What's Past Is Present
Johnny Gage sat on the sofa at Station 51. He and Chet were watching "The Price is Right" on television. Chet was busy trying to guess the prices of the items Bob Barker was showing his contestants while Johnny was busy trying to guess what was up with his partner. This was the fourth consecutive shift that Roy was not himself. Johnny couldn't quite nail down what was going on with Roy. He seemed distant, like his mind was always somewhere else. His work was top notch, as usual, but when they were back at the station it was very obvious something wasn't right.
Roy was in the Captain's office working on the log reports. That was one advantage to this mood he had been in, the log books had never been so accurate or up-to-date. The minute he and Johnny got back from a run, Roy headed into the office to complete the log. Any free time the boys had was usually spent watching TV or gabbing around the table or playing cards. The last few shifts, Roy had been avoiding these activities. When the guys were all together Roy went into the dorm to read but when John would go in to check on him he would be just blankly staring at the pages in front of him. Most of the time he turned in right after dinner. That alone was quite a change since he was usually one of the last ones to go to bed.
John had thought about just coming right out and asking him what was wrong but he didn't want to take the chance of alienating his partner even more. John thought maybe it was something he had done or said but Roy seemed more preoccupied then mad. If he were mad at Johnny he would still be his old self around the other guys and just avoid John. But he was just keeping to himself.
"Hey John. Where's Roy?" Mike asked as he and Marco entered the kitchen.
"He's in the Cap's office writing up the logs," John said motioning towards the office.
"Again? I think he's logged more runs then you've actually had." Marco laughed as he sat on the sofa.
"Tell me about it. Well, at least he hasn't bugged me about not ever taking a turn writing them up."
"What's with him lately?" Mike asked as he pulled a chair up next to Chet. "He's been kind of.......quiet."
"Well, there's the pot calling the kettle black," Chet said, not taking his eyes off the television set.
"I'm not quiet. I'm....contemplative." Mike retorted.
"Yeah. Contemplative as a mouse." Chet responded again, not taking his eyes off the TV.
"Something must be bothering him. Have you asked him what's going on, Johnny?" Marco wondered.
"Me? I've been afraid to. I have to work with him. I don't want him mad at me. Why don't one of you guys ask him?"
"But you guys are so close. You talk about your problems all the time. Maybe he wants to talk and is just waiting for you to ask him what's going on." Marco smiled, sure that that was the answer.
"I don't know, Marco." John said scratching his head. "Usually if he's got a problem and wants to talk about it, he just comes right out with it. Actually , he very seldom has a problem. It's usually me asking him for advise."
"Maybe that's his problem, Gage. He's tired of listening to your whining." Chet said still keeping his eyes on the TV show.
Everyone stop talking and watched as Roy entered the room. He went to the refrigerator, opened it, looked for a minute then closed it. He then went to the cabinet and retrieved a juice glass. Filling it with water, he drank it down in three gulps then turned to his station mates. "Where's the Cap?" Roy asked.
"He had to go over to HQ to pick up some paperwork," Marco informed him.
"Oh. OK, I'll be in the dorm if you need me," Roy rinsed out his glass and put it in the drainer. He left the room for the dorm and the other guys looked at one another.
"He's going to bed at two in the afternoon?" Mike asked, confused.
"Did you ever hear of a nap, Stoker?" Marco questioned the engineer.
"This is not at all like Roy." John said. "I've got to talk to him." John got up from his seat and went into the dorm. Roy was lying on his bunk on his back, one knee up and his right arm covering his eyes. Johnny approached the bunk and cleared his throat.
Roy moved his arm just enough to see who was standing next to him. "What?" Roy asked wearily.
"Look Roy. I know this is none of my business but........" Before John could finish the klaxon sounded.
“Squad 51. Woman down. 4953 44th St. Cross Street University Avenue. Time out 1405."
John and Roy sprinted to the squad as Chet responded to the call. "Squad 51 KMG365," Chet replaced the mike and handed Roy the address through the squad’s window. Roy handed the paper to John as he maneuvered the squad out of the station.
The squad cruised through the streets of LA until they approached the address. A man was standing at the curb waving at the approaching squad. The boys quickly exited the squad, grabbing their equipment on their way into the house.
"You guys got here fast." Mr. Martin commented as he showed the men into his home.
"What seems to be the problem, Mr....." Roy asked as he followed the man to the house.
"Martin. Joe Martin. My wife passed out. She just found out she is diabetic and we're still getting the hang of things. She wasn't feeling well, kind of shaky. Then she said she felt light headed and passed out."
The paramedics followed Mr. Martin into the kitchen, finding Mrs. Martin on the floor. Roy and John knelt down next to her and began assessing the situation. John got on the biophone out as Roy gathered her vitals. "Rampart, this is squad 51. How do you read?"
“Squad 51, this is Rampart. Go ahead." Dixie McCall's voice responded over the radio.
"Rampart, we have a female approximately 35 years old. She is unconscious. Husband states she has recently found out she is diabetic."
Kelly Brackett came to the console and looked over Dixie's shoulder at the information she was writing on the pad of paper. "51, how long has the patient been unconscious?" Brackett asked.
John looked at Mr., Martin for an answer. "About 10 minutes, I think."
“Rampart, patient’s husband says approximately 10 minutes."
"10-4, 51. Do you have vitals?"
John gave the vitals that Roy relayed to him. Dr. Brackett advised the duo of the medical treatment for the patient and the men worked quickly and efficiently following his every direction. The ambulance attendants brought in the gurney and loaded the woman on it, taking care not to disturb the IV the paramedics had inserted. John went with the patient in the ambulance and Roy followed behind in the squad. Mr. Martin chose to follow them in his own car to the hospital.
The doors swung open at Rampart as John brought Mrs. Martin into the emergency room. Mr. Martin followed them in as they disappeared into treatment room 4. Almost immediately Dixie exited the treatment room with Mr. Martin in tow.
"Sir, I need you to have a seat right over there." The nurse said pointing to the rows of chairs. "I'll be over with information as soon as the Doctors have finished the exam."
"Thank you." Mr. Martin said as he went to the waiting area.
Dixie started back into the exam room when she saw Roy enter through the doors. "Hey Dix. Is Johnny still in there?"
"Yes, he is."
"Let him know I'm here. I'll be out in the squad."
"OK, Roy." Dixie said staring at the unusually quiet paramedic. As she went to enter the exam room again, John opened the door, startling both of them.
"Oh, hi Dix. Is Roy here yet?"
"Yes. He's waiting for you out in the squad."
