NO REGRETS

Johnny Gage stood in the locker room of Station 51 changing into his street clothes. He was happy and his mood showed. Everyone around him noticed the twinkle in his eye and the bounce to his step. It had been six months--six months since Johnny and Anissa were held hostage at the Winston Jewelry Store. What had started out as the most harrowing experience of Johnny’s life, turned out to be the best thing that ever happened him. He found love in that harrowing ordeal. He and Anissa had faced certain death, but together, they fought their way through. Now, after six months, they were still by each other’s side no matter what. Johnny thought that would never change and he was sure that Anissa felt the same way.

Whistling, Johnny finished changing. Roy watched, with a confused smile on his face. Johnny has been in this mood the entire shift, and Roy thought he knew the reason. He was happy for his friend. After all these years of dating different women, maybe this time Johnny truly found someone he could be happy with.

“So, what are you going to do with your days off?” Roy asked as he slammed his locker shut.

“Well, after I leave here, I’m going to go home and get some shut eye for a couple of hours. Then I’m going to give Anissa a call and hook up with her. Thought we might go to dinner.”

“I was wondering if you and Anissa are coming to the barbecue tomorrow?”

“Roy, I wouldn’t miss it. I’m lucky she was able to get tonight and tomorrow off. We’ll be there.”

“She never went back to the jewelry store?” Roy wondered.

“No, she took a job at the mall in a clothing store. She feels a lot safer there than at Winston’s.”

Roy checked his watch, “Well, I better get going. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“Ok Roy, I’ll see ya!” Johnny ran out to his truck as Roy headed for his car.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

After arriving at his apartment, Johnny went in and collapsed on the bed, asleep almost before his head hit the pillow. The last thought on his mind was Anissa. He fell asleep with a smile on his face. Hours later, Johnny rolled over, shaking the sleep from his head. Looking at the clock, he’s surprised to see it was 5 p.m.

“Oh man, I can’t believe I’ve slept the whole day! I’d better give Anissa a call” Johnny groaned, as he stumbled to the phone.

On the fourth ring, her voice sang out over the line, “Hello?”

“Hi sweetheart!”

“Johnny! You’re up already?”

“Already? I’ve slept the whole day! I kept dreaming of you and realized that I didn’t want the dream. I want reality.”

“I can be there in half an hour,” Anissa told him.

“I’ll see you then. I may be in the shower, so I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

“See you soon!” Anissa cried out as she hung up the phone.

Anissa went to her room and rummaged through her drawers. After trying on three different outfits, she settled for a purple and white tank top with white shorts and sandals. Turning in the mirror, she was pleased.

“Johnny will love this,” she thought. After checking her hair once more, Anissa turned to leave.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

Arriving at Johnny’s apartment, Anissa was dismayed to feel it turning cooler. She heard thunder in the distance and ran into the apartment building wishing she bought her jacket along. Using her spare key that Johnny had given her, she unlocked his door and walked in. Hearing the shower, she smiled as she waited. A few moments later Anissa heard the water shut off.

“Johnny, I’m here!” she yelled through the door.

“I’ll be out in just a minute!” he answered.

“Ok, I’ll be waiting!” She moved into the kitchen and finding a fresh pot of coffee she poured herself a cup. Anissa was just taking a sip when Johnny came out of the bathroom. She can’t take her eyes off of him. He is dressed in tight blue jeans and a short sleeve white shirt, showing off his muscular arms. Johnny notices her stare and smiles.

“You see anything you like?” Johnny asks as he takes Anissa in his arms.

“Oh yes!” Anissa replies, kissing him on the lips.

Johnny breaks the kiss, reluctantly. “We’d better get going before I get into trouble.”

“So where are we going?”

“There’s a new Mexican restaurant that opened not too far from here. We can walk,” Johnny informed her. Anissa looked doubtfully out the window.

“Are you sure? It looks like it might rain.”

“We should be able to make it,” Johnny said confidently as he closed the door.

Barely three blocks away, they are caught in a sudden downpour with lightning flashing across the sky. They run back to Johnny’s apartment building as fast as they can. Laughing, they stand in the doorway dripping wet as Johnny unlocks his door.

“Man, I’m sorry about this,” Johnny mumbled.

“It’s not your fault. But we do need to get out of these wet clothes,” Anissa laughed and shivered as goose bumps appeared on her arms.

“I’ll grab some towels,” Johnny said as he ran into the bathroom.

Johnny returned from the bathroom a moment later with a towel draped around his neck. He starts to towel dry his hair as he hands Anissa a towel of her own. Her hand brushes Johnny’s as she takes the towel from him. Wordlessly, both look at each other, their eyes boring deep into the other’s soul. Anissa reaches up and unbuttons Johnny’s wet shirt, peeling it from his body. He doesn’t make a move as Anissa drops his shirt to the floor. Johnny slowly exhales while she kisses his chest all over. He gently pulls her closer to him, kissing her lips lightly.

He then trails kisses down her neck, resting on the hollow of her shoulders. Inhaling the scent of her perfume, Johnny looks Anissa deeply in the eyes once more, “Anissa, have you ever been with a man before?”

Anissa looks at him, “No, I just never found the right man to give myself to until now” she replies placing her hand lovingly on his cheek.

“If we do this, I don’t want you to regret that…that I was the one,” Johnny stammered.

“No regrets,” Anissa whispers as she draws his body close to hers.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

Pulling into Roy’s drive around 8 p.m., Johnny rushed to open the car door for Anissa.

“What’s your hurry?” Anissa laughed, seeing Johnny run around.

“Roy’s going to kill me for being so late! Everyone is here already,” Johnny said as he knocked at the door.

“Hey stranger! We almost gave up on you!” Joanne greeted them, kissing both Johnny and Anissa on the cheek as she ushered them into the house.

“Hi Joanne, sorry we’re late. We got a little side tracked.” Johnny explained both he and Anissa blushing.

“I bet you did!” Joanne laughed.

“Ahh, where’s Roy?” Johnny asked, eager to make his escape.

“Everybody is out back. Why don’t you go on?”

“Great! Where’s the beer?” he asked JoAnne.

