Mr. B. and Romeo
by
March 23rd
"Good Morning, Clair! How is my favorite mail person this morning?"
"Just fine, Hank. I need a Chester B. Kelly. You got something around here that answers to that?" asked the jovial, blond mail carrier as she followed Cap to the kitchen.
"Ooooh, Chester B. Kelly!" boomed Cap as he crossed through the kitchen doorway.
"YES SIR!" snapped a startled Chet, wondering what he had done wrong this time.
"You have a female visitor, Pal." Captain Stanley replied as he joined Roy at the stove for some coffee.
"Hi, guys!" Clair greeted as she entered and walked towards Chet.
"Oh, it's only you." groused Chet.
"CHET!"
"That's okay, Hank. I don't have to deliver this certified envelope to Chet. I can just say I never saw it!" teased the woman as she winked at Chet.
"Sorry, Clair.... I didn't mean that the way it sounded." replied the slightly red-faced Irish fireman.
"That's okay, Chet. But you owe me dinner for hurting my feelings!" she said as she handed him the pen to sign for his letter.
"Oh....well, um, I'll have to get back to you on that."
"See that you do, Chester B. Kelly!" Clair replied, winking again. As she turned to leave, she couldn't help but pat him on the rump and giggle all the way out the apparatus bay to the door.
Johnny could hardly contain himself anymore. He started to giggle.
"Chester B. has a girlfriend! And she just goosed him!"
"What?!?" Cap shrieked as he spit out his coffee.
"Didn't you see it?" Johnny asked, wide eyed.
"NO!"
"Me, either!"
"Aw, man, it was great! Geee, Chet, I thought Irishmen were suppose to turn green, not red!" Johnny tormented as he walked over to Chet and glanced at the letter.
"So, who is the letter from, Chet?"
"Fiona."
"Chet, how could you! Another girl... and you make your girlfriend deliver the letter, yet.... that is bad!!" continued Gage as he laughed at his own ribbing.
"GAGE! Fiona is my aunt! AND CLAIR IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!"
"I don't know, Pal. I think she is sweet on you. I mean, she didn't pinch my tushy!"
"CAP!"
"Let's face it, Chet, she likes you... and you owe her dinner!" Marco continued the teasing.
"That was HER idea!" exclaimed the irked man, tossing the now forgotten envelope on the table.
"Doesn't matter." offered the grinning engineer.
"MIKE! Why can't you ever be quiet?" Chet fumed as he left the room and headed to the locker room to get away from his friends.
"Really, Mike. I don't know why you talk so much." Roy replied as he patted the man on the back and broke up laughing. Soon, the men of Station 51 A-shift, sans Chet, were caught in a fit of rib-splitting laughter.
~~B~~B~~B~~
Chet mumbled to himself all the way to the locker room. He walked over to his locker, yanked it open, pulled out his extra pair of shoes and polish and sat on the bench and vigorously started to shine them.
As he worked, he found himself thinking about Clair. She really wasn't bad looking. In fact, she was kind of cute.... and she wasn't real tall, a definite plus..... she always had a smile on her face.... she laughed at all of his stupid jokes.
Chet began to smile. Yeah, Clair really is a nice chic! Maybe I should take her out for dinner.... Hmmm, Clair Kelly...... it even sounds good! Chet chuckled out loud.
"Please tell me that laugh has nothing to do with another 'bomber' attack on my partner?"
"No, Roy. At least, not right now." Chet smiled as Roy sat down on the bench next to him and handed him the envelope.
"Here. You left this on the table."
"Oh! Thanks, Roy. Hey, I'm sorry about going off on you guys..... guess I was a bit of a ninny, huh?"
"Oh, I wouldn't go that far, Chester B." Johnny said as he walked into the room.
"I would!" replied Marco who was following right behind Johnny.
"And you don't want my opinion, Pal."
"Geez! What the heck is this? Pick on Chet day?"
"Well, no, Chet. We saw the envelope lying on the table, and we got to thinking that maybe it was bad news or something like that. So we just wanted to see if you needed anything."
"Gee, thanks, guys. But it's okay. I know what is in here." he replied, tapping the letter on his knee.
"Well?" implored Marco, rolling his eyes at Chet.
"Since when did you guys become so interested in my mail anyway?" Chet asked, standing up and putting his shoes, polish and the letter in his locker.
"Well, it just looks so.... formal.... Chester B. Kelly..... and certified. We're all curious, that's all, Chet." Roy answered for all of the guys.
"Oh, that!! That's my aunt for ya! She thinks that if the name on it looks official or formal, it will somehow get here quicker!" Chet said as he left the locker room and headed back to the kitchen for his abandoned cup of coffee.
"That's nutty, Chet!"
"I know, Marco, but then, so is my aunt!"
"Must run in the family." stated Mike as he walked past the others on his way to the bay.
Johnny giggled. "You did it now, Chet! You got Mike going on a talking jag.... we may never get him to shut up!"
"So, Chet," Captain Stanley interrupted, trying to change the subject before the two could start another endless tirade of nonsense, "what is the letter about?"
"Well, think about it guys.... what did we celebrate about a week ago?" Chet replied, suddenly realizing he had an audience.
