After working with Nick for the last few weeks, Rachel became quite fond of this mysterious man. She couldn't quite put her finger on why she liked him so much, perhaps it was his vulnerability and the situation that he was currently in.

"Nick..."

It took Nick a moment to realize that Rachel was calling his name. Turning his head to look at the pretty physical therapist, he smiled at her.

"Hey Rachel."

"Boy...you were in your own little world there for awhile. You okay?"

Nick continued to smile at her, as he replied, "Yeah, I'm okay...I'm back to reality now."

"Reality…what'da'ya mean?"

"Well...what I mean is...well, I guess my current situation. I've been trying to remember things about my life...nothin's comin' back, so...I've come to the conclusion that " this * is my reality now...my new life. Doctor Christopher, my psychiatrist, she's been trying to help me...but..."

"Don't give up Nick, Doctor C is one of the best around and I've seen her help lots of people...and she'll help you too."

"You really think so?"

Nodding her head, Rachel said, "Yeah, I do. I can only imagine how frustrating and upsetting this whole...episode has been for you, but just from the few weeks that I've been workin' with you...I can sense that you have an inner strength about you...a strength that you've * always * had and it's probably got'cha through a lot of hard times."

Nick let out a small laugh, as he said, "You know what Rachel, you should change

specialties...instead of being a physical therapist, you should be a psychiatrist, but thanks for caring so much. Right now...everyone at this hospital is my family...the only people in the whole world that I know. Whatever the future holds for me...that's something that I'll * never * forget...never."

October 3 rd …

As the beginning of October rolled around, Nick's casts came off and he embarked on an extremely rigorous physical therapy program. Although working diligently with his psychiatrist, Doctor Christopher, Nick still had no memory of his past life or what had brought him to Denver.

Despite his loss of memory, he adapted well to his current situation. The people who helped him to get to this point in his recovery had become his friends...his family. During this time, he and Rachel had also grown very close, even sharing a few rather romantic kisses…but in the back of his mind, he was afraid that she might be taken away from him…like his old life and friends had been.

It was one evening after supper that Rachel came back to visit with Nick. He was lying in bed, his head slightly tilted back and his eyes were open. Not realizing his eyes were open, and thinking he was asleep Rachel entered the room quietly.

As she approached the bed, she realized that he was indeed awake.

"Nick?" she called softly.

Looking up, Nick noticed Rachel standing next to the bed.

"Hey."

"You alright…tired?"

Nick smiled at the therapist, and said, "Now that you mention it...I * am * kinda tired, but I'm fine...really. I was just doing some thinkin'."

"About what?"

Fixing his pillows behind his back, Nick replied, "You...us...life. I...I was just thinkin'...I...I could conceivably start to remember things about ...about my life at any given moment."

Rachel smiled at Nick not understanding what he was talking about.

"Yeah...and that would be good right?"

"Rach...what...what if in remembering my past...I lose you…what if...you get taken away from me like...like my old life...my old life and friends? It's just somethin' I keep thinkin' about and if I lost you I don't think I could handle that."

Rachel gently sat on the bed, next to Nick and took his hand in hers.

"Nick...you're not gonna lose me, I'm here for you...as long as you want me to be."

"I wish…I wish I could believe that…I mean * really * believe that."

Looking deeply into his brown eyes, she continued.

"Hey, believe it, ‘cause it's the truth. But I admit...in the beginning...I felt bad for you...not pity...I just felt terrible for what you were going through. You were alone, critically injured and...almost died…and I thought to myself how it would feel to be in the same position as you...it scared me, but some how though, over these last couple months...I...I've grown to really admire and respect you...and without even realizing it...I found myself falling for you. Your inner strength is amazing...and your warmth and sensitivity. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm not going anywhere, Nick Taylor...you're stuck with me."

Nick grinned crookedly at Rachel and leaning in closer, gave her a long gentle kiss.

"I'm a lucky guy. How something as awful as what happened to me could bring me something as wonderful as you, I'll never know...but I'll never again question it. You mean a lot to me Rachel...and I'll never forget how wonderful you've been to me."

Rachel looked lovingly at Nick, and said, "And you mean a lot to me. I swear, I'll never be taken away from you. "

October 13 th …

Doctor Larson walked into Nick's room, preparing to give the young man a double dose of good news. Nick was sitting in a chair looking out the window when Larson entered.

"Good morning Nick."

Looking up at the Doctor, Nick said, "Mornin' Doc, what brings you here this early in the morning?"

"I have some great news for you."

Nick looked hopefully at the Doctor, as he asked, "You...you know who I am and all about my life?"

"No...I'm sorry to say we still don't have any information on that end...but I do have some other things to tell you that I think you'll really like."

"Yeah?"

Sitting on the foot of the bed, Larson said, "You'll be getting out of here in about two weeks. You've made such a remarkable recovery Nick."

Holding up his hand to stop the Doctor, Nick said, "Back up the truck a minute Doc…you say that I'll be gettin' out of here...well, where exactly am I gonna go…and...and how am I gonna support myself?"

"Well...if you let me finish...I'll tell you."

Nick grinned sheepishly at the Doctor, and said, "Sorry."

"You remember Jack Marshall...the X-RAY Tech?"

"Yeah. What about him?"

"He's got a brother, Paul who owns a ranch on the outskirts of the city and he's looking for another pair of hands to help out on the ranch. He'd pay you a salary and let you stay at one of the cabins on the ranch until you get yourself settled…and they're nice cabins. How about it?"

Nick smiled at the Doctor, as he said, "That sounds great Doc, but I don't even know the man...why would he do something like this for me...for someone he doesn't even know?"

"Nick...at this hospital...we're family. That's the kind of things that families do for one another, and seeing how much you seem to mean to Rachel...you're a part of that family now."

"But a ranch…what kinds of things could * I * do on a ranch? My mobility isn't exactly the greatest."

"Nick, you're doing fine and Rachel tells me that you're the best patient she ever had...plus, everyone knows how hard you have worked to get to this point."

Nick let out a chuckle, as he said, "Well...I can't argue with you there."

"Paul will be by sometime today to meet you."

As the Doctor started to leave the room, Nick said, "Doctor Larson...in case I haven't told you...thanks...for everything that you've done for me, especially saving my life."

