Loving on Borrowed Time
By
Luke Duke leaned against the old Oak tree, his sapphire blue eyes focused on the ridge off to his left. At seventeen, Luke was already a handsome young man with a lean build and well developed muscles earned from working for years on his Uncle Jesse's farm. Luke had lived in Hazzard County his whole life with his Uncle Jesse and his cousins, Bo and Daisy. Luke couldn't remember his real parents, they had died when he was four and he had been sent to live with Jesse and his wife, Martha. All he really knew about his life before coming to live on the farm was that his father, Adam, had been Jesse's younger brother and that his parents had died when their house caught on fire.
As far as Luke was concerned, he couldn't have asked for a better life than the one he had. The Dukes may not have much in the way of material things, but they had each other and that was all that they needed. Daisy was just like his little sister and Bo, well Bo and Luke were as closer than brothers. Uncle Jesse kept a tight rein on the three cousins, but he did it with love and with kindness. Although Bo and Luke were almost full grown, Uncle Jesse didn't hesitate to take a switch to their backside if he felt they needed it.
Luke's eyes brightened and a huge smile crossed his face as he saw a girl coming over the top of the ridge. Kelly Dalton lived in a rundown shack just on the other side of the ridge with her violent, abusive father and her mother. The Duke cousins had met Kelly almost 8 years ago when her parents first came to Hazzard. Since then, Kelly had become part of the family, spending more time at the Duke farm then she did at home. The Dukes all knew how violent her father was, they had all seen the bruises Kelly sometimes had after one of his beatings, but Luke was the only one who knew all of Kelly's darkest secrets.
Even at fifteen, Kelly was a beautiful girl with long honey blonde hair that hung half way down her back and the body of a full grown woman. Boys (and even grown men) were always coming on to Kelly. But it was Luke that Kelly chose to be with. Even as children, there had been a special bond between them. They were so much alike in personality and temperament, that they seemed more like blood kin. In the last couple of months, the bond between them had begun to change, deepening into something more than just friendship. They had shared a few stolen kisses but that was as far as things had gone. Uncle Jesse had taught the boys that women were to be protected and respected. And, he also taught them that if they did get intimate with a girl, they had better be man enough to take responsibility for what could happen.
“Hi,” Luke said as Kelly joined him under the tree.
“Hi” she said quietly, her head hung down in a gesture that Luke had learned to recognize. Gently, he cupped her chin in his hand and tilted her head so that he could look into her face. A dark bruise marked the side of her cheek. Luke's eyes darkened and his jaw tightened in anger.
“He hit you again, didn't he?” he said with a sharp edge in his voice that he struggled to control.
“It's not so bad.” Kelly said, shrugging her shoulders “I got away from him before he could hit me more than once.” She smiled and grabbed Luke by the hand, “I don't want to talk about him. It's too pretty a day to let anything spoil it.”
“What do you wanna do?” Luke asked with an amused smile
“You got your chores done?”
Luke nodded. Uncle Jesse was strict about the boys doing their chores before they did anything else. Luke had gotten up earlier than usual that morning to make sure he had his done so he could spend most of the afternoon with Kelly.
Kelly grinned playfully “Then let's go to our place.” Luke grinned back as, hand in hand, they walked across the field towards the woods. It was dark and cool under the trees and Luke could hear the gentle sound of the nearby stream. The two of them walked deep into the woods until they came to a hidden clearing with an old wooden shack. Uncle Jesse was the best old ridge runner in three counties and he had still sites hidden throughout the woods. This was one of the sites that Jesse no longer used. The boys often came here with their girlfreinds when they wanted to make sure they wouldn't be disturbed.
Kelly and Luke went into the shack. Muted sunlight drifted in through a small dusty window over the old wood burning stove sitting in the corner of the room. They paused for a moment to allow their eyes to adjust to the dim light. There was no furniture, just an old feather tick mattress lying on the floor covered with a faded old quilt.
Luke pulled Kelly down onto the feather tick, gently cradling her in his arms. They lay there in silence for several minutes, comfortable and secure, feeling the warmth of their bodies pressing against each other. Kelly sighed in contentment and laid her head on Luke's shoulder. The only time she really felt safe and protected was when she was with him. It had been that way ever since they were kids.
Since Luke was older than Kelly and his two cousins, he was the one who looked out for all of them and took care of them. It just seemed to come naturally to Luke, almost like second nature. Since he was the oldest, Uncle Jesse had always taught him that it was his responsible to take care of and protect the younger ones. Nobody bothered Kelly when Luke was with her.