"I didn't celebrate anything last week.... unless you count that date I had with Marlene!" grinned Johnny.
"No, ya twit! St. Patrick's Day."
"Right, Cap."
"So what?"
"Soooooooooo, Gage....." Chet drawled, loving the look of irritation on his favorite pigeon's face.
"So you finally get to the point?" Johnny replied, scowling at Chet.
"So, my aunt sends me tickets for the Irish Sweepstakes a couple times a year. She is, well, not only nutty, but superstitious. She thinks that if she buys the tickets on St. Patrick's Day, they are lucky.... so, she bought me some tickets and well, Clair delivered them this morning."
"Oh. Well, that is nice of her, Chet." Hank replied, getting another cup of coffee and sitting down on the couch by Henry.
"I don't know, Cap. I think it is stupid! Why waste your money? No one ever really 'wins' anyway. Those things are a waste of time and money." Chet answered as he plopped into the seat at the other end of the couch.
"How can you say that, Chet?"
"Oh, come on, Gage! Even YOU are not gullible enough to buy those things!"
"That's not what I'm talking about, Chet. Okay, so maybe no one ever wins the 'big' prize...... but, Chet, the money is put to good use!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I don't believe you, Chet! Don't you know what the Irish Sweepstakes is all about? Geez! I thought you were just ignorant about my culture but I guess you're ignorant of your own, too!" Johnny replied as he walked over and sat down in one of the chairs opposite the couch, shaking his head.
"What's that suppose to mean, Gage?!?"
Suddenly, four sets of eyes were on Johnny. It wasn't often that he had a chance to show up Chet, but it looked like he was going to get a rare break now, and no one wanted to miss it.... besides, they were all curious.
"Well, Chet, for your information, The Irish Sweepstakes was started in 1930 and is held four times a year. The Irish government was facing money problems, and so they started the sweepstakes as a means to raise money.... money that they used to build Irish hospitals.... hospitals, Chet..... where they save lives... I wouldn't call that a 'waste of time and money'..... seems to me it was a darn good solution to a problem!" Johnny said as he sat back in his chair and glared at the Irishman.
Chet looked at Johnny thoughtfully for a long second.
"Gee, Johnny, I had no idea. When you put it that way, I wish I could buy a few more, to contribute to the cause, you know?"
"That's okay, Chet. But maybe next time, before you go shooting your mouth off about something you know nothing about, you will think before you speak."
Chet started to open his mouth.... he stopped..... thought.... and closed it.
Roy chuckled. "And you said Chet was a slow learner, Partner!"
"YOU said that about ME?"
"So much for learning a lasting lesson!" Captain Stanley said as he shot the now irritated man a look. "So, tell me, John, how do you know all of this about the Irish Sweepstakes?"
"I don't know, I just do.... after all, I'm part Irish, too."
"You're what?"
"Yeah, Marco, I am part Irish.... a small part, but Irish nonetheless. I am also Scottish, German and, of course, Seminole."
"Wow, Gage.... I'm impressed. I always knew there was something I liked about you..... now I know it is your Irish blood!" teased the "real" Irishman.
"So, Chet," Cap said, ever the diplomat, this time shooting Johnny a look, effectively stopping the remark about to come out of the young man's mouth, "what numbers did your aunt send you this time?"
"Geee, I never bothered to look.... let me go get the envelope." he answered as he dropped Henry off his lap and went back to the locker room, passing Mike in the door way.
"Man! I thought he would never leave." Mike greeted the group as he walked in and took Chet's spot on the couch.
"Gosh, Mike, that is three sentences in the same morning! You ARE turning into a chatter box!"
This time it was Hank who received the withering look, but he couldn't help it. It was rare that his perpetually quiet engineer gave him the opportunity to razz him, and Hank was going to take full advantage of it.... besides, he was the Captain..... what could any of them do to him?
~~B~~B~~B~~
Chet came back into the day room, opening the letter from his aunt. He pulled out the contents and dropped the envelope on the floor by Johnny's feet. As Chet opened the letter and took out the tickets, Johnny picked up the discarded envelope and studied it.
"So, Chet, what numbers did you get?" Mike asked to everyone's surprise.
"Let's see..... 7 and....."
"What's the B for?" Johnny interrupted.
"What's what?"
"Chester B. Kelly.... what does the B stand for?"
"Yeah, Chet, I always wondered about that." Marco joined in.
"OH! That! Never mind, Gage!""Now wait a minute.... YOU know what MY middle name is!"
"And I could care less, John Roderick!"
"Gee, Chet, if you don't want us to know, it must be pretty bad!"
"ROY! I just don't want to share it, okay?" Chet yelled as he squirmed in his seat.
"It's gotta be bad!" Marco replied, enjoying seeing Chet on the hot spot for a change.
"Buxley?.... Beaumont?...... Buford?" Marco fired at Chet.
"Braynard?..... Bart?...... Beasley?" added Captain Stanley.
"Burtran?..... Buxton?" Roy smiled, suddenly enjoying the 'game.'
"BERTHA!" Johnny snorted.
Chet had had enough! He charged up out of his chair, mustache twitching, and advanced towards Johnny.