“I think Chet is guarding it,” JoAnne responded.

“From who?” Johnny wondered.

“From you!” Joanne laughed.

“From me! I don’t think so!” Johnny declared, taking Anissa by the hand.

“Johnny, can I steal Anissa for a little while?” Joanne pleaded as she walked over to them.

“Sure, but I want her back as soon as you’re done with her,” Johnny forewarned Joanne as he kissed Anissa on the lips.

“I’ll have her back in no time. I promise!” Joanne crossed her heart.

“See you in a little while.” Johnny said, pulling Anissa close for one more kiss. Letting go, he walked out the back door, with Anissa watching him leave.

Joanne takes her hand, “Anissa, normally I wouldn’t pry, but you have to tell me when it happened.”

“When what happened?” Anissa asked dumbfounded.

“You’re glowing! And a woman only glows if she’s pregnant or she just made love,” Joanne stated knowingly and watched Anissa blush. “You and Johnny! When? That didn’t come out right, I’m sorry!”

“That’s alright Joanne. I’ve been dying to talk to someone!” Anissa gushed, joy written all over her face. “Last night we were walking to a restaurant when it started to rain. We got caught in a downpour, so we ran back to his apartment. And, well…one thing led to another…”

“And you and Johnny discovered how you really felt. Was it your first time?”

“Yes. I have to tell you it was wonderful! Johnny took his time. He was so tender. I have been saving myself all my life for the right man and I have found him. Joanne, I have never felt so loved before in my life!” Anissa admitted as she watched Johnny from the window.

Joanne could sense how deep Anissa’s feelings for Johnny went, “Johnny’s a lucky man; he has you now.”

“No Joanne, it’s the other way around. I’m the lucky one,” she corrected her friend.

The two women sat, talking for hours. Joanne could see the joy that Anissa and Johnny shared, and she was never happier for her friends. She could see the love in their eyes as they stole glances at each other. Anissa felt she found a true friend in Joanne, something else she had been searching for all her life. As they talked, the two formed a special bond, knowing that their friendship would know no bounds.

The party started winding down, with everybody reluctantly leaving. Johnny and Roy came over to the women, sitting down with them. Now that everyone else was gone, they had a chance for a quiet visit. Over coffee, Johnny and Anissa talked, sharing their newfound love with their friends. Roy beamed, hoping that Johnny had finally found that someone special to share his life with. All too soon, it was time to leave. Rising, Roy walked the couple to the door.

“That was quite a barbecue Roy. You and Joanne really outdid yourselves,” Johnny commented.

“Thanks Junior.” Roy said, seeing Johnny look at his watch.

“We’d better get going. I have to work tomorrow,” Johnny announced, taking Anissa by the arm.

“You okay to drive?” Roy inquired, worried.

“Yes, Dad. I only had two beers. I knew I had to drive home.”

“Thank you for inviting us.” Anissa said, kissing both Roy and Joanne goodnight.

“Thank you for coming.” Roy responded with a smile.

“Hey Anissa, call me so we can talk again. I’d love to get together for lunch one day.”

“That would be fun! I’ll let you know the first day I have off!” Anissa promised as she turned to leave.

“See you at work tomorrow!” Johnny called to Roy, as they walked to the car.

With one final wave, Roy and Joanne walked back into the house. Turning off the lights, Roy gently took Joanne in his arms, kissing her gently on the lips. “I hope they are as happy as we are.”

“I know they are,” Joanne said confidently as she took Roy by the hand and they walked to their bedroom.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

Johnny and Anissa drove along, talking quietly. The joy of the day washing over them both. Anissa smiled over at Johnny, who was watching the road intently.

“Are you as happy as I am?” she asked, taking Johnny’s hand.

“Sweetheart, I don’t remember when I have been happier,” Johnny responded, kissing her hand. “I love you.”

Driving along the dark streets, Johnny frowned as the car sputtered. Working the gas, Johnny got the engine going again. Anissa looked over, seeing the worry that crossed Johnny’s face. A few minutes later, the car sputtered once more, stalling the engine. Johnny hit the wheel, cursing as he guided the car over to the curb.

“What’s the matter?” Anissa asked, frightened.

“I don’t know. The engine cut out on me,” Johnny said angrily, as he jumped out popping the hood.

“Can you get it started again?”

“Not right now.” He frowned, walking back to the passenger’s door. “I don’t have my tools with me, plus it’s too dark. I can’t see anything.” Anissa could sense his frustration.

“What do we do now?”

“Honey, we’re only about six blocks from my place. I think we can handle walking,” Johnny told her and smiled at her.

“I can handle anything when I’m with you,” Anissa responded as she got out of the Land Rover, kissing Johnny on the lips.

For a moment, they forget where they are. Johnny finally breaks the kiss and takes Anissa by the hand, “We better start walking before I ravish you right here.”

“That sounds like fun!” Anissa teased, pressing herself against Johnny.

“We better go,” Johnny says once again, talking hold of Anissa’s hand.

The streets were dark and quiet, with no one in sight. Passing a construction site, Johnny notices two men standing by a wooden barrier in front of an abandoned house that is in the process of being demolished. Johnny pulls Anissa closer as they start to pass. Before they know it, one of the men steps out in front of the couple, blocking their passage.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

The man effectively blocked Johnny and Anissa from passing. He crossed his arms over his powerful chest.

“Hey pal, do you have a cigarette?” he asked.

“No, I don’t smoke. Sorry,” Johnny answered, as he attempted to pull Anissa along.

“What about the lady?” he continued and moved closer to block their path again. He was making the couple feel ill at ease.

“She doesn’t smoke either,” Johnny responded for Anissa as he watched the man checking her out. Seeing her look away, Johnny pulled her closer to his side.

“Let her speak for herself,” the man sneered as he confronted Johnny, seeing Anissa look up at him.

“I…I don’t smoke,” she whispered, as the man reached out, touching her cheek. Anissa looked away, moving slightly behind Johnny.

Johnny faced the man and tried to reason with him, “Hey, come on. We told you we don’t smoke. Just let us pass.”