Luke turned his head and kissed her lips gently. Kelly loved it when he kissed her. His lips were warm and firm, yet so gentle. Unfortunately, Kelly knew the difference between gentle and rough. When her father got drunk, he was always grabbing her and rubbing himself up against her and kissing her against her will. He had been doing it ever since she could remember. That was one of Kelly's secrets that only Luke knew about.
His kisses made her want more but she knew that Luke would never go any farther than she wanted him to. And, even though her body wanted him to, she wasn't ready for that. Not yet. But in her heart, she knew that when the time was right, Luke would be her first. Kelly was not naïve or innocent when it came to the facts of life. Her parents never seemed to care if she saw them together or not. But lately, she had seen her father looking at her the way other men did sometimes and it scared her more then any of the beatings he had ever given her.
Kelly could feel Luke's hands starting to wander as he kissed her more insistently. She opened her lips to his kiss, trembling slightly as she felt him slip one hand underneath her shirt. This was nothing new she had let Luke touch her there before. Her skin burned at his touch, her heart pounding in her chest as her excitement grew. But she knew that was as far as Luke would go. For now, it was enough.
Kelly let her hands wander too. She felt Luke's muscles tense as she slid her hand under his shirt, running her fingertips across his flat, tightly muscled stomach, then up across his chest. Breathlessly, Luke whispered in her ear “We're going to have to get back soon. Jesse's expecting you for supper.”
“We still have a little while, don't we?” Kelly whispered back, nuzzling the side of his neck playfully.
“Not much.” Luke said, knowing that he was going to have to stop her soon or he wouldn't be able to stop himself. He had never felt this way about any other girl that he had been with before Kelly. And he had been with several. Like most of the other boys his age, he been with his first girl when he was thirteen. She was eighteen and had a local reputation for “breaking in” the more inexperienced boys. Luke had to admit, he had learned a lot from her in the brief time they had spent together.
They kissed feverishly for a few more minutes, then Luke reluctantly pulled away. Kelly sat up and rearranged her clothes, while Luke did the same. Then they left the shack, slowly walking back towards the Duke Farm.
The Duke family had lived in Hazzard County for five generations. Jesse Duke had been born and raised on the farm where they still lived, and so had his father before him. Jessie was the oldest of ten children, five boys and five girls. His sisters and one brother were still living. Three of his brothers were dead. Adam had been Luke's Father. He had died along with wife, Sara, when Luke was four years old. There had been a fire at their house and they couldn't get out in time. Jed and his wife, Amy, been Bo's parents. They had died in a car accident when Bo was just 4 months old. Jesse's youngest brother, James, had been Daisy's father. Her mother had died giving birth to Daisy and James had been killed making a moon shine run when Daisy was six. All three brothers had appointed Jesse as the guardian for their children in case anything ever happened to them. Since all of them had been so young when they came to live on the farm, Jesse was the only father that any of them remembered.
When Daisy had brought Kelly home to visit for the first time, Jesse had immediately recognized the need for attention and love in the young child with the sad and knowing eyes. He had welcomed her with open arms into the family and for the first time in her life, Kelly found the stability and support of a loving family that she so desperately craved. Sometimes Kelly would stay at the farm for three or four days in a row before returning home to her parents, who never even seemed to notice or even care that she had been gone.
In the beginning, Kelly had tried to hide her father's abuse from them just like she had been doing all her life. But Jessie had seen the bruises and he knew what was going on. One day when her father had come to the Duke farm looking for her, already ranting and in a drunken rage, Jessie had met him at the door with his shotgun and made it clear that as long as Kelly was in his house, her father would have to get by Jesse first to get to her. Her father had left and had never come back to the Duke farm again. In that one simple act of compassion and support, Jesse had shown Kelly how much he really cared. After that, she had started calling him “Uncle Jessie” just like the rest of the kids.
Kelly and Luke made it to the farmhouse in time for Kelly to help prepare supper while Bo and Luke did their evening chores.
After supper was over and the dishes done, the family gathered in the living room. Daisy and Kelly watched TV, while the boys played a game of checkers. Around nine o'clock , Jesse left to make his deliveries, reminding them all to make sure they were in bed by ten. When Daisy went upstairs to take a shower, Luke walked over to Kelly and bent down, whispering in her ear “Meet me in the barn after Daisy goes to sleep.” Kelly smiled and nodded
They all went upstairs at ten o'clock . Kelly and Daisy went to Daisy's room, which was across the hall from Uncle Jesse. The boys went to their room at the other end of the hallway. The girls got ready for bed and climbed under the covers. Kelly lay there in the darkness listening to the sound of Daisy's breathing, waiting for her to fall asleep.
