Treading Water–Part 1
By Nancy F. Thysell (the Nifty Lady)
This is a continuation of my series about Chris Martin and John Gage. You may want to read "Malibu Nights" and "En-GAGE-ment" first because this story will reference people and events in those stories.
It was a beautiful morning. A-shift began arriving to begin their day at Los Angeles County Fire Station 51. Captain Hank Stanley had been the first to arrive. He always tried to make it in early to get a jump on his paperwork. Seemed like he never had enough time to do it all. He chuckled to himself as he crossed the apparatus bay to his office. When he’d been a kid in school, he had sworn he’d never take a job where he had to do anything resembling papers and homework. Boy, did he miss the boat on that one! All in all, though, Hank really loved what he did. He had a great crew. His men worked well together and aside from the pranks firefighter Chester B. Kelly’s alter ego, the Phantom, pulled, they all got along and counted on each other as brothers and friends. It certainly made his job easier especially since they had already gelled as a team before he replaced Captain Hammer.
A few minutes later he heard his engineer Mike Stoker in the truck bay checking out his pride and joy, "Big Red." A quiet man, Mike didn’t say much but on occasion he had surprised them all. He was a skilled firefighter and a top notch engineer. Hank even had to admit that he was probably a better engineer than Hank had been. Someday Mike was going to make a fine captain.
A few minutes later, firefighter Marco Lopez appeared at the office door with a steaming cup of coffee. Marco was a friendly and helpful man of Hispanic descent. An experienced fireman, Marco’s ability to speak Spanish had helped the crew out on more than one occasion. Los Angeles was in a constant change of people moving into the area. Over the recent years more and more Mexicans had crossed the border and settled in the Los Angeles proper. Being bilingual was a definite plus.
"Coffee, Cap?" Marco offered as Hank looked up from his desk.
"Thanks, Pal," the captain responded gratefully. "Tell everyone we’ll have roll call in ten minutes."
"Sure thing, Cap," Marco indicated as he went back to the day room. Hank turned back to his paper work. The rest of his crew consisted of two firefighter/paramedics, John Gage and Roy DeSoto. DeSoto had been in the first training class for the paramedic program. He was passionate about the program and was a big part of the reason that the program had succeeded and blossomed. A solid family man, Hank knew that he was one of the most dependable men he had ever known, and he was one of the most compassionate. Of course, that characteristic sometimes made the man take things too close to his heart, but it also made him one of the best.
Now, his partner, Gage, was so different. Johnny was recruited by Roy to join the paramedic program and then became his partner. They were both so good at what they did that sometimes it was if they had become one person. Each knew what the other needed without saying a word, but Johnny was single and often a bit reckless. He often took chances that a married man wouldn’t. He’d gotten himself in more than one tight spot because of it. Still and all, he put his heart and soul into his job. More than once, Hank had been impressed with Gage’s devotion and level of compassion. He wondered how Johnny’s performance would change now that he was engaged. He wondered if marriage would be a stabilizing factor in the young man’s life.
Hank heard a chorus of "Shut up Chet!" from the men in the day room. The final man of his crew was a stocky Irishman with dark curly hair and a handlebar mustache. The man loved a good prank or joke and John Gage was his favorite "pigeon." But often, Kelly pushed the envelope a little too far. That’s when Hank usually had to get involved. But most of the time it was just harmless pranks. Hank shook his head. Time for roll call. Time to put his crew to work.
* * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * *
Johnny walked over to the stove to pour himself a cup of coffee. Roy noticed that his partner seemed to wince as he lifted the full pot. He waited for Johnny to sit down at the table before asking about it.
"What’s wrong with your arm?"
"Huh, nothing. My arm’s okay," Johnny looked at him confused.
"Well, it looked like to me that it was bothering you when you poured that coffee," Roy explained his concern.
"Oh that. That’s nothing. I think I overdid it yesterday," his partner said in a vague explanation.
"What’s that Gage? You overdid something! Stop the presses! I gotta call this in. This is breaking news!" Chet teased.
