KEEP IT UP!
BY
(Based on characters created by Aaron Spelling & William Blinn)
Paul Michael Glaser as Detective David Starsky (a.k.a. Dave or Starsk)
David Soul as Detective Kenneth Hutchinson (a.k.a. Ken or Hutch)
“Hey. Wake up Sleeping Beauty.”
“Huh?”
“Come on Starsk. Let’s go. What’s with you anyway? Every time I turn around you’re asleep.”
“I wasn’t sleeping. I was napping.”
“There’s a difference?”
“Yes, there’s a difference.”
“Okay - this I gotta hear. What is the difference between sleeping and napping?”
“Sleeping is in a bed with pillows and blankets and napping is NOT in a bed with pillows and blankets.”
“Aha. Was always curious about that.”
“What took you so long anyway?”
“Line up.”
“Oh. What did you get?”
“I didn’t get anything. I was in the bank paying bills. What is with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Were you expecting me to get you something?”
“Well, dare’s a deli right next door and it is lunch time.”
“I thought we were goin’ to Huggy’s?”
“We can go to Huggy’s. I just thought… never mind.”
“You okay Starsk?”
“Yep. Why?”
“Falling asleep all time… forgetting about Huggy’s. What’s going on?”
“I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“I’m afraid to ask why.”
“Sharon was over and I’m telling you Hutch, she’s wearing me out.”
“Ahhh…. you poor thing. What’sa matter Starsk? Getting too old for all-nighters?”
“It’s not funny man. I’m good but I ain’t no machine if you know what I mean?”
“Oh yeah. I know what you mean. You’re getting old.”
“I am not.”
“Starsky. Face it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to the best of us.”
“You should know.”
“Are you suggesting that I am getting old?”
“You’re da same age as me Captain Marvel.”
“It’s not the age Starsk, it’s the mileage and quite frankly you’re meter is about to roll over.”
“What?”
“Come on. You’ve been tired for weeks now. Maybe it’s male menopause.”
“What?”
“It’s a new thing the experts are talking about now. Male menopause - it’s really quite interesting.”
“What?”
“Yeah. Men reach a certain age and they start to … well, you get the idea.”
“What?”
“What, what?”
“What… are you talking about?”
“Male menopause.”
“I know dat. But what has that got to do with me?”
“I just explained it to you. You must have dozed off again.”
“I did not doze off. I heard ever word and none of it has anything to do with me.”
“Starsky. When a man complains about his woman keeping him up to … well, he’s got a problem.”
“To what?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Dats my line.”
“If it’s not too much trouble, can we get to Huggy’s so we can get back to the station and finish all the paper work we need to do so we can go home. You can grab a few zee’s when we get there.”
“I do not need a few zee’s.”
“If you say so.”
“It just so happens that Sharon was a very happy, satisfied woman this morning when she left my place.”
“And you’re a happy boy - good - let’s go.”
“I don’t want to go.”
“Why not?”
“Not until we get this thing settled.”
“Get what settled?”
“Da fact that you think I’m over the hill.”
“Oh Starsky. I was just kidding. I know that Sharon is a robust, younger woman and she’s just putting you through your paces. You’ll catch up… sooner or later.”
“Catch up?”
“Yeah. It’s a great problem to have Gordo.”
“Dee only problem I got is you.”
“Oh really?”
“Yes really.”
“How’s that?”
“Everytime I got woman problems you tell me it’s me. What about her? Couldn’t it be her?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I know you and it’s about you. You think the world revolves around you Starsky. It’s always about you.”
“WHAT!”
“You heard me.”
“Now you’re saying I’m selfish?”
“Well… yes, I guess I am.”
“I don’t believe this.”
“Don’t get angry. I’m just being honest.”
“HONEST!”
“Yeah. Honest.”
“Okay. You want honesty. I’ll give you honesty. Dat aftershave you wear smells like rotting wood.”
“Why didn’t you say so before?”
“Because. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“That’s nice. Thanks.”
“Dare. Dare you see.”
“What?”
“You… “
“What?”
“… never mind.”
“Okay good. Can we go now? I’m starved.”
“Dats my line.”
“Starsky. Now I’m getting tired. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. You’re just too sensitive. Now can we go?”
“Sensitive? Over da hill? Selfish? Anything else… buddy?”
“Nope. I think that about covers it.”
“You aren’t exactly Mr. Generosity yourself you know. And as a matter of fact you are WAY more sensitive then me.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. I’m fine with that… can - we - go?”
“I think you should take the bus.”
“The BUS? Ah come on Starsky…. don’t be such a spoiled sport. I’m sure Sharon is a very happy girl and you’re the best lover in the world and I take it all back okay… you’re not selfish at all. You’re a very under sensitive, unselfish guy, okay. Now can we go?”
“<snarf>”
“Now start the engine.”
“I know what I’m doing!”
“Okay, okay.”
“Where are we going?”
“Huggy’s!”
“Oh yeah. Huggy’s.”
“Starsky?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I will take the bus.”
THE END