"GAGE!....."
But Johnny was saved, for the time being, when the squad was toned out to an unknown type rescue.
As Roy and Johnny ran to the squad, Mike could be heard to utter his fifth sentence of the day.
"Bartholomew?"
As the engine crew erupted into a fit of giggles, Chet left the day room and opted for the quiet and serenity of the latrine. The Phantom had some thinking, and plotting, to do!
~~B~~B~~B~~
Johnny still had a smirk on his face as Roy pulled the squad into the driveway at 1122 West Fairmont Drive. They grabbed their equipment and hurried to the door. It was ajar, so the pair walked in and announced themselves.
"In here, PLEASE!" shouted a young female voice from the other room.
As the paramedics entered the room, they found the woman sitting on the floor, holding a towel to her face as tears ran down her cheeks.
"Hey, what's there to cry about?" Johnny asked, smiling at the woman as he knelt down next to her.
"WHAT'S THERE TO CRY ABOUT?? ARE YOU NUTS?? I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT!" she shouted, assuming that explained everything.
Johnny glanced at Roy who just shrugged his shoulders.
"Ma'am, why don't you try to settle down and tell us what happened." Roy tried with his most patient 'father' voice.
"I BURNED MY LIPS! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED!" she shrieked as she pulled the towel away from her face, revealing a slightly swollen lip.
"Well, that doesn't look too bad." Johnny said as he tilted her head back to get a closer look.
"Not too bad.... I TOLD you, I have a hot date tonight!!! What am I suppose to do??? I can't kiss like this!!!! See!" she burst as she grabbed Johnny.
Before Johnny knew what was happening, he was pulled down onto the woman and soon found himself on the receiving end of a very long, wet, passionate kiss.
Roy was stunned for just a second before he stood and tried to get the woman to release his partner. He stifled his laughter as he tried again to unwrap the woman's arms from Johnny's neck. Finally, needing air, she released Johnny. The sudden change in his momentum sent Johnny falling back on his butt, where he sat, trying to catch his breath.
"GEE! I guess I can kiss like this!" she chirped.
"Yes, Ma'am." Roy replied, chuckling out loud, no longer able to control himself. "I think you will be okay now. Here, you want to sign this form?" Roy asked as he handed her the MICU form.
"Oh, sure, Love, whatever you want!"
As Roy retrieved the signed form, he looked at his partner who was still sitting on the floor.
"You ready to leave, Johnny?"
"Um, Roy, I don't think so." Johnny replied sheepishly.
Roy raised an eyebrow at the cryptic response.
"I'll tell ya at the squad." Johnny said as he stood up and walked out the room, leaving the equipment behind for Roy.
Roy sighed, picked up the boxes and said good luck to the young lady.
"Oh, thanks! Hey, you know, that partner of yours is a great kisser!" she winked as she followed him to the door.
"Ahh, thanks... I'll tell him you said so." Roy said as he stepped through the door and looked for Johnny. He found him sitting on the running board at the back of the squad.
"What
was this all about, Johnny?" Roy asked as he shrugged the equipment
at his partner.
"MAN! That chick broke my wrist!"
"SHE WHAT?" Roy exclaimed as he set the boxes down and walked the rest of the way over to Johnny.
Roy took Johnny's left arm and gently palpated the wrist. Johnny winced, but didn't say anything.
"Well, I don't think it's broken, but I better get you over to Rampart to be safe."
"Awww, man! Roy, how am I gonna explain this?"
Roy turned from his partner to hide his smile as he finished putting the equipment back in the squad. He shook his head. Only you, Partner!
"Well, Johnny," Roy said as he helped Johnny up and walked him to the front of the squad, opening his door for him, "if it's any consolation, she said you are a great kisser!"
"That doesn't help, Roy!" Johnny shouted over Roy's laughter as he walked around to the driver's side and got in and headed for Rampart Emergency Hospital.
~~B~~B~~B~~
During the short trip to Rampart, Johnny sat with his head back and eyes shut, gently cradling his left arm with his right one.
Roy tried to think of something to say, but his mind kept giggling, so he decided to enjoy the quiet ride for a change. When he pulled into Rampart, he finally spoke.
"Johnny, we're here."
"I know..... let's get it over with..." he sighed as he opened the door with his right hand and slowly scooted out of the seat and shuffled through the automatic doors.
"Hey, guys! Come by for supplies?" Dixie greeted.
"Well, not exactly." Roy replied, giving his partner a glance.
"Are one of the doctors free? Johnny hurt his wrist."
"Oh, sorry, Johnny. How did that happen? I didn't hear your call."
"Well, we were responding to an unknown.... " Roy started, but stopped when he saw the murderous look on Johnny's face.
"Well," Dixie interrupted, "Joe is free in treatment 2.... why don't we go and have him take a look," she said as she escorted Johnny into the room.
A short while later, Dixie exited the room and immediately walked over to Roy.
"Okay, give! What is the real story?" she asked, curiosity driving her absolutely insane.
Roy smiled at the head nurse and began his tale.
