Kelly Brackett cringed at the persistent ringing. It just wouldn't stop. He rolled over and opened his eyes. It was the alarm clock again. Hadn't he silenced that the last time it rang? He reached out, smacking the snooze button for the fifth time. This was one day he did not want to get up and he drew the covers up over his head as he drifted off to sleep again.
Ten minutes later the alarm clock sprung to life again. His arm violently came down on the offending device, silencing it yet again. Almost immediately, ringing began again. Kelly sat up, confused at the return of the tones, until he realized it was not the alarm but the phone. He lifted the receiver to his ear and laid back down with it tucked to his ear.
"Yeah, Brackett," He said wearily.
"Kel? It's Joe. There's been a multi-vehicle accident and they are bringing in quite a few injured shortly. We sure could use you as soon as you could get in here."
Kelly looked closer at the clock. He had been due at the hospital five minutes ago. Rubbing his hand over his eyes he turned his attention back to the telephone.
"OK, Joe. I'll be there as soon as I can." He hung up the receiver and let out a sigh. In all the years he had been at Rampart he had never been late before. In fact, he was usually at least thirty minutes early. He wished today he could just hide under the covers so he did not have to face reality. He climbed from his bed, running his hands through his dark, wavy hair. He stretched and scratched his bare chest as he walked to the bathroom, shedding his briefs on the way and kicking them into a pile of dirty clothes in the corner.
He climbed into the shower and stood under the hot, steaming stream, allowing the warm fingers of water to trickle down over his face and body. He closed his eyes tight, trying to muster up the courage to get through the day. Finally, he picked up the soap and lathered himself from head to toe. After rinsing off, he reached for the shampoo and attacked his hair. When he was through, he turned off the shower and climbed onto the bath mat, drying himself completely. He wrapped the towel loosely around his waist, quickly shaved and went into the bedroom to pick out his clothes.
A smile came to his face as he looked through his closet. Maybe I should wear my Birthday suit, he thought. That would be appropriate for today. He looked at himself in the mirror, taking a personal inventory. His thick dark hair was tousled from towel drying, his chest was coated with a healthy coat of dark hair and he was trim and well built. Not bad for a fifty-year-old man, he thought. Oh God! Was he really fifty years old today? That didn't seem possible. How could he be that old already?
There was no sign of gray in his hair yet and he worked out regularly by playing tennis and going to the gym. But that wouldn't stop the sands of time from leading him into the beginning of the "Golden Years".
Snapping out of his reverie, he quickly dressed in his navy blue suit and headed for the door. He looked at the clock as he grabbed his keys off the credenza. Wonderful, he was already over a half an hour late. As he opened the door, he glanced at his reflection in the hall mirror.
"Happy Birthday," he mumbled as he stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind him.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Chaos reigned, as Kel entered the ER. Gurneys lined the hall, filled with patients suffering from various forms of trauma. The triage team evaluated them, making sure the most severe injuries were treated promptly. Several paramedic teams assisted with patients that they had brought in.
Kelly waded through the river of activity on his way to his office. He quickly removed his jacket and slipped into his white lab coat that hung on the hook on the back of his office door. Adjusting the collar, he entered the hallway as nurse Dixie McCall walked by.
"Nice of you to join us, Kel," she said soberly as she hurried past him and disappeared into treatment room 4. Kel made his way over to the nurse's station to retrieve the next patient's chart. Dr. Mike Morton came out of treatment room 2 and approached the nurse's desk.
"Hi, Kel. Where ya been? Car trouble?"
"Uh.....no. My alarm didn't go off," Kel lied, lowering his eyes and turning away from the doctor.
"Well, most of the serious cases have been taken care of already. The ones that are left are mostly fractures, cuts and bruises."
"Who's up next?" Kel asked.
"Here," Mike said as he handed the older doctor the top file from the pile on the desk. "Fractured radius, room 3."
"Thanks," Kel said as he accepted the file. Walking into the treatment room, he found a woman in her early thirties sitting on the exam table.
"Hi. I'm Dr. Brackett," he introduced himself as he went to view the x-rays displayed on the viewing screen. "Looks like you have a simple fracture of the radius."
"Simple fracture?" The woman squawked, her annoyance obvious in her voice. "Sure, to you it's simple. It's not your arm! Do you realize I've been waiting over and hour and a half?"
"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry for your wait," Dr. Brackett said diplomatically. "We'll have you fixed up in no time. I'll put a temporary cast on to stabilize the fracture and prescribe something for the pain. You'll need to follow up with and orthopedist tomorrow."
"What? You're kidding right? You mean I've gotta go through this twice?"
"We find it is best to see a specialist to prevent any complications. If he feels the casting is adequate he may not change it."
"You doctors are all in on this together," the woman complained. "It's just a racket to get more money out of me and my insurance." The woman continued to rant the entire time Kel was applying the cast. When the woman wasn't looking, Kel rolled his eyes, causing the young nurse who was assisting him to smile.
When he finished, he handed the unhappy woman a script for pain medicine and she stormed out of the room. Kel rubbed his hand over his face and looked at his assisting nurse.
"Who's next?" He asked. She looked at her clipboard.
"Scalp laceration, room three." The young nurse smiled shyly over her clipboard.
My God, Kel thought. She doesn't look old enough to drive!
"Thanks," he said with a smile. "By the way, I don't believe we've met. I'm Dr. Brackett." He extended his hand to her and she took it demurely.
"Yes, I know. I'm Margaret Cummings, but everyone calls me Peggy."
"Nice to meet you, Peggy. Have you worked here long?"
"No sir. This is only my second shift."
"Well, your doing a fine job."
"Thank you, sir," she said as a pink blush came to her cheeks.
"Now, let's go tackle that scalp laceration." Kel smiled as he opened the treatment room door for the young nurse. They only had a short trip across the hall to treatment room three.
A young boy sat on the table with his head bandaged and wrapped with gauze. Traces of blood soaked through the wrapping and his shirt was splattered red. His mother stood next to him with her arm wrapped around his waist. Dr. Brackett went to the sink and washed his hands as he introduced himself to the pair.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Brackett and this is nurse Cummings. You must be Timmy Jenkins." The little fellow nodded his head slightly. "And how old are you Timmy?" Brackett asked smiling, as he dried his hands with a paper towel.
"I'm four," Timmy said meekly, holding up his hand and showing three fingers. His mother whispered into his ear and then the fourth finger popped up.
"Well, you're a big boy aren't you? Now, how about we take a look at that head of yours." Timmy began to pull back a bit but Brackett smiled at him reassuringly and he relaxed a little. As he unwrapped the bandage, he could feel a good size knot forming on the boy's head. He carefully peeled the padding off the cut and pinpoints of blood began to appear again along the ragged edges of the wound. Placing the padding back into place, he turned to nurse Cummings.
"I want a full skull series," he said softly then turned back to the injured boy. "OK, Timmy. We're going to take some pictures of your head, it won't hurt a bit, OK?" Timmy nodded his understanding to the doctor. Kel turned his attention to the boy's mother.
"How did this happen?"
"He hit his head on the dashboard of the car." she informed the doctor.
Brackett raised his eyebrows. "Wasn't he wearing a seat belt?"