An hour later, Kelly slipped out of bed and quickly pulled on her jeans and blouse. Barefoot, she left the bedroom and quietly made her way down the hallway in the dark. Opening the back door, she ran across the barnyard and into the barn. A couple of chickens squawked then settled back on their perch, momentarily disturbed by her presence. She climbed the old wooden ladder that led up to the hayloft. She paused for a moment to let her eyes adjust to the darkness of the loft, the only light in the barn was from the moonlight that filtered in through the cracks in the walls.
She yelped in surprise as she felt Luke suddenly wrap his arms around her from behind. He laughed softly, as she leaned back against him, knowing that he was lucky she didn't sock him for scaring her. For the last couple of weeks they had been meeting like this in the loft after everyone else had gone to bed. With Jesse gone on a run, they knew they'd have several hours alone before they would have to sneak into the house and go back to bed.
Luke took her hand and led her around a large stack of hay bales to a private little corner of the loft where he had made a pallet out of some loose stray and covered it with a blanket. As they settled down on the blanket, getting comfortable, Luke looked at Kelly and said, “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”
“I bet you say that to all the girls.” Kelly said playfully. Kelly knew that she was prettier than most girls but she never gave it much thought. But she sure liked to hear Luke say that he thought she was beautiful.
“Only the ones I like” Luke teased her, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her down beside him onto the blanket. Smiling at him in the moonlight, Kelly eagerly sought out his lips for a kiss. She moaned softly as she felt Luke's hands touching her in the dark. They kissed, just as they had kissed that afternoon, long slow kisses that slowly turned more hungry and demanding.
Luke looked at Kelly with a surprised expression on his handsome face when she gently pulled away from him and sat up. He caught his breath sharply as he watched her hands reach for the buttons on her shirt. Gently, he reached out to stop her from going any farther. “Are you sure you want to do that?” He whispered
“I'm sure.” Kelly told him, her heart pounding in her chest. She was afraid, but only because this would be her first time. And she wanted it to be with Luke, more than anything else in the world she wanted it to be with Luke.
Luke let his hand drop back to his side and watched as she slowly unbuttoned her blouse and slipped it off. He felt his own heart beating wildly in his chest and his mouth suddenly felt like it was stuffed with cotton. She was even more beautiful than he had imagined. He slipped off his own shirt and pulled her into his arms, enjoying the feel of her skin against his. He had been wanting this for so long and he wanted to savor the moment. He knew that this was Kelly's first time and he wanted her to enjoy it too, just as much as he knew he was going to.
For a long time, all Luke did was kiss her and caress her until he was sure she was ready for the next step. Slowly and with great care, he finished undressing her. Kelly lay there in the moonlight, watching him as he stood up and began to undress himself. When he lay back down beside her, she went willingly into his arms. Kelly cried out softly when she felt him for the first time, then she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and gave herself to him completely.
Afterwards, she lay cradled in his arms, tired but happier than she had ever been in her life. More experienced than Kelly, Luke had never felt this way before. He didn't want to let her go. He never wanted to let her go again. “I love you, Kell.” He whispered, for the first time speaking the words that he suddenly realized were true. Words he had been wanting to say to her for a long time.
“I love you too, Luke.” She whispered back, tears glistening in her eyes. “I always have.”
“We'd better get back into the house before Jesse gets back.” Luke said, reluctant to end the moment. But he knew if Jesse caught them they would be in a whole heap of trouble.
“I know.” Kelly said with a soft sigh of regret. She just wanted to stay here in his arms. They lay there in each others arms for a little longer, then finally gathered up their clothes and got dressed. Sneaking back into the house, Luke went to his room and Kelly went to hers.
Over the next couple of months, the bond between Luke and Kelly deepened. They snuck away as much as they could to be alone and Kelly practically lived at the Duke farm. If anyone else noticed the shift in their relationship, nobody said anything to either one of them. It was getting harder and harder to hide the way they really felt, but Kelly was terrified of her father finding out that she was in love with Luke.
“What can he do?” Luke asked Kelly with just a trace of impatience in his voice “You'll be eighteen in a couple of years. Then he can't stop you from leaving and doing whatever you want.” They were hidden away in the hayloft, where they had been discussing the same thing for almost an hour.