"Thanks." John started to head for the door.
"Johnny, what's with Roy? He hasn't been himself lately."
"Your guess is as good as mine," John said pausing at the door. "Whatever is up, he's not talking about." John waved as he went out the door to the squad. He climbed into the vehicle and Roy turned the key in the ignition without saying a word. They drove for a while in silence until Johnny could take it no more.
Gathering up his courage he began to speak to his partner with concern. "Look Roy. I know it's none of my business but it's been pretty obvious lately that something is bothering you."
"You’re right," Roy said without looking at John. "It's none of your business."
"We've been partners and friends a long time, Roy. We can usually talk about anything."
"As I said. This is none of your business." Roy spoke in a calm monotone without taking his eyes off the road.
John was getting frustrated. He was trying to stay cool but Roy's attitude and refusal to open up was making it difficult. "Come on, Roy. I always feel better when I talk my problems over with you. Sometimes things become clearer when you talk about them."
Roy backed the squad into the station bay. He stopped the vehicle and turned to John. "Well, I'm not you." Roy got out of the squad and slammed the door.
Johnny hopped from his seat and quickly moved around the squad to face Roy."So, now what are you going to do? Go run and hide in the office? Bury yourself in the log book? That's not going to solve anything!" Johnny finally lost his temper. The guys heard the commotion and came out of the kitchen to see what was going on, with Captain Stanley leading the pack.
Roy was just about to enter the office when John made his remarks. He turned and faced his partner, anger showing on his face. "I'll do anything I damn well please! Just leave me the hell alone. I told you before, whatever my problem is it's none of your god damn business. Just butt out!”
With that said, Roy went into the office and slammed the door. Everyone stood speechless. No one could believe what they had just heard. The argument between these two men who had been so close for such a long time was unfathomable.
Finally, Chet broke the silence. "Trouble in paradise, Gage?"
"Shut up, Chet!" Everyone said in chorus.
Captain Stanley went over to John."This is getting a little out of hand. I've been hoping Roy would work this out for himself but that's not happening." He patted John on the shoulder. "I'll go have a talk with him."
"Thanks Cap." John said appreciatively.
Hank went to his office and slowly opened the door. Roy was sitting at the desk with his back to the door. "I told you to leave me the hell alone!" Roy yelled without looking at who had entered the office. Captain Stanley cleared his throat.
"Will you just get the hell out of here and...." Roy stood and turned around to face the intruder. Seeing the Captain standing there instead of his partner, made him stop in mid sentence.
"In case you've forgotten DeSoto, this is my office." The Captain said in a stern voice. Roy was clearly embarrassed as he sat back down and rubbed his forehead with his hand.
"I'm sorry, Cap." Roy apologized in a small voice. "I didn't realize it was you."
"That's pretty obvious." Hank pulled up a chair facing Roy and spoke in a calm tone. "Look. We've all noticed a change in you the last few shifts. We're worried. We would like to help you if we could."
"There's nothing you or any of the guys could do. This is something I have to deal with myself." Roy wrung his hands nervously.
The Captain looked at him with concern. "OK Roy. I'll let it go at that, but if it starts affecting your work...."
"It won't, Cap. I promise."
"OK," Captain Stanley sighed. "Remember, if you ever do need to talk about anything I'm here for you or John or any of the other guys. We all care about you. If you don't feel comfortable talking with any of us, you know the department has counselors available, too."
"Yes. I know."
"OK. As you were." Hank gave Roy a pat on the shoulder and left the office. He went into the kitchen and was met by stares from all his men sitting around the table. Their attention was directed at the captain as they waited for a report on his confrontation with Roy.
"Well???" John asked anxiously.
Hank just shrugged his shoulders. "He doesn't want to talk about it. He said that it was something he had to deal with himself. I think we have to respect his wishes and just give him some space."
"It's going to be hard working with him like this." John said putting his head in his hands.
"Look Gage, I told him we would leave him alone as long as his work wasn't affected. Now I expect you to let me know if you think his work is suffering one bit. Can I count on you for that?"
"Sure Cap." John said nodding his head.
"That goes for the rest of you guys too." The men all nodded their heads in agreement. "OK, now don't we have some work to do?" The men got up and went about their duties around the station.
##################################
It had been a quiet afternoon for the men of station 51. They had just finished dinner and John and Chet were doing the dishes. The rest of the men were sitting around the TV watching the news. All , that is, but Roy. As usual, after dinner he had retreated to the dorm and the solitude of his bunk. The station phone rang and Stoker rose from his seat to answer it.
"Station 51. Stoker speaking....Yes, just a minute, please." Stoker put the phone down and went to the door calling out towards the dorm. “Roy! Telephone!" Stoker went back to his seat.
Roy came out of the dorm and went to the phone. He spoke softly into the receiver turning his back to the men. John leaned over to Mike. "Who is it?" He asked in a hushed tone.
"It sounded like Joanne."
As Roy's conversation progressed his tone turned angry and his volume increased. "Look, I'm sorry.....Well, did you give her the number here? Then how else can she contact me if you didn't give her this number........I told you there's no phone there......So let me come home.....Come on, this is ridiculous.....So that's it. It's over...Did you at least tell her which station??? Joanne, we have to talk.....We did not!!! You’re being totally unreasonable.......We can get through this.....We can work things out.......Come on, Joanne.....Damn it Joanne, Don't hang up!!!! Joanne!!!! Joanne!!!!" By the end of the conversation Roy was yelling at the top of his voice. It was obvious to all in the room that Joanne had hung up on him.
"Damn it!!!!" Roy barked as he took the receiver and slammed it unmercifully into the phone several times smashing it into several pieces. Without facing his friends he stormed into the station’s backyard, slamming the door as he went.
The men were shocked by the violent behavior displayed from the normally calm, rational man. They all looked at one another, speechless. Breaking the silence, John spoke first. "I'll go talk to him." he said as he headed out the door.
Chet looked at Captain Stanley. "I hope John's insurance is paid up." Chet mumbled as the men looked at one another, nervously.
John entered the backyard area to find Roy pacing furiously. He rubbed his face with his hands then fiercely swung his arms. In an explosion of violence, Roy lashed out and smashed his fist savagely into a metal storage shed several times. Turning, he leaned against the shed and slid down to the ground. He drew his knees to his chest, burying his face, as he searched frantically for control.
John slowly approached his friend. He lowered himself to the ground next to Roy, who was now very still. John could see the damage the shed had done to Roy's hand. His knuckles split and bleeding were already showing signs of swelling and bruising. John took a deep breath as he carefully chose his words. "Are you all right?" John's voice was very soft and comforting.