"I'm just glad that I could help. You know, none of us may know anything about you Nick... where you come from or who you are...but there are * two * things that I * do * know and that I'm certain of...one, you're one very special young man...and two, you have an amazing inner strength...something I'd bet you've * always * had. And know that whatever your future holds...you're gonna be just fine...and you're always going to have all of us here at Castlewood as a part of your life."

"That's what Rachel said but Doc...hearing * you * say that...makes me feel good...thanks."

"Take it easy and I'll see ya later."

Later that afternoon, Nick had just come back from another grueling physical therapy session. He was lying in bed exhausted with his eyes closed, when there was a knock at his door.

"Come on in...* unless * your name is Rachel Lopez."

When the door opened, in stepped a very rugged-looking sandy-haired man.

"Hi. I promise my name's not Rachel, but I know...she's a tough taskmaster. She helped me out when I hurt my back a few years ago. I'm Paul...Jack's brother."

"Oh...yeah. Hello...Nick Taylor."

The two men shook hands.

"I figured I should come meet you. How ya doin' ?"

"Pretty good...considering. I appreciate you doing this for me, but when Doctor Larson told me this morning about what you and Jack were gonna do…I was floored."

Leaning up against the wall, Paul said, "Ah...don't mention it. What happened to you was awful and I couldn't imagine going through everything that you've gone through...and to have no memory of anything. We all just wanna help you."

"Thanks. I really appreciate it more than any of you'll ever know. So...considering I have some physical limitations at the moment, what is it that you think I'll be able to do on your ranch?"

"How about helping out with the horses…brushing them and feeding them...basically just giving them some TLC...sound good?"

Nick smiled appreciatively.

"Sounds great...I'll do my best."

The two men talked for a while longer then Paul told Nick about the cabin that he'd be living in, and about the salary that he'd be making.

"Well...I guess that's it, I gotta get back to the ranch. Welcome aboard Nick."

"Thanks Paul, I can't wait."

"I'll be in touch. Take care of yourself."

"I will...and thanks."

Paul smiled warmly at his new friend, and said, "Don't mention it."

After Paul left the room, Nick found himself deep in thought…pondering his life...he thought about his present, his future...and past that he had no recollection of.

******

November 5 th …

When the morning of November 5th rolled around, Nick was preparing to be released from the hospital. He was dressed and sitting quietly in a chair looking out the window of his hospital room. Emotionally, Nick was still recovering…but the depression he had been feeling, from not remembering anything about his life prior to the attack, had been lifted once he was accepted as family by some of the hospital staff members.

But at this moment, sitting quietly and reflecting on the past few months, and getting ready to embark on his new life, he couldn't help but to feel a certain sadness and sense of loss.

Despite how far he had physically come in the two months since the attack, he was still in considerable pain and even though he was once again up on his feet, the mere act of walking still posed to be somewhat of a challenge, even with a cane.

Entering Nick's room, Rachel came in smiling…where this remarkable man was concerned, Rachel was always smiling. At first she felt bad for him...given what he was going through and not remembering a thing about himself, but then somehow without even realizing it, she fell for him...hard.

Over the course of the 10+ weeks that she had worked so closely with Nick trying to help him to get his mobility back, she found their relationship evolving from patient, to comfortable friendship, to something a bit more serious.

Noticing Nick seemingly absorbed in whatever was out his window, she entered quietly not wanting to startle him.

Hearing the door close behind her, Nick turned around and saw Rachel standing there.

"Hey Nick...good morning. I'm sorry if I startled you."

Giving her a small smile, Nick shook his head.

"Mornin' to you too Rach...and no...you didn't."

Rachel walked over to him and looked at him with concern.

"You okay Nick? You seem...kinda down. I'da thought that with you gettin' out of here today...you'd be a lot happier."

Nick looked down at the floor, as he said, "I...I wanna be happy Rachel...it's just that...well ...I guess I'm kinda scared."

"Scared...of what?"

"You have to ask me that question? You of all people know what I've gone through over these last few months."

"Yes...I * do *...and I couldn't be prouder of you Nick and I know exactly how hard you've worked to get to this point. Please tell me what you're so scared of."

Nick took a deep breath and exhaled, as he quietly said, "I'm afraid of...of the unknown. This life...this life that I'm about to start on...it's all brand new to me. A new home in a new city, new friends...new everything. What if I can't make it...what'll become of me...who'll pick up the pieces?"

Rachel looked at Nick with love and understanding.

"Nick, I don't pretend to know how you're feeling...physically or mentally because I don't have a clue, but I do know that I love you...and I know everyone here at Castlewood cares a lot about you...and that we'd never let anything happen to you...we'll always be there for you...always...we're your safety net."

I know…and I appreciate it. I guess what I'm tryin' to say is...I have to somehow find my own way in this new world of mine...and I'm just nervous that I won't be able to...even * with * everyone's love and support. But do you promise you'll always be there for me? I don't think I can do this by myself."

"I promise."

Nick and Rachel both looked up when the door opened. In walked Doctor Larson, followed by Tamara, Liz, Doctor Lawrence, and Jack Marshall carrying balloons and a cake.

"What's all this for?" Nick asked, genuinely surprised.

Tamara smiled warmly at Nick, and said, "It's for you silly, we...your friends from Castlewood just wanted to give you a proper send-off. Cake?"

Grinning, Nick replied, "I'll have a piece, as long as it's not from the hospital cafeteria. No offense Doc...but the food here leaves a lot to be desired...let's just say I'm glad to be gettin' outta here."

After eating cake, Nick was handed an envelope

"My release papers?"

Rachel laughed as she replied, "Just open it."

Nick took the envelope and slowly opened it. Taking out the paper in the envelope, he was surprised to see a check for a rather large sum of money. His jaw dropped open.

"I...I can't accept this."

Doctor Larson nodded his head, and said, "Yes...you can Nick. It's something that all your friends wanted to do for you."

"But why? None of you know anything about me...* I * don't know anything about me. I came in here all shot up and beat up, stabbed, I...I could be a criminal for all you know."

The people gathered in his room looked at him like he was crazy. When no one answered him right away, he asked again.

"Please, tell me, why would you all do this for me? You hardly even know me."

Tamara spoke up first.