The woman rolled her eyes. "OH, don't you start with me, now. Yes, he had a seat belt on, but he climbed out of it. He always climbs out."
"Was he in the front seat?"
"Yes, of course he was."
"It's safer for children to be in the back seat AND they should always be restrained in a seat belt."
"Look, don't you go telling me how I should be raising my kid. If I belted him in the back seat, he'd still climb out and would be climbing all over the car. At least in the front seat I can watch him." The woman scowled at the doctor as he wrote the orders on the boy's chart. The door to the treatment room opened and an orderly came in with a wheelchair.
"OK, Timmy," Brackett said cheerfully as he lifted the boy off the table and put him into the chair. "We're going to take you down to x-ray now and take some pictures of that head of yours. When you're done down there, they will bring you back here and I'll fix up that boo-boo for you." He turned his attention to the boy's mother.
"We're going to take some x-rays just to make sure there are no fractures or abnormalities. He's going to need a few stitches to close up that laceration but I think he will be just fine."
The woman just stared at Brackett for a moment, still upset over the doctor's earlier comments. "Can I go with him?" She asked, her annoyance with the doctor obvious in her voice.
"Of course," Brackett consented. When they had left, Kelly turned to nurse Cummings and let out a sigh. "That's two down. Who's next?"
Peggy looked at her clipboard. "That's all I was given, doctor. I'll have to check with Miss McCall."
"OK, you're the boss." He grinned at the young nurse. "Come on, let's go find Dixie." As they exited the room, a woman came bursting through the ER doors.
"Someone, please help me! My husband, I think he's having a heart attack! Help me, please!" Kel approached the woman and grabbed her by the shoulders, looking her right in the face.
"Calm down. Now, where is your husband?"
"He's in the car. He can't breathe!" She sobbed.
"Get me a gurney!" Brackett yelled over his shoulder before following the woman out to their car.
The car was parked right outside the ER door with its driver's side door wide open. Brackett looked into the vehicle and found her husband laying flat on his back in the rear seat clutching his chest and gasping for air. He looked to be around 50 years old and seemed to be relatively fit.
Kel climbed into the vehicle and began to examine the man, when suddenly the man cringed one final time and fell unconscious.
"He's arrested!" Kel called out. "Where's that gurney!" Two orderlies came out of the doors pushing the gurney and assisted Brackett in getting the patient out of the car and onto the table. Kelly stood on the frame of the gurney and began CPR as they pushed them into the hospital. The man's wife looked on in horror as her husband was whisked past her. Peggy put her arm around her shoulder and ushered her into the building.
"Is he going to die?" She asked as the tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Dr. Brackett will do everything he can to prevent that." Peggy said trying to comfort the woman. She led her to the waiting room and found her a seat.
Peggy waited for the woman to calm down a bit from her initial shock then began to gather the information she needed. She told Peggy their names were Walt and June Winters. They had recently moved to LA after Walt retired from the Air Force. He had never had any health problems before but he had not been feeling well for the last three days. He figured he just had a touch of the latest virus that was going around and didn't follow up with a doctor. Then this morning the pains in his chest began. They were mild at first but became more and more severe and that was when June decided to bring him in. Peggy smiled sweetly and patted June's hand before leaving her to join Dr. Brackett in the treatment room.
The scene she walked in on did not look good. Dr. Morton had joined Kel, as well as Dixie and Nurse Carol Sanders. They worked diligently on the sick man, performing CPR in between attempts to defibrillate. Medication was injected directly into the heart with no response. The minutes ticked by but nothing they did produced the desired effect. After 25 minutes the monitor still showed a flat line. Mike Morton looked to the senior physician.
"Are you gonna call it?" He asked, his defeat showing in his voice. Kel closed his eyes as he took several deep breaths in an attempt to compose himself before he spoke.
"Time of death, 11:23am."
Peggy handed him the clipboard to sign off on. His hand shook as he penned his name.
"Mrs. Winters is in the waiting room," the young nurse informed him.
"Who?" Kel asked weakly, his exhaustion and confusion clearly visible on his face.
"Mrs. Winters." Peggy said as she motioned to the lifeless body on the table. "His wife."
"Oh, yes. I'm sorry." Kel shook his head, attempting to clear his thoughts. "I'll go speak to her."
He walked slowly out the door with Peggy behind him. She pointed to Mrs. Winters, who sat in the waiting room. The corner of Kel's mouth twitched as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his lab coat and approached the woman.
She sat quietly holding herself, her foot swinging in nervous anticipation. Kel cleared his throat to get her attention. She slowly looked up at the doctor, her eyes swollen with unshed tears.
"Mrs. Winters, I'm Dr. Brackett." His solemn expression gave her an early indication of the news yet to come. "Your husband suffered a major heart attack. We did everything humanly possible to pull him through but...."
"He's dead, isn't he?" She asked softly as the tears began to fall.
"Yes, I'm sorry."
"I knew he should have gone to the doctors right away but he kept saying it was nothing. He'd be fine in a few days." She covered her face with her hands and began to sob.
"Peggy, could you stay with her please." Dr. Brackett requested of the young nurse. "See if there is someone we can call for her."
"Yes sir." Peggy acknowledged as Kel turned and walked away. He headed for the safe haven of his office, needing some time alone to compose himself. As he approached the door, he turned as he heard his name being called out.
"Kel!" Joe Early called to him as he approached the exhausted doctor.
"Hi Joe. What's up?" Kel spoke wearily as he leaned against the wall.
"Did you see a Tim Jenkins this morning?"
"Jenkins?" Brackett asked rubbing his hand over his forehead.
"Yes, four years old with a head injury."
"Oh yes, I saw him. I sent him up for x-rays but I got called in on a cardiac. Did you suture him up?"
"No. I'm on my way to surgery. Looks like a subdural hematoma."
"What?" The tired doctor responded as he stood up straight, shocked by the diagnosis.
"How long ago did you see him?" Joe asked.
Kel's thought's drifted. How could he have missed that? He was brought back to reality by the touch of Joe's hand on his shoulder.
"Kel? How long ago did you treat the boy?"
"It must have been about an hour ago."
"He wasn't exhibiting any symptoms then? No dizziness, good pupil reaction?"
The color suddenly drained from Kel's face as he thought back to the examination of the boy. Did he check his pupils? He couldn't remember. How could he have left out and important part of the exam like that.
"I....I don't remember checking them." He said barely above a whisper as he stared blankly into space. Joe raised his eyebrows, shocked that a doctor of such high caliber could have left out an important diagnostic step like that.
"Well, he was fine when triage checked him, so symptoms probably hadn't developed yet. I'll be up in surgery." Joe patted Kel on the shoulder as he headed for the elevators. Kelly quickly escaped behind the door of his office and collapsed in his chair.
Leaning back in the chair he covered his face with his hands. What was happening to him? How could he have made a mistake like that. The part that bothered him the most was the fact that this had not been the first time. He had made mistakes on several occasions recently only he was never called on them. He had managed to cover himself and correct the errors before anyone found out about them.