Roy looked up at John, his face red and his eyes swollen with tears. "No. I'm not." he said in a raspy voice.
"I know you don't want to talk about it but I really think you should." When Roy did not respond.,John took a deep breath and continued. "From what I could hear from your phone conversation, I'm assuming you and Joanne are having some problems."
Roy nodded his head.
"You two have always been able to work things out before. What's so different this time that you can't work it out? What could possibly be that bad?"
Roy looked at John and took a deep, shaky breath. I have a son." Roy confessed.
"Yes. I know, Chris."
"No. I have another son, Justin. Before Joanne and I were married, I had a son and I never told her."
A look of confusion came to John's face. "You were married before Joanne?"
"No."
"Oh, but I thought you and Joanne were together since grade school."
"We've known each other since grade school. We didn't seriously date till high school then we were kinda on again off again for a while. I was 18 when I went into the service. Joanne and I had broke up right before I left. After boot camp I was at school for 8 weeks for training.
“That's where I met Jamie.” He continued. “We started dating but her parents didn't like me. They didn't want her seeing a service man. They thought they were just out for a good time. We would sneak around, though. Jamie would slip out of the house and meet me. After I finished school I was shipped overseas. I got a letter from Jamie telling me she was pregnant. I wrote her back and asked her to marry me but I got a letter from her father telling me to never try and contact her again. They didn't want anything to do with me, and said if I did they would have me arrested because Jamie was only 17 and was a minor. "
Tears now flowed from Roy's eyes as he revealed his secret to John."I didn't know what to do. I never heard from them again until after the baby was born. I got a letter from Jamie that just said she had a boy and named him Justin. She said she thought I might want to know. Joanne had contacted my mother and got my address. She started writing to me and when I came home on leave we started dating again. We've been together ever since. I never said a word to Joanne about Jamie or Justin." Both men sat in silence.
John, taking a moment to let everything he just heard sink in, finally spoke. "So, how did Joanne find out?"
"I got a letter from Jamie about two weeks ago. Her and her husband are coming to LA soon and she said Justin wants to meet me. I had to tell Joanne the whole story."
"I assume she didn't take it well."
"She kicked me out." Roy shook his head then wiped at the tears on his face. "I knew she would be angry but I never thought she would kick me out of the house. I mean, it's not like I had an affair. This happened before we were married. We had gone out before and had even gone steady for a time in high school, but when I was with Jamie we had broken up. I just don't understand."
"Why did Jamie wait all these years to get in touch with you?"
"I don't know. I had just figured she had completely put me out of her mind. She said she wanted to meet with me before she brought Justin over. That's why Joanne called. Jamie called the house. They'll be in town sometime tomorrow."
"How old is Justin?"
"He's about 15." Roy reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. He fumbled through the compartments, holding it carefully in his injured hand, and pulled out a small picture of a baby. The picture was yellow and worn. Roy handed it to John.
"Is this Justin?" John asked, surprised Roy still had his picture with him.
"Yes. Jamie sent it to me in the letter. I've always carried it with me."
"Huh. I wonder if he's changed much." John mused.
A slight smile came to Roy's face. "I think he has."
John smiled back and handed the photo to Roy. He looked at it for a few seconds then tucked it back into it's secret place. "Didn't Joanne ever see the picture?"
"No. Not that I know of. I always kept it tucked away. I still have her letter, too. It's tucked in the folder behind my discharge."
"What are you going to do?"
"I have no idea. I guess I'll wait to see Jamie. See what happens and then deal with things afterwards."
"Where are you staying?"
"Over at the Northwestern."
"Yuck! That place is scummy."
"Yeah, tell me about it but I had to find the cheapest place I could. I still have the house to keep up."
"Come stay with me. It won't cost you anything. Just chip in on the groceries."
"I couldn't do that. It didn't work out so well the last time I stayed with you."
“Come on, Roy. I've moved since then. No goofy neighbors at this apartment and I have a spare room. Besides, you have to save money, you have a telephone to replace."
"Oh yeah. Well, I guess we could give it a try."
"Good. Now, how about we go in and take a look at that hand."
Roy looked down at his now swollen and purple hand. Dried blood caked on his knuckles and it began to throb as the numbness he had felt began to dissipate. "Yeah. I think that's a good idea."
Johnny stood up and reached a hand out to his friend. The two men entered the station and went into the locker room John took Roy over to the sink and washed the blood off. He examined the hand and then shook his head. "I think we better go to Rampart, looks like there might be a break." The splits in the knuckles had begun to bleed again as John washed the
hand. "Maybe a few stitches too."
Captain Stanley cautiously came into the locker room."How's everything going?" Hank asked then he saw the condition of Roy's hand. "What the hell happened?"
"Ummm...it's a long story Cap." Johnny said. "I think you better call us out of service. This hand needs to be x-rayed."
"OK John, sure."
"Cap, I'm really sorry." Roy apologized. "I'll pay for the phone."
"You’re damn right you will." Hank said with a grin, trying to lighten the situation. "Has anything been worked out?"
"Yeah Cap." John said. "I'll explain when we get back, if that's OK." John looked from his Captain to his partner. They both shook their heads in agreement. "Roy, I'm gonna go get some ice for that hand." John said as he left the room.
"Cap," Roy began. "I've been kind of a jerk lately."
"Look Roy, I don't know the whole story yet, but from what I've gathered from your phone conversation your having some problems at home. I know how trying that can be. But you have to get it out. If you keep things inside too long pretty soon there's nothing you can do to keep from exploding."
"I know, Cap. It's just real hard sometimes." John came back in with the ice pack. He wrapped Roy's hand with the pack, then turned to Captain Stanley. "We're going to go, Cap."
"OK. I'm going to call in for replacements for both of you. John, take care of him, and that's an order."
"I sure will, Cap." John turned to Roy. "Come on, partner. Let's go."
#################################
The ride to Rampart was a quiet one. There was so much John wanted to say to his partner. He knew he was really hurting and he wanted to tell him things would get better, that there would be a light at the end of the deep, dark tunnel he was trapped in right now. John knew that right now there was so much pain, any words of encouragement would fall on deaf ears. The most he could do for his partner was to just be there for him.
Since the Captain had called in for replacements for both of them, John had driven his Land Rover to the hospital. He figured they could swing by the motel to pick up Roy's things on the way home to John's apartment. They could get Roy's car another time. John didn't think Roy was in any shape to drive tonight anyway.