"See, that's where you're wrong Nick, we know you better than you think we do. You'll learn quickly...around here, we're family...we help each other and look out for each other."

"We know you're having to start over so it's to help you get back on your feet...there's no strings attached and you will not pay it back." Jay told him.

"But I...I don't even have a bank account."

Rachel made Nick look closer at the check.

"Look...it's made out to cash. Any one of us would be more than happy to cash it for you."

Nick was overwhelmed at the generosity that this group of people exhibited.

"I don't know how to thank you all."

Doctor Lawrence walked over to Nick and shook his hand.

"You just did. It's a relief to all of us that you are actually * walking * out of here. That night you were brought here almost three months ago...I don't know of anybody here who thought you were actually gonna make it, let alone be able to walk outta here. But...I think there's something inside of you, a fight, that made you not give up and die, and * that's * all the thanks we need...seeing you alive and well. Just don't ever lose that fight."

"I won't." Nick softly said.

"Well, you and Rachel better get going, Paul's waitin' for your arrival at the ranch." Jack said.

'Yeah. I don't know how I'll ever repay you and your brother for doing this for me."

Jack grinned at Nick, and said, "That's what families do Nick...like the money, no need to repay."

After hugging all of his new friends...his family, Nick was escorted to the lobby in a wheelchair. he knew it was hospital policy. As Rachel went out to bring her car around, Nick could only smile to himself, thinking that in spite of the near-tragedy that had befallen him...he really was a very lucky guy.

Driving through the city of Denver, Nick was really taken by how beautiful the city was. He admired the tall buildings and the mountains in the backdrop. Turning down a dirt road on the edge of the city, they approached a big sign.

"Stanley Farms. Is this the place Rachel?"

"It sure is. Another few minutes and we'll be arriving at your new home."

** New home…man, that's sounds so scary…I hope I can do this **

Hearing Rachel say the phrase, "new home" brought mixed emotions to Nick. But the truth was...as long as he had no idea where his actual home really was...this place was just as good as any.

Pulling up to a row of cabins, Rachel got out of the car and helped Nick do the same. They were greeted by Jack's brother Paul, whom Nick had met two weeks before, and the ranch foreman Jeff Nelson.

"Glad you made it." Paul said.

Nick chuckled, and said, "Yeah...me too, Rachel here should be a racecar driver."

Rachel shot Nick a playful "I beg your pardon" look.

Nick shook hands with Paul.

"This is my right-hand man, Jeff Nelson...the ranch foreman and he'll show you the ropes."

"Nice to meet you Jeff, Nick Taylor. I hope I don't let you down."

Shaking Nick's hand, and said, "You won't...I have faith in ya kid. I gotta get back to work...I'll stop by later and we'll chat."

Nick smiled politely and nodded his head, and said, "I'll be here."

After Jeff left to go back to work, Paul led Nick and Rachel into the cabin that he would now be calling home. After going over a few things with Nick, Paul left him to get settled.

"Paul...thank you so much for this opportunity. I will be forever grateful to you and your brother."

"Don't mention it. Jack's a great judge in character and if he believes in you...so do I."

After Paul left, Nick slowly made his way around the cabin.

******

Over the next two weeks, Nick settled into a comfortable routine, enjoying life on the ranch. His job was to help take care of some of the horses. Two of his favorite horses were named Rapid Roy and Dixiecup. He wasn't sure why he liked them so much, but when he talked to them they seemed to have a connection with him. Rachel continued to help Nick with his physical therapy and as they continued to spend more and more time together, they also grew very close.

******

November 18 th …

It had now been 3 months since the attack and Nick and Rachael met...and in that length of time, the two had become very close. When she went to see him that day at the ranch, she could tell that something was on his mind...but that he seemed more relaxed and comfortable. She hoped that maybe he had started to remember something...but another part of her hoped he hadn't.

Going inside the cabin and closing the door, she asked, "Nick, what's wrong?"

Leaning back on the couch, he replied, "Nothin' really, I've just been thinkin'. It's been 3 months since everything happened and even though you've tried your best to help me get my memory back and I've tried, Doc C's tried her best...nothin's happenin', I still can't remember. And being hurt the way I was...and now that I have you in my life...well...I've decided...I don't wanna try anymore, I don't want to remember."

"Does that mean what I hope it means?" Rachael asked, sitting beside him on the couch.

Taking her hand in his, Nick said, "Yeah, it does. I don't wanna risk remembering the past...and losin' you...so I'm not gonna worry about what was...I'm only gonna worry about what is...all that matters to me now...* is * now, and what I have now...with you. I really want to try to make this relationship work, that is, if * you're * willin' to put up with me and my problems...I really wanna try. What'da'ya say...can we try to make it work...will…will you marry me?"

That was one thing that Rachel wasn't expecting...while it was true she had at first felt sorry for the young man, due to what happened to him, she had slowly started to fall in love with him...she was never really sure if he felt the same.

Hearing Nick speaking to her brought her out of her thought.

"Rach...did ya hear me...will you marry me?"

Looking at Nick, and with tears in her eyes, Rachel softly said, "Yes...I'd love to marry you."

After a hug, Nick said, "I know what I'll be most thankful for this Thanksgiving...you...and I owe a lot of it to you...and all my friends at Castlewood."

******

November 22 nd …Thanksgiving Day, Los Angeles…

Despite it being a holiday, 51's A-shift was on duty…the crew was understandably glum. It had been three months since Johnny should have been returned from his two-week vacation ...but the paramedic was still unaccounted for. Everyone's thoughts were still with their missing friend.

Family members tried to make the most of the day. Roy's family, Hank's wife Carrie, and Marco's mother and Aunt prepared the meal that all of them would be eating. It was 2 PM when dinner was ready and gathering in the kitchen, everyone helped themselves to turkey and all of the trimmings. It was Jennifer DeSoto who verbalized what everyone else was thinking.

"I hope wherever Uncle Johnny is...he's okay. Daddy...do you think Uncle Johnny is having a big turkey dinner today too?"

"I certainly hope so Jen...I certainly hope so."

"Uncle Johnny always said that your wish will come true when you pull the wishbone...I already know what my wish is gonna be."

For Roy, his daughter's comments only served as a painful reminder at what they were all missing. After Labor Day and Halloween, this was the third holiday that Johnny's friends had spent without him.