His stomach tightened as he went over the scene again and again in his head. He tried to come up with a logical reason for his mistake, but he couldn't, just like all the other times. He swallowed hard as he tried to come to terms with what was happening to him. He was preoccupied all the time and had difficulty concentrating. He felt totally out of control at times and that was the most difficult thing he had to deal with. He was the type of person who was ALWAYS in control. He needed to talk to someone and he knew who that someone was. He reached for the phone just as a soft knock came to the door. He quickly set the receiver back down into the cradle as the door opened. Dixie McCall came through the door smiling, carrying two cups of coffee.
"Hey," she said, her smile lighting up the room. "I thought you could used some coffee."
"Thanks Dix." Kel said as he gratefully accepted the steaming mug, the hint of a smile touching his lips.
"I hear your having a bad day." She sipped the strong brew as she relaxed in the chair across from Kel.
"That's an understatement." Kel informed her, attempting to conjure up a smile for his head nurse.
"It happens to all of us sooner or later."
"Yeah, but I know of something that would improve my day. I have two tickets to see Tony Bennett tonight. How would you like to join me?" Dixie's smile disappeared as she looked down into her coffee mug.
"Kel, " She began slowly. "I thought we agreed...."
"Yes, I know, Dix. We agreed to cool it. But I just thought it wouldn't hurt anything for two old friends to spend the evening together, listening to some good music. I know you like Tony Bennett as much as I do. Come on, whatta ya say? For old times sake?"
Dixie let out a deep sigh before she spoke. "I don't think it's a good idea, Kel. We've managed to keep on friendly terms since we broke things off. I don't think we should tempt fate."
"Are you sure I can't persuade you?" Kel smiled in the hopes that Dixie would change her mind. "I'll even throw in dinner."
"I'm sorry, Kel. I just can't. We've been through too much already. I can't go through it all over again." The corners of Kel's mouth twitched as he listened to Dixie's reasoning.
"I guess I understand, but you can't fault a guy for trying." They looked deep into one another's eyes, each wondering about what could have been, until Dixie looked down at her watch.
"I've got to get back to work. Enjoy the concert tonight."
"Yeah, thanks," Kel said disappointedly. The corner of his mouth twitched as he watched his head nurse leave his office. His pressed his eyes together tightly trying to push out the headache he felt coming on. Deciding it was already too far gone, he reached into his desk and took out two tablets and washed them down with a sip of his coffee.
He knew she was right. Their relationship had been going nowhere, both of them being devoted to their work, but Kel knew that wasn't the only reason. In fact, that was more of an excuse then a reason. Kel's fear of commitment was the major factor in the deterioration of their relationship.
He had watched his parents become angry and bitter over the years as their marriage stagnated. Little by little, he saw the love being drained out of their relationship, turning them into two distant, emotionless individuals. His father immersed himself in his work and his mother in a bottle. He watched her slowly drink herself into an early grave while his father stood back and let her. When he confronted his father about his lack of concern over his mother's drinking, his father insisted there was nothing he could do, it was her choice. This had put a wall up between him and his father for a long time, but as he grew, he was able to forgive him. He could see the hurt in his father's eyes at every mention of his mother. Though, he would never truly understand why his father had allowed it to happen, he was able to put it behind them, so as not to lose his father, too.
Kel made a promise to himself early on that he would never allow something like that to happen to someone he loved. He would never let bitterness and anger take over. So, whenever he came close to having a serious relationship, he backed off. After years of an on again, off again relationship, Dixie finally gave Kel an ultimatum. Marry her or break up for good.
Even though Kel loved Dix more then anyone else he had ever met, he couldn't go through with it. So, after much talk and deliberation it was decided their relationship would be that of coworkers and friends, nothing more.
Kel had regretted this decision every single day since he had made it. He loved Dixie and he knew she loved him. He was sorry he had turned her down and had been reconsidering her marriage ultimatum. He had hoped the concert could be the first step toward renewing their relationship. Then maybe, just maybe, he could get over his fear of commitment and make a life for himself and Dixie. With a trembling sigh he took the concert tickets out of his top desk drawer and proceeded to tear them into tiny pieces and throw them into the trash.
Kel closed his eyes tight in an effort to hold back the tears. Real men don't cry, according to his father. In fact, according to his father, real men didn't show any emotion of any kind. He took slow, deep breaths, trying to keep his emotions under control but he was fighting a losing battle. He had been fighting and losing this battle for weeks now, as he felt his emotions becoming more and more out of control.
There was so much in his life that he regretted, so many things he wished he had done. Number one on his list of regrets was children. But what kind of a father would he be? He was a self-absorbed perfectionist, who didn't even have time for goldfish let alone children.
He never related well to children even when he was one. Being an only child, he grew up mostly in the world of adults, with little interaction with kids his own age. He was a loner in school, always serious and studious. The only extracurricular activity he took part in was tennis. He spent hours practicing against a huge concrete wall by the gymnasium and helped his team advance in the standings. But instead of feeling the camaraderie of teamwork, he felt the need to be the perfect player. That he, himself, was responsible for the success or failure of the entire school in that sport.
The ring of the telephone startled him out of his reverie and he lifted the receiver to his ear.
"Brackett," he said softly, rubbing his hand over his eyes attempting to clear his thoughts.
"Dr. Brackett, your needed in treatment room four," Peggy Cummings informed him
"I'll be right there," he said before hanging up the receiver and heading to the door. With his hands shoved deep into his pockets he headed for the treatment room, but as he rounded the corner he was caught off guard as a woman flew through the hall, throwing herself at the unsuspecting doctor.
"You lied!" She screamed as she pounded her fists into the startled man's chest. Slowly Kel realized the frantic woman was Mrs. Jenkins, Timmy's mother. "You said he'd be fine and now he is in surgery fighting for his life! He might not make it! Why did you lie to me!" Tears streamed down her face as she continued pummeling Kel.
Kel was in shock. He had never had a family member lash out at him this severely before. He stood with his back against the wall as her tightly clenched fists thumped into his chest repeatedly. He just stared at her, wide eyes and took the abuse.
"Why didn't you tell me he was so sick? You said he would be fine! I heard you! You said he would be fine!" Mrs. Jenkins' emotions consumed her entire being and as her body weakened she began to collapse. Kel reached out, supporting her weight as she sobbed uncontrollably into his chest.
Dixie heard the commotion and quickly came running down the hall from the nurse's station. She put her arm around the hysterical woman, taking some of her weight off Kel.
"Let's take her to treatment two," Dixie suggested as Kel helped her steer the woman into the exam room and lowered her onto the table.
"What happened?" Dixie asked, confused by the woman's irrational behavior. When she turned to Kel her confusion deepened. The color had drained from his face and his breath came in short, fast, trembling gasps.
"Kel, what's the matter?"
"It's my fault," he said softly as he inched his way to the door.
"Your fault? Kel, what are you talking about?" Dixie had never seen Kel fall apart like this before and it scared her. Dixie watched as he backed silently out of the room. She was torn between going after him and helping the sobbing woman. Her sense of responsibility won out and she placed her arm around the hysterical woman in an attempt to comfort her.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Kel never looked up as he navigated his way through the halls, bumping haphazardly into passer's by. As he passed treatment room four, Peggy Cummings opened the door.
"Oh, Dr. Brackett!" Peggy called to him.
"Not now, Peggy," Kel mumbled as he past by her without looking up.
"But the patient....."She said motioning into the room.