“Luke, you don't know my father. He'd kill me if he found out about you and me.” She sighed with a far away look in her eyes “He keeps trying to keep me from coming over here as it is.”
“Why don't we talk to Jesse? I'm sure he could help us figure something out.”
“No, I don't want to involve Uncle Jesse.” Kelly said in a determined voice.
“I think Jesse already knows about us.” Luke told her
“Why? Did he say something to you?”
Luke shook his head “No, but I still think he knows.”
“Yeah,” Kelly said, laughing softly “Jesse doesn't miss much around here.”
“Jesse doesn't miss anything that happens around here.” Luke emphasized. He reached out to pull Kelly into his arms “I love you, Kelly” he whispered “And I wanna spend my life with you.” He bent his head and kissed her deeply, holding her tightly. He was tired of hiding how he felt about her. He wanted everybody to know but he knew better then to push the issue with Kelly. She wasn't ready for that. Years of abuse had left her terrified of her father. So, for a little while anyway, they would have to keep meeting like this, keeping their love a secret even from Luke's own family. Luke hated doing that. Jesse had taught them never to lie, especially to each other. But as long as nobody asked him directly about him and Kelly, he guessed he wasn't exactly lying to anyone.
Luke heard Jesse's old truck pull into the drive. Letting go of Kelly, he said “Jesse's home, I gotta get to my chores.” He looked at Kelly as he turned to walk towards the ladder. “Are you gonna stay here and wait on me?”
“I thought I'd go down to the creek for awhile.” She told him. “Why don't you meet me there when you're done?” Luke nodded. Climbing down the ladder, he started on his chores before he got yelled at for not having them done. Daisy and Bo were both over at the Church helping get ready for the picnic the preacher's wife was having for the congregation that Sunday, so Luke had Bo's chores to do to. He didn't see Kelly leave.
Luke hurried through his chores, and then headed off to the creek to meet Kelly. But when he got there, she was no where to be found. Frowning, he wondered where she was but he figured she'd show up back at the farm for supper.
When supper time came and went without any sign of Kelly, Luke started to worry but he kept his thoughts to himself. He kept sneaking glances out the window, watching for her, and hoping that nobody noticed his concern. Bo and Daisy were chattering about the picnic at the church that weekend and didn't seem to notice how tense Luke was. But Jessie did.
“You got something on your mind, Luke?” Jesse asked, breaking into Luke's thoughts.
“Uh….no, sir.” Luke said, flushing slightly, guilty at being caught. As he turned away from the window, from the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of color and instinctively he knew that it was Kelly going into the barn. That meant something had to be wrong if she was going to the barn instead of coming into the house. “I....uh….just need some air.” Luke said hastily, ignoring the puzzled look in Jesse's eyes as he turned and went outside.
Crossing the barnyard, he went inside the barn and climbed up to the loft. He could hear Kelly crying softly somewhere in back of the loft. Following the sound of her soft sobs, he found her crouched in the far corner of the barn. “Kell,” he said softly, kneeling down beside her. “What's the matter?” Luke caught his breath sharply as Kelly raised her head and he saw her face. Her bottom lip was split and swollen and there was a fresh bruise on her cheek. There were also scratches on her other cheek and red marks on her neck. Luke didn't have to ask what had happened, he already knew. Her father had beaten her again.
When Luke pulled her into his arms, she started crying even harder, burying her face against his shoulder. He simply held her, rocking her gently, and let her cry. He felt the rage boiling inside of him. He fought to keep it in check, not wanting to upset Kelly any more than she already was. When she had finally calmed down enough to stop crying, he gently cupped her face in his hand and said quietly “What happened?”
“My dad found me down by the creek. He was drunker than hell and he started screaming at me and kept saying that I was never coming back here again. He said he'd kill me if I did. I got away from him and tried to run away but he grabbed me and I fell. I hit my head on something and got knocked out. When I came too, he was gone.”
Concerned about a possible head injury, Luke gently ran his fingers through her long silky hair. He could feel a lump just behind her left temple. She flinched when he touched it and pulled away. “You need to have that checked out” he said in a concerned voice.
“No,” Kelly said adamantly, shaking her head. “I'm okay. It's not that bad.” Her eyes darkened “I hate him. I told him I was never coming home again.” Her jaw tightened “I wish he was dead.”
“I won't let him hurt you.” Luke told her, tightening his arms around her waist “Not again. I promise.”