A chorus of "Shut up Chet!" resounded. Chet put on a hurt looked of innocence. Before he could respond, Captain Stanley appeared in the doorway and ordered roll call. The men assembled in the truck bay as required. Soon assignments were made and the crew disbursed to their chores. Roy and Johnny began checking out the squad. Roy noticed that Johnny again winced when he pulled out the drug box.
"Johnny, you’re hurting. What’s going on?" he demanded of his partner. Johnny put the drug box on the floor.
"I’m fine, Roy. Don’t worry. I was working on that ramp over at Chris’ yesterday. I think I strained the muscle, that’s all," he explained. He’d actually spent his last two days off at his fiancee’s bungalow in Venice, putting the finishing touches on a wheelchair ramp for when she was released from the hospital. She’d be going through another six weeks of physical therapy on her right leg before she’d be out of the wheel chair. Hopefully, her leg would heal well enough that she wouldn’t need her crutch anymore, but that was down the road. For now, she needed to be able to get in and out the house. So, Johnny had built the ramp for her. Roy had helped during the initial stages of construction so he knew what Johnny was talking about.
"When does she get out of the hospital?" Roy asked as they worked.
"Brackett and Rosenberg said she can go home on Thursday if she has someone to help her..."
"And of course you volunteered," Roy interjected with a chuckle.
"No, I didn’t. Her mother is coming to stay with her," he responded dryly.
"Annie’s coming? When?" Roy knew that Johnny and his future mother-in-law didn’t get on that well.
"She’ll be here tomorrow. I’ve got to pick her up at LAX at one. That’s why I had to finish the ramp yesterday. I didn’t want her upset that it wasn’t ready."
"So how’s Chris doing?" Roy hated to admit that neither he nor his wife JoAnne had been to visit her while she’d been hospitalized. Especially since Jimmy Chandler had been killed in her hospital room, they hadn’t seen much of the young woman. She was going through a lot of emotional as well as physical healing.
Johnny drew pensive. "I’m not sure Roy. I mean she seems okay but she’s been real clingy lately."
"Well, that’s understandable after all she’s been through," Roy commented.
"Oh, I know. I’ve been to Dr. Harris for a couple of counseling sessions with her. She thinks Chris needs a lot more. At first I thought it was a lot of bunk, you know, but, man, I can still see the fear in her eyes. I thought once Chandler was dead, everything would be okay. But he’s still here. He’s still hurting her!" Johnny slammed the drug box back into its compartment in frustration. Roy watched his partner silently. He didn’t think it was really over for Johnny either. He hoped they both would continue the counseling. Johnny started the biophone check with Rampart as Roy put the rest of the supplies away. Roy made a mental note to check with Johnny later about how the counseling sessions were going. He didn’t want this situation eating his partner up inside.
* * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * *
Tears streamed down Chris Martin’s face. At times like this she hated her physical therapist, Jay Madison. He was pushing her to do things that were too hard. It hurt. If she were a swearing type of a person, the things she would call him! So, she cried instead but Jay was hard hearted and ignored her tears. At least that was true until either the hour was up or Chris fell exhausted to the mat. Even then, he pushed. She was really starting to loathe the nice young man with the chiseled body.
"Okay Chris. Just one more and we’ll call it a day," Jay urged. She shot him a deadly look. Damn him!
Sweat poured off her forehead matting her hair. She gritted her teeth with determination. She reached out for the railing again and pulled herself forward another step. Oh it hurts.
"Good. Good. Now just one more," her torturer ordered.
"No! You said this one was the last one. I’m tired! It hurts," she yelled at him. The villain gave in.
"Okay. You’re right. Hold on, I’ll get the chair then I’ll take you for your aqua-therapy," he promised as he handed her a hand towel. Chris rolled her eyes as she wiped the sweat from her face. The whirlpool was the only thing she looked forward to in this torture chamber.