"Get somebody else!" He snapped uncharacteristically. Peggy was taken back by Brackets behavior. When she recovered her composure, she went back into the treatment room and called to have another doctor paged.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Kel slammed the door to his office shut and threw his body against it. He closed his eyes, trying to regain control of himself. He had never felt this out of control before in his entire life. He took deep breaths, one then another. Slowly, his breathing relaxed a bit and he was able to open his eyes. He took one final deep breath before he headed for his desk and picked up the phone. He quickly dialed then scrubbed at his face with his hand as he listened to it ring.
"Yes, hello," he spoke slow and controlled into the receiver. "Dr. Robbins, please.......Well, when do you expect him back? I see. This is Dr. Brackett from emergency services. I need to speak to him. Could you please have him call me when he returns? My extension is 3191. Yes. Thank you."
He hung up the receiver, crossed his arms across the desk and laid his head down. How would he ever make it through the day, he wondered? It was only a little after noon and he was scheduled to be at the hospital till 5pm. He knew he would never be able to pretend to be in control that long, he just couldn't make it. He had to leave.
He reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a loose-leaf binder. He frantically flipped through the pages within the notebook that contained the listing of doctors able to cover in emergency services. He made several calls until he finally found someone who was available and could be there within the hour.
Relief flooded over him at the prospect of leaving the hospital and escaping the nightmare of today but his head was still pounding. He reached for two more tablets out of his desk and went into the bathroom, first swallowing the tablets with a handful of water then splashing his face. Looking at the reflection that greeted him in the mirror, he almost didn't recognize it as himself. The face that stared back at him was pale with eyes that were swollen and red and had dark circles around them. He knew he couldn't wait for his replacement to arrive, he had to leave now. After drying his hands and face with a paper towel, he stripped off his lab coat and threw it on a nearby chair. Returning to his desk, he quickly dialed the phone again.
"Yes, did Dr. Robbins return yet? I see. This is Dr. Brackett again. Could you please tell him he can reach me at home, I'm leaving the office now. He has the number. Thank you."
He grabbed his suit jacket off the back of the door, took a couple of deep breaths and left the safety of his office. He knew he should tell someone he was leaving but he really didn't want to have to explain. As he walked down the corridor, he spied Peggy Cummings stepping out of a treatment room.
"Peggy," he called out weakly to the young nurse. She smiled as she walked over to him.
"Yes, doctor?" she said as she attempted to keep up with him as he hurried down the hall.
"I'm leaving for the day. There is a replacement coming in to relieve me. He should be here any time. Could you please let Dixie and Joe Early know that I left?"
"Yes, Dr. Brackett. Are you all right?" Peggy's question was met with silence as he walked out the door. She stood there, watching his figure fade into the parking lot, then turned to find Dixie McCall.
As she rounded the corner to the nurse's station, Dixie came out of the lounge located behind it.
"Oh, Miss McCall. I was just looking for you."
"Yes, Peggy. What is it?" Dixie asked as she busied herself with the files on the desk.
"Dr. Brackett told me to tell you that he's left for the day. His replacement will be here soon."
"What?" Dixie asked, stunned by the message.
"That's it, ma'am. He just said he was leaving and his replacement was coming any time now."
"Did he say why?"
"No, ma'am."
"OK. Thank you, Peggy." Dixie's brow furrowed with worry as she watched the young nurses go back about her business. Kel had never done anything like this before, but recently he had been doing a lot of things he never did before. He was more withdrawn then usual and he had been second-guessing himself on many occasions. Not to mention his forgetfulness and the several times he had lost his temper for no reason. She knew Joe Early was still in surgery. She would have to speak to him when he was through. Maybe he could shed some light on the situation.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Kelly Brackett navigated his car into the parking lot of O'Keefe's Pub. He walked into the dimly lit room and took a stool at the bar.
"Hiya, Doc," the bartender greeted him. "You want the usual?"
"Yeah, Joe. Only this time, forget the burger."
"Sure thing, Doc."
Kel had been a regular at O'Keefe's for quite a while now. He didn't really like to cook for himself and he hated TV dinners, so he would stop by on his way home from work for something to eat and a couple of drinks. Here lately, more for the drinks then the burgers. He had begun to think of the Pub as an escape from his problems. A place he could go to and get away from everything and just forget. Here, he didn't have to be in charge, make decisions, be right or perfect all the time. Here, he was just a customer.
Joe, the bartender, brought Kel his drink and placed a basket of pretzels on the bar in front of him.
"Bad day, Doc?" Joe asked as he busied himself wiping down the bar.
"Yeah," Kel sighed. "Real bad." He took a long draw on his seven and seven, paused, then drained the glass in a second swallow. He motioned toward the glass.
"Give me another one, Joe." He requested as he placed a $50.00 bill on the bar. "And keep them coming."
"Sure Doc. You sure you don't want something to eat?"
"Maybe later," Kel lied as he accepted his second drink of the day. He scanned the room and found the pay phone near the men's room. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and walked over to the phone. After dropping the coin in the slot he quickly dialed.
"Is Dr. Robbins available? This is Dr. Brackett, again. I still need to talk to him but I've been delayed in getting home. I'll keep trying to catch him. Thank you." He let out a long sigh as he walked back to the bar. As he returned to the barstool the events of the day kept running through his head. He sipped his drink quickly, waiting for the numbing effects of the alcohol to take over and erase the pain he was feeling. The pounding in his head continued to assault him and he motioned for Joe again.
"Hey, Joe. Do you have anything for a headache?"
"Sure Doc," Joe responded as he reached under the bar and handed Kel two more tablets which he promptly washed down with the rest of his drink.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
"You wanted to see me, Dix?" Joe Early asked cheerfully as he walked into the doctor's lounge. Dix sat at the table nursing a cup of cold coffee.
"Yeah, I did. Do you know what's up with Kel?"
"No, not really," he said with a shrug. "I've been pretty busy today and haven't seen much of him. I just got out of surgery. Is there a problem?"
"Yeah, he left." Dix said flatly.
"What do you mean he left?"
"Just that. He left. He called in Dr. Snyder to replace him and left even before he got here. That's not like him."
"No, it isn't," Joe said thoughtfully.
"It's not just that. He's been acting kind of funny for a while now."
"How do you mean, 'funny'?"
"I don't know. Just not like himself. More withdrawn, always second guessing himself."
"Well, you know Kel. Always the perfectionist."
"No, it wasn't like that. It's like he is really unsure of himself. And his temper, he's been blowing his top for no reason at all. And to top it all off, do you know what he did today?"
"No, what?"
"He asked me out tonight."
Joe raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Really?"
"Yes. After all we went through. After all he put me through. I had made it clear that I wanted to marry him but he made it even clearer that he wasn't interested. He knew how I felt, how upsetting the break up had been for me, yet he still had the nerve to ask me out again."
"You know, he really does love you, Dix."
"Well, he sure does have a hell of a way of showing it. You know, I am getting a little old to be just a 'girlfriend'."
"Come to think of it, he did react strangely when I told him about the surgery on the Jenkins boy."
"Oh, yes. How is he?"
"He's going to be fine. Surgery went well. When I questioned Kel on his exam of the boy he kind of "zoned out". Then he couldn't remember if he had checked for pupil reactions. That's a standard part of any exam, especially where a head trauma is concerned."