“There's nothing we can do.” Kelly said in a tired, defeated voice. “Luke, he's really crazy this time. I've never seen him this bad before.”
“We'll talk to Jesse, tell him the truth. He'll find a way to help. I know he will.”
“Luke, didn't you hear me? I said he's really gone crazy this time” She cried desperately “He said he'd kill you if he finds out I saw you again or anybody in your family.”
“Then we'll run away.” Luke said in a fiercely determined voice “We'll go someplace safe where he won't find you and can't hurt you. And in a couple of months, we'll let Jesse know where we are.”
Kelly choked back a sob, pulling herself out of the comfort of his embrace, shaking her head “I can't let you do that, Luke.” She told him “He'd find us no matter where we went. He wouldn't stop looking until he does.” She shoved herself to her feet, her jaw set in that determined, stubborn way that Luke had come to know so well over the years. Her eyes blazed with an inner rage that Luke had never seen before “This is my problem and I'll handle it my way.”
Before Luke could reach out to stop her, she turned and ran from him, climbing down the ladder to the ground below. Luke followed her but the time he reached the bottom of the ladder, she was already outside and running towards the ridge that separated the Duke farm from her shack. Not sure what else to do, Luke went back into the house.
Luke struggled to fight his way out of the cobwebs that seemed to be clouding his mind. But as he got closer to the surface of consciousness, he remembered the horror of finding Kelly's parents. Gratefully, he let himself slip quietly back into the drugged sleep that he had been in for almost three days. He had no way of knowing that Jesse had spent most of those three days (and nights) sitting beside his oldest nephew's side, watching him twist and turn restlessly, even in his sedated state. At times Jesse would reach out to put a comforting hand on the Luke's shoulder or arm, his touch and the soothing sound of his voice calming him. He knew that Luke would wake up soon and he was worried about how Luke would deal with the news that Jesse had to tell him.
Roscoe had organized a search party and they had searched for miles around the Dalton shack, but they had found no sign of Kelly. Roscoe told Jesse that from the evidence at the scene, Kelly's father had killed his wife, then several hours later, killed himself. More than enough time for him to have killed Kelly too and hidden her body somewhere where it would never be found. (Truth be told, there were a couple of bodies in Hazzard County already that had never been found) They did find some of Kelly's blood in the house, near the front door. Quite a bit of blood to be exact but no other signs of Kelly. She had simply disappeared, like a ghost in the night.
Daisy seemed to handling the situation fairly well. She was pretty upset because her and Kelly were as close as sisters, but Jesse knew that Daisy would be alright in time. It was Luke he was really worried about. He knew that Kelly and Luke had grown close over the years, and even closer over the past few months. They didn't think Jesse knew but he did. He'd seen the look in Luke's eyes whenever he looked at Kelly when he thought nobody was watching. He was in love with that girl, hopelessly completely head over heels in love, with all the passion and desire of a young man's first real love.
That was why Jesse was so worried. Luke had never been one to share his feelings or reveal his emotions as easily as his two cousins. He was more of a thinker, pondering over a problem and working things out as best he could by himself before talking about it with anyone. And he hated to show any sign of weakness. When he was hurt or upset, he tended to keep it to himself, not sharing his feelings with anyone. The only thing he didn't hesitate about showing was his temper, the same quick volatile temper that ran in all the Duke men. Jesse had learned to keep his temper in check over the years, but Luke was still young and he was still learning.
Jesse leaned forward in his chair as Luke's eyelids fluttered, then slowly opened. Luke stared at Jesse blankly, then started to close his eyes again. “Luke Duke, you stay awake now.” Jesse ordered in a quiet but firm voice. At the sound of Jesse's voice, Luke reluctantly opened his eyes again. Instantly they filled with the pain of a wounded animal caught in a trap, a look Jesse had seen more times then he cared to remember over the years. But, until now, a look he had rarely seen in Luke's eyes.
“Jesse,” Luke said in a barely audible voice. He cleared his throat and tried again “Uncle Jesse” his voice came out a little stronger but not much.
Jesse poured a glass of water from the pitcher sitting on the nightstand between the two beds. Gently, he slipped his arm behind Luke's shoulders to help him sit up in the bed. Holding the glass to Luke's lips, he encouraged him to take a few sips to moisten his dry mouth and throat.
“Kelly……” Luke said, looking deeply into Jesse eyes for an answer to the question he was too afraid to ask.