~~B~~B~~B~~
About 20 minutes later, Johnny exited treatment 2 with an Ace bandage securely wrapped around his wrist. He and Dr. Early walked over to the nurse's station where Roy and Dixie were waiting.... with huge grins on their faces.
"I AM GOING TO GET YOU ROY DESOTO!" Johnny said as he walked past the laughing duo on his way to the squad.
Roy just shrugged, grabbed the HT, made them available and took off after Johnny.
"See you later, Casanova!" Dixie yelled to Johnny as the pair stepped through the automatic doors again.
~~B~~B~~B~~
"So, what did Dr. Early say about your wrist?" Roy asked as he pulled out of the hospital parking area.
"It will be okay... just twisted it a good one.... I should try and take it easy if I can."
"Okay. You let me know if it starts to hurt or anything."
"Hmmph."
"Hey, Johnny, I'm sorry about before... I didn't mean to laugh, but, geez! It's funny! You should have seen it!"
Johnny slowly turned his head to the left and stared at Roy.
"To you, maybe, but not to me! Roy, telling Dix was one thing, but if you say one word, one hint, at the station, I swear, you will regret it!" Johnny warned.
"Okay, Johnny, but what are you going to tell Cap and the guys?"
"I don't know..... I'll just say I twisted it when the bio-phone got caught up on the compartment shelf."
"Well, if you would rather be a so-so klutz instead of a great kisser, who am I to argue!" Roy agreed as he backed the squad into the bay, ending the discussion before Johnny could reply.
~~B~~B~~B~~
Roy, uncharacteristically, jumped out of the squad and hurried to the kitchen. He knew Johnny would follow, and Roy was curious just how his partner was going to explain the bandage that Cap was sure to notice.
"Hey, guys!" Roy said as he entered the room, got a cup of coffee and sat down near his captain with a slight smirk on his face.
"Everything alright, Roy?"
"Sure, Cap! Why do you ask?"
"Oh, I don't know.... you seem.... strange." Cap replied.
"HA, Partner! And you're always telling me I'm the strange one!" Johnny teased as he walked through the kitchen door and headed for the coffee pot.
"Hey, Johnny, what happened to your hand?" Captain Stanley asked as he noticed the Ace bandage when Johnny sat down at the table.
"Oh, nothing, Cap. I just wretched my wrist when the bio-phone got caught on the shelf. It's just a bit sore. Dr. Early okayed me to work."
Captain Stanley studied his two paramedics. Roy was trying to hide a smile. Johnny seemed to be fidgeting in his seat, hardly making eye contact with Roy. Something was up.
"Well, gee, John, if something isn't right with the squad that is causing injuries, you better go call Charlie and have him take a look."
Hank noticed Roy's eyebrow raise in surprise. Oh, yeah, something is up! I wonder what the real story is with Gage?
"NO! Cap, that's okay.... I just.... had my hand on the bio-phone... and I .... started to walk away before I had it all the way off the shelf... that's all..... right Roy?"
Roy set his cup down and looked at his captain.
"That's what he told me, Cap." Roy responded with a not so well hidden smile on his face.
Johnny wanted to scowl at his partner, but he was too afraid of what Cap might do, so he just mentally added this incident to the growing list of things Johnny would some day 'get' Roy for.
"Well, John, even though you were released to work, you know you have to fill out an incident report, so why don't you go and do that now, while it's fresh in your head."
"Sure, Cap." Johnny sighed. He had forgotten about the paperwork.
"Oh, and John, I want to see it when you're done. I want to double check that it is accurate....." Cap replied, giving his junior paramedic a stern look. "You know we can't have departmental records filled out wrong."
"Yes, Cap." Johnny said as he left the kitchen and headed to Cap's office to get the form and fill it out..... but fill it out how?
As Johnny walked out the door, Captain Stanley turned to his senior paramedic.
"Roooooooooy...............?"
~~B~~B~~B~~
About 30 minutes later, Johnny walked back into the kitchen and handed his report to Captain Stanley. Cap skimmed over the report and looked back at John.
"Very thorough and accurate, Gage. Thanks. I'll go and file this now," he said as he got up and left the room. He had only made it half a step out of the room before he started laughing. Soon, Cap's laughter was mixing with the laughter of the four men sitting in the day room.
"Thanks a lot, Roy!"
Before Roy could respond, Chet was on his feet and swaggering over to his pigeon.
"So, Kissing Boy, tell me, just how do you do it? How do you get the chicks to go wild over you?"
"Yeah, John, I always wondered about that."
"MAN, MIKE!! Why did you have to pick today to say 6 sentences?" Johnny scowled at the now talkative engineer.
"Seven." Marco corrected. "He said a whole sentence while you were off on your date, kissing."
"Really, Gage, you better watch it, you might get in trouble..... I mean, kissing while on duty!"
"Oh, shut up, Chester B!" Johnny said as he started to turn and leave the room.
"HEY!! That's right, Chet never did tell us what the B stands for!" Roy exclaimed.
"THAT'S RIGHT!" Johnny echoed as he turned again, this time, smiling.
"So, Chet what is it? Brogan? Braxton? Buckingham?"
"You are sooooo far off, Mr. Romeo!" Chet challenged as he had a sudden urge to leave the kitchen.