"I don't know, Joe. Something just isn't right with Kel. I've got this funny feeling. I'm really worried about him."
"Excuse me, are you talking about Kelly Brackett?" A voice asked drawing the pairs attention to the door. Dr. Ronald Robbins had entered while they were talking and now stood pouring himself a cup of coffee.
"Hi, Ron. Yes, we are talking about Kel Brackett." Dixie said to the new arrival.
"What brings the head of psychiatry down to emergency?" Joe asked his colleague.
"Actually, I was looking for Kel. Is he around here? I checked his office and he's not there."
"He's not in the hospital at all, Ron. He called in a replacement to come in for him and he just left. Is there something we can help you with?" Joe asked. Dr. Robbins looked at the pair thoughtfully, then pulled up a chair at the table.
"I shouldn't say anything but I know you two are both close to Kel and considering the conversation I walked in on, I think I better." Ron took a sip of his coffee as he gathered his thoughts. "I have been seeing Kel as a patient for about three months now. He had some issues he needed to work out and he came to me for help. I had a consult at another facility and was out of the office most of the day. When I returned I had three messages from him, all left within a short time period. My secretary said he didn't say anything specific but thought that he sounded......(Dr. Robbins paused, searching for an appropriate word) stressed. When I tried to return his call, there was no answer at his office or his home and he's not answering his pager."
A concerned look came to Dixie and Joe's faces as they digested what Ron had to tell them. Dixie lowered her eyes and stared into her coffee as she voiced the question in her mind.
"Should we be worried, Ron? I mean, is he a danger to himself or to others?"
"Dix, I don't want to jump to any conclusions without actually talking to him first. He's been on medication since I have been working with him and he seemed to be stable. I have to be honest though, these phone calls disturb me. He's never felt the need to call me before. I've only seen him at our regular scheduled appointments. When I first received his messages I thought he just wanted to speak to me on a consult but my secretary has gotten pretty intuitive when it comes to my patients. Do either of you know if anything occurred today that might have triggered a setback?"
Joe and Dixie looked at one another and each took a deep breath. "Do you want to tell him or should I?" Dixie finally asked Joe.
"Why don't you. You know more of the details." Joe prompted Dix. With another deep breath she began to fill Dr. Robbins in on the events of the day, from Kel being late for work till he called in a replacement and left before he arrived. Dr. Robbins listened carefully, rubbing his chin with his hand the whole time. When she finished he let out a deep sigh as he looked from Dix to Joe, chewing on his bottom lip.
"I don't want to alarm you, but I think we should find Kel as soon as possible."
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Joe the bartender shook Kel gently as he lay with his head down on the bar.
"Doc," Joe said softly. "Your ride is here." Kel lifted his head and tried to focus on the man in front of him.
"Thanks, Joe," he slurred as he got down from the barstool. Joe grabbed his arm to keep him from falling and helped him to the waiting cab.
"Here ya go, Sid," Joe said as he handed a portion of Kel's $50.00's to the cab driver. "I think this oughta cover it."
"Yep, it did last time," Sid agreed. Joe helped Kel into the back seat and stuffed the remaining bills into Kel's suit pocket. As the door closed, Kel laid his head back and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
"We're here Doc." Sid called back to his sleeping passenger. Kel opened his eyes, blinking at the daylight.
"Whatta I owe ya," Kel mumbled as he dug into his pockets.
"It's already taken care of, Doc." Sid informed him. "Do you need any help getting to your apartment?"
"No, I'm fine," He lied as he staggered from the cab and toward the steps to his building. He slowly navigated up the front steps, stumbling several times before reaching the front door. He managed to find the elevator and traveled up to his floor. He fumbled for his keys as he exited the elevator. After several attempts, he managed to get the key into the lock and opened his apartment door. He removed his jacket and tie after dropping his keys into the pocket then threw is absently onto the nearby armchair.
He headed straight for the kitchen and removed a bottle of vodka from the closet along with a glass. He took them both to the table and poured himself a drink. He rummaged through a pile of mail that sat on his table and pulled out a large blue envelope. Opening it, he read it out loud to himself.
"Happy Birthday. Here's wishing you another happy healthy year. Sincerely, Michael Warren, Metropolis Life Insurance Company." He laughed as he threw the card back down on the table. "Well, at least someone remembered my birthday, even if it was my life insurance agent." He brought his hands up to his face and pressed his palms into his eyes.
"My god, my head hurt," he mumbled to himself as he winced in pain. He got up from the table and went over to the closet, removing his black doctor's bag from the top shelf. He removed it and staggered back to the table rifling through its contents. Picking out several vials of pills, he dumped two out into his hand and threw them into his mouth, chasing them down with a shot of vodka. As he filled the glass again the phone began to ring. He remained seated, ignoring the constant ringing as he drank shot after shot of the clear liquor.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Dixie and Joe walked down to the parking lot and found Kel's parking space empty.
"Where could he be?" Joe wondered out loud.
"I don't know. I thought for sure when we called him he'd be home."
"Maybe he is and just isn't answering his phone."
"But if he was waiting for Ron to call him, why would he just let it ring?"
"I don't know. Maybe we better take a ride over there."
"Yeah, I think maybe we should." Dixie agreed as she followed Joe to his car.
As they drove, Dixie absently stared out the window. Suddenly, her eyes perked up.
"Joe, there's Kel's car!" She said pointing to the parking lot of O'Keefe's Pub. Joe quickly maneuvered the car into the lot and pulled into the spot next to Kel. They left their vehicle and quickly entered the bar. Joe the bartender glanced up at the new arrivals.
"Can I help you?" He asked, as he smiled at the prospective customers.
"We're looking for someone." Dr. Early stated as he scanned the dimly lit room. "His car is in the parking lot."
"Maybe I can help. Who are you looking for?"
"Dr. Kelly Brackett." Dixie informed him.
"Oh yeah, he was here. He left about an hour ago."
"An hour ago? But his car is still in the parking lot." Joe reminded the bartender.
"I called him a cab. He really tied one on. I didn't think he should be driving. I do it a lot." Joe and Dixie looked at one another.
"Does that happen often?" Dixie wondered.
"Every once in a while." Joe said with a shrug of his shoulders. "I do it for a lot of my customers."
"I guess we head for his apartment next then," Dixie said to Joe Early. "Thanks." She said to the bartender as they left the pub on their way to Kel's place.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Kel sat at the table with his head cradled in his arms. The pounding continued in his brain despite his best efforts to thwart it. He had to do something to stop the constant throbbing. He reached into his medical bag and pulled out any vial he could reach and dumped them out onto the table. A virtual rainbow of tablets and capsules littered the tabletop as Kel thought about the events of the day. He took his finger a swirled the pills around, randomly garbing some into his hand.
"This is for the lady with the broken radius," he mumbled as he washed them down with a swig of vodka.
"And this is for Timmy Jenkins," he continued as more pills entered his mouth.
"This is for Mr. Winters," he slurred and again more pills and more vodka. He stared at the remaining pills on the table and gathered them all into his hand.