Jesse shook his head sadly. There was no easy way to say what he knew he had to say, so he just came out and said it “There's no sign of her. Roscoe's had folks searching for three days.”
Luke closed his eyes and took a deep shuddering breath. Only the slight trembling of his arm beneath Jesse's hand betrayed the emotion he was fighting. Luke exhaled slowly and opened his eyes. “How long have I been asleep?” he asked
“Three days.” Jesse told him “Doc Applebee gave you something to make you sleep. You were in pretty bad shape after what happened.” Jesse patted the back of Luke's hand gently, sensing that he needed to be alone for awhile. “I'll be downstairs if you need me. You can get out of bed whenever you feel up to it, but Doc wants you to take it easy for a few days.”
As Jesse left the room, Luke swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump that seemed to be stuck in his throat. His chest constricted with pain and he blinked back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. Luke shoved himself up onto the side of the bed. He sat there for several seconds waiting for the room to stop spinning around before slowly standing up. He was still dizzy and lightheaded but the feeling quickly passed. Luke pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt and then went across the hall to the bathroom. He used the bathroom, then splashed some cold water on his face and washed his hands.
Slowly, he made his way downstairs. Jesse smiled broadly when Luke walked into the kitchen. “Think you can eat something?” he asked “You must be hungry”
“Not right now.” Luke said, shaking his head. “I'd like to get a little fresh air first.”
Jesse nodded as Luke went out the back door. Through the kitchen window, Jesse saw him walk across the barnyard and disappear into the barn. Jesse sighed. He knew that was one of the places where Luke always went when he wanted to be alone. Jesse felt Luke's pain keenly but he knew there wasn't much he could do to help him unless Luke wanted his help.
In the barn, Luke slowly climbed the ladder to the loft and went to the hidden spot where he and Kelly had spent so much time together. Sitting down on the blanket, he wrapped his arms around his knees and lowered his head, letting the tears come at last. He cried for a long time, overwhelmed with guilt. He felt guilty because he hadn't stopped her from leaving that night. And an overwhelming grief, far more bitter than any he had ever known. He had cried and grieved deeply when Aunt Martha died, but this was different. This was Kelly and Luke knew that a part of him had died too.
Jesse was starting to get worried because Luke had been gone for so long, then he saw him come out of the barn, walking slowly back to the house. From the slump of his shoulders and the slowness in his step, Jesse knew that he was hurting and hurting badly. Jesse always felt those young'uns pain as if it were his own and this time it was no different. Luke didn't say anything when he came back into the house. He simply went back upstairs to his room and closed the door.
Bo and Daisy came home from school shortly after that. Bo was happy and excited when he found out that Luke was finally awake. He went upstairs but came down a few minutes later, disappointed because Luke didn't seem to want any company. Not used to being rejected by his older cousin, Bo's feelings were hurt. Jesse did his best to try and make Bo understand that Luke just needed to be alone for a little while but Bo was still upset. Daisy distracted him by getting him to help her make supper. Luke stayed in his room all night, refusing the supper that Daisy took up to him.
After Daisy and Bo went to bed, Luke finally came downstairs and went into the kitchen to get a glass of milk. Jesse was sitting in his favorite chair beside the fireplace in the living room. He glanced at Luke as he came out of the kitchen and said softly, “Sit down for a minute, Luke.”
Luke did as Jesse said, sitting on the far end of the sofa. There was still a listless, vacant look in his eyes. “I know you're hurting, we all are.” Jesse told him “And I know you're hurtin' the most. But don't let that hurt eat you alive cause it will if you're not careful.” Jesse sighed “I know cause I felt the same way after your Aunt Martha died. Just remember, you still got us and we all love you.”
“Good night, sir.” Luke said in a flat, listless voice. He finished his milk and took the glass back into the kitchen, putting it in the sink. Without another word, he went back upstairs to his bedroom.
Luke stood in the shadows of the room, silent and alone. There were still stains on the floor in front of the ragged old couch where Kelly's mother had died. Dried blood and brain matter were still splattered on the wall behind where her father had been sitting. Luke knew that Uncle Jesse would whip him but good if he knew how often Luke had come back here in the past couple of months since Kelly had disappeared but he couldn't seem to help himself. Jesse would be even madder if he found out just how often Luke had been sampling the shine lately. It seemed to be the only thing that helped numb the pain, at least for a little while. Nothing made it go away.
