By

fubured66

Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't want too; they get into way too much trouble.

"Johnny, what happened to you?"
"I'd rather not talk about it, Dix."
"That's not really an option. You're going to have to explain when Dr. Brackett gets in here."
"I know. Thought I'd give it a try."
"Roy, do you want to tell me what happened to his eye. That's going to be an impressive shiner."
"Roy, stay out of this."
"Come on Johnny, she's going to find out anyway. Besides, Dix, he's not actually here about that."
"Really? What's he here for?"
"I am in the room, ya know."
"Shush, Johnny, Roy's talking."
"Yeah Junior, shush."
"You people have no respect for the injured."
"I have lots of respect for the injured, partner; just not for the klutzy."
"Okay, now I'm really curious. Spill it Roy."
"Well, Dix, it started out like any other Monday morning. I was at work on time, Johnny, as per usual, was late."
"I was not!"
"Yes, you were."
"I wasn't!"
"You were late."
"I was late."
"He was late. Anyway, we were all heading out of the locker room for roll call, just as Johnny was coming in."
"Swinging door?"
"Yup."
"Oh, that explains the eye."
"No, actually that explains the nose."
"Now that you mention it, it does look a little swollen."
"Yeah, it's gone down some."
"Excuse me, that really hurt. I was seeing stars."
"Johnny, stop interrupting."
"Sorry Dix."
"Go on Roy."
"Anyway, we got him picked up and washed off the blood..."
"There was buckets."
"Johnny..."
"I know, I know, I'll shut up."
"As I was saying, we got him cleaned up and Mike went to get him an ice pack. Did you know Mike's on the ball team the department is entering in the charity tournament next week?"
"No, what position does he play?"
"Pitcher, but he's having some control problems. He's been practicing every chance he gets."
"He didn't."
"Yep, he did. Pitched that bag of ice right to Johnny. The throw was dead on."
"I'd a caught it too, if he'd warned me."
"Junior."
"Well I would've!"
"Oh, so that explains the eye."
"No, that explains the chin."
"Oh yeah, there is a bruise coming. That's going to look very colorful in a day or two."
"Thanks Dix, I'll try to coordinate."
"If you have trouble, let me know. I know that's not really your strong suit."
"You're all heart, McCall."
"I try. What happened next?"
"Well, Johnny took a little offense to the beaning and chased Mike into the kitchen..."
"Johnny, take offense; no!"
"...where Chet had left a cupboard door open."
"And Johnny ran into it."
"Right."
"And got the black eye."
"Wrong."
"What?"
"He managed to duck at the last minute and almost missed it. Unfortunately, his hair got caught on the latch."
"Oh no!"
"Yeah, and, instead of letting me untangle him, he jerked away."
"Oh, hence the bald spot."
"ROY, you told me it didn't show!"
"We'll work on your comb-over later, Junior."
"You, too, are all heart."
"Quiet Johnny. Roy's talking. So when did he get the shiner?"
"Almost there Dix. About that time, Johnny started mumbling about Mondays."
"Yeah, Mondays suck. Everything bad happens on a Monday. It lies in wait all week so it can blindside you while your defenses are down, from a nice relaxing Sunday. One minute you're traveling along nice and happy, the next, Monday has snuck up on you and cracked you across the bean with a 2 x 4. It plans all week..."
"See what I mean, Dix. Johnny, I'm trying to tell a story here."
"Well, sooorrry!"
"Can I continue?"
"If you must."
"So Johnny saw that little patch of hair..."
"It was a big patch!"
"...that little patch of hair, panicked and headed for the latrine to check it out in the mirror. As luck would have it, someone had left a broom lying on the floor."
"Let me guess. He stepped on the head and the handle came up and hit him in the eye."
"Close; the ear."
"Oh yes, I do see a little cut."
"A little cut! I bet I lost another pint of blood."
"You're exaggerating Junior. It was a tiny cut."
"It bled a lot."
"It bled a bit. You didn't even need a butterfly."
"No, I needed a transfusion."
"Johnny!"
"Honest Dix. I even got light-headed!"
"Did he Roy?"
"Well, kinda, but not from the cut; he hyperventilated."
"What?"
"Well, you see, he still wasn't in his uniform, so after he ran into
the broom..."
"It was Monday, disguised as a broom."
"After he ran into the broom, I managed to talk him into changing before Cap saw him. He opened his locker and discovered the Phantom had been busy."
"A water bomb?"
"A rubber snake."
"Oh, that still gets him, huh?"
"Yep, every time."
"Naughty Phantom."
"So anyway, when the snake flew out and caught him in the chest, his breathing got a little out of whack."
"A little out of whack!!! I almost died!"
"Johnny, I'm a paramedic. I know a panic attack when I see one."
"Okay, guys, play nice. Now how would he get a black eye from that?"
"He jumped back and plopped down on the bench."
"And missed?"
"Not exactly. Seems the snake was Part A of the Phantom attack. He had also loosened the bolts on the bench seat."
"Oh, I get it. One of the boards came up and nailed him."
"Right Dix; you got it."
"Wow, he could have been hurt really bad."
"My point exactly, Dix. See Roy, I'm not the only one who thinks the Phantom needs punishing."
"I wouldn't go that far, Johnny."
"Well, I would."
"I know that partner, which leads us to the real reason you're here."
"Right, I forgot. You still haven't told me what that is."
"Okay, after Johnny got his breath, he went after Chet. Chased him around the engine and the squad a few times and then they headed into the kitchen again."
"Cupboard door?"
"No, not this time. Henry."
"Henry?"
"Yup. Seems Henry got a little upset when he saw Johnny chasing his meal ticket. So he bit him."
"It wasn't Henry. It was Monday in a dog suit; I'm sure of it."
"Henry actually bit someone?"
"Yeah, so here we are. Waiting for stitches. For Johnny. Again."

"Good morning men, what can I do for you today?"
"Hey, Dr. Brackett."
"John. Are those two okay?"
"They won't be, after I get through with them. Go ahead, laugh, see if I care."
"Just ignore them, Johnny. What's the problem?"
"Doc, it was terrible; Monday jumped up and bit me in the ass!!!"