John had called Rampart from the station and spoke to Dr. Brackett and briefly filled him in on the situation. Dr. Brackett had agreed to take Roy as soon as possible. John wanted to get him treated and home as quickly as he could. He didn't want to run into a lot of people that they knew with Roy in the condition he was in.
John was relieved when the entered the ER. It was very quiet. Dixie looked up from her desk at the nurses station when she heard the doors open. She came over to the two men. "Well, you two are in luck, no waiting tonight." She gave Roy a quick wink and a grin as she ushered him into treatment room two.
John saw Brackett at the bay station and went over to him. "Hey Doc."
"Hi John. Is Roy here?"
"Yes. Dixie took him into treatment room two."
"How's he doing?"
"I don't know, Doc. I'm not sure if that hand is broken or not, but that's the least of his troubles."
"You said Joanne kicked him out?"
"Yeah."
"Where's he staying?"
"Well, he's been staying at a sleazy motel but he's going to stay with me now. I've never seen him this upset before. It really has me spooked."
"I'll bet. Well, let me get in there." Brackett nodded to John as he passed him and went into the treatment room. Dixie had Roy up on the exam table and had removed the bandage and ice pack John had put on. Roy’s hand was extremely swollen and several shades of purple, black and blue.
"Hi Roy." Dr Brackett said with a smile. "Let's take a look at that hand. Dixie, did you get a set of vitals?"
"Yes." Dixie said handing Kel Roy's chart. Roy barely responded to either of them as he just stared blankly at the wall.
"Hummmmm." Brackett said as he examined the injury. "Well, the way this is swollen there's a good possibility it is broken. Let's get some films. Dixie, can you call radiology, please?"
"Already did, Kel. They should be here any time." The words had no sooner left Dixie's mouth when the x-ray tech came into the room with a wheelchair.
"Roy, your chariot awaits." Dixie smiled as she motioned to the chair. She helped Roy down from the exam table and handed his chart to the technician. "See you in a few minutes." Dixie waved as the technician pushed him out of the room.
Johnny waited anxiously at the bay station waiting for some news. Kel and Dixie walked over to him, and he stopped pacing when he saw them. "Well?" John asked nervously.
"He's in x-ray." Brackett informed the worried man. "By the looks of it, I'd say there is a real good chance there is a break."
"He looks terrible, John." Dixie said with concern. "He hasn't said a word."
"This thing is really tearing him apart." John informed the pair.
"Kel said you told him he has a son from before he and Joanne were married?"
"Yes, Dix. He never told Joanne anything about it. Now that she has found out, she doesn't want anything to do with him. He's just destroyed. I don't think he's even feeling that hand injury."
"His BP was elevated, pulse too. I'll give him something so he can calm down and get some sleep." Brackett told John. The x-ray tech brought the films to Dr. Brackett after dropping Roy off in the exam room.
"Thank you." Brackett said to the technician. Taking the films over to the viewer, he placed them into position and turned on the lights. He closely examined the films with John looking over his shoulder. "Well, Dr. Gage. What's your diagnosis?"
"Looks to me like 2 fractures, here and here." John carefully pointed to the films.
“I concur with your diagnosis. Let's go see the patient." Brackett went to the exam room and found Roy supporting his injured limb with his other hand. "Well Roy. I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, you have two fractures. The good news is they are just hairline fractures and they should easily heal. We'll just wrap it tonight to keep it immobilized. When the swelling goes down a bit we'll cast it."
"Thanks Doc." Roy's voice was barely above a whisper.
"Dixie, could you get that hand wrapped while I get Roy's meds?"
"Sure Kel." Brackett motioned for Johnny to follow him as he left the exam room, while Dixie began bandaging Roy's hand.
"So," Dixie began. "Are you OK?"
"Did Johnny tell you?"
"We got the Reader's Digest version but that was enough to know you’re going through a really rough time. You know, any time you need to talk,I have two ears, no waiting."
"Thanks Dix." Roy said as the nurse look at him with compassion.
Out at the nurse’s station, Dr. Brackett handed Johnny scripts and vials of medication.
"I've written you out a script for pain medication, an antibiotic and a mild tranquilizer. You can get them filled tomorrow. These are some meds for tonight. The tranquilizer I gave him for tonight is a little stronger so he can calm down and get some sleep. If you think he needs something stronger than the script I wrote, just let me know."
"Thanks Doc." Johnny said as he took the meds and scripts from Kel. Dixie had her arm around Roy as the pair exited the treatment room and came over to where John and Kel stood talking.
"All set there, partner?" John asked, trying to sound upbeat.
"Yeah." Roy said in a small voice.
"Thanks Doc, Dix." John said nodding to the pair.
Dixie gave Roy a hug. "Remember what I said. You have my number."
"Thanks Dixie. Thanks Dr. Brackett." Roy said then he and John left the ER and walked out to John's Land Rover.
Dixie looked at Kel and shook her head."This is really tearing him apart."
"It sure is, Dix."
"Well, he's got a good friend in Johnny. He'll be there for him."
"Come on, I'll buy you a cup of coffee." Kel put his arm around his head nurse as the both went to the doctor's lounge.
##################################
Johnny sat down in his recliner, beer in hand. He reached for the TV remote and turned on the television. The volume startled him and he quickly lowered it being careful not to wake Roy. He had finally gotten Roy settled and he now slept soundly in the spare room.
After they had finished at Rampart, Johnny headed to the motel Roy had been staying at to gather his belongings. Roy waited in the Land Rover as John went to the office and turned in his key. It was obvious Roy had left in a hurry by the amount of personal articles that had been in the room. John only found one change of clothing, a shaving kit and a duffel bag. John had went through all the drawers and the closet to make sure nothing was left behind but he found them all empty. It was apparent the motel only cleaned when the customer left. The bed was unmade and there was trash scattered throughout the room, mostly beer cans and empty take-out containers.
The ride to John's apartment had been as quiet as the ride to the hospital had been. John put all of Roy's belongings in the spare room then gave Roy the medication Dr. Brackett had sent home with them. John tried to get Roy to eat something but he refused. All he wanted to do was go to bed. John turned out the light and started to close the door when his eye caught sight of a dreamcatcher that hung on his wall. He quickly took it down and placed it on a hook in Roy's room. John's Native American beliefs were still very real to him even though he didn't discuss them much with the guys. He thought Roy could use all the help he could get to make it through the night.
The next chore on his list was to call the station. He explained everything to Hank Stanley, who was very understanding. he told John if he needed anything to call them. The guys would do anything they could to help out. John informed Hank that Jamie might be contacting the station and asked if she did to give her John's address and phone number.