The shack was scheduled to be torn down in a few days. The good folks of Hazzard County didn't want a constant reminder of what had happened here. Absently, Luke twisted the simple gold band he was wearing on the pinky of his left hand. He had bought the ring just before Kelly disappeared, intending to surprise her with it that weekend at the church picnic. It seemed like a lifetime ago instead of a just a couple of months. Luke had worn the ring ever since as a constant reminder of what he'd had and what he had lost.
Slowly, Luke turned and left the shack. It was a warm spring day but Luke still felt a chill deep inside of him that went clear to his bones. He wandered into the woods that surrounded the cabin, just as he did every day. He walked slowly through the dense under growth, his eyes on the ground. Looking, always looking. Looking for anything that might be a shallow grave. He was always relieved when he didn't find anything, yet at the same time terrified that someday he would.
Luke knew he couldn't go on like this. It wasn't exactly what you would call healthy. But every day seemed to be just the day before. Endless hours stretching out with no end to the pain he felt inside and no way to make it go away. He figured that Doc Applebee would say that he was severely depressed. Hell, he already knew that. He just didn't know what to do about it.
Jesse had tried talking to him about it a few times and so had Daisy, but Luke didn't want to talk to anybody about what he was feeling inside. He had pretty much figured out that Jesse and Daisy knew how he had really felt about Kelly but he still didn't want to talk to them, or anyone else, about it. He knew that Bo was upset because he felt like Luke was ignoring him and his feelings were hurt. And Luke felt bad about that but part of him was dead inside and he didn't know if it would ever get any better.
Graduation was in a couple of weeks and Luke had already planned what he was going to do after that. He knew Uncle Jessie and the rest of the family wasn't going to like it but he knew what he had to do. In Luke's mind, it might be the only way to keep himself from going insane. He'd already had some disturbing thoughts, dark thoughts about ropes and guns. He had to do something before he snapped and acted on those thoughts. He wandered the woods for hours before finally returning home, long after dark. As usual, Jesse was in the living room waiting for him. He had no way of knowing how scared Jesse was that one of these nights, Luke wouldn't come back at all.
“You did what?” Jessie exclaimed looking at Luke with a stunned expression on his face. He had to make sure that he had heard Luke correctly.
“I enlisted in the Marines.” Luke told him “I leave in three weeks for basic training.”
“How could you do something like that without at least discussing it with me first?” Jesse blustered.
“You can't stop me, Jesse. I'm eighteen. I can make my own decisions now.” Luke said grimly. His jaw was set firmly in the same stubborn resistance that Jessie's jaw got when he was laying down the law.
“I know that.” Jessie said in a flustered voice. He wasn't used to Luke talking back to him and he didn't like it. But he liked it even less that Luke had gone and joined the marines without even talking to him about it first. He sighed in resignation. It was too late to do anything about it now. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Yes, sir.” Luke said with more confidence then he really felt “I'm sure.”
“Alright, then I reckon the rest of us will just have to make the best of it.” Jesse said “You're a man now, Luke and you're gonna live with whatever decisions you make for yourself, good or bad.” Jesse paused, then added “But you're gonna have to be the one to tell Bo that you're leaving.” A thin little smile crossed Luke's face. He should have known that Jesse wouldn't let him off that easy. Luke nodded and went upstairs to have a talk with his little cousin.
Bo was sitting cross legged on his bed doing his homework when Luke came into their room. “Hi, Luke.” He said with a huge grin. Luke couldn't help grinning back. Despite the difference in their ages, the two boys had shared everything together up until the last couple years when the difference in their ages became more noticeable as Luke began dating girls and got his driver's license. When they were younger, Luke had even refused to hang out with the other guys unless they were willing to let Bo tag along. He knew that Bo would take his leaving home the hardest. He still didn't completely understand why Luke had been so distant in the past couple of months since Kelly had disappeared.
“Hey, little cuz.” Luke said, rumbling his hair as he walked by Bo's bed and sat down on his own. Bo grinned happily when Luke used his old familiar pet name for him and looked at his older cousin. Bo admired and looked up to Luke, he wanted to be just like him someday “Bo, we need to talk about something.”
Bo looked puzzled, sensing the seriousness in Luke's voice. His eyed darkened slightly “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, nothing like that.” Luke reassured him with an easy smile. “It's just that I needed to tell you that I'm gonna be going away for awhile.”
“For how long?” Bo asked. Luke had gone away before for the weekend to visit Aunt Pauline and once he'd been gone for a whole week when Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Jim needed some help on their farm.
“Four years.” Luke told him “I joined the marines.”
