The Shopping Trip - A Challenge Response

by

Kerri W.

"Hey....Hello out there?"  Roy and Johnny both heard Joanne calling from the house.

It had turned into a fairly quiet afternoon, the fence was painted, both men were  leaning back in chairs, sodas in hand.  The kid's were off at friends houses so they had been able to breeze through the job, without all of the 'help' from Chris and Jen.  Now Roy almost over balanced the chair trying to right himself when  he heard Joanne.

"We're just taking a quick break." He called back to her almost guiltily.

Joanne rounded the corner, hands on her hips she threw Roy a dirty look.  "All done with the fence  I see. There's still some more stuff on the 'to-do' list you know."

"Well,  I know, but we just thought...well....okay Jo."  Roy stuttered through his pitiful attempt at an explanation.

Joanne burst out laughing; "You look like a couple of kid's who tried to skip their chores Roy!"  She managed to stifle her giggles, "The fence looks great, just leave the rest for now, if you could just run to the store for me, I'll finish up everything in the house.  Deal?"

Roy heaved a sigh of relief, "Deal, just let me wash up first." He kissed her quickly on the cheek and headed for the house.

"You going to join us for dinner Johnny?  I'm making pork chops with that mushroom sauce that you like?" Joanne and Johnny were making their way to the back porch to join Roy.

"Tempting," Johnny replied, "but I'll have to run home first, I'm all covered in paint."

Roy was just finishing washing his hands and face, laying the towel on the counter he turned to his wife; "What's up?" he asked.

"I asked Johnny to stay for dinner, but he wants to go home and change first." Joanne answered.

"Why don't we go together?  We can stop at your place so you can change, then get to the store to pick up the groceries.?"  Roy offered.

"Sounds like a decent plan Pally, just let me wash up a little and we can get going."  Johnny buried his face in soap filled hands.

"You better go to the store first Roy, it's the weekend, it'll only get busier towards the end of the day."  Joanne said, then added; "Don't get anything that's not on the list, that means junk food, anything electrical, nothing with icing, nothing with a ten-year shelf life, let's see...." she was checking things off on her fingers.  "Oh, and nothing that you know I would never feed the kid's unless it was the last food available on Earth.  Okay?"

Johnny started to laugh, "Has this been a problem in the past?" he asked, he'd finished drying his hands, and was folding the wet towel.

"Oh boy, this man has this thing about shopping." Joanne said.  "In his mind the things on the list are the things you don't buy."  Joanne leaned back on the counter with her arms crossed, staring at Roy.

"I'm not that bad." Roy defended himself, "it's just that there are always so many different things, I like to try the new stuff.  Is that a crime?"

"You guys are nut's"  Johnny said, still laughing. "Let's get going." He gave Roy a shove in the direction of the front door.  Looking back over his shoulder he called to Joanne, "I'll keep an eye on him for you."

Roy snagged his keys off the hook by the front door, he waved over his shoulder to his wife, and the pair were out the door.

"Let's take my truck," Johnny said, heading towards it.  "You get to drive all the time at work.  I need the practice."

"Oh give me a break, what is this?  Pick on Roy day?" Roy said with mock hurt as he climbed in the front passenger seat.

The pair talked all the way to the store, more to the point Johnny talked and Roy listened.  The traffic was still fairly light, the parking lot was about half full.  "If we hurry, we should be able to get out of here pretty quick."  Johnny said.  "You did grab the list right?"

"Oh God, of course I grabbed the list, I'm not an idiot."  Roy shot Johnny an evil look.

"If we each grab a cart we'll be outta here fast." Johnny said scanning the store.

"Would you quit gaping at the women please, just for today" Roy said.  He unfolded the list and ripped it in half, handing half of it to Johnny he said "take half, we'll meet at let's see, "  Roy looked around, "over there at checkout #5 when we're done."

"Gotcha," Johnny took his half of the list, looked down at it and started to read, "Roy?"  he asked, "Roy? What do you need.........?" Johnny looked up to where Roy had been, he was gone.  He turned around quickly, but he was alone.  *This is bad, really bad* Johnny thought to himself.  On his torn half of the list, written in Joanne's neat handwriting was item number 11, 'Condoms'. 