"Oh, no, Chester B! You aren't running away from me..... get back here Beauchamp...... Blainsworth..... Barkley........."
As the pair of friends walked out of the kitchen, their name calling could be heard throughout the station...... and so could the unmistakable sound of several men laughing wholeheartedly.
~~B~~B~~B~~
Unfortunately for Chester B., the rest of the day was uneventful as far as emergency calls. For Chet, that meant he spent most of the day avoiding his crew mates because every time he was in the same room with any one, he was assaulted with "B" names and it was starting to wear on his nerves. Finally having had enough, Chet went out back and shot some hoops.
Geez! Why do the guys care what my middle name is? What's the big deal? Oh, give it up, Chet! The big deal is your middle name is dumb! Man, now I know how Johnny feels when I tease him. I wonder how he puts up with me? Chet thought as he took aim at the basket and watched as it bounced off the rim and rolled off towards the bay door.
Johnny bent down and scooped up the ball. He bounced it a couple of times and then shot the ball, making the basket with ease. He grinned at Chet as he walked over to the now scowling man.
"Hey, Chet.... I can give you some lessons if you want!"
"Go away, Lover Boy!" Chet snapped as he grabbed Johnny's rebound and started dribbling.
"Hey, Chet, I'm sorry..... honest..... I didn't realize you were so sensitive about your middle name..... the guys and I will stop picking on you."
Chet stopped dribbling and considered the sincerity of Johnny's offer. Seeing the look on the young man's face, he grinned.
"Okay. Thanks. And I'll stop with the 'kissing' noises, okay?" offered Chet as he extended his hand.
Johnny stepped forward and shook Chet's hand, and then he grabbed the ball and charged the net, making the lay up. He grinned as he turned back to Chet, tossing him the ball.
"Okay, Chet, now, let's see what you got!"
"Oh, you just wait, Gage!" replied the stocky man as he dribbled the ball, trying to get around the defensive moves of his favorite pigeon.
Meanwhile, from the bay, Captain Stanley and Roy chuckled as they watched 'the kids' play ball.
~~B~~B~~B~~
Fortunately for the rest of the crew, Chet and Johnny kept the truce for the rest of the shift. The only 'bomb' in the war was dropped in the morning as the men were changing. As Chet opened his locker, he found a neatly written list of names.... names that all began with a "B".
Chet shot Johnny a nasty look as he grabbed the list, crumpled it up and shoved it in his pants pocket.
"Don't look at me, Chet! I kept my word! Besides, I can't write that neat! Just ask Roy."
"He's right, Chet. Half the time even Johnny can't read his own writing!"
"Don't worry, Roy.... the Phantom will even the score!" Chet vowed as he muttered to himself on the way out the swinging door.
Like I'm worried about the Phantom! thought the guilty party as he finished tucking in his shirt and left the locker room behind Johnny and Roy.
~~B~~B~~B~~
The Next Shift
The men of Station 51 A-shift stood tall in line at roll call. Their captain was already upset about the fact that Chet Kelly was late and had not called, and no one wanted to get on his bad side and take latrine duty away from Chet when he finally arrived.
"Well, Simmons, thanks for staying to cover for Kelly." Captain Stanley said after having dismissed his crew.
"No problem, Captain, I owe Chet a favor anyway... this makes us even." replied the 6'2" sandy blond. "Besides, this shift has more fun then we do.... And here is the reason for that fun now!" he finished as he saw Chet walk through the open back bay door.
"Oh, yeah, he's a barrel full of laughs, Peter!" replied the captain as he stared at the now closing locker room door.
"Do me a favor, Peter, stick around a bit until I have a chance to talk to Chet?"
"You bet, Cap!"
Hank muttered his thanks as the walked towards the locker room. The rest of the men waited a second and then crowded outside the door, listening intently.
~~B~~B~~B~~
"Gee, Kelly, nice of you to join us! Now explain yourself!" demanded Hank as he crossed his arms in front of his chest, glaring at a shaky Chet as he fumbled with the buttons on his shirt.
"Sorry, Cap. Honest! I would have called, but I couldn't. I was at my lawyers and I thought I had enough time and when I saw how late it was getting, I told Harry to hurry up, but he could only go so fast and when he was finally done, I ran out to the car, jumped in and sped all the way here! HONEST, CAP! I'm sorry, it will never happen again! I promise!" Chet finally stopped, taking a much needed breath.
Hank studied the man before him and eased his stance.
"What was this about a lawyer, Kelly? Are you in some kind of trouble?"
Chet started to grin.
"No, Cap! No trouble at all! In fact, just the opposite!" Chet replied as he pinned on his badge and shut his locker, suddenly coming to attention as his captain stepped forward and eyed him suspiciously.
"Then why are you late and why where at a lawyer's office this early in the morning?"
"Well, Cap, you see.... it's.... well, I'm not suppose to tell anyone....." Chet stammered as he watched the red flush into Stanley's face.
"But, I guess I can tell you, Sir!" he quickly added.
"WELL?" Hank shouted after Chet just stood there, shifting from one foot to the other.
"OH! Um, well, you remember last shift when I got that letter from my Aunt Fiona with the Irish Sweepstakes numbers in it?"