When John had hung up from talking with Hank Stanley he had debated on whether or not to call Joanne. He was afraid of what he might say to her if he actually did call. John couldn't understand the way Joanne was reacting to the situation. He knew she had every right to be upset with Roy but he felt she had went a little over the top."Women." He said to himself.
John quickly flicked through the channels. "How could there be so many channels and nothing good on," he thought. Finally, he settled on an old rerun of the Honeymooners. He had finished his beer but was too tired to get up and get another one. "Oh well," John thought, "I guess I really don't want one anyway." He laid back in the recliner and closed his eyes. "Alice, you’re the greatest!" was the last thing he heard as sleep overtook him.
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The next morning found John still in the recliner with the TV on. He looked at his watch, 10:00 am. He couldn't believe he had slept that long. He probably would have kept on sleeping if the sun hadn't begun to shine in through the drapes, directly in his face.
He got up from the recliner and stretched as he went in to check on Roy. He was still asleep. "Good." John thought. "He needs it." John looked at the loose bandage on the damaged hand. The swelling had gone down some over night. John would rewrap it when Roy got up.
A rumble began in John's stomach which signaled to him it was time for breakfast. At this time of day maybe he should just have lunch. He went into the kitchen and rummage through the refrigerator and cupboards. The situation did not look promising. "I really should have gone to the store this week," John said to himself as he stared at the contents of his refrigerator: One egg, beer, half a loaf of bread, one swallow of milk, mustard and catsup.
He retreated from that wasteland and opened the freezer. Aha! Pay dirt! A lone pack of hot dogs sat next to the ice cube trays. He removed the wieners from the package and began to cook them when something made him turn around. He was startled to find Roy standing right behind him. "Oh, Roy. You scared me! Can't you make a little noise when you come into a room?"
"Sorry. I'll try to remember to cough or something next time."
"Do you want some hot dogs?" Johnny asked.
"For breakfast?"
“It's practically lunch time. How's your hand feeling?" Johnny asked as he noticed Roy holding his arm close to his body and supporting it with his good hand.
"It hurts."
"I bet. You look better this morning, though." John lied.
"I feel a little better."
"Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah. Thanks to your Indian medicine."
John smiled. He didn't realize Roy had seen him put the dreamcatcher in his room. "Hey, it works everytime. I'll go get your prescriptions filled in a little bit. I want to rewrap that hand before I go. Do you want to go with me?"
"No. I think I'll stay here if it's OK with you."
"I better stop at the market too or we'll be having beer and mustard for dinner."
"Yumm. My favorite." Roy quipped.
Johnny grinned at Roy's attempt at humor. He knew his friend was really struggling to hold things together. "Any requests for dinner?"
"No, not really. Sandwiches are OK with me. You don't have to go to any trouble."
"Well, I think I can do a little better than sandwiches." John put a plate in front of Roy containing two slices of bread with a hot dog rolling around on top of each.
Roy looked down at his plate then up at Johnny. "Well, there's no where to go but up compared to lunch." Roy informed his host. John joined him at the table and they both began to eat. Roy folded the bread around his hot dog with his one good hand and took a bite, chewing slowly. "The bread’s stale." He mumbled with a full mouth.
"Only a little." John informed him. "Hey, at least it's not moldy." Johnny shoved the rest of his hot dog into his mouth and chewed enthusiastically.
"Any chance of getting something to drink?" Roy asked.
"Sure." John hopped up from the table and opened the fridge. "I've got beer or.........." He saw the milk carton was pretty much empty and 6 days past it's expiration date. ".....or beer."
"How about a glass of water?" Roy suggested.
"That I have, if tap water is OK."
"It's fine. And if it's not too much trouble you can throw an ice cube or two in it."
"Anything for you, partner." John smiled as he prepared their beverages.
##################################
The phone rang, starling a sleeping Roy. He had dozed off in John's recliner after taking the pain medication he had left from the night before. He wasn't sure if he should answer the phone or let the machine pick it up. He decided to let the machine take the call."Hello, John, Roy. It's Hank Stanley. If you’re there, pick up."
Roy went to the phone and lifted the receiver. "Hi Cap. It's Roy."
"Hi Roy. There's someone here to see you. Her name is Jamie and......"
"She's there?!?" Roy interrupted. "At the station???"
"Yes. She said she thought you might be expecting her."
"Yes, I am. John went to the store and I don't have a car."
" I’ll give her directions to John's place. It's not too far from here. I'm sure she could find it."
"That would be great, Cap."
"OK, Roy. I'll send her over. You take care." Roy hung up the receiver and closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Finally, after all these years, he was going to see Jamie again.
###################################
It had only been fifteen minutes but it seemed like hours. Roy paced anxiously around the apartment. He wondered if she still looked the same. He knew he had changed some, gained some weight, lost some hair. He had been just a boy the last time he saw her over 15 years ago.
There was a knock at the door. Roy just stared at it for a moment. As he reached to open the door, he realized his hand was shaking. He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down then reached out and turned the doorknob.
Jamie stood at the door, bathed in sunlight. The girl Roy had known 15 years ago now stood in front of him, only now she was a woman and even more beautiful then he remembered. She was the complete opposite of Roy with her long, dark, flowing hair, her deep brown eyes and mocha skin. She was dressed in jeans and a tank top and was holding a photo album.
Roy had to remind himself to breath. He was frozen, staring at this vision from his past. It was Jamie who spoke first. "May I come in?" She asked.
"Oh, yes. Please do." Roy said awkwardly. He motioned to the sofa. "Would you like to sit down?"
"Yes, thank you." She placed her handbag and the photo album on the coffee table. they sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Finally, Jamie spoke. "Roy, I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For everything. For what I did to your marriage. I know you’re not living at home. I called there and spoke with your wife."
"That's not your fault. I never told her anything about us or Justin. It's my mistake. I should have been honest with her from the beginning.” Roy said. “It was so many years ago, I can't believe she's acting the way she is."
"Do you have children?"
“Yes. We have a girl, Jennifer, who's six and a boy, Christopher, who's ten. Do you have other children?"
"Yes. One more, Ryan, he'll be 8 next month."
“Where's your husband?"
"He's back at the motel with Justin. I thought we should talk privately first after all these years."
"Jamie, I really just have one question. Why? After all these years, why did you get in touch with me now?"
Jamie stood and turned her back to Roy. He went to her and turned her around to face him. She looked at him with tears in her eyes as she spoke. "Because Justin's dying and he wanted to get to know his father."