"And this is for Dixie," he said before downing the final handful of tablets and draining his glass of it's contents. He picked up the bottle to refill his glass but found the bottle empty. He staggered over to the liquor cabinet to retrieve a fresh bottle but before he could get there the room began to spin. He grabbed the kitchen counter to keep himself vertical as his head continued to pound and stars flashed before his bleary eyes. He released his hold on the counter with one hand and rubbed diligently at his eyes, attempting to clear his vision, but it didn't help.
A wave of nausea crashed over him and he decided he better lay down. Stumbling toward the bedroom, he supported himself with one hand on the wall. Slowly, he proceeded down the hall on his seemingly endless trek to the bedroom. The room began to spin as he entered and when he ran out of wall, he was forced to walk with no support. Taking a few tiny, trembling steps, he felt a coldness rush through his body. A lightness came over him as the room spiraled in front of him and his body hit the floor with a resounding thud.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Dixie and Joe Early hurried into Kel's apartment building and headed to the elevator. They road up in silence, both afraid of what they might find. When they finally reached the apartment, Joe knocked on the door. Getting no response, he reached down and turned the doorknob and found it unlocked. The pair entered the quiet apartment, searching frantically for their friend. Dixie spied the mess on the table and called out to Joe.
"Joe, over here." Joe went over to the table and quickly began to examine the empty vials he found there surrounding the opened medical bag. Dixie's attention was drawn to the card on top of the scattered pile of mail. As she read it, she gasped, her hand coming up to her mouth.
"What is it?" Joe asked.
"Today is his birthday. I can't believe I forgot. That's why he had the concert tickets."
"It's not just any birthday, either." Joe added. "It's his fiftieth birthday. He mentioned it to me a while back that he would be fifty this year. I forgot, too." The pair continued to search the apartment. Joe went into the bathroom as Dix continued down the hall into the bedroom.
"Joe! In here!" Dix cried as she found Kel's unconscious form face down on the bedroom floor. He stomach tightened and a tear escaped her eye as she watched Joe turn over Kel's still form and begin to examine him.
"Is he alive?" She asked weakly, her shaking hand over her mouth.
"Yes, but not for long if we don't get him to the hospital."
"I'll call for an ambulance."
"There's no time. We could have him there by the time the ambulance got here. Are you OK to drive?"
"Yes," she said as she nodded her head. Joe reached into his pocket and handed her the keys before hoisting Kel up into his arms.
"Joe, can you handle him?" Dixie exclaimed, as a moan escaped the older man's lips.
"Yeah," Joe grunted. "Come on, let's move it." Dixie opened the door, allowing Joe to exit first. They hurried to the elevator and Joe leaned against the wall as they waited for the car to arrive. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead as he struggled with the weight of the unconscious man.
"Are you OK, Joe?" Dixie asked as they rose down to the ground floor. Joe just nodded as he closed his eyes, concentrating on supporting the load he carried.
They moved as quickly as possible to the car but as Dixie opened the back door, Joe could feel Kel's stomach begin to spasm. As gently and quickly as possible, Joe lowered Kel to the ground, supporting him on his side as the contents of his stomach emptied into the gutter.
Dixie stood by, watching and feeling helpless, attempting to keep her emotions in check. She knew she couldn't fall apart. She had to get them to the hospital safely.
"Are you all right?" Joe ask Dix as he observed the paleness of her face.
"Yeah," She replied, hoping she wasn't lying, before opening the door. Between the two of them they managed to get Kel into the back seat and laid him on his side so if he vomited again he wouldn't aspirate anything into his lungs. Joe climbed into the back also and kneeled on the car floor while Dixie climbed behind the wheel and pulled away from the curb.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
The doors to the emergency department flew open as Dixie rushed in. She glanced around quickly and called out to two orderlies that were in the hall.
"I need a gurney out here, STAT!" The orderlies quickly grabbed the nearby gurney and followed the head nurse out the doors.
Joe had climbed from the car and motioned for the orderlies to assist him in getting Kel out of the car and onto the table. This was done swiftly and in no time they were rushing into the entrance. Mike Morton had stepped out of treatment room one just as the group passed by.
"Mike, what rooms are available?" Dixie asked as she hustled in next to the gurney.
"Room four is free," he said as he looked down at the man being wheeled by. "My God! That's Kel. What happened?"
"OD," Joe answered frankly.
"What!" Mike exclaimed as he followed the group into the treatment room.
"Dixie, Mike, I need to get an airway established. Set up for a gastric lavage and let's get an IV started."
"What did he OD on?" Mike asked as he started the IV.
"The better question is what didn't he take?" Joe said as he inserted the airway. "It looked like he just emptied his bag. Barbiturates, amphetamines, analgesics, you name it, he took it."
"But why?" Morton was obviously shaken and confused by the normally stoic doctor's attempt at self-destruction. Dr. Early shook his head as he worked on his friend.
"That's a question only he can answer."
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Dixie McCall sat in the doctor's lounge with her head in her hands. Her face was red and swollen from the tears that continued to fall. She was startled when she felt a hand on her shoulder, jumping a bit before turning and looking into the smiling face of Joe Early. She looked anxiously at him, he eyes asking her unspoken question.
"He's still unconscious but he's stable." Joe said, his voice soft and comforting. "We're moving him up to ICU right now. Mike is with him." Dixie closed her eyes and said a silent prayer of thanks for getting him this far.
"Joe, I'm sorry about what happened in there," Dixie said apologetically.
"Dix, there's nothing to be sorry about," Joe insisted. "Your reaction was perfectly understandable."
Dixie thought back to the scene in the treatment room. She tried with all her might to remain professional and to think of Kel as just another patient. But he wasn't and all she could see was the man she loved dying. His pale, seemingly lifeless body lay motionless on the table surrounded by machinery and personnel attempting to keep him alive. When they first brought him in she was able to hold herself together, but as more staff entered the room, she saw he was in good hands and her emotions took over. Carol came in and Dix knew she was an excellent nurse, as was Peggy Cummings, even though she was still wet behind the ears.
Seeing Kel was in good hands, she backed away, leaving his treatment up to those less emotional. She stood against the wall, watching for a while. The scene that played out before her was horrifying and she couldn't help but think she was partially to blame. When the flow of tears increased to the point where her vision was blurred, she decided to duck out of the treatment room and go into the doctor's lounge and try to compose herself.
"I am a professional, Joe. I'm not supposed to let my feelings get in the way of my work."
"Dixie, you're not a machine and that wasn't just any patient in there."
"But I wasn't there for him when he needed me!" She exclaimed as she rose from her seat and began to pace as the tears streamed down her face. Joe grabbed her by the shoulders and looked into her tear filled eyes.
"Yes, you were," Joe began softly, but firmly. "You were there for him at the apartment. If it wasn't for you driving here as quickly as you did he might not have made it here at all, so don't think just because you stepped aside so those less emotional could take over makes you an inferior nurse. You showed a high level of professionalism by knowing your limits. In the emotional state you were in, you did the only thing a good nurse could."
"Joe, I can't help but think if I'd only went with him to that concert, maybe none of this would have happened. And if he dies, it's going to be my fault. I gave him the ultimatum and I pushed him away even though I still loved him and knew he loved me. Why didn't I just leave well enough alone."
