bed, Johnny had just dropped into bed when the phone rang. Picking up the bedroom extension, he said, “Hello?”

“Hi Johnny.”

Recognizing Jackie's voice, Johnny smiled as he lay back onto his pillows. “Hey. I missed talking to you last night.”

“I missed it too, Johnny. I understood though.”

“How was your day?”

“Pretty good. It was clinic day so we kept pretty busy. You know it nearly always is when we're open for all the walk-in visits.”

“True.”

Jackie's voice clearly expressed her concern as she asked, “How are you holding up?”

The paramedic pondered her question a moment. ‘ How do I answer that when I'm not sure myself? I hate worrying her.' Finally, he answered, “Okay, I guess...I feel kind of guilty, actually. I found myself upset that my plans for tonight were messed up. I'd been looking forward to introducing you to my friends.”

“I know, Johnny. I'm sorry too...but I'm glad you are able to help Kelly.”

“Yeah, me too.” Johnny found himself getting sleepy and let out an involuntary yawn.

“I guess I'd better let you go. It sounds like you need to get to sleep.”

“I guess so.”

Jackie heard the strained tone in her boyfriend's voice and tried to verbally give him the support he needed. “Call me if you need anything, Johnny. Sleep well...I love you.”

“I love you too, Jackie. ‘Night.”

*~E~*

Restrained and naked on his bed, Kel was horrified to hear Dixie call out to him. He tried to tell her not to come in but was unable to speak through the gag he wore. In horror, he looked up into her eyes...as long as he lived he'd never forget the look of disgust and loathing on her face.

“You sick pervert!” Dixie screamed at him. “How could you even think of asking me here? Is this your idea of some kind of cruel joke? I thought you loved me, Kelly Brackett. I don't ever want to see you again!”

Tears streamed down his face and he tried to tell her that he did love her...that he didn't want to be here, only to see her whirl around and slam the door.

“Dixie! No! Come back!” Kel screamed as he jolted up in bed. Shaken, he looked around, a sheen of perspiration on his body, his pajamas damp from sweat.

Johnny hurried in the room. “Kel, you were dreaming. You're safe,” he quickly reassured in an attempt to bring the doctor back to the present. He placed his hand on his friend's shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

Still not oriented completely, caught in the accusation in the dream, Kel responded, “Dixie told me I was a sick pervert. She's disgusted by me.”

“No, Kel, she isn't disgusted with you. It was only a dream. Dix would never say anything like that,” the paramedic responded with conviction as he looked the doctor in the eye.

“Oh god Johnny it felt so real,” the doctor admitted as he tried to calm his trembling.

“Yeah, I know. I've had some pretty bad dreams myself, ” Gage wearily tried to stifle a yawn.

“I'm sorry...I woke you up.”

“Don't worry about it...let's get you to the bathroom so you can clean up.” Johnny helped Kel to the bathroom then returned to the bedroom, quickly changed the sweaty sheets with fresh linen, and then returned to the bathroom and assisted his friend back to bed.

After returning to bed, Johnny lay awake, trying to rationalize the way he felt. ‘ I don't think I've ever felt so frustrated in my life. I can't just fix things...I can't just make it all go away.' He pounded his pillow with his fist in frustration, causing his tender head to resume its throbbing. ‘ This headache should be gone by now...I hate having to take medicine but I guess I've got to...again.' Johnny wearily got up and drug himself to the kitchen to take some Tylenol. He quickly swallowed the pills and returned to bed, still extremely troubled by the situation. ‘ I can't talk to Roy...that's got to be part of it. Usually when I have a problem I can talk to him. Oh well, I've just got to keep doing the best I can.'

*~E