The other man came up behind Johnny and shoved the barrel of a gun in his back and pulled back the trigger. At that same moment, the first man grabbed Anissa. She trembled, her eyes screaming with fright, as both she and Johnny are forced into the basement of the old house. The second man shoved Johnny against the wall holding the gun on him.

“Spread ‘em! Where’s your wallet?” he demanded.

“My left back pocket,” Johnny answered as he felt the man pat him down. He removed the wallet and flipped it open.

“Hey Todd! We got us a paramedic/firefighter here!” he said, tossing the wallet to Todd.

Holding his arm around Anissa’s throat, Todd caught the wallet with his free hand. “Well, well! A hose jockey!” he sneered as he watched his accomplice, Scott, advance on Johnny.

“Please don’t do this. Please! Let us go!” Anissa begged as she watched Scott turn Johnny around and shoved him into a chair.

“Don’t move,” Scott ordered while he kept his gun on Johnny. Scott pulled Johnny’s wrists brutally behind his back and tied them tightly with rope. Johnny grimaced at the pain and felt his fingers grow numb. Then Scott placed his gun on a nearby shelf that was barely attached to the wall. “Hey Todd, you know what would be fun?”

‘I already know what would be fun,” Todd grinned as he touched Anissa’s face causing her to look away.

“Let’s make the hose jockey watch,” Scott suggested wickedly and smiled over at Johnny.

“Man, you better grab some tape and put it over his mouth. I don’t want him yelling,” Todd instructed. Scott picked up a roll of duct tape and ripped off a strip.

“Don’t do this, please. Do what you want to me, but please don’t hurt her,” Johnny begged, before Scott placed the tape over his mouth.

Taking Johnny by the hair, Scott pulled his head back, “We won’t hurt her hose jockey. We are just going to have a little fun.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 10

Roy and Joanne were sound asleep when they were jarred awake by the ringing of the phone. Roy rolled over and groaned as he looked at the clock. It was almost six thirty. His alarm would have rung in a few minutes. He came awake instantly, fearing something was seriously wrong. There was never a good reason for someone to be calling at this hour. Groping, he pulled on the light as he reached for the phone.

“Hello?” Roy answered, still groggy. “Hey Doc. What?” Roy asked, sitting up. He listened intently for a moment, the color draining from his face. Joanne rolled over and propped herself up on her elbows.

“Ok! I’ll be there right away!” Roy said, as he hung up the phone. He rubbed his hand over his face.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” she asked worriedly as she got up and put her hand on Roy’s shoulder.

“That was Dr. Brackett. Johnny and Anissa have been hurt. They’re on their way to Rampart.”

“Did they have an accident?” she asked anxiously. Roy shook his head.

“No,” Roy said as he walked over to the closet for a shirt. “They were jumped by some guys. Anissa was”

“Roy, what?” Joanne asked, the fear plain in her voice. “Is...is Anissa dead?”

Roy pulled on his jeans and buttoned his shirt as he turned back to Joanne.

“No, she’s not dead. She was raped…repeatedly. Then they attempted to kill them with some chloroform but a demolition crew found them just before they ran the wrecking ball.”

“Oh no! I’m going with you,” Joanne said and turned toward her dresser but Roy stopped her gently with his hand.

“Honey. I better go alone. I’ll call you as soon as I have the whole story,” Roy told her and then he kissed her goodbye. “Call the station for me and tell Captain Stanley. He’ll need to get replacements for both of us. Tell him I’ll call from Rampart as soon as I know anything for sure.”

“Okay sweetheart. I’ll call Hank for you. Call me as soon as you can,” Joanne implored.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

Roy was frantic during the entire drive to Rampart. He couldn’t make sense of the whole thing. One minute Anissa and Johnny were at his house, together and happy. The next, they were at Rampart with their lives torn apart. Roy parked his car and entered the ER. He walked slowly toward the base station. The first things he noticed were two security guards posted outside treatment rooms two and three and was instantly alarmed for his friends. Dixie McCall was on the phone as Roy approached and she waved him over to her.

“Okay. Thank you,” Dixie said as she hung up the phone.

“Dixie, where are they?” Roy asked anxiously. Dixie pointed to the guards.

“Why are there guards posted outside their doors?” he asked fearing the answer.

“The nature of the crime,” Dixie said sadly.

“Who’s with them?”

“Kel’s in with Johnny and Joe’s attending to Anissa. Why don’t we get some coffee? They’ll find us when they are finished,” Dixie suggested, leading Roy down to the lounge. She poured two cups of coffee, handing one to Roy as she sat by his side.

“Thanks Dix,” Roy said and was surprised how his hands trembled as he grabbed the cup. They sat in silence. Roy was appreciative of Dixie’s moral support. He knew she was worried too.

Almost an hour later, Kel and Joe came into the lounge, finding Dixie and Roy still waiting at the table. They were silent for a moment, trying to deal with the horror of the situation. Finally Joe poured coffee and handed a mug to Kel as if to break the silence.

“Thanks, Joe,” Kel said as he wearily took the cup and sat down at the table with Roy and Dixie.

“Doc, are they going to be okay?” Roy asked apprehensively as he leaned forward. Kel waited a moment, obviously gathering his thoughts, before he answered.

“Physically, they’ll be all right after several days of rest, Roy. Johnny had his wrists tied so tight, that it cut into his skin. We’ve treated the cuts and I’m glad to say that there has been no damage to the tendons. I’ve wrapped them with gauze bandages and hopefully no infection will set in.”

“You told me the demolition crew found them. How...how close was it?”

“Roy, they were fifteen minutes from death,” Kel replied solemnly.

Roy drew in a sharp breath. He was speechless. Stunned, he sat back in his chair trying to take it all in.

“How’s Anissa?” he finally asked, almost choking on the words.

“She was raped repeatedly ” Joe said gently, seeing Roy closed his eyes at the thought of the brutality she had endured.

Roy opened his eyes and looked at Joe, “When can I see them?”

Looking at his watch, Kel answered, “Johnny’s being moved to a private room along with a guard. As soon as he is settled in, you can to see him. It should take about 20 minutes.”