*Jeez* he thought to himself.  *What the hell do they need condoms for anyway*.  Johnny started to push his cart up and down the aisles, he picked up the other items on his part of the list.  He was finally in the pharmacy dept., he found himself staring at a wall of condoms.  Every shape, size, texture, brand, *God* he thought.  Johnny wiped the sweat off his forehead, he looked around nervously, *I have no idea which one to buy*.

Johnny ended up picking out several different kinds and burying them under the cereal and brown sugar.  He headed toward the front of the store, rounding the last corner he caught sight of Roy standing by the checkout line.  Johnny guided his cart in behind Roy's, he wanted to talk to him about the condoms, but Roy was already talking to the checkout girl.

"Roy?" Johnny asked quietly.  He didn't want to interrupt the conversation, they were discussing something about potty-training.

"Just a minute,"  Roy held up a hand.  He was already reaching into Johnny's cart to unload the groceries onto the conveyor belt.  He wasn't even looking at what he was doing, he was fully engrossed in the conversation with the girl behind the counter.

"Roy, I really need to ask....?" Johnny tried again.

"Just hang on a second," Roy said again, he removed the brown sugar from Johnny's cart and added it to the cereal on the belt.  The boxes of condoms were next, Johnny watched Roy's hand as he reached in the cart for them, he thought of trying to get Roy's attention again, but why bother.

Roy continued to unload the cart.  Box after box of condoms, Johnny had picked out eight different kinds, trying to be sure to get the right one.  As Johnny watched Roy's hands, he found it hard not to laugh out loud.  Roy had lined up all of the boxes in a row, he hadn't looked down once.

"Are you all right?" Roy asked the girl.  She had gone a deep red color, she was ringing through the condoms one after the other.

All at once Roy looked down, "What the.....?" he looked at Johnny.

Johnny lost it, all attempts at not laughing were gone, doubling over at the middle Johnny began to howl.  Roy was just about as red as the poor checkout girl, he looked over at the bag-boy, who was also beet red, Roy tried to smile, but he was too embarrassed.

"I tried to ask you...?" Johnny tried to explain, still laughing.

"I don't want to hear it.  Let's just get out of here."  Roy interrupted him, he had his wallet out and was paying for the groceries.

"Would you like help out to your car, Sir?"  the boy asked.

"No...thanks, we'll be fine."  Roy grabbed the bags and almost ran out the front doors.

Roy stormed towards Johnny's Land Rover, Johnny was trailing behind still suffering from a fit of giggling.  By the time Johnny reached the Rover, Roy was slamming the back door after putting the groceries in. 

"Just what in the Hell were you doing buying all those?" Roy leaned on the hood of the truck and ran his hand through his hair, he looked back at Johnny. "I don't think I've been that embarrassed for a long time" he added.

"Look Roy, I tried to get your attention.  Twice!  I tried to ask you twice." He repeated.  "You were too busy talking about toilet troubles to listen to me." Johnny shrugged and opened his door to get in. 

Roy joined him in the front seat.  "What do you need with all those condoms anyway?  Was there a big sale or something?" Roy asked, reaching for his seatbelt.

"They aren't for me Roy."  Johnny looked over at his friend.  "They were on the list."  Johnny reached into his pocket and pulled out his half of the list.  He pointed out one of the last items to Roy.

"What the hell does she want condoms for?"  Roy muttered to himself.

Johnny started to laugh again.

The trip back to Roy's was pretty quiet, except for the odd snicker from Johnny.  Roy hadn't even noticed that they never went to Johnny's apartment so he could change his clothes. 

"Hey, what about going to your place?"  Roy finally asked when Johnny stopped the truck in Roy's driveway.

"Oh don't worry about it Pally, these clothes are good enough.  Besides I can't wait to see how this all turns out."  Johnny couldn't help it, he started to laugh again.

Roy just looked at him,  "Thanks....thanks a lot."