November 22 nd …Thanksgiving Day, Denver…

The folks at Castlewood Memorial Hospital were a close group and since many of their own families didn't live in the area, they spent holidays with each other. On this holiday they were gathered at Doctor Sam Larson's house.

Sitting down at the table, Nick looked around at all the people around him.

"I'd like to be the first one to make a toast...there are some things that I'd like to say to all of you."

Nick took a few moments to gather his thoughts before continuing. Looking affectionately at the men and women surrounding him, he smiled.

"Over three months ago…I was brought to Castlewood...seriously injured, near death and alone. I didn't know who I was or where I came from. Well...I still don't know who I am or where I came from, but the difference is...now I'm not alone. Doctor Larson and Doctor Lawrence...the two of you helped to save my life. Tamara and Liz...your gentle caring and kind ways helped to bring me along. Rachel, your love and patience helped get me back on my feet. And lastly but by no means least...Paul and Jack...the two of you took me in when I had no place to go...you gave me a home and a sense of worth.”

Trying to control his emotions, Nick said, “All of you mean a great…great deal to me and I will never forget…the kindness and generosity that you all showed to me...and how you all accepted me into your family when I had no one. I will always be grateful to all of you. While most people look at me and feel…sorry for me that my life took such a tragic turn, and that I have no recollection of the life I led prior to the attack...I couldn't imagine ever having a better life or being surrounded by…by better people than I am now. That's what I'm thankful for...all of you."

Doctor Larson looked fondly at Nick, as he said, "Those sentiments were beautiful Nick, and I think it's pretty obvious that we all feel the same way about you, too. Seeing you sitting here among us, I am reminded how close we all came to losing you and whether you agree with me or not...you are a very special young man. Your warmth and gentle good humor served as an inspiration to all of us. On behalf of all of us Nick...we're thankful to have * you * in * our * lives."

"Thank you…for everything, I can never say that enough. But, I have some more good news. The attack, I truly believe has been a blessing in disguise and because of it and bein' in the hospital, I met Rachel…and on the 18 th of this month…I asked her to be my wife… and she accepted. So by next year sometime, all of you and the rest of the hospital, will have a wedding to attend."

Nick's announcement was met by smiles all around. While his new friends were happy at hearing the news, they also realized what Nick was implying by saying it.

Tamara was the first one to offer congratulations.

"That's great news you two. I...I guess this means...."

Nick cut Tamara off before she could finish her sentence.

"It means…that I'm stayin' in Denver. After trying to remember * anything * I could about my past, and coming up totally blank...I've decided that...that I couldn't do any better in my life than what I have now. I meant what I said before about being grateful for all of you... that I couldn't imagine having a better life or better people * in * my life than I do now. To risk losing all this...it isn't worth it to me."

Liz didn't want to rain on Nick's parade but felt that one thing should be pointed out.

"Nick...I think it's great that you're so happy...and I don't want to upset you, but...what happens if...if your family and friends...I mean, if someone from your past finds you…what happens then?"

Nick was caught a little off-guard by Liz's comment…he thought for a moment before he spoke.

"Truthfully, I haven't thought about that...the what ifs…but I guess it could always happen, if I even have anyone lookin' for me. But I kinda made up my mind awhile back...Denver is my home now and I...I really don't think I wanna leave. But I suppose I * might * feel different if that situation actually * did * happen...I just don't know…but I'm certainly not gonna sit around, holdin' my breath * waitin' * for it to happen. My philosophy is to just live each day as it comes...I know now not to worry."

Smiling, he glanced over at Rachel and gave her a wink.

"What can I say...I'm happy."

After Nick's toast and the announcement of his and Rachel's engagement, Jack clapped his hands together.

"Well...that was all lovely…but…can we eat now, I'm starving."

Everyone laughed at Jack's comment. As everyone was eating and enjoying the delicious meal, it seemed almost as though everyone had made a subconscious decision to follow Nick's lead...not to worry about the what ifs...only to enjoy the present.

******

It was a week before Christmas and Nick was sitting in a rocker on the front porch of his cabin, watching the snowfall and taking in a deep breath of the cold mountain air, he felt his spirit soaring. It had been four months since his life had taken quite a turn and at first, he felt lost and alone but as he got his strength back and started on the road to recovery, he started to feel more at ease and at peace with himself.

As relaxed as he was, looking out at the beautiful snow-covered landscape, a part of him thought about the holidays and how he may have celebrated them in the past and for a brief moment Nick thought about what Liz had said at Thanksgiving, about what he'd do if someone actually did come looking for him…but as quickly as that thought had come to him...it left.

******

With the Christmas holiday almost upon them, the men of Station 51's A-shift were not in a particularly celebratory mood. It was now over four months that Johnny had left for his long-awaited summer vacation, and never returned home from it.

Despite efforts on the part of the Los Angeles Police Department, and the California State Police...there were still no leads on their missing friend. Even after returning from a woman in labor call...the kind of call that all paramedics love...Roy and Dwyer continued to be in a very gloomy mood.

Getting out of the squad, the two paramedics were met by Captain Stanley.

"How did everything go fellas?"

Without any of the usual exuberance that would normal accompany a happy call like this, Roy responded, "Fine Cap, mother and daughter are doing just fine."

After closing his driver's side door, Roy left to go outside…he had taken to doing that a lot during these last four months. Being inside the station only made him think about his missing partner more and more.

Once Roy was out back, Dwyer went into the kitchen for a cup of coffee, as the rest of 51's crew joined him.

Chet spoke what everyone else was thinking.

"I don't even feel like celebratin' Christmas. Without Johnny here...it's...it's empty...you know?"

The rest of the guys nodded their heads in understanding.

"Cap, where's Roy?"

"He's out back Marco. As difficult as these last few months have been on all of us...I couldn't imagine what they've been like for Roy."

Quietly, Mike spoke up, and said, "Roy told me that the kids don't even wanna celebrate Christmas...not until they get their Uncle Johnny back. Truthfully, I don't feel like it either…I told my family to count me out this year. I put in to work some overtime on the 25 th ."

Chet decided that he would too.

"Maybe I can work some OT, too. I know at least ten married guys that would love to have Christmas off to spend with their families."