“What?” Bo cried, his bottom lip starting to quiver “What'd you go and do that for?”
“You wouldn't understand.” Luke told him “But I'll be back to visit, it's not like I'm gonna be gone the whole time.”
“It might as well be.” Bo said with a pout. He glared at Luke “And I'm tired of everybody telling me I wouldn't understand something. You're leaving because of what happened to Kelly, aren't you?”
Luke looked at his younger cousin in surprise. “Yeah,” Luke admitted slowly, choosing his words carefully “That's a big part of it.”
“I liked her too, ya know.” Bo said in a childish voice “And I miss her as much as you do.”
“I know you do.” Luke said patiently. Kelly had always found the time to include Bo in a lot of her activities. And she had never been too busy to help him with his homework.
“But it was different with you and her wasn't it?” Bo asked, surprising Luke again with how much he had really noticed and understood.
“Yeah, it was.” Luke told him, the slight huskiness in his voice the only sign to what he was feeling inside.
“That's why you've been so sad, huh?” Bo said “And mad at me all the time.”
“I wasn't mad at you.” Luke said in a surprised voice.
“It sure felt like it.” Bo told him
“I'm sorry, Bo. I never meant to make you feel that way.” When Luke said that, Bo scrambled off his bed and ran over to Luke, throwing himself in his older cousin's arms.
“I don't want you to go.” he said, starting to cry and burying his head against Luke's shoulder. “Who's gonna be here if I have a bad dream?” Bo had had nightmares frequently as a child and, since they shared the same room, Luke had been the one who had always heard him and got up in the middle of the night to comfort him. He would calm him down and then let him crawl into his bed with him until morning. If Bo got scared, cold or lonely during the night, Luke could count on Bo climbing into bed with him before morning.
“Uncle Jesse and Daisy are still gonna be here.” Luke told him, gently rubbing his back in a soothing gesture.
“Won't be the same.” Bo said in a muffled voice
“I know.” Luke said in a quiet, soothing voice. This was harder than he thought it would be. Maybe his going away would be a good idea for Bo too. He was much too attached to Luke.
Bo straightened up and looked at his older cousin, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “When do you have to leave?”
“In three weeks.”
“That's not very long.”
“No, it isn't.”
“How long before you get to come home for a visit?”
“After I finish basic training. A month, maybe a little longer.”
“That's still a long time.”
“I know it is.”
“Can I play your guitar while you're gone?” Bo asked in an innocent, yet hopeful voice.
Luke couldn't help but laugh for the first time in weeks. “Sure you can. Just don't break any strings or you'll have to buy new ones.” Bo grinned happily. Luke had been teaching him how to play and had even let him sing with him and Kelly a couple of times in the band they had both played with on the weekends. Luke hadn't played with the band since Kelly disappeared; he hadn't even picked up his guitar. “Finish your homework and then get washed up for supper.” Patting Bo on the shoulder, Luke stood up and started towards the door. He stopped and looked back over his shoulder when Bo said, “Hey, Luke?” Bo grinned “I love you.”
“I love you too, cuz.” Luke told him with a warm smile.
After supper, Luke told Daisy about joining the marines. She took the news a little bit better than Bo had but not much better. Like Bo, she shed a few tears at the thought of Luke leaving the farm.
The next three weeks passed more quickly than Luke could have imagined. The morning he left Hazzard it was overcast and cloudy which pretty much fit Luke's mood.
He had already said goodbye to his friends and now it was time to say goodbye to his family. Uncle Jesse, Bo and Daisy had all accompanied him to the bus station. In fifteen minutes, he would be getting on a bus and leaving Hazzard for the next four years.
“I'm gonna miss you” Daisy said giving him a big hug.
“You take care of yourself now.” Jessie said in an usually gruff voice. “And make sure to write and call whenever you can.”
“I will. I promise.” Luke told him, giving his uncle a big hug. It was harder than he thought to actually say goodbye and he knew it wouldn't be easy stepping on that bus. But he needed to do this, he needed to get away from the memories that lingered everywhere he went in Hazzard, memories of Kelly and the short time they'd had together. Luke smiled as he turned to Bo. He knew that Bo would be almost grown when he got back and he wondered how his absence would affect their relationship.
“I'm gonna miss you, Luke” Bo said, wrapping his arms around Luke's waist and holding on tightly.
“I'm gonna miss you too.” Luke told him, hugging him tightly. He straightened up and took one last look at his family. It was time to go.