“Okay. And...uh…what about Anissa?” Roy asked, afraid of the answer.

“I’d rather you didn’t see her just yet, Roy. With all that’s happened to her, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Once she starts coming around and remembers what happened, the last thing she will want to see is a man,” Joe responded. Dr. Early didn’t want to go into the ordeal that Anissa would have to endure once the police could interview her.

“Oh, I never thought of that. Should I have Joanne would come down and be with her?” Roy offered.

“That’s a good idea Roy,” Kel agreed.

Joe turned toward Roy once more, “And Roy...”

“Yeah?”

“When Johnny starts remembering what happened, it is going to be painful and he may even have nightmares.”

“You know how Johnny is with his nightmares,” Kel stepped in.

‘I remember. But no matter what Johnny has to deal with, he won’t be doing it alone. Can I go up to see Johnny now?” Roy asked as he stood to leave. Brackett nodded his consent.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

Roy stepped off the elevator on the fourth floor. As he walked down the hall, he noticed Lieutenant Crockett and one of the guards he had seen earlier, standing outside Johnny’s room. Roy walked over, greeting him. Hearing Roy’s approach, Crockett turned, facing him.

“Hello, Roy. Sorry we have to meet under these circumstances,” the police officer said with regret.

“Do you have any leads?” Roy asked hopefully. From Crockett’s expression, Roy feared they didn’t.

“We have a few that we’re checking out,” Crockett replied vaguely.

“I hope you get the guys that did this,” the paramedic remarked, anger putting an edge on his voice.

“We will. You can count on that. Your partner is a good guy.”

“Yeah, he is,” Roy said before entering Johnny’s room. He took in the IV’s and the bandages that covered both of Johnny’s wrists. It alarmed him to see how battered his friend looked. Sitting down in a chair beside the bed, Roy watched as Johnny’s eyes slowly fluttered open. Johnny turned his head, blinking his eyes as he tried to focus.

“R…Roy?” Johnny croaked his voice weak.

“Hey Junior,” Roy answered gently taking Johnny’s hand. “Take it easy. You’re safe now. You’re at Rampart. Do you remember what happened and why you’re here?” Roy asked. Johnny closed his eyes for a moment.

“We, we…left your place and were driving home,” Johnny began, opening his eyes once again. Staring straight ahead, Johnny avoided eye contact with Roy as he spoke, “We got about four blocks or so from my place and the rover broke down. I got out, but there was nothing I could do. We…” Johnny gasped, his chest heaved as he struggled with his memories.

“I couldn’t protect her from those animals! I should have never suggested walking home! Damn it!” Johnny cursed, hitting his wrists on the bed, causing more pain. Tears of frustration streamed down his face as his agitation increased. Roy took hold of Johnny’s hands.

“Johnny! Stop it! You have to calm down before you pull out your IV’s! This wasn’t your fault! You did all you could under the circumstances,” Roy tried to reason with his partner, raising his voice in an effort to get through.

“I didn’t do enough, Roy!” Johnny yelled as he struggled against him. Johnny needed to get the memories out of his head, but no matter how he tried the images remained burned into his soul forever.

Roy yelled for help as Johnny fought him. Crockett and the guard ran in. Roy called them over to the bed.

“Hold him down! Don’t let him pull the IV’s out!” Roy ordered as they each took hold of Johnny’s arms. Roy rang the call button.

Johnny thrashed, trying to break free. Kel and Dixie heard the commotion and ran into the room, finding Roy and the police officers frantically trying to calm Johnny down.

“What happened, Roy?” Kel asked as he rushed to the bed.

“He started remembering, doc,” Roy replied.

“Dix, get me 15 milligrams of Valium,” Kel ordered.

“Right away, Kel,” Dixie answered, running out of the room.

“Johnny, you have to calm down! Everything is okay! You’re safe and so is Anissa,” Kel tried to assure him as Johnny kept on struggling.

Dixie ran back into the room, handing the syringe to Kel. He slid it into Johnny’s arm, watching as Johnny slowly started calming down. Looking up, Johnny spoke weakly.

“I…I couldn’t stop…” he gasped as he slipped away into the darkness as the shot took affect. Everyone in the room relaxed with him. Crockett and the guard resumed their places outside the room as Brackett rechecked Johnny’s vitals. He made a few notes on Johnny’s chart.

“Dix, we have to monitor him carefully. If he becomes agitated again, you can increase the dose by 5 milligrams, but don’t exceed 30 milligrams. I don’t want to cause respiratory depression.”

“I’ll make sure to speak with the floor nurses,” Dixie reassured him. Then Kel, Dixie, and Roy stepped back into the hall once they were sure that Johnny was sleeping quietly.

“He’ll sleep for a few hours now. Roy, maybe you shouldn’t see him for a couple of days,” Kel suggested.

“What! Not see him! Doc, you know Johnny’s more than my best friend! He’s like a brother to me! I can’t not see him!” Roy argued.

“Just give him a couple of days, Roy. That’s all I ask. He has a lot to process and to come to terms with.”

“But doc, I don’t want him to do it alone.”

‘He’s not alone. I have a staff of nurses more than willing to watch over him,” Kel tried to reason.

“But…” Roy stammered as Dixie cut him off.

“Roy, Kel’s right. What Johnny and Anissa went through was horrible but the after effects are yet to come. This is going to be rough.”

“Johnny and I have both been in rougher spots. We’ve always been there for each other. Let me be here for him now!” Roy pleaded.

Brackett considered this for a moment, “Ok, Roy. You can stay. But don’t ask him about what happened. Let him tell you what happened. It’s not going to be easy.”

“When has it been?” Roy retorted. Wearily he turned and made his way to the pay phone to phone home. Joanne picked up the call on the first ring.

“Hello?”

“Hi Honey, it’s me. Can you come down to the hospital to be with Anissa?”

“Sure. What do you want me to do?” Joanne could hear the sadness in Roy’s voice.

“Just be here for her. Joanne, she doesn’t have anybody.”

“You’re wrong, Roy. We are her family. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’ll see if I can get one of the neighbors to watch the kids.”