The rest of the crew decided that they would do the same.

******

January 1 st , 1982...Los Angeles…

Sure enough, the men of 51's A-shift had all decided to work an overtime shift over Christmas. Joanne knew that for Roy to stay home, would mean constant thinking about his missing best friend...not that he wouldn't think about Johnny at the station, but at least this way he'd be occupying some of his time.

Pulling the overtime shift ensured that the entire shift had New Year's Day off, but still not in the mood to celebrate, the men decided instead to spend the day together. Hank had invited his men and their families to his house for dinner...all of them took him up on his gracious offer, but the guys had showed up alone. Their families all knew how devastated they were feeling at not knowing the fate of their missing co-worker, and encouraged them to spend the day together.

Arriving at Hank's house, they all wore the same expression on their faces...one that told of their empty hearts.

"Another holiday without Johnny...a * new * year without Johnny. Cap, you think we're ever gonna hear anything about him?"

"I certainly hope so Chet. But for now, Carrie made some dinner...you guys ready to eat?"

Despite not feeling hungry, the men all ate, not wanting to disappoint the Cap's wife.

After dinner, they settled in the den and watched some college bowl games...but it was obvious to all of them...their minds were somewhere else.

January 1 st , Denver…

Nick and Rachel woke up early and were sitting out on the front porch of the cabin, bundled up and watching the snow fall.

Smiling at Nick, Rachel wished him a Happy New Year.

"1982 huh, it's so hard to believe that it's the new year already. So much as happened over the last few months."

"You okay? I guess it must be bittersweet for you."

He kissed her passionately, then said, "I suppose in some ways...but it did bring me * you *... and for that...well, let's just say that there's nothing bittersweet about it. But ya know what I would like to do right now?"

Rachel looked at Nick with a playful smile.

"Well...there are a few things that I could think of that * I'd * kinda like to do myself. What exactly do you have in mind Nick?"

Reaching over to the side, he took a handful of snow and threw it at Rachel.

"Snowball fight."

******

March 21 st 1982...

It was Tuesday morning and Roy was at home working out in the garage when the phone rang, but being lost in thought, still thinking about Johnny, he almost didn't hear it.

Remembering that Joanne was out at the grocery story, Roy ran to answer it.

Picking up the phone, he wasn't sure who to expect.

"Hello, DeSoto residence...can I help you?"

The voice on the other end did not sound familiar to the paramedic.

"Well...I don't know if * you * can help * me *...but I believe that I can help * you *. My name is Detective McCain, Darrin McCain of the Denver Police Department. I believe I might have some information for you about that missing paramedic from Los Angeles that you're looking for."

Roy was momentarily stunned. After seven months of looking for his missing best friend, including the untold number of phone conversations with various state police departments from all over the country...Roy may have just received a lead on the whereabouts of his missing partner. This was the first time in seven months that Roy allowed himself to be hopeful that Johnny was still alive.

"Detective McCain...you...you know where Johnny is?"

"Well...quite possibly. About seven months ago we had a John Doe at one of the area hospitals...and from the description and picture that your officer in LA sent to us, it sounds like he could be the fella you're looking for."

Roy couldn't believe it. Then a thought came to him…if Johnny's been in Denver for the last seven months...what had he been doing, and how has he been? Roy got the particulars from the Detective and thanked him for the information…he would be on his way to Denver.

Roy was excited at hearing the news that quite possibly Johnny was okay and was still in Denver so he decided to call Captain Stanley, the rest of the crew and the staff at Rampart to tell them the great news. He also made a call to the LA. Police Department to inform Detective Bailey that he had a lead on Johnny...no thanks to him.

He then called the airport to make plane reservations, he'd be leaving early the next morning. He couldn't wait to tell Joanne the good news, not only had she been worried about Johnny...she had also been worried about Roy as well. She knew how difficult the last seven months had been on her husband with all the waiting and worrying. The good news came as a relief to everyone.

Early the next morning Chet came by to pick up Roy and take him to the airport. Joanne had to get the kids off to school.

"Roy...give Johnny a big hug from me. Tell him...tell him...that we missed him...all of us."

"I will Jo, I gotta go. I'll call you as soon as I have any information about Johnny."

He gave her a hug and a kiss and then got in the car with Chet.

Arriving at the airport, Chet let Roy off at the terminal.

"Roy...you tell Gage that if he * ever * pulls a stunt like this again...he'll be sorry…big time sorry, I'll see to it."

Roy smiled at his friend, as he said, "I'll tell him...thanks for the ride. I'll be in touch Chet."

Chet watched as Roy entered the terminal. He too hoped that Johnny was indeed still in Denver and doing okay.

Four hours after boarding his plane in Los Angeles, Roy was in his rental car in Denver, on his way to Castlewood Memorial Hospital to meet with Detective McCain and Doctor Sam Larson. These were the two men who Roy hoped would help lead him to Johnny.

Arriving at the hospital, Roy was met by Detective McCain in the front lobby.

"Mr. DeSoto?"

Roy held out his hand to shake the Detective's.

"Yes...and please, call me Roy."

After talking to this man on the phone and meeting him, he already knew that this Detective cared a lot more about Johnny than that Detective Bailey in LA did. That thought alone made Roy feel better.

"Detective, you...said you knew where Johnny was. Where is he?"

The Detective looked hopefully at Roy, as he replied, "Yeah, I think I do. We need to talk to Doctor Larson about it, he has more information that he can tell you than I do. Besides, he probably wouldn't release any information to you unless you had police clearance...that's where I come in."

Roy smiled at the man, relieved that he might finally get the information to locate his partner.

"Then, I guess I'm glad you're here."

They told the nurse at the lobby desk why they were there and then the two their way back to the ER Department. The two men were greeted by a pretty redhead.

"Hi Detective McCain, Doctor Larson told us you'd be coming and he's waiting for you in his office."

The Detective grinned at the nurse, and said, "Thanks Tamara. Oh, by the way...this is Roy DeSoto. He's the one whose friend from Los Angeles disappeared...the one who might have been the one that was brought in last August without any ID."

Tamara nodded in remembrance, and said, "Yeah, I remember. Look, I'll let you guys go...I have work to do myself. Good luck Roy, I hope this fella is the friend you're looking for."