Roy felt as if his heart had just been ripped from his chest. He stared at Jamie in disbelief as she took a deep breath and continued. "When Justin was 6 years old he was diagnosed with leukemia. He went through all the treatments, the chemo. We thought he had it licked at first, but it came back again and again. It kept coming back and each time it would be a little more severe. This last relapse has been the worst. The doctors don't give him much hope. He's been fighting this for years and I think he's finally accepted the fact that he's not going to win."
Roy was stunned. His child was dying. Even though he wasn't there watching Justin grow up, he was as much a part of Roy as Chris and Jennifer were. He had looked at the infant picture of Justin often over the years. He'd wonder what he looked like, what he sounded like, what he liked to do.
"Roy, I was very open with Justin about who his real dad was. He was three when I married Kyle. I could have just let him think Kyle was his dad but I just couldn't do that. Kyle has been wonderful to him. He loves him like he's his own but we both felt it wasn't fair to Justin to hide who he really was. I gave him the picture I had of you in your uniform. He has it framed, hanging on his bedroom wall. It's his most prized possession."
Roy reached into his wallet and pulled out the infant photo of Justin. He showed it to Jamie. "I've always kept this with me. You know, I was very serious in my letter. I wanted to marry you. I loved you."
Jamie brought her hand to her mouth as she began to cry. Roy went over to her and put his arms around her. They embraced, holding one another tight. Both were now crying over their loss. The loss of their love. The loss of their life together, and the inevitable loss of their son.
###################################
John whistled cheerfully as he approached his apartment. It was a beautiful day and just being outside, feeling the sunshine on his face, had lifted his spirits. All his errands were done. He had picked up Roy's prescriptions, went to the bank, stopped by the station to pick up Roy's street clothes and went to the market. He hoped Roy liked what he got for dinner. He knew he ate pork chops when they had them at the station but there you didn't have much of a choice. John struggled to get his key in the door while trying to balance the two bags of groceries in his arms. John turned the key and suddenly the door swung open. He practically fell in the door holding on tight to his two packages. He regained his balance and called out as he shut the door. "Hey Roy! I'm home. Are you up?"
John looked into the living room and saw Roy on the sofa, his arm around a woman’s shoulder. A beautiful woman. They were looking through a photo album and the woman had her head resting on Roy's shoulder. John froze like a deer caught in headlights as Roy looked up at him. "Johnny, hi. This is Jamie."
John didn't move for a moment, then regaining his composure, he entered the living room and went over to the sofa. As John approached, Roy and Jamie stood up. John was still juggling the grocery bags. He reached his hand out to shake Jamie's hand, almost losing his grip on the bags yet again.
"Here. Let me help you." Roy said as he reached out for one of the bags with his good arm. John put the other bag down on the coffee table as he took Jamie's hand in his.
"So, you’re Johnny. Roy , your description was perfect." Jamie smiled as she shook Johnny's hand.
"Yes," Johnny said then looking toward Roy. "Hey, wait. Roy, what did you tell her?"
"Only the truth, Junior."
"So Jamie. Can I get you something to drink?" John asked as he walked into the kitchen with his bag.
"We don't have anything to drink, did you forget?" Roy reminded his friend.
"I went to the store. Did you forget?" John reached into the bag and pulled out a bottle of soda.
"Sure Johnny. I'd love something to drink." Jamie called out.
"Hey Roy, can you give me a hand?"
"Sure John." Roy said as he placed his bag on the kitchen counter.
John spoke softly as he and Roy fixed the drinks."How are things going?" John asked his partner.
"Good. We've been catching up. She brought an album of pictures of Justin growing up. That's what we were looking at."
"So when are you going to meet Justin?"
"Later today. Her husband's going to bring him over."
John started to leave the kitchen with the drinks when Roy put his hand on his arm, holding him back. "John, Justin has leukemia. He doesn't have much time left."
John paused, the shock showing on his face. He could see the pain Roy was feeling in his eyes. 'How much more can this man take,' John thought. Without another word, both men regained their composure and went back into the living room.
"So." John said, attempting to sound cheerful. "Roy tells me you brought pictures."
"I sure did." Jamie handed him the photo album. It flipped open to the middle and a picture from when Justin was 5 years old. He had dark hair, tan skin but striking blue eyes that were definitely Roy's.
"Hey, he lucked out Roy. He looks just like his mom." John teased Roy.
"Oh, I don't know about that. His eyes are all his dad’s." Jamie reached out and held Roy's hand, squeezing it lightly.
Johnny thought it odd. He are two people who hadn't seen each other in over 15 years. Who, throughout those 15 years, met and married other people and lived totally different lives but yet there was still definitely something between them. A certain chemistry John could sense after being with them for only a short time. As Johnny leafed through the album, he glanced up at the two of them. Roy had his good arm around Jamie and he rested his bandaged hand on top of Jamie's hand. Jamie had again rested her head on Roy's shoulder. 'They look like lovers,' John thought. Only there was an air of sadness around them. He suddenly felt like he was intruding on their privacy and went back to looking at the album attempting to hide among the old photos.
################################20
It was finally time. Jamie's husband, Kyle, had called and said he would bring Justin over to meet Roy. They were expected to arrive at any moment and Roy sat nervously fidgeting with his bandage. A knock came to the door. Everyone looked up as John went to the door and opened it. Standing on the doorstep was a tall, dark haired man. He was rather thin but strikingly handsome.
"Hi, I'm Kyle Chandler. You must be John."
"Yes, please come in." John motioned him into the room. He was followed closely by Justin who was small for his age, very thin and pale. He wore a baseball cap on his now hairless head but those unmistakable blue eyes still stood out from under the brim. His appearance was now very different from the dark haired, tan, healthy boy in the photo album.
He held his hand out to John as he enter the apartment."Hi Johnny, I'm Justin."
John shook his hand and smiled. "Hi there, Justin. How do you like LA?"
"It's great. I never saw a palm tree before. We live in Colorado."
"Oh yeah? I went there skiing once. It was beautiful but cold. Do you ski?"
“I used too, before I got sick."
John had been trying to make conversation and was now sorry he had asked that question. John's thoughts raced to think of something to say to change the subject when Justin saw Roy. He had not moved since the door had been opened.
Justin went over to him, hand extended."Hi, I'm Justin. You must be my dad." Roy reached out and took his hand but instead of a handshake he pulled the boy to him and held him in a tight embrace.
Roy was not able to say anything but inside he was screaming. It wasn't fair! He finally got the opportunity to have Justin in his life and he was going to be taken away from him. He held Justin tight, never wanting to let go. The others watched with tears in their eyes. Roy closed his eyes as he held Justin, wishing this moment would never end.