“Okay. I’ll see you soon,” Roy said hopefully. He was beginning to feel he needed Joanne as much for himself as for Anissa.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

A short time later Joanne arrived at the hospital and found Roy waiting for her. She got permission from Brackett and Early to be with Anissa. Roy walked her up to the room. Joanne took a deep breath before she went in.

“Wish me luck,” she said quietly.

“You won’t need it,” Roy said confidently as he smiled down at her.

Opening the door, Joanne walked in. She found Anissa in a fetal position, facing the door, staring into space. Joanne sat on the chair next to the bed. She was quiet for a moment. All of Joanne’s maternal instincts made her want to take Anissa in her arms but she was afraid that Anissa would only pull away, going further into herself. She was heartbroken seeing Anissa’s torment.

“Hello, Anissa. It’s me, Joanne,” she said softly. Looking into Anissa’s eyes, Joanne was saddened to find no reaction. She talked about everything she could think of to get Anissa to come back from the place she shut herself into. Joanne went over the last six months.

“Johnny was a lost soul when you found him. All he could talk about was you, and how beautiful you were. He was so nervous about asking you out! You remember when he quit the fire department? You laid into him, and raked him over the coals for that one! Roy gave me a minute by minute play on what you said!” Joanne recalled as she stood to walk around the room. After taking a break for a few minutes, Joanne noticed Dixie come into the room.

“Hi Dix.”

“Hi Joanne,” Dixie smiled as she took Anissa’s vitals. Picking up the chart, Dixie made notes for Kel to review when he came in for his examination.

“Dixie, do you think she can even hear me?” Joanne asked in a worried whisper. Dixie smiled kindly at her.

“I really do think she can hear you, but I think she has to come back to a place where she considers herself safe. A place where she won’t be hurt anymore.”

“Are you saying I should try to have her remember something happy?”

“Yeah, something like that!” Dixie smiled encouragingly.

“You don’t think it’s too soon to start something like this? I mean that the attack isn’t even twenty-four hours old, yet.”

“I think the sooner you to get through to her, the sooner her recovery will begin. Right now she's lost in a place that's safe. The hard part will be getting her to come back,” Dixie remarked sadly as she checked her watch. She reached out and touched Joanne’s arm in a comforting gesture. “I have to get back to the ER. Good luck.”

“Thanks, Dixie,” Joanne said softly as the nurse left the room. She looked down at Anissa and reaching over, Joanne gently touched Anissa’s hand. She attempted to put a smile in her voice.

“Remember when you came to the barbecue with Johnny? I noticed right away you were radiant. I could see it in your eyes,” Joanne said, feeling Anissa’s hand twitch slightly. “Then I told you that you were glowing and you started blushing.”

Joanne continued as she felt Anissa’s hand slowly move.

“Remember? I said you either were pregnant or had just made love and you gave me the biggest smile, telling me that you and Johnny had made love for the first time.”

Anissa squeezed Joanne’s hand as the words broke through. Joanne could see the tears slowly roll down her cheeks as she leaned over, hugging Anissa to her. Joanne held her tight; rocking back and forth slightly as the dam broke with all of Anissa’s torment pouring out of her.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 13

Slowly, Anissa started to come out of her catatonic state. Each time Joanne visited, she noticed Anissa become more and more aware of her presence. At first, Anissa would only blink and turn her head slightly toward Joanne. After a little while, she started making eye contact, giving Joanne hope that she was coming back to them. On the third day when Joanne walked in she saw Anissa turn her head, watching as she came over to the side of the bed. As Joanne sat down, she felt something brush softly against her hand. Looking down, Joanne felt Anissa gently trying to grasp her with her fingers. Joanne took Anissa’s hand in both of hers and held it firmly.

A short while later Anissa drifted off to sleep. Joanne left her side and went out into the hallway. She saw Roy step off of the elevator and walk toward her. Roy took Joanne in his arms, embracing her as they both sought comfort and strength from one another.

“Hi, honey. How’s she doing?” Roy asked with concern.

“Better. She’s starting to talk but she clams up when Dr. Brackett or Dr. Early come in to examine her.”

“I guess that’s understandable,” Roy shrugged.

“How’s Johnny?” Joanne wondered.

“He’s remembering what happened. He’s had nightmares almost every night. Honey, Johnny is really upset that something like this happened and he couldn’t stop it. The guilt is almost consuming him,” Roy recounted.

“This wasn’t his fault,” Joanne countered.

“I know that but in Johnny’s mind, it was his fault,” Roy said sadly and then admitted, “I guess I don’t really blame him for feeling that way. I’d probably feel the same way if it had been us.”

Joanne nodded her understanding. Yes, her Roy would probably feel exactly the same way but that didn’t make it any easier for Johnny or Anissa.

“Have the police talked to him?” she asked out of curiosity.

‘They have a meeting today around one p.m. What about Anissa? Has she talked to them?”

Joanne shook her head as she answered, “Dr. Early thought it would be best to wait a couple of more days.”

“You know Joanne, there’s something that bothers me about this attack,” Roy said, the worry evident in his tone.

“What’s that, honey?”

“Johnny’s not himself. He’s more reserved than he usually is.”

“Has he told you what happened at all?” Joanne wondered.

“Some, but something more had to have happened because I can tell that he’s holding something back. Johnny can try to hide things from himself but he can’t hide them from me,” Roy said plainly as he glanced down at his watch.

“I better get up to his room,” he said as he bent down and kissed Joanne before he turned to leave. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Roy went up to Johnny’s room, passing the guard as he walked in. Johnny was dressed and stood staring out the window.

“Hey, Junior. I see you are up and around,” Roy observed lightly. Johnny turned and looked blankly at him.

“Yeah, I couldn’t sit in bed anymore,” Johnny answered flatly as he walked over to Roy. “How’s Anissa doing?” Roy could see the genuine concern in his partner’s eyes as he asked about Anissa.

“She’s improving. Joanne has been staying with her.”

“Would you tell Joanne thanks for me? I’m really glad that she can be there for Anissa. She needs someone.” Roy wasn’t sure but he thought he detected a twinge of bitterness in Johnny’s voice.