"Because it was time to make the decision. And he made his choice. You heard Ron. He's been having problems for a while. You can't blame yourself." Joe pulled her into a tight hug as she wept openly, burying her face in Joe's broad chest.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Dixie sat in the ICU cubical containing Kel Brackett. She had been there, by his side, for hours waiting for him to regain consciousness. His once strong, healthy form now seemed weak and pale as he lay motionless in the bed. Numerous tubes and IV's were attached to him as well as cardiac monitor wires and oxygen. The machinery softly beeped and swished lulling Dixie into a light sleep. The feeling of a hand gently touching her shoulder brought her out of this hypnotic sleep. She looked up to find Mike Morton standing by her.
"Hi," Mike spoke in a soft soothing tone. "Are you still here?"
"Yeah. I must have drifted off. How is he?"
"Stable. We're keeping a close eye on his vitals and kidney functions but so far, so good. We've got him on antibiotics as a precaution, just in case anything was aspirated into his lungs, but so far they seem clear, too."
"So why isn't he waking up?"
Mike let out a deep sigh. "I don't know, Dix. His body took quite a hit today but his vital signs look good. I think he'll be coming around soon."
"Or never. He could stay in a coma."
"It's too early to jump to any conclusions, Dix. His body need time to filter out any drugs that are still in his system."
"Yeah, I know."
"Why don't you go home and get some sleep?"
"No, not until he wakes up."
"But that could be a while."
"Then you better get used to seeing me here." Dix gave Mike a weak smile and he softly squeezed her shoulder.
"OK. I'll be back to check on him in a little bit."
"I'll see you, Mike." Dix watched as Mike left the unit then turned her attention back to Kel. She stood and went over to his bedside. Picking up his limp hand in hers, she gave it a squeeze.
"Come on, Kel. Come back to me." Dixie sniffed back the tears that attempted to escape. "I'm so sorry I pushed you away. Come back to me, please." Bringing his hand up to her face, she pressed it into her cheek. It felt cold against the warmth of her face.
"I love you , Kel. I always have." Pulling his hand to her lips, she kissed it lightly before placing it back down at his side and pulling the covers up tightly around his bare chest.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Kel felt like he was floating somewhere between consciousness and sleep. He could hear voices but could not make out what they were saying. He wanted to open his eyes but they were just two heavy.
He was cold, so cold. His mind raced. Where was he? How did he get there? The only thing he knew for sure was that he wasn't at home. Suddenly a touch of warmth came to his hand. Slowly that warmth spread through his body, bringing him some degree of comfort. This was enough to allow him to drift back into a sound sleep. His attempt to regain consciousness forgotten.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Kel's eyes struggled to focus on the face staring down at him. Slowly the image became clearer and clearer.
"Dixie?" He said, his voice soft and raspy.
"Hey there. It's about time you woke up," she said as she brushed his hair back off his forehead.
"Where am I?"
"You're in ICU at Rampart."
"Why? What happened?"
Joe early appeared around the side of the bed. "You don't remember, Kel?"
He closed his eyes, trying to remember. "I remember leaving the hospital and going to O'Keefe's. I remember I had a headache. A really bad headache. It was a bad day."
"Yes, it was," Dixie agreed as she continued to stroke his hair.
"What else?" Joe prompted.
"Nothing. Everything's fuzzy. What happened?" A hint of panic crept into Kel's voice. "Why am I here? Did I have an accident? Was anyone else hurt?"
"No, Kel," Dixie reassured him. "No one else was hurt."
"Good...Good..." Kel mumbled as he drifted back to sleep. Dixie looked at Joe.
"He doesn't remember," she remarked.
"I'm gonna call Ron and let him know. Why don't you go home and get some rest?"
"No, I'm fine. I want to be here for him."
"You're not going to be any good to him if you wear yourself out."
"I'm fine Joe," Dix reiterated with a weak smile.
"OK. If you're sure. I'll be back." As Joe walked away, Dix placed Kel's hand down and tucked his blankets around him. She then sat back down, leaning her head back and closing her eyes.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Kel paced the floor in front of Ron Robbins. He had been moved from ICU into a regular room in the psych unit and he was not happy about it.
"How many times do I have to tell you, I did not try to kill myself!" His voice was loud and insistent.
"The evidence tells a different story, Kel," Ron Robbins calmly stated as he watched Kel's actions carefully. "You purposely ingested a large amount of alcohol and pills."
"It was an accident!" Kel insisted.
"Kel, your a doctor. You know how much is too much. Do you really expect me to believe it was an accident?"
Kel flopped down in a chair and buried his face with his hands, scrubbing furiously as his frustration grew.
"I was drunk. I had a pounding headache. I just wanted to make the headache go away."
"Kel, you took almost every pill you had in your house on top of all that alcohol. Not to mention the fact that you have been battling with depression for quite a while now. The day's events finally pushed you to the edge. You have to admit to yourself that it was no accident. There was some part of you that just wanted to end it all. It might not have been an act you planned and orchestrated for weeks but whether orchestrated or impromptu, suicide has the same result."
Ron's words were like a ton of bricks pounding down on top of him. He had really tried to kill himself? How could he have let his defenses down enough for that to happen?
Ron saw the look on Kel's face change, showing that his uncertainty over his actions was growing. He began to question him again in a softer tone.
"I received several messages from you that day. Why were you calling me?"
"I wanted to talk," Kel stated flatly, barely above a whisper.
"About what?"
Kel did not respond. He sat examining his hand, his jaw clamped firmly shut.
"Do you want to know what I think?" Ron asked him. He waited for a response from Kel and when he received none, he continued. "I think you felt yourself losing control and it scared you. It scared you enough for you to reach out for help but when I wasn't available your need to be in control took over again. So, instead of expressing the fact that it was an emergency to my secretary so she could page me or going to someone else for help, you decided you could handle it yourself. Isn't that about right?"
Kel's breathing deepened as he attempted to keep his emotions in check, but he was fighting a losing battle. His eyes grew hot from the tears that were building up and his jaw ached as he tightly clenched his teeth together.
"Kel, you can't begin to heal until you come to terms with your problems. You must admit to yourself that you are only human and that you need help. Only then can the healing process begin."
Kel blinked back the tears, not yet willing to admit anything. His jaw was firmly set as he stared at a spot on the wall behind Dr. Robbins. Ron let out a sigh.
"OK, Kel. I'll stop pushing, for now. Think about what I said. When your ready to talk just have the nurse page me." Ron patted Kel on the shoulder as he left the room, leaving him alone. Kel got up and walked to the window. He stood, staring blindly at the city below, as the tears began to flow silently.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Dixie McCall stood at the entrance of the mental health unit of the hospital. She took a deep breath before pressing the buzzer on the intercom.
"Yes," came the voice from the small speaker.
"It's Dixie McCall," she replied.
"Hi Dixie, it's Marsha. Come on in." A buzzer sounded releasing the lock on the door allowing Dixie to enter. She walked to the nurse's desk and was greeted by the smiling face of Marsha Weisbach, the head nurse on the unit.
"Hi Dix. Are you here to see Dr. Brackett?"
"Yes. Is he allowed visitor's yet?"
"Well, Dr. Robbins is with him now."
"How's he doing?" She asked, her pain showing on her face.
Marsha shook her head. "He hasn't been very cooperative. He says that he's fine and he wants to go home." Dixie allowed a slight smile to spread across her face. That sounded like Kel. As Dixie looked up, she saw Ron Robbins coming down the hall.