################################
Jamie, Kyle and Justin were in LA for a week. During that time, they let Roy take care of Justin. Not only did this give Roy a chance to spend time with Justin, it gave Jamie and Kyle the chance to have some time alone together. They had left Ryan with Kyle's parents in Colorado so it was like a second honeymoon for them. They had had precious little time alone together since Justin had gotten sick
Justin wanted to learn everything there was to know about his dad, so Roy spent many hours answering all his questions. He took him to the station to meet the guys he worked with. Justin got a ride in the squad and Captain Stanley even gave him a ride on the engine with the lights and siren going.
Roy took Justin to Rampart when he got his cast put on and introduced him to all the doctors and nurses that he knew. Justin told him that he knew all about hospitals but it was fun to meet all his dad's friends. He was impressed when Dr. Brackett told him how good his father was at his job. He told Justin he himself couldn't do a better job then his dad did. Roy knew Kel was exaggerating quite a bit but he wasn't going to argue.
They met Vince Howard and he gave Justin a ride in his police car. Then he let Justin wear his hat and handcuff his dad and Johnny together.
Justin wanted to meet Chris and Jenn. At first Joanne wasn't crazy about the idea but she finally agreed. Johnny picked the kids up on Friday night and they all stayed at Johnny's place. They spent the night eating pizza, watching TV and playing games. John had warned Chris and Jenn that Justin was sick so they would not be shocked by his appearance. The kids all took to one another immediately. Even though Justin was 5 years older then Chris, the many years of sickness and chemo had slowed his growth making them almost the same size. Justin and Chris even traded baseball caps and even though Roy never let Chris wear his hat in the house, he let him now since Justin did.
Roy wanted to take the kids to Disneyland, but he thought it might be too much for Justin, so instead they went to the beach. There was a small amusement pier there and they went on some of the rides and ate some junk food. Justin had never seen the ocean before and all he wanted to do was put his feet in the water. Roy lead all three kids down to the shoreline and they all waded in the warm water of the Pacific. They gathered shells as they walked and Chris even found a shark’s tooth. He gave the tooth to Justin saying that he could find one any time. Roy was so proud of him. Everytime they went to the beach Chris looked for shark’s teeth but could never find one. This had been the first time he had ever had success.
Roy was very careful not to let Justin get too tired and Justin knew his limits. In the evenings Roy, Justin and Johnny would watch TV sitting together on the sofa. Justin couldn't get close enough to Roy. Even though he was a teenager, he was always holding Roy's hand or even curling up on Roy's lap. Roy cherished every moment of togetherness that they spent. When Justin fell asleep, Roy would carry him into the bedroom. He had given Justin the bed and he slept on a cot next to him.
Jamie and Kyle knew Roy was a paramedic and would know, even better then they would, what to do if anything happened to Justin. But he was fine the entire week. Roy made sure of that by giving him all his medication, keeping him warm enough at all times and making sure he got all the rest he needed.
One night they went to a ball game. It was bat night so Johnny told them Justin was under 12 so he could get one of the souvenirs. Roy bought him a Dodger’s cap and taught him how to keep score. Justin was getting tired and the air was getting chilly so they left at the seventh inning stretch. That night, on the way home, Justin fell asleep in the car. Johnny and Roy discussed softly what Roy would do next. Roy told John he had spoke to Jamie and Kyle and it was all arranged. Roy would take a leave of absence from the department and go back to Colorado with Justin. Roy said Justin needed to spend time with him but John knew Roy needed to be with Justin just as much.
################################
Roy sat on the plane waiting for take off. It had been three months since Roy had left LA to be with Justin. The Chandlers had a large house with plenty of extra room so Roy had stayed with them in the room across the hall from Justin. He appeared to be doing OK, or at least staying on an even keel, but the doctors told them not to let that fool them. All his test results were showing a steady downward slide and told them the end could come at any time.
Roy missed his other children desperately. Joanne agreed to let them fly out to see their dad and spend a week at the Chandlers. All four children got a long famously. They played so well together and Chris and Jenn even took in consideration Justin's inability to participate in most sports and made up games he could play, even letting him win at times.
Jamie enjoyed having a little girl around the house after years of only boys. When 'the guys' we watching the ball game, Jamie took Jenn to the mall to shop and do girl things. She bought her a new dress, had her hair and nails done and took her to lunch. Jennifer came home looking so pretty. Roy gave her a big hug and called her his "Little Princess".
"Daddy, I'm 6 years old. I'm not little!" Was her response.
Roy had to give Kyle a lot of credit. Letting the father of his wife's first child move in with them was not exactly something every man could do. Even if it was for just a short time. Roy wasn't sure, if the situation were reversed, if he could do it, but then again, there were extenuating circumstances.
When the end finally came it happened quickly and quietly. Justin was taken to the hospital Thursday morning and he took his last breath Friday night. Roy and Jamie were with him the entire time. They held his hand and spoke to him softly. Roy read to him and told him some of his fireman stories.
All three parents agreed when the time came there would be no life sustaining treatment or resuscitation. Justin had already been through too much in his short life. They would not prolong his agony. Justin had been unconscious since he was brought into the hospital on Thursday and at 9:33pm Friday he drew in one last deep breath and it was over.
The paramedic in Roy wanted to start CPR, he wanted to try desperately to keep his son alive but he knew in his heart he had to let go. Kyle was there at the end and he held Jamie close to him to comfort her. Roy wished Joanne would have been there for him. He wished she understood why he had not been honest with her and why he needed to spend this time with Jamie and Justin. But how could she understand these things when he didn't even understand it himself? All he knew for sure was that he really needed her right now.
After a long time had passed Kyle kissed Jamie and nodded toward Roy, who sat by himself clutching his arms to his body. He left the room to go and call his parents, who had been taking care of Ryan, to tell them of Justin's passing. Jamie went over to Roy and held him in a comforting embrace. Roy could no longer hold back his emotions. He broke down crying harder then he had ever cried before in his life. Jamie held him until the nurses came in and asked them to leave so they could prepare Justin's body.
It was 3am when they finally left the hospital. As Kyle drove home, Roy stared out the window, looking skyward. It was a cold clear night, the coldest night since Roy had been in Colorado. As he stared at the night sky he saw one bright star. It seemed extremely bright in comparison to the other stars surrounding it. It twinkled playfully, almost seeming to wink at Roy.
"Good-bye, Justin," Roy whispered at the celestial light. Finally, Justin was out of pain and could play with the other stars, forever.