Hank let out a sigh, cursing the fact he had ever taken much less passed his captain's exam. "Yes. So what?"
"Well... um.... Cap... I..... well..... I WON!" Chet finally blurted out as the huge grin returned to his face.
"YOU WHAT?" shouted Marco as he and the others spilled through the door way.
"I WON! My aunt called the other day to tell me the winning number..... I had it!!" Chet exclaimed as he was patted on the back by his crew mates.
"Well, congratulations, amigo!"
"Hey, does this mean I'll finally get the 20 bucks you owe me, Chet?" Johnny teased.
"Johnny, Johnny, Johnny!! You better behave! It's not a wise idea to get a rich man mad at you."
"Now hold on Chet. You aren't rich..... you just won some money..... from another country I might add.... you have taxes and what ever else to pay on that."
"I know, Roy, that's why I was late.... I was at Harry's office.... He is my Dad's lawyer. He was going over all the stuff I have to do and he was the one who said not to tell anyone right away until he had a chance to look into some legalities and stuff. Honest, Cap!" Chet added as he saw the look on his face.
"Well, Chet, while I am glad for you, I am not happy that you were late for work. And I'll let it go, this time, but it better not happen again!"
"NO, Sir! Thank you, Sir!" Chet replied as he saluted his superior officer.
"Of course, you still have latrine duty until further notice!" Captain Stanley stated as he turned and walked out the door, unable to watch the man and keep a straight face any longer.
~~B~~B~~B~~
Two hours later and the chores were all done and the men were sitting at the table, munching on carrots and celery and talking about Chet's good fortune.
"So, Chet, what are you going to do with all that money?"
"Well, Marco, I've been thinking about it.... and I really don't know! I mean, it's all of a sudden, you know?"
All the men shook their heads, knowingly.
"Well, I think you should be a gentleman and honor your dinner date with Clair."
"MIKE! I did not make a date with Clair!"
"Ah, come on, Chet! You have the money now! Take the lady out for a nice dinner. You know she likes you. She patted your tushy!"
"CAP!"
"Besides, she is the one who brought you the tickets. Maybe she is your good luck charm." supplied Roy.
"Yeah.... you're right about that...... and she is kind of cute....." Chet admitted, turning slightly red at his comment.
"Well, then, Pal, I suggest you get outside and wait for the mail.... it should be coming soon."
"Thanks, Cap! That's a great idea!" Chet chirped as he jumped from his chair, smoothing out his tangle of dark curls and headed out to the front door to wait outside for Clair.
"Well, guys, it would seem as though the Phantom is in love!" giggled Johnny.
Before the men could discuss Chet's love life any further, the squad was toned out. As Roy pulled the vehicle out of the bay and Johnny grabbed the map, they could see a very nervous Chester B. Kelly asking a beaming Clair out for dinner.
About ten minutes later, Chet walked back into the station and dropped the mail on the table.
"What's that?" Marco asked, seeing the paper in his other hand.
"That," Chet grinned, "is Clair's number and address! We have a date tomorrow!" Chet said as he turned and went towards the locker room to put the precious piece of paper in a safe place. He was so caught up in his thoughts about his date that he almost ran into Cap as he was coming out of the locker room.
"Oh, sorry, Cap! I got a date!" he explained.
"Good for you, Pal!"
Chet turned back and walked through the door. He opened his locker and carefully put the paper in his pant's pocket. He was about to shut the door when another piece of paper caught his attention. He took the neatly written list of names down and tossed them into his locker.
Not today, Chester B! Not today! he thought as he was too happy about his date to care about another list of "B" names. Next shift.... next shift I'll figure it out reasoned the Phantom.
~~B~~B~~B~~
March 29th
Chet walked into the locker room, whistling the theme from Love Story.
"So, Chet, I take it the date with Clair went well?" asked Roy as he shut his locker and sat on the bench, joining his partner who was lacing up his boots.
"I'm not letting you off the hook today, guys!" Chet warned as he glanced at the long list of names taped to his locker door.
"Off the hook for what?" inquired Marco as he jogged into the room, taking a look at his watch, noticing he was the last one to arrive today.
"The Name Bandit struck again." Roy explained as he pointed a finger at the list Johnny now held.
"Benchly?" croaked Gage as he scanned the list. "Where in the world is the Bandit getting these names?"
"Probably has one of those baby name books women buy when they are trying to pick out a name for their kids." supplied Marco.
Geee! Thanks for the idea, Marco! I was running out of names. I'll have to pick one of those books up on the way home. I wonder where you buy them? mused the Bandit as Roy asked Chet again about his date.
"Oh! Roy, it was great! She is a really funny lady."
"She'd have to be to go out with you.... Chester Babbit." baited Johnny as he handed him the list back and shut his locker.
"You just wait, Gage! I know you have something to do with this..... the Phantom won't forget!"
"GEEZ! Try to be nice to a guy and what do you get? Threats!" whined Johnny as the group headed out to the bay for roll call.
"Threats?" Cap inquired as he raised an eyebrow at Chet.