"Me too."

Roy and the Detective walked to a door that read "Dr. Samuel Larson, MD, FACEP" and underneath Emergency Department Director. After knocking on the door, they were greeted by the Doctor.

"Detective, come on in."

"Doctor Larson, this is Roy DeSoto. He's here about getting information about a missing friend of his."

"Ah...yes, the young man who you think is your friend that was brought in last August. It was a terrible situation."

"Mr. DeSoto has clearance to receive any information about this former patient."

Walking around the desk and sitting back in his chair, Larson said, "Now Darrin, you know that I can't give out that information, even a family member has to have written consent from the patient before they can get it. Mr. DeSoto isn't even a blood relative."

Leaning on the desk, Roy said, "Doctor Larson, I'm as close to a blood relative as Johnny has now, he was an only child and his parents are deceased. He's my best friend and paramedic partner back in Los Angeles and he's been missing for seven months. Please…if this * is * Johnny, I need to know…all of his friends back in LA need to know so we can bring him back home. Please tell me."

Doctor Larson leaned forward in his chair, and placing his arms on the desk, he quietly spoke to Roy.

"Mr. DeSoto, I am sorry…and I sympathize with your situation…but if I release * any * information to you about this patient, I'm setting, not only myself, but this hospital up for a potential lawsuit from this patient. What if it isn't your friend?"

"But what if it is…what if this patient turns out to be Johnny and I can't find him because I can't get this information…if it was * your * missing friend, and somebody had the information you needed that could possibly lead you to him, wouldn't you want that person to give it to you in order to help you…despite the possible consequences? Please Doc, this information * could * lead me to Johnny…I'm asking you to help me find * my * missing friend."

Doctor Larson looked away from Roy for a moment before looking back, and saying, "I can't…I'm sorry."

The Detective spoke up, and said, "Come on Doc, if it isn't his friend, all Roy can say is that he's a good Detective, but he made a mistake. That way, you nor the hospital will be in any legal trouble. But if it * is * him…then no harm done."

Roy quickly spoke up, and said, "That's right, I'll take all the blame if it turns out that this isn't Johnny. So please…will you help me?"

Doctor Larson thought back to Thanksgiving and the heartfelt speech that Nick gave at dinner, before speaking to both men.

Looking back and forth from Roy and the Detective, Doctor Larson said, "But you don't know that there won't be any harm done…even if it * is * your friend, you need to be ready to accept the fact that he may not want to be found."

"I'll take that chance. Doctor Larson, you have no idea what we've been going through over the last several months, not knowing anything…where was he, dead, alive, we didn't know…please help me."

Seeing how much this meant to Roy, and finally agreeing, the Doctor slowly exhaled, as he said, "Okay, I'll tell you what I know. But first off, why don't you start from the beginning based on what you know and I'll do my best to fill in the blanks for you."

Roy nodded his head as he took out the picture of Johnny that he had and showed it to the Doctor.

"This is what he looks like...John Gage…well, we all call him Johnny. Is this the man that was brought in?"

Doctor Larson looked at the picture carefully...he knew that a lot was riding on getting this right.

"Yeah, that's your friend. He didn't have any ID on him when he was brought in, so we didn't know his name. Ironically, we just called him John Doe, but I believe he goes by the name Nick...Nick Taylor now."

Roy was incredibly relieved. After all this time he had finally located Johnny...he would now be able to bring his best friend back home. Roy went on to tell the Doctor about Johnny's ill-fated vacation and about how he hadn't heard from his friend at all.

Both the Doctor and Detective told Roy about what they thought might have occurred on the early morning of August 12 th , and Larson told Roy about Johnny's injuries, leaving out, at first, the part about the young man's amnesia.

"Your friend was incredibly lucky, although I have to be honest with you...I didn't think he was gonna make it...but boy, did he fool us."

Roy laughed slightly, as he went on to tell the two men about Johnny's medical history.

"He...he has a habit of doing that, so, as you can see...this is old hat for Johnny."

Roy quickly sobered, as he softly asked, "Can you tell me if Johnny's okay?"

"Well, even though your friend did make quite a remarkable recovery, I'm sorry to say that he does have some deficits in his mobility, as far as walking goes...but he's done incredibly well. He's worked very hard with his physical therapist."

The Doctor paused for a moment before continuing, he knew this next bit of news might be hard for this man to hear, but knew that if he was going to go looking for his friend, he didn't want Roy to have any surprises.

"There is one other thing that you ought to know."

Roy got nervous hearing that last sentence...he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear it, but knew that he had to.

"What's that?"

"It seems that your friend has amnesia…he doesn't remember anything before waking up at the hospital."

Roy was shocked, as he asked, "Nothing?"

"No, nothing…I'm sorry. Our best psychiatrist, Joanne Christopher, had been working with your friend for several months...unfortunately, he doesn't remember a single thing about his life prior to waking up here at Castlewood."

Roy was understandably upset, but hoped that after he would finally get to see Johnny, his friend's memory would start to come back.

"Maybe...seeing me again will help to jog his memory."

"Perhaps."

"Doctor, I appreciate you releasing Johnny's medical information to me, as I said, me and my family and the people he works with in Los Angeles...we're all he has...and we've missed him more than you'll ever know."

There were a few moments of silence before Roy continued.

"Would you mind telling me where Johnny is? I mean, he's been in Denver for over seven months...he must be living somewhere."

Doctor Larson smiled, and said, "One of our X-ray technicians has a brother who owns a ranch on the outskirts of the city. Your friend has been staying there and helping out on the ranch and from what I understand, he's adapted quite well."

Roy didn't want to hear how well his best friend had adapted to his new life, he just wanted to find Johnny and take him back to LA.

"Is it possible to have the address of this ranch?"

"Of course. And I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about obtaining this information, but there are privacy issues and lawsuits to consider. In this day and age, we all have to be careful."

The Doctor proceeded to write the ranch's address down on a piece of paper and handed it to Roy.

"Being in the medical profession myself, I totally understand where you're coming from...and I agree with you, but...well, I think you can understand how important this was to me."

"I do, and I hope it goes well for you both. Well, I think we're done here gentlemen...I have work to do."

"Thank you for your time. I really appreciate you agreeing to see me."