The funeral had been private, just the immediate family and some close friends. Roy found it difficult to leave the cemetery when the service was over. It just wasn't fair. He had just gotten to know Justine, how could he leave him now? Jamie turned back from the car when she realized Roy wasn't behind her. He was standing alone at the grave site, staring at the casket. Jamie went back over to him and put her hand lightly on his shoulder. "Roy, it's time to let go."
"I can't. It's too soon."
"He's at peace now. We have to accept that and go on with our lives."
Roy looked at Jamie in shock. "How can you say that! How can you just brush this aside and go about with your life. He's dead! He's gone forever!"
Jamie thought for a moment, trying not to break down again herself. "Maybe we can accept this because we've been living with his pain and suffering for 9 years. You've only had a little over 3 months with him. We'll never get over this but we have to learn to live with it and to go on with our lives. Justin would want that." Tears began to flow down Roy's cheeks and Jamie embraced him gently. Together they slowly walked back to the car.
##############################
Johnny stood at gate 10 at LAX. Roy's plane would be landing at any time now. John thought Roy should have stayed longer then just two days after the funeral services but Roy said he needed to get back home so he could get on with his life. He hadn't seen Joanne since he moved out 4 months ago and had only spoke to her on the phone a couple of times for a brief moment.
Johnny had went to Joanne's to pick up the kids when they flew out to Colorado. John could hold his tongue no more and had to tell Joanne what was on his mind. He told the kids to go out to the car and he told Joanne how he felt. John thought she had treated Roy terribly and that he deserved another chance. Roy was his best friend and he couldn't stand seeing him in so much pain. John went on for several minutes while Joanne listened in silence then he left without waiting for a response from her. He just hoped he hadn't made things worse.
People began to get off the plane. One by one they passed John as he waited anxiously for Roy. It seemed like two plane’s worth of people had come out of the tunnel before he finally spotted his friend. 'He looks ten years older then when he left,' John thought. Roy seemed thinner to John, his face drawn with dark circles around his eyes. A days growth of beard showed on his cheeks and his clothes were rumpled as if he had slept in them. He carried a backpack on his shoulder as he exited the tunnel, spying John he came over to him.
"Hey Junior," Roy's voice was husky as he reached out with one arm and gave John a quick hug and pat on the back.
"Hey there, partner. It's good to see you." The pair began to walk to baggage claim but Roy was moving very slowly making it necessary for
John to pause for him to catch up. "Are you OK?" John asked with concern.
A slight smile came to Roy's lips."Just tired. It's been a long couple of months." Roy paused, not sure if he should ask what was on his mind, finally he decided what did he have to lose.
"Have you seen Joanne?" Roy asked his partner.
John took a deep breath before answering."Not since I took the kids to the airport. Roy, I kind of told her off then. I couldn't just keep my big mouth shut. I hope I didn't make things any worse."
"Junior, things couldn't get any worse." Roy informed John with a shake of his head. Roy put his free arm around John's shoulder as he ushered him to retrieve his luggage.
##############################
Joanne was in the kitchen busily getting dinner on the table. For some reason the kids were exceptionally hyper this evening and the day had been extremely hectic. Nothing she did went as planned. She barely made it home in time to pick the kids up from school and she had forgotten to take something out of the freezer for dinner so it looked like dinner was going to be grilled cheese and soup. She had just finished placing the bowels of soup and plates of sandwiches on the table when the doorbell rang. Letting out a sigh, she went to answer the door straightening her hair as she went. She froze when she opened the door.
"May I come in?" Roy asked softly. Joanne was in shock. It had been four months since she had seen Roy and the man who stood before her was a mere shadow of the man she had married. He looked terrible. Even after working 72 hours straight on a brush fire he had never looked this bad, this tired and defeated. Not yet able to find her voice, she motioned for him to come in. The kids came running out of the kitchen.
"Daddy!!!" They both squealed as Jennifer jumped into his arms, almost knocking him over. He kneeled down so he could hug them both.
"Are you moving back in , Dad?" Chris asked, excited at the prospect of his dad returning.
"I'm not sure yet, son." Roy answered softly. "Are you eating dinner?"
"Yes," Jenn told her father.
"Do me a favor, go out and finish eating so I can talk to your mother, OK?"
"OK," they both said. They hugged their dad again and went into the kitchen to finish their meal. Roy stood and turned to face Joanne. There were tears in her eyes that she quickly wiped away.
They stood for a moment without speaking, then Roy began softly."I've been trying to think of something to say but the only thing I can think of is, I'm sorry."
"Why?.......Why didn't you tell me in the beginning?"
"I was just a kid. A dumb kid. I was ashamed at what I had done and afraid you wouldn't want anything to do with me if you knew. Then I just tried to put it out of my mind. I figured that's what Jamie did." Roy paused, trying to read his wife's face. It was blank.
"Jo, I should have told you. I know that now but I swear I've always been honest with you about everything else. There are no other secrets. I was afraid of losing you then and I'm afraid of losing you now. I love you so much, this is killing me. I miss you.....I need you......" Roy could no longer contain his emotions as he sat down on the sofa, head in his hands and sobbed.
Tears returned to Joanne's eyes as she sat down next to him. "Johnny came to see me and he really told me off. You have a good friend in him. Before I spoke to John I was just very angry but he made me look at things from your point of view. Now I can sort of understand a little better why you did what you did."
Roy looked up at his wife, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
"Roy , you really hurt me. I thought you had always been honest with me and this put doubt in my mind."
"I swear, Joanne. I have always been honest with you and I always will be honest. I love you more then anything else in the world."
"It will take time."
"I've got all the time in the world." Roy said soulfully as he put his arm around his wife and cautiously drew her to him. Their lips met and they shared a tender kiss as they embraced. Their four month separation had taken it's toll but their love was powerful. It would take time to heal their wounds but together they could build on their existing love and become strong again.
Roy held Joanne tight, remembering the past. Their past and how much he loved her. He knew now everything would be all right. He would have his family back. It may take time but eventually he would have them back.
Joanne looked at Roy and wiped the tears from her eyes."Are you hungry?" She asked. "I could make you a grilled cheese sandwich." She smiled at him.
"I'd love a grilled cheese sandwich." Roy answered. Together they walked to the kitchen, hand in hand, taking their first steps to becoming a family again.
" What's Past Is Present " ©1999 Cindy Gifford. "Emergency!" and its characters © Mark VII Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. No infringement of any copyrights or trademarks is intended or should be inferred. This is a work of fiction, and any similarity to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.
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