“Sure,” Roy said and then noticed that Johnny not only was he dressed but he was putting on his boots. “Why are you putting those on?”

“I’m not sick and there is no reason to be here talking up a bed someone else could use,” he responded brusquely.

“Johnny, you have been through a traumatic ordeal,” Roy tried to reason.

“NO ROY! Anissa went through a traumatic ordeal! I…my ordeal was nothing like hers,” Johnny snapped as he walked over to the window once again.

“Johnny, talk to me. I’m your best friend! If you can’t talk to me about what happened, then who can you talk too? Johnny, you still have to talk to the police.”

“I can’t!” Johnny turned, barking back at Roy.

“Can’t or won’t?” Roy challenged. Johnny took a deep breath as they both face each other.

“Is the guard still at the door?” Johnny asked tersely.

“Don’t change the subject!” Roy demanded. Johnny’s brown eyes flashed with anger.

“Roy, the subject is closed! Now, is the guard still at my door?” he demanded again.

“Yes he is!” Roy snapped with his own impatience wearing thin.

“For how much longer?”

“I guess until they find the guys who did this,” came Roy’s exasperated reply.

“What if they don’t?” Johnny challenged his partner defiantly.

“Think positive. The police will get them.”

“What if they don’t, Roy?” Johnny reiterated. “What if they come after her? Only this time, they kill her! Hell, they’ve already tried once. They tried to chloroform us after it was over, only they didn’t give us a fatal dose! We can identify them. You can bet they don’t want that to happen!” Johnny raked nervous fingers through his hair.

“Give the police a chance to do their jobs!” Roy pleaded as a knock on the door interrupted them.

“Yeah, it’s open,” Johnny snapped as he walked over and sat back down on the bed.

Lieutenant Crockett came in, addressing both Johnny and Roy, “Sorry to interrupt your discussion. I could hear you through the door. Is something wrong?” Crockett asked, feeling the tension between the two.

“No, things are just fine. JUST FINE!” Roy growled.

“Okay. Ahh…Johnny, I really need your statement about what happened if you are up to it.”

“If I tell you what happened, can I get out of here?” Johnny bargained.

“That’s not up to me, that’s up to Brackett.” Crockett responded.

“I’ll talk under two conditions,” Johnny told him.

“What are they?” Crockett wondered.

“First, I want the guard removed from my door after I’m done,” Johnny replied, using his index finger to support his first demand. Crockett shook his head.

“Gage, your life is in danger from those guys,” he reminded him. Johnny brushed Crockett’s concern off with a wave of his hand.

“My life doesn’t matter. Anissa’s does. All I ask is that you take care of her. Protect Anissa, please.”

Crockett sighed, seeing there was no way to sway Johnny, “What’s the second condition?”

“I’ll tell you what happened…everything…as long as it’s just between the two of us. Private,” Johnny stated, looking directly at Roy. “I’m sorry Roy, but what I have to say, I’d rather you didn’t hear at this time.” He saw the disappointment in partner’s eyes.

“Johnny, I can handle anything you have to say,” his partner said earnestly.

“I don’t want you to have to handle it! I don’t even want you to know at this time. Okay? Please, Roy! Just not now,” Johnny pleaded frankly.

“You’ll tell me sometime, right?” Roy responded, softening his demeanor slightly.

“Sometime. Not now,” Johnny promised vaguely. Roy bobbed his head in acceptance.

“I’ll go get some coffee,” Roy announced before going out the door. He walked into the lounge and absently poured himself some coffee. After about an hour, Roy went back to Johnny’s room. He saw that the guard was gone and walked in. Roy found Johnny sitting on the bed and noticed his eyes were red from crying. He crossed to him in concern, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Johnny lied.

“Pretty rough going over the events, huh?” He watched as Johnny nodded tightly. The interview had been more emotionally draining than Johnny had thought possible. He looked over at his friend, the pain still in his eyes.

“I had to recall everything they did. Roy, it’s burned into my memory…her cries…her pleas. I’ll never forget what happened,” Johnny said almost strangling on the words. Roy placed a comforting hand on Johnny’s shoulder which he removed when he saw Johnny flinch.

“No one wants you to be hurt, we just want to help you get through it. You’re not alone in this and neither is Anissa,” Roy said as he sat on the bed next to his friend. How he wanted to comfort and help his friend. “John, give us a chance.”

“I will but I can’t right now. I’m sorry, it’s just too personal,” he said as he hung his head in shame. Without looking at Roy he asked, “Would you see if you could find Dr. Brackett? I wanna get out of here.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

June 22 – Two weeks after the attack

Johnny and Anissa haven’t seen each other since the attack. The night before his first day back to work, Johnny picked up the phone and dialed Anissa’s number. She picked on the third ring. He froze as he heard her voice.

“Hello?...Hello? Is someone there?” Anissa asked fearfully. She could hear someone breathing.

“Hi Nissa,” Johnny finally said as he found the courage to answer. Anissa is startled to hear Johnny’s voice. “Nissa? I need to talk to you. Please answer me.”

A tear rolled down her cheek, followed by more tears as she closed her eyes. The nightmare memories of the attack invades her mind and she sobs. The sound of her cries breaks Johnny’s heart.

“I know you can hear me, Nissa. Please don’t shut me out.” The line goes dead. “Nissa? Nissa!”

Angry, Johnny slammed down the phone and threw the bottle of beer he was drinking against the wall, ignoring the mess the shattered glass made. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He leaned forward in his hair and held his head in his hand in sorrow. “Oh Anissa! What have I done to you?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

Returning to work the next morning, Johnny arrived early. He went directly to the locker room to find Roy is the only one in there for once. His partner has just finished dressing.

“Hi Partner! Glad to have you back,” Roy greeted his friend. Johnny opened his locker and reached for his uniform shirt before he answered.

“Hi Roy.” Roy became instantly concerned knowing something was bothering Johnny.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, Dad. I’m fine,” Johnny responded as he buttoned his shirt. He looked at Roy’s concerned face. “Really. I’m fine.” Johnny pulled on his uniform pants.