"Well, Chet, it would seem that you just volunteered for double duty today. So before you start on the latrine, you can help Roy hang hose."
"AW, Cap!" Chet started to complain.
"Are you volunteering to help John with the dorm, too?"
"NO, SIR!" Chet answered smartly.
"Sorry, John, after you check supplies, I guess you get the dorm all by yourself. Mike, you're cooking today, Marco you got the bay and the day room and I, gentlemen, have a drill to plan... so let's get to it!"
"Come, on, Chet, the faster we start the sooner we get done." grinned Roy as he put a fatherly arm around the younger man's shoulders and walked him out back to the hose tower.
It was a nice spring-like day and Roy was glad to be outside. As they worked, Roy listened to Chet go on about his date with Clair and the nice restaurant he took her to since he now had the money. He told Roy about his meeting with Harry and how he had stopped by the car dealership the other day. He hated to do it, but he was finally going to get rid of that beat up old piece of steel he was driving.
"So, Roy, what would you do if you had the money?" asked Chet as the pair took a short break from their task.
"I don't know Chet.... I doubt I have to worry about it."
"That's what I thought, remember?" Chet challenged.
"Yeah.... true. I guess I would have to put most of it in savings for the kids. It's going to cost a lot of money to put two kids through college. Maybe take a nice vacation, just Jo and I..... and I suppose I would give some to the Fireman's Fund, too."
"HEY! I hadn't thought about that. That's a good idea, Roy! Thanks!"
"No problem, Chet. Tell ya what.... I'll finish this last hose by myself.... you go and start on the latrine."
Chet groaned, but handed Roy the last hose and turned and headed into the building. He thought he heard foot steps shuffle on the other side of the engine as he walked into the latrine. Chet just shook his head as he walked over to the sink and washed his hands. He turned around slowly and stared at his locker. He started to mumble as he quickly stepped over to it and started taking off the numerous B's that had been taped to the front.
Suddenly, Chet heard a giggle coming from the bay.
"I'll get you Bandit!" Chet shouted. Just as soon as I figure out who you are!
~~B~~B~~B~~
The Next Shift
Chet came swaggering into the locker room in yet another great mood after having spent most of his two days off with Clair. He lost some of his sunny disposition though as he opened his locker and found several numbered pages pinned to his locker door again.
"So, Marco, pal.... where did you find a baby name book to steal these pages from?" Chet accused as he started taking the pages down.
"What are you talking about?" Marco asked with a bit of hurt in his voice.
"Well, you were the one who mentioned the baby book last shift.... and now there are pages ripped out of a book in my locker..... " Chet let the accusation hang in the air.
To every ones surprise, Marco started laughing.
"Chet, I think you better stop dating Clair! Love is slowing down the Phantom's reflexes!" he responded as he left the room.
"Thanks a lot, Marco!"
"Gee, what an original come back, Chet! Even I could do better than that!" Johnny goaded as he and Roy followed Marco's retreat.
"Well!" huffed the irked Irishman.
"Witty, Chet.... real witty." declared Mike as he passed by on his way to the bay.
Chet stood in the locker room alone.... thinking..... thinking just how the Phantom was going to reappear after his short absence. Cap's voice announcing roll call shook him from his thoughts, and he quickly changed his clothes and joined his crew mates for the start of another shift. He was still lost in his thoughts for revenge that he didn't notice the snickers and smiles of his friends.
~~B~~B~~B~~
Chet was just starting to clean the last stall in the latrine when he heard Cap calling him. He dropped the toilet brush into the bucket and walked out into the bay.
"HI, CLAIR!" Chet said surprised to see her standing in the bay. The mail usually didn't come this early.
"HI, CHET! I got another letter for you. Not more tickets already?" Clair questioned as she handed him the sheet to sign for his letter.
"No. I won't be needing any more of those!" Chet wiggled his eye brows at his new girlfriend.
"Oh, I don't know about that, Chet." replied Johnny as he walked into the bay and nodded a hello at Clair.
Chet eyed Johnny suspiciously. "What are you talking about, Gage?"
"I mean, you just never know."
Chet shook his head and opened the letter as Clair thanked him again for a lovely evening last night.
Chet blushed at Clair's comments as he pulled the letter from the envelope and started reading.
Suddenly, all the color drained from Chet's face and the letter fell to the floor.
Startled, Johnny stepped to Chet's side.
"Chet? What's wrong? Are you okay?"
Chet's only response was a wide eyed looked at his pigeon. His mouth moved, but no sounds came out. He slowly turned and looked at Clair who was gently patting his arm, her pale eyes reflecting her concern.
"Come on, Chet," Johnny said, guiding him by the elbow, "let's go into the kitchen and sit down."
Clair watched as Chet allowed himself to be led to the kitchen. She slowly bent down to pick up the letter, hoping it held some answers to Chet's sudden and mysterious behavior.
As Clair read the letter, a huge smile spread across her face. So that's what's going on! she thought as she put a serious expression back on her face and walked to the kitchen to check on Chet.
~~B~~B~~B~~
Johnny quietly talked to Chet as he led him the short distance to the kitchen and sat him down into a chair. Chet was too caught up in his own thoughts about the meaning of the letter that he failed to see the grin on John's face or notice the large assembly of people in the room.