"Excuse me, Marsha," Dixie said as she walked over to meet Dr. Robbins.
"Hi Dixie," Ron said as she approached him.
"Hi Ron. How's Kel doing?"
Ron let out a long breath. "He's not talking. He needs to stop holding everything in and face his problems."
"Old habits die hard."
"He's insisting the overdose was an accident. If we could just get him to admit he needs help."
"Can I see him, Ron?"
"Sure. He's in room 312."
"Thanks." Dixie headed down the hallway in search of his room. When she arrived she took a deep breath, knocked twice then entered. Kel still stood staring out the window, his back to the door.
"Go away!" He snapped, not bothering to turn around.
"Kel?" Dixie said softly. At the sound of her voice his head snapped up.
"Dix?" he whispered as his hand quickly wiped away the tears on his face. "What are you doing here?"
"Ron said it would be OK for me to see you. How are you doing?" Dixie approached him cautiously as she spoke.
"Just peachy," he snapped sarcastically. Dixie frowned at Kel's reply. He instantly felt bad about the tone he took with Dix and he rubbed his hand over his face.
"I'm sorry, Dix. I didn't mean to be short with you."
"Kel, let me help you," she begged as she moved closer to him. He took a step away but she followed him, reaching out and turning him toward her. She was momentarily stunned at his appearance. His face was drawn and pale except for the redness surrounding his eyes.
"Just leave me alone, Dix."
"I will not! I will not stand back and watch you self-destruct. Damn it, Kel. I love you!" The tears began to roll down Dixie's face as she stared at Kel with determination. "I love you, Kel," she repeated, only this time her voice was a whisper.
Kel's body began to tremble as all the emotions he had been fighting to hold back bubbled to the surface. Dixie took him into her arms and held him tight as he sobbed uncontrollably. He buried his face in the crook of her neck while she held on to him, rubbing his back in an attempt to bring him some comfort.
"I'm here, Kel and I'm not ever going to leave you." She grasped him as tight as she could, her fists clenched until her nails dug into her palms. Tears stung her own eyes but she would not let go of him to wipe them away. The whole time she repeated to him over and over, "I love you."
Slowly, his sobbing decreased until at last he was able to look at Dixie. His jaw trembled as he spoke to her.
"How can you love me? Especially now."
"Real love is unconditional, Kel." The corners of her lips turned up slightly. "In fact, I think I have loved you ever since the first time I saw you. I remember the first time I laid eyes on you just like it was yesterday." She stroked his hair as she spoke to him. "You were so handsome and strong and confident."
"Yeah, and look at me now. A worthless piece of...."
"Kelly Brackett! I don't ever want to hear words like that come out of your mouth again!"
"Why not, Dix? Look at me! I had everything going for me and I blew it."
"You didn't blow it, Kel. You just took a step backwards. Let me help you. Let me help you move forward again."
"What's the matter? Did you run out of worthy causes?" Kel asked, his tone turning sarcastic again. The palm of Dixie's hand rose and smacked Kel across the face, her hurt visible in her eyes. His cheek stung where her hand had left its imprint and he reached up and ran his fingers over the reddening mark.
"I guess I deserved that," he said, his mouth twitching as he attempted to smile.
"Yes, you did. You can try to push me away all you want, Kel. I'm not budging."
"Dixie, you don't want to get mixed up with me. I don't think I even know how to love." He pulled away from her and flopped down on his bed, putting his arm over his eyes. Dix sat on the edge of the bed and took his free hand.
"Kel, I'm gonna say this again and I'm gonna keep on saying this until you believe it. I love you and I want to help you if you'll let me."
Kel removed his arm from over his eyes and looked up into Dixie's tear stained face. How could he turn down this amazing woman.
"Yes," was all he said. She smiled as she cupped his cheek with her hand.
"You look tired," she said, smiling down at him.
"I am," he responded as he leaned into her hand and closed his eyes.
"You get some rest and I'll be back later."
"Promise?" He whispered, his voice groggy as he began to drift off to sleep.
"I promise," she assured him. As sleep overtook him, Dixie left the room heading for the exit. She walked up to the nurse's desk where Marsha Weisbach sat.
"Marsha, do me a favor?" When Marsha looked up at Dixie's tear stained face the smile on her lips vanished.
"Dixie, are you all right?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Kel is resting right now. I'll be in emergency. Can you call me when he wakes up?"
"Sure. Are you positive your OK?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Thanks." Dixie walked to the exit as Marsha buzzed her out. She slowly walked back to emergency. She hoped with all her heart that she was able to help Kel. Then, when he was well, maybe they could begin their lives together. That is what she had wanted ever since she met him all those years ago. She just hope that was something he was going to want, as well.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Two weeks had passed and Dixie and Kel approached her apartment door. She turned the key in the lock and swung the door open.
"Well, here we are," she said as she motioned for Kel to enter. He wore jeans and a plaid sports shirt as he entered her apartment, suitcase in hand.
Dixie had offered to let Kel stay with her when he was discharged from the hospital. He had come so far in the past two weeks but she was afraid that if he just went home, by himself, he would just dwell over his past actions and slide backwards. She couldn't take that chance. She saw more and more of the old Kel surfacing and she wasn't going to take the chance of letting him slip away from her again.
"Are you sure about this, Dix?"
"Of course I'm sure. I wouldn't have made the offer if I wasn't sure."
"But it's an imposition. After all, it's not like I had surgery and need nursing care. I can take care of myself."
"Kel, do you really think sitting home alone in an empty apartment is going to help you? It's not an imposition. I have a perfectly good guest room ready and waiting for you."
Kel sat his suitcase down and reached out for Dixie, pulling her into his arms. They gazed into one another's eyes for only a moment before their lips met. Dixie melted under his soft touch as she relished in the feeling of his strong arms around her. The kiss was long and gentle and when their lips parted Kel looked deep into Dixie's eyes.
"I love you, Dix," he whispered. A single tear came to Dixie's eye. This had been the first time Kel had said those words to her in a long time.
"I love you too, Kel." He reached up and wiped the tear off her cheek with his thumb.
"Hey, none of that. Your suppose to be the strong one, remember?" He said as he smiled down at her.
"Oh God, Kel," she said as she rested her head against his broad chest. "It's so good to have you back."
"It's good to be back. I was such an idiot, pushing you away the way I did."
"Yeah. For a smart guy, you can be pretty stupid sometimes."
"Well, I learned my lesson. I'm never letting you go again."
"Now, that's what I want to hear."
Their lips met again as the pair renewed their love for one another. Kel had felt a part of him was missing, but now he knew he found what would fill that void. And it had always been there, right in front of him, but he was too stubborn to see it.
"Come on," Dixie said as their lips parted. "Let's get you settled in." She led him down the hall to the guestroom. He would stay with her as long as he needed to and she hoped that would be forever.
The End
Author's note: Thanks to Keith P. for taking the time to give me a hand! I really appreciate it!
NOTICE: The layout and graphics on this page are the property of Two Chickies Fan Fiction. They may NOT be used on any other fan fiction site and any such use consitutes HTML theft. We urge you not to support any site that engages in such tactics, and to report any such usage to Marcia or Tangee.