“You don’t seem fine. You look like you’ve lost some weight,” Roy observed.

“I’m fine, Roy. So just drop it, okay?” Johnny turned to reach back into his locker.

“Okay. For now,” Roy promised. He made his way to the day room and gathered his coworkers around the kitchen table. Chet kept an eye out for Johnny, not wanting him to know that he was the subject of the conversation.

“Guys, I have a favor to ask of you,” Roy began, looking around. “Please don’t say anything about the attack or anything about Anissa to Johnny. Not unless he brings it up first.”

“Roy, don’t you think he’ll feel it’s strange we don’t bring it up?” Chet asked from his position near the door.

“Chet, just do it. Please?” Roy pleaded, as Chet signaled Johnny’s approach.

The rest of the crew scattered throughout the room. Roy walked over to the stove, pouring a cup of coffee as Johnny came in.

“Hey guys,” Johnny greeted them.

“Hi John! Welcome back Pal!” Cap greeted him.

“Hey Johnny,” they all cried out in unison, as Johnny walked over to Roy.

“Hey Gage, it’s about time you came back. I thought I’d have to train a new pigeon,” Chet taunted as Roy glared at him.

“Chet, you’ll never be able to train anybody. I’m indispensable,” Johnny shot back.

“In your dreams, Gage!” Chet retorted. The klaxons sounded before Johnny had a chance to respond and the station reported to the call.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

Anissa kept to herself during this time, only leaving home to attend a support group for rape victims. She also kept up with regular counseling sessions as well. She felt like a recluse, never leaving her home otherwise. She still refused to speak about the attack. But her friendship with Joanne steadily grew stronger. He had called last night but she couldn’t talk to him. It didn’t matter how much she wanted to. She just wasn’t ready yet. Thankfully she had Joanne to rely on. Joanne would accompany her to the group sessions. She sat in group that afternoon, listening to the counselor speaking.

“Good evening, ladies. How are all of you doing?” Nicole greeted them, getting a small round of responses. “Good. We had a real good session last week, so let’s make this a great one. What I want to do tonight is start with Q & A; then we will see where we end up. Okay? Who has the first question?”

Several members of the group voiced some of their concerns. Finally, Carla raised her hand, “You said we could ask any question we wanted, right?”

“That’s right.” Nicole answered.

“Have you been raped?” Carla asked as Nicole looked directly at her.

“Yes, I was raped three years ago by an intruder. He broke into my apartment. I woke up to a man on top of me holding a switchblade to my throat. He said if I didn’t do what he wanted, he would slit my throat; so I complied.”

“Why didn’t you resist?” Karmon asked.

“The thought crossed my mind at the time,” Nicole answered. “I was only 22 years old. I had no boyfriend and I was saving myself. I was young and having fun. The man that raped me was in his late 20’s, about 185 pounds, and at any time he could have snapped my neck, but he wasn’t a killer.”

“How could you be sure?” Heather asked.

“When he was done, he said he was sorry. His girlfriend had broken up with him that night; so he went out drinking whiskey…the more he drank, the madder he became. So he went looking for her, but he couldn’t find her. He started walking by my apartment building, where he jimmied my door open. He took all his frustrations out on me.”

“So what did he do, just walk out the front door?” Bree asked.

“Not before he tied me to my bed and raped me again. That time, he didn’t apologize. He just dressed and told me to count to 200 before I yelled for help.”

“Did you?” Heather wondered out loud.

“Yes, I did. But I was so scared he’d come back, I stopped yelling. My roommate found me the next morning.”

“Did they catch him?” Karmon wanted to know.

“They found him in the park that morning, passed out. He confessed to the rape and pleaded guilty. He’ll be in prison for a long time,” Nicole finished.

“You seem so cool about what happened. Didn’t you go, ‘why me?’ Or go through what we are?” Carla asked.

“I went through all of the emotions you are going through now. Rape is the most brutal crime a woman can endure. It’s not something you get over in a day, a week, a month, or a year. It lasts a lifetime. I have my good days, and I have my bad days. But the good days outweigh the bad ones by far.”

“Do you have a boyfriend now?” Karmon wondered.

“Yes, I do,” Nicole answered, smiling as she thought of him.

“What did he do when you told him?” Heather asked, leaning forward.

“At first, he was mad as hell at the guy. He wanted to kill him. But after I told him the story of what happened, he calmed down. Besides, it all happened before we even met.”

Anissa quietly spoke up. “Was it hard for him to deal with what that man did to you?” she asked as everyone looked at her in surprise. Anissa rarely spoke in the group. Nicole felt encouraged at her asking a question.

“Yes, it was for a while. Sometimes he would touch me on the shoulder, and I would jump. He would get scared that I would start screaming, or hit him, or just freeze up. It was hard. Sometimes I would just break all communications with him and shut myself down completely.”

“How did you overcome it?” Bree asked.

“I decided I wasn’t going to let that man keep me a prisoner in my head anymore. And from that day on, I decided I wasn’t going to be a victim anymore. I rediscovered what love was with my boyfriend. He took his time and we found each other,” Nicole said as she glanced at her watch. “Wow! Looks like we got a little off track today. But if anyone would like to stay and talk about what happened them, or if you want to ask more questions, that’s okay.”

“What if we’re not ready to talk yet?” Bree asked with concern.

“That’s okay, too. We won’t push you. There are others who haven’t opened up yet. It’s not time for them to do so. We can talk about whatever you want to,” Nicole replied.

“Can I talk about what happened to me?” Anissa asked timidly.

“Are you sure you are ready?” Nicole asked of her.

“Yes, I am. I’ve carried around what happened to me for the past two weeks. If I don’t tell someone, I’m going to lose what sanity I have,” Anissa stated as she began to weep.

Nicole went over and sat beside her, taking her hand. “It’s ok, Anissa. Just take your time. You can stop anytime you feel you need to.”