It can't be...... it just can't be.... I thought Fiona like me? What is going on? Why did she send this letter now, of all times.... just when Gage and the Bandit were bugging me about it? Something isn't right! Chet thought miserably to himself.
Chet was suddenly brought from his thoughts by Gage's comment.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, GAGE?" he shouted as he turned and finally looked around the room. The sight that greeted him sent shivers down his spine.
Standing in the room where his shift mates and several of the men from B and C shifts. As he scanned the room further, he noticed his parents and Harry were there, too. His mouth dropped open as the hairs on the back of his neck prickled.
"I said, would you like a drink of water, Binky?" Gage grinned his full lopsided grin at the Phantom.
"Chester Binky Kelly you better answer the nice young man or I won't be very happy!" declared a decidedly feminine, Irish voice.
"Au... Aunt.... Fiona?" Chet barely croaked.
"Yes, Chetty, Aunt Fiona! Now sit up straight and drink the water Johnny has for you." she ordered as the group started to giggle.
Chet took the glass and sipped some water, eying Aunt Fiona the whole time. Suddenly, the proverbial light went on and Chet sorted through recent events.
"AUNT FIONA! I thought I was your favorite?" Chet bellowed as he shot out of this chair and faced the woman, not noticing the rummaging going on behind him.
"Oh, you are, Chetty! But you never write me.... and I don't like to be ignored. So when the nice Mr. Gage contacted me and asked me for some help, I couldn't refuse." the woman replied.
"Johnny contacted you? Help? Help with what?" Chet asked as he itched furiously at the back of his neck.
"Well, Chetty, from what I was told, it all started when you refused to tell the guys what your middle name was. Actually, I'm surprised at you, Chester. You should be proud of your name..... Grand Pappy Sullivan was a dear man and it is an honor to have his name." Fiona started to explain.
Chet bowed his head, properly chastised. He knew he was named after Pappy Sullivan who was a good, honest man as well a decorated soldier, but when it came to Gage and the Phantom, well, none of that matter much.
Chester Binky Kelly sighed as his Aunt Fiona continued.
"Anyway, when Mr. Gage wanted to know about your middle name, I told him.... and we talked some on the phone..... and he got to telling me about the Phantom.
I always knew you were a trickster, Chetty, but you have been tormenting poor Mr. Gage enough. So I thought I would help him get even for a change! So, after I helped him, I asked him if he would help me out....."
"And, of course, I agreed, Binky!" Johnny supplied as he joined the two, his grin still firmly planted on his face.
Chet glared at the two grinning bookends standing before him, his eyes narrowing.
"So, you helped Gage out by telling him my middle name. Just what did Johnny help you out with, Aunt Fiona?"
"Well," she started, crossing her arms over her chest and giving him a look that experience had taught him meant he was in deep trouble, "it seems I have this nephew who thinks that the Irish Sweepstakes is a 'waste of time and money'. So I thought he needed to be taught a lesson!"
Chet clawed at the hairs on the back of his neck as he thought.
"You mean...... this.... is..... all a.... a......joke? I didn't..... win the sweepstakes?" he choked out, suddenly regretting the down payment he made yesterday on the new truck.
"Sorry, Chet, no you didn't." supplied Harry as he stepped forward from the group. "Of course, I did warn you, Chet, that there some things I needed to check out." he added with a chuckle.
"You mean, you were in on this, too?" Chet whined.
They all nodded their head in the affirmative.
"We all were, Pal." Hank chimed in as he put a fatherly arm around the fireman and tried not to laugh too hard at the Phantom's apparent demise.
"But... but why?" Chet stammered.
The collected group could hardly contain their laughter any more. They all shook their heads as they watched the Phantom fall apart.
"Binky.... what day is it?" challenged Fiona with a devilish grin as he slowly turned her nephew around.
Chet stood rooted in place as he took in the group around him. They were all standing under a huge banner which declared its message in big, bold, green letters. Chet bowed his head as the room erupted into shouts of the sign's message: "APRIL FOOL'S BINKY!"
~~B~~B~~B~~
The Bandit stood quietly in the back of the room, eying a now complaining Chester Binky Kelly. The Bandit was a bit sad. Now that Chet's name had been exposed, he wouldn't have anything to pick on Kelly about.
Gee, and I was actually have fun! No wonder Chet and Johnny get into it so much. Suddenly, a wide grinned appeared on his face as he remembered the nick name Fiona had been using all morning: Chetty!
Ah, yes, I am sure I can have some fun with that! the Bandit thought as he walked out of the kitchen and headed into the bay. He stopped at the supply closet and grabbed a rag, all the while planning his next attack. He lovingly polished the dials on the big red engine as the ideas streamed into his head.
Yeah, I can still have some fun!
~~B~~B~~B~~
Special thanks to the "name gallery" for all of their input and 'B' ideas. And a very special thanks to a dear friend for letting me borrow "Binky"!
**Information about the Irish Sweepstakes was obtained here:
http://allaboutirish.com/library/bits/sweepstakes.htm
**Information about Johnny's cultural background was taken from an article about Randy Mantooth.