Soon, Jay had Chris relaxing in the swirling water. Then of course, she had a series of exercises to perform in the water but she didn’t mind because the hot water made it easier to move. She knew Jay was only doing his job but she hated the fact she was having to do any of this at all. She felt bad that she was taking it out on him but she couldn’t help herself. Jay seemed to understand and just went about his job despite Chris’ belligerent attitude. He’d had patients like her before and he’d have patients like her after her treatment was finished. It was just part of the job.
Shortly after Jay had returned Chris to her room, she had a visitor. Johnny opened the door and peeked in.
"Hey sweetie! Up for some company?" he asked hopefully. Lately he wasn’t always sure what kind of a mood Chris would be in, especially after therapy.
"Hi honey. Boy! Are you a sight for sore eyes," she exclaimed with open arms. Johnny crossed over to the bed and took her into his arms in a warm embrace and kissed her.
"I’ve missed you," he whispered.
"Me too," Chris said with a sigh.
"How was therapy?" Johnny finally asked.
"Brutal! But I guess I made some progress. I wish it didn’t hurt so much," Chris admitted. She brushed her bangs from her eyes. She needed a haircut but really didn’t want to get one at the hospital. "So, what have you been up to Mr. Fireman?"
Johnny chuckled. "Not much. It’s been fairly quiet. Roy decided we could come over for some supplies, so here I am!"
"Where’s Roy?" Chris was wondering why she hadn’t seen much of Johnny’s partner or his wife.
"Oh, I guess he thought I deserved to have you all to myself!" Johnny leaned in and kissed her again. "You don’t mind, do ya?"
"No. I guess I just thought I’d see him more often and JoAnne. It’s just...well...I can’t wait to go home. Have you heard from my mother?" Chris asked, changing the subject.
"Yeah. I pick her up tomorrow. Then we’ll bring you home on Thursday," he said with a smile. Johnny noticed a flicker of panic in Chris’ eyes. "You’re okay with that, aren’t you?"
Chris cast her eyes down. "I guess. I really hate the thought of my mother having to sleep on that couch of mine."
Johnny frowned. He felt like Chris was avoiding something.
"Don’t worry about that. I borrowed a roll-away bed from Captain Stanley. It’s not too bad actually. I took a nap on it the other day. Mind you, I wouldn’t want to sleep on it indefinitely, but it’s better than the couch, for sure." He had to chuckle, imagining Annie sleeping for weeks on that couch.
Chris reached up and put her hands behind Johnny’s neck. Her look was melancholy as she gazed into Johnny’s brown eyes. He gazed back into her pools of blue.
"You’ve done so much for me. Sometimes I don’t understand why. I don’t feel worthy of all this," she told him sadly. Johnny reached up and cupped her face with his hands.
"I wish I could make you understand how much I love you. Chris, it scares me sometimes that I feel like I’m losing you," Johnny told her honestly. Chris blinked back a tear.
"It’s not you, Johnny. It’s me. I feel like I’m losing myself. I don’t know what I’d do if it wasn’t for you! I need you so much!"
"I need you more," Johnny countered gently. He kissed her and then enveloped her in his arms.
"Hold me!" Chris whispered desperately. "Tighter! Don’t let me go!"
Johnny held her as tight as he could. He could feel her tremble against him. He wished she didn’t feel like this but he didn’t know what else to do. He held her and stroked her hair. He inhaled her fragrance deeply. He didn’t want to leave her but he knew he had to get back to work before Roy came looking for him. He began to relax his hold but Chris tightened her grip. Gently he released her.
"I hate to go sweetie but I am working today," he reminded her.
"I don’t want you to go!" Chris admitted. She couldn’t explain why she felt so anxious at the thought of being alone.
"Do you have a session schedule with Dr. Harris anytime soon?" Johnny wanted to know. Chris leaned back into the bed. She felt exhausted. Johnny held her hands as he waited for her answer.
"Yeah, I have an appointment this afternoon," she finally conceded.
"That’s good! I think she can really help you sweetie. Don’t hold any of this inside. It’ll only eat you up," he advised her. Chris looked into his eyes. If he only knew. No, it was better that he didn’t. Maybe he wouldn’t love her if he knew.