"You're very welcome. Have a safe trip back to LA...I hope…well I hope your friend goes back with you."

Roy caught the hesitation from the Doctor, but didn't say anything about it.

"So do I."

The men shook hands, and then Roy and the Detective left the office. Detective McCain walked back to the lobby with Roy.

"You can follow me to the ranch...I know where it is."

"That would be great...thank you."

Roy followed the Detective to the ranch. At the gate, Roy gave the Detective a thumbs up to let him know that he was all set.

Pulling up to the opened gate, Roy looked up and saw the name of the ranch.

"Stanley Farms...Stanley…Cap's last name and Johnny doesn't remember. Oh partner, I still can't believe that this has happened. But everything'll be okay, you'll remember when we get back to LA." Roy softly said to himself.

As Roy drove through the gate and onto the property, he saw that the ranch was huge...but remembering what the Doctor had said, about his friend's leg being almost crushed from the attack on him, Roy wondered how Johnny could work on a place this big and exactly what he'd be able to do.

Coming to a stop, Roy looked at all the men that were working, but he didn't see Johnny. Getting out of the rented car, he made his way over to a person who he hoped could point him in the direction of his friend.

Getting out of the car and with picture in hand, Roy walked up to one of the men.

"Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me."

"I'm Jeff Nelson, the foreman and I'll help if I can. What do you need?"

Shaking the man's hand, Roy said, "Roy DeSoto. I'm with the LA County Fire Department, and I got some information from Doctor Larson at Castlewood Memorial Hospital that this man might be working here...his name's Johnny…John Gage. Have you seen him?"

Roy held out the picture for Jeff to see. The man looked at the picture and then at Roy and exhaled a breath before he spoke.

"Yeah...he works here, but his name ain't Johnny...it's Nick... Nick Taylor and he's probably in his cabin. Ever since his accident, he's had to take it kinda easy, you know? He helps out with the horses...he's real good with them. He's not in some kind of trouble or anything, is he? 'Cause he's a nice young fella."

Reassuring Mr. Nelson, Roy said, "Oh no...nothing like that. He...well let's just say that I haven't seen him for awhile, all the guys and myself at work miss him. He's a Firefighter/paramedic with the LA County Fire Department."

Hearing what Roy was saying, the rest of the men had stopped what they were doing and gathered around the two in order to listen. Roy could hear the smirks and comments being made by the men.

"Nick...a firefighter...no way."

"He can hardly walk, he could never climb a ladder or carry a person out of a burning building."

"Taylor passes out at the sight of blood."

Hearing these men making fun of Johnny and laughing at his expense, not only hurt Roy, but also it made him angry.

Trying to hold his temper, Roy said, "I was told what they think might have happened to him...but before, Johnny * was * one of the best Firefighter/paramedics around. Why do you all say stuff like that about 'im...I thought you liked 'im."

Jeff turned to the other men, and said, "All right guys, knock it off. Look, please don't get the impression that we don't like Nick...we do, he's one of the best friends that you could have, but he's the type you can pick on and he doesn't take it personally."

** Yeah, I already knew that **

Coming out of his thoughts, Roy replied, "Yeah. Can I please go see him?"

Pointing over to where Roy would find him, Jeff said, "Sure, Nick's over in the big cabin, the one on the end."

Taking back the picture, Roy said, "Thank you, I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."

"You're welcome. Oh, by the way...give Nick a little time to answer the door, like I said, since the accident, he don't get around too well."

"Yeah, sure no problem." Roy replied.

"Okay guys, let's get back to work." Jeff said.

As the men went back to work, Roy slowly started making his way to the cabin that Jeff pointed to. After seven months of looking for his missing friend and partner, and the untold phone conversations with various state police departments, Roy received a lead that brought him to Castlewood Memorial Hospital in Denver Colorado. This was the first time in seven months that Roy allowed himself to be hopeful that Johnny was indeed still alive.

Finally reaching the cabin, Roy knocked on the hard wooden door...he was excited, scared and relieved to finally be able to see his partner again after all the time that had passed. When the door finally opened, there he stood...the man that Roy had called partner and best friend for ten years. Gone was the longer hair, although, not by much, but the face was still the same. Roy noticed that he was using a cane.

"Yes...may I help you?"

Seeing his best friend and partner standing there, Roy thought back to what he had told Joanne…when he got his hands on him…right at that moment, Roy wanted to reach out and strangle Johnny for all the worry he had caused them over the last seven months…but he restrained himself, he was just happy to see his friend.

"Johnny…oh god, you're really are alive. It's me...Roy."

Nick stood there unsure of what to say or do and unsure of what to make of this man who was standing in his doorway.

"Ah, yeah I * am * alive, but are you sure you have the right person? My name is Nick...and I don't know any Roy. Well... actually I do...Rapid Roy is one of the horses that we have here on the ranch...he's a good ole boy but…ah, sorry, what exactly can I do for you?"

Regaining his composure, Roy said, "Could I come in and talk to you...I'd like to explain."

Still being a little unsure of what was going on, Nick carefully stepped aside to let this man into his home.

"Sure, come on in. Have a seat."

Roy walked into the cabin and took a seat on the couch. He noticed how warm and homey the place looked...there was nothing that would tell people of Johnny's Indian heritage, but there were plenty of other things that told of his love of horses. He also saw a framed picture of his friend and a pretty young woman with her head on his shoulder, who appeared to have an engagement ring on her finger...Roy was surprised and wondered who she could be.

** So that's why the Doc was hesitant in saying that he hoped my friend would go back to LA with me…Johnny's gettin' married **

"Like anything to drink...beer, soda?"

Coming out of his thoughts, Roy said, "Soda would be fine, thanks."

"Okay, be right back. Just have a seat on the couch."

With the help of his cane, Nick slowly limped into the kitchen…Roy could only sit and watch the problem his best friend had just to walk.

** Oh Johnny...why did this have to happen to you **

A few minutes later, Roy saw the trouble Johnny was having trying to walk and carry the sodas as he was coming back into the den...quickly getting up, he went over to his friend to help.
"Here, let me help."

"Thanks, it's hard for me to get around a lot of times...but I try." Nick said with a smile on his face.

He handed Roy the can of soda and slowly sat down in his chair, as Roy returned to the couch.