Anissa wiped her eyes and after taking a deep breath, she began, “Two weeks ago I was raped repeatedly by two men.” She stuttered, taking another deep breath. “While my boyfriend was forced to watch, they attacked me. We were on our way home from visiting friends when his car broke down. It was only about four blocks from his apartment. We decided to walk. It was a nice warm night. As we started to pass this abandoned house, there were two men standing there. They stopped us and wanted to know if we had any cigarettes. We told them no. Then as we tried to walk by, they grabbed us…,” Anissa said with her voice breaking.

Nicole stepped in and assured Anissa, “You don’t have to talk about the attack itself.” Anissa nodded. She wanted to continue. She needed to continue.

“They did things that…that I can’t even repeat,” Anissa whispered tearfully.

“It’s okay. You don’t have too,” Nicole soothed her.

“Was your boyfriend hurt?” Carla asked.

“I really don’t know. I haven’t seen him since the attack. He called me last night but I just couldn’t talk to him. So, I hung up on him.”

“Why did you hang up on him,” Bree inquired.

Anissa shrugged her shoulders. “I guess I’m afraid.”

“Of him?” Bree asked.

“Yes,” Anissa admitted quietly

“The rape wasn’t his fault,” Nicole said gently.

“A part of me feels like it was. If his truck hadn’t have broken down that day, none of this would have happened. He knew it was having problems, he should have gotten it fixed earlier.”

“What was he doing that he couldn’t get it fixed?” Karmon asked.

Anissa lowered her head in embarrassment, covering her face. Nicole kept her hand on Anissa’s.

“We were making love,” Anissa sobbed softly.

“That’s a good reason not to get your truck fixed!” Bree said, with all of them laughing for a moment.

Nicole squeezed Anissa’s hand and she looked up at the group leader.

“Anissa, you need to remember that your boyfriend saw you being raped and he couldn’t stop it. As much as he want to, he couldn’t. Something a man never wants to see is his girlfriend or his wife being raped in front of him and being powerless to stop it. You both were traumatized by what happened. Maybe in time you’ll find your way back to each other. But it takes time,” Nicole emphasized. Anissa was on the verge of tears when Bree spoke up.

“How long have you known your boyfriend?”

“I’ve known Johnny for six months now. He is a paramedic/fireman with the county. We met when we were both held hostage at the Winston Jewelry Store. We started seeing each other after it was over. Johnny never forced the issue of making love. He was always a gentleman; he never pressed me for something I wasn’t yet ready for. The night before the rape we got caught in a downpour and we got soaked. One thing led to another and we made love all night long, well into the next day.”

“Your first time sounds so beautiful.” Karmon said, wistfully.

“It was. I have no regrets that he was the one. I loved him so much.” Anissa said, finally giving into tears.

“Do you still love him?” Bree asked.

“I’ll always love him but I’ll never be able to be with him,” Anissa responded as she finally broke down, feeling everyone surrounding her, giving her the support she so desperately needed.

By this time, Joanne had arrived at the session, finding it had just ended. Anissa was speaking with Nicole and Joanne noticed that Anissa’s eyes were red and puffy from crying. As she walked over, Anissa stood up.

“Thank you Nicole, you really helped me.”

“It wasn’t only me, you took the first step,” Nicole pointed out to her.

“It was scary,” Anissa admitted, shaking slightly.

“The first time always is,” Nicole said, noticing Joanne approaching. “Hi Joanne!”

“Hi! How was the session?”

Anissa turned to her friend with a tired smile.

“It was great! I can’t wait to come to the next one,” she answered and then hugged Nicole. “Thank you so much. I need to fix my makeup. I’ll be right back,” Anissa told Joanne as she left the room.

“How did it really go, Nicole?” Joanne asked once Anissa was out of earshot.

“She did great! It really took a lot for her to start having the walls come tumbling down.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

They arrived at the DeSoto’s home a short time later. Joanne went into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee while Anissa waited in the living room. She picked up a picture of Johnny and Roy in uniform. Anissa slowly traced Johnny’s face with her finger. Joanne came back into the room with two mugs of coffee and found Anissa holding the picture, as a small tear splashed down onto the glass.

“That was taken last year. I’m sure Roy could get you another one if you would like one,” JoAnne offered.

Anissa set the picture back and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and sat down.

“No thanks. That’s okay,” she said as she took the mug that Joanne handed her. Hesitantly, she asked, “Has Roy said how…how…”

“How Johnny is doing?” Joanne finished for her.

“Yes,” Anissa answered with a whisper.

“It’s been rough for him. Today is his first day back at work.”

“Well at least one of us was able to get his life back and go on like nothing happened,” Anissa said bitterly, placing her mug on the coffee table.

“I can’t believe you just said that!” Joanne snapped, setting her mug down. “If you loved him like you say you do, then you would realize that Johnny is dealing with his own pain right now. Something happened to him during your attack that has changed him. He’s no longer happy and carefree. You know Anissa; you weren’t the only victim! Now, he’s withdrawn and doesn’t want the company of his friends!”

“Well, that makes two of us!” Anissa cried out, running out the door.

Joanne was torn over what to do…the two people she has grown to care deeply about, were off course by a million miles, and there seemed to be no way to get them back to each other.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

Roy came home the following morning to find Joanne sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. He knew right away that something was bothering her.

“Honey, what’s wrong? Are the kids ok?” Roy asked with concern as he sat down next to her.

“The kids are fine.” Joanne sighed, “Anissa and I had words.”

“Words? About what?”

“Johnny,” Joanne said simply. “She seems to feel he’s just gone on with his life as though nothing had happened. I lost my temper. I told her that he hadn’t and that he was suffering just as much as she was.”

“What happened then?”

“I told her that he didn’t even want to be in the company of his friends and she said that made two of them! She then ran out. I haven’t talked to her since. I feel so bad Roy!” Joanne sobbed, breaking down in his arms.

* * * * * * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * * * * *

July 14

Anissa hadn’t called Joanne at all since their fallout. Nicole told Joanne that Anissa was still attending group but that was about her extent of a social life. Johnny was still distancing himself from his friends. He performed well on the job; but once the shift was over Johnny went home, closing himself off from the world. Everyone at the station was concerned, not knowing what to do or say anymore. Johnny had built up a wall around him, that no one, not even Roy, could seem to break through.

Roy was out wo