"I’ll try," she promised half-heartedly as she cast her eyes down. Johnny’s fingertips lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes. He searched them for a moment and Chris squirmed under his scrutiny.
"Just let her help you, okay?" Johnny urged. Chris nodded. "I gotta go. If we don’t get back over on a run, I’ll call you later, if I can."
"You’d better!" Chris tried to give him a genuine smile. Johnny returned her smile with his infamous grin.
"I love you," he said again as he rose to leave. He kissed her on the forehead and smiled. "You need a hair cut young lady."
Chris chuckled. "I know. Once I get home, I’ll get mom to take me. Go on. Get back to work. Tell Roy ‘Hi’ for me. And Johnny..."
He paused at the door. "Yeah?"
"Be careful out there. I need you."
He smiled again. "Just for you, I’ll be extra careful. Okay?"
"Okay. I love you!"
"Me too. Bye baby," he was forcing himself out the door. He wanted to stay so much but he had to work.
"Bye!" Chris called as the door closed behind him. She hugged herself tightly. She needed a distraction so she didn’t have to think. Chris reached for the television remote and turned it on. Soap operas. Daytime TV. sure didn’t offer much of a selection. She chose to watch "All My Children," hoping that maybe it would lull her to sleep.
* * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * *
The crew from Station 51 arrived at a fully involved house structure. Captain Stanley dispatched Chet and Marco on one line and Roy and Johnny on another. Fortunately the home was unoccupied when the fire had broken out. The firefighters attacked the fire zealously. They were joined by the Engine crew from Station 36. Within an hour the fire was knocked down and clean up began. When Roy and Johnny returned to the squad, they were covered with soot and grime from the fire. Roy sat down on the bumper of the squad, and Johnny flashed him a lopsided grin as he pulled off his turnout.
"What’s the matter, Pally. Can’t handle a little fire fighting?" Johnny teased. Roy gave his partner a weary look as he pulled his arms out of his own coat.
"Guess I’m getting too old for this," Roy retorted with a small chuckle. He was tired but somewhere in the back of his mind he tried to convince himself that he shouldn’t be this tired. He took in a deep breath but that only caused him to cough.
"You okay?" the dark-haired paramedic asked with concern. Roy waved him off.
"I must have swallowed a bit of smoke," Roy responded. Johnny moved to the compartments and pulled out the oxygen. Roy tried to stop him when he handed him the mask but Johnny was adamant.
"Breathe," he ordered as he adjusted the flow. Roy held the mask to his face, not happy, but compliant. Captain Stanley approached and placed his hands on his hips when he observed his paramedics.
"You okay, Pal?" he asked DeSoto. Roy nodded and removed the mask to speak.
"Just a little too much smoke, Cap," he conceded. "I’m okay."
Stanley looked to Johnny for confirmation. Gage nodded.
"I think he’s okay Cap."
"Well, why don’t you go by Rampart and get checked out?" Hank suggested without making it an order. Johnny perked up at the suggestion. He could go visit Chris while Roy got checked out. Roy rolled his eyes at his partner, knowing what he was thinking. It wasn’t a bad idea though because Roy could feel some wheezing in his chest so he didn’t put up any resistance. He threw the keys to Johnny.
"Here, Junior. You drive."
Johnny grinned like a teenager getting the keys to the car from his dad. But then he became concerned about his partner. Roy rarely let him drive. His partner must be feeling worse than he was letting on. The two paramedics climbed into the cab of the squad. Johnny put her in gear and headed for Rampart. Roy allowed himself the luxury of leaning against the passenger’s door. He closed his eyes and let the air from the open window wash over him. Johnny pushed the gas pedal a little harder.
* * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * *
Rampart’s emergency room was unusually quiet when Roy and Johnny walked through the automatic doors. They sought out Dixie McCall, the ER’s head nurse at the base station.
"Hey Dix!" Johnny called as they approached. Dixie looked up from her paperwork at the sooty looking paramedics before her.
"Boy! You guys are a mess! And...uh...you stink!" she responded with a crinkled nose at the acrid smell of the smoke that lingered in their hair and clothing. "Can’t you guys clean up before you come in here?"
"Normally we would but our captain wants Roy to get checked out," Johnny replied. Roy was unusually quiet as he rubbed his chest absently with his right hand. Dixie looked at the blond paramedic with concern.
"What’s wrong Roy?"
"Just a little smoke. That’s all," he dismissed the concern. Dixie walked around the desk and took Roy’s arm.
"Well, let’s see who I can get to look at you," she said as she led him toward a treatment room. Without turning around, she said to Johnny over her shoulder, "Gage, you’d better wash up before you go up to see Chris."
"Yes ma’am!" he responded cheerily. "I’ll be down soon partner!" With that he bounded down the hall to the rest room to clean up.
Dixie opened the door to treatment room two and guided the compliant paramedic to the exam table. That worried her more than anything. These guys usually protested being checked out by the doctors. She thought Roy was a little too quiet. She also thought he looked a little flushed.
Roy lay down on the table and let Dixie get his vitals. His BP and respirations were within the normal range but he did have a slight fever. He tried to suppress a cough but it threw him into a fit of coughing.
"Hang on Roy. I’ll get one of the doctors in to see you in a few minutes."
"Thanks Dix," Roy responded quietly. He closed his eyes as Dixie left the room. He really wasn’t feeling well.
* * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * *
Johnny rapped on Chris’ door and opened it. He was disappointed when he found the bed empty. Frowning, he turned around and headed for the nurse’s station.
"Hey Helen," he greeted the nurse on duty.
"I was looking for Chris," he indicated with a jerk of his thumb. Nurse Helen Patternson looked up from the desk and looked at the paramedic. He was becoming a regular fixture on this floor. She looked at Chris’ chart, scanning it for the required information and then looked back at Johnny.
"She’s with Dr. Harris right now. She should be back within the hour," Helen told him. She saw the disappointment in his face. "I’ll tell her you were here," she offered.
"Thanks Helen. I guess I’ll go see how my partner’s doing then," he resigned himself with disappointment. Helen smiled at him kindly as he headed back to the elevator.
* * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * *
Dr. Barbara Harris sat in an overstuffed chair in her office, listening to her patient. At forty-five, Dr. Harris had many years of experience in psychology. Chris Martin had been trying to deal with her feelings of inadequacy. The doctor noted how the young woman kept returning to her feelings of unworthiness. A bright young woman, the patient had been through a grueling year and a half. After recovering from a major accident in Kansas, she had moved to Los Angeles on her own, found a job and an apartment. Then she had met John Gage. They had been robbed and abandoned in the Malibu Mountains. They had become close over the course of their ordeal. Then the robber had tried to kidnap Chris and she wound up falling down a flight of stairs. Again, back in the hospital, she faced another long recovery. The robber had finally been caught and they had to face the trial. Once that was over, she and Johnny had become engaged. Just when everything seemed to be looking up when her leg gave out and she had to undergo emergency surgery. No wonder she needed therapy. Dr. Harris just hoped she would benefit from it.
"I don’t know Dr. Harris, there are times I just don’t know why I should even go on. I feel like I should return my engagement ring and give Johnny his freedom," Chris spoke softly as she played with her ring. She sat uncomfortably in a wheel chair. She hated being there.
"And why do think that’s true?" the doctor asked. Chris lifted her head and stared at her.
"Oh, because Johnny’s so wonderful. He deserves so much more than I could ever offer him! He’s brave, compassionate, and courageous! I’m a nobody. I’d just pull him down with me." Despair coated her words.
"Why do you think Johnny asked you to marry him?"
"Pity, probably. I love him so much but I don’t want to hurt him!" A sob caught in her throat and a tear rolled down her cheek.
"How would you hurt him?"
Chris pulled a tissue from the box on Dr. Harris’ desk and wipe her eyes. "I don’t know. I’ll do something stupid. He’ll be disappointed in me. I’ll fail him, somehow," Chris continued soberly.