"I noticed the picture over there. Getting married?"

"Yeah, we haven't set a date yet, I only asked 'er a few months ago, November actually. That's Rachel Lopez, she was my physical therapist while I was in the hospital...and she still helps me."

** Man...a lot * has * happened in the seven months since you disappeared...her last name's Lopez...all of this stuff from your past and you still don't remember **

Opening the can, Roy asked, "Does...does it hurt...the leg?"

Rubbing his hand over his thigh, Nick said, "Yeah, sometimes I'm in so much pain I can't stand it, but I get by, I have a lot of friends that look out for me."

** You have even more * real * friends back in LA **

"So...Roy, is it...what do ya want to talk to me about?"

Roy was suddenly hard pressed to remember what he wanted to say. On the plane ride from Los Angeles to Denver, he had written down everything he wanted to tell Johnny, but right at this moment...after seeing Johnny, especially the way he awkwardly was moving...it all left his mind.

"I ah...I don't really know where to start."

Roy had hoped that Johnny would say something funny to break the awkwardness of the situation...he was always good at that, but when he didn't...Roy continued.

"Well...John...Nick...I talked to your Doctor, Sam Larson from Castlewood Memorial...I know all about you getting attacked while you were on vacation here."

Nick looked at Roy with a mixture of confusion and fear along with a hint of anger...he didn't appreciate someone that he didn't know, sticking their nose into his private medical history.

"* You * talked to my Doctor...why? You had no right to do that...it's none of your business."

"Yes I did...I had every right to talk to him and it is my business...to try to find you is why I did it, me and the guys have been lookin' for you for seven months...you went on vacation and just up and disappeared...we had no clue where you were...whether you were alive or dead...you never came back home."

Roy continued to look at the man sitting beside him...he could see the blank look Johnny had in his eyes on and his face.

"You...you have absolutely no recollection of the past...about what your life was like before seven months ago?"

Nick shook his head, as he said, "Nope."

Roy was hoping that a glimmer of something would come through.

"I see. You really don't have any idea who I am, do you?"

Shaking his head, Nick replied, "None at all."

Slowly Roy launched into Johnny's past life. He talked in detail about Johnny's career as a firefighter/paramedic with the Los Angeles County Fire Department, their friendship, the guys at the station, the staff at Rampart, and Roy's family, and finally about Johnny himself...his likes and dislikes, including ever injury that had happened to him on the job.

Nick sat quietly in his chair listening, but nothing that Roy was saying meant anything to him...he could remember none of it, but he politely continued to listen. Roy was disappointed at seeing the blank look on his former partner's face, and it became painfully obvious to him...Johnny truly remembered absolutely nothing about his former life.

Still, Roy kept trying to jog his friend's memory but the more Roy pushed...the more upset Nick got.

Unable to hold back his frustration any longer...Nick unloaded on Roy.

"What do you want from me Roy...I told you...I don't remember anything about the past, so why can't you accept that?"

"Johnny..."

Nick saw the look on Roy's face and immediately cut him off.

"Look, you come...waltzin' in here tellin' me all of this stuff and expect me to...to just pack up and go back to LA with you…but it doesn't work that way...it's not * gonna * work that way, I have no idea who you are. You keep re-hashin' the past and expectin' things to instantly go back to the way they used to be, but you * have * to know that things never * will * be the same...and I'm sorry if it upsets you, but I have a new life now. My name isn't Johnny, it's Nick...Nick Taylor...and my new life doesn't include Los Angeles or those people from...the Fire Station or...that hospital...Rampart General...it doesn't include being a firefighter/paramedic...and I'm sorry...but it doesn't include you."

Roy was understandably stunned...he felt like he had just gotten kicked in the stomach.

"So, you're just going to throw everything away...your career and our friendship...the life you had?"

Nick was frustrated, as he said, "That's just it...I'm not throwing away anything, the life I * had *...my old life as you call it...whatever I did, whatever and whoever I was...that's * not * who I am...at least, not any more. This...Johnny Gage...that you keep talking about...for all intents and purposes...is dead...that attack killed him and this is who I am now, and my life now..." this * is home."

Roy refused to give up on his "best friend".

"I can't believe that you don't even wanna * try * to remember."

Shrugging his shoulders, Nick said, "Why...from everything you've told me, I've been hit by a car, bit by a rattlesnake, caught a deadly virus that almost killed me...I've had broken bones, been caught in exploding buildings, in mudslides, been held hostage...been shot at... now, why would I wanna remember or even go back to stuff like that? I'm happy here...it's where I belong."

"No Johnny...LA is where you belong."

"Stop calling me Johnny...that isn't my name, it's Nick, and if all of that is what I used to have...I don't want it back, and you have to understand that. That accident...that attack... changed me and whoever I was, and it took everything away from me...and it almost took my life...and I had to start over...a slow and * very * painful process to get to where I am now...I'm lucky, I lived and got a second change at a new life and fresh start...and I've taken it. Roy... you keep sayin' that we were best friends...so let me ask you a question."

Placing his soda on the table beside him, Roy said, "Okay, go ahead."

Nick thought for a moment...he didn't want to keep upsetting this man, but he had to make him understand that the past was just that...the past...something that he couldn't remember and didn't want to remember.

"* If * we were really best friends...did we respect each other's wishes?"

Slowly nodding his head, Roy softly replied, "We * were * best friends, there's no * if * about it. But yeah...most of the time, if we didn't wanna talk about something, the other one would let it go...for a certain amount of time anyway... then sometimes we'd push till the other one talked about it, but no matter what, we've * always * been there for each other... just like the time me and Joanne got into that big argument over Mike's spaghetti...you * made * me talk about it and..."

Not wanting to hear any more, Nick abruptly interrupted Roy, and said, "Well, we're not anymore so please...respect me and what I'm sayin' now...I can't remember...and it's not that I haven't tried, I have...but with what I have here, fresh air, great friends, a new life...I don't * want * to remember...the past for me is over and I'm thinkin' only of the future...and nothin' else. Maybe we were always there for each other but now...now, things are different, and I have other people to be there for me...Rachel, who I love and I'm gonna marry, Tamara, the Docs...Paul and Jack…and I'm there for them...and I'm not leavin'...so you comin' here has been a waste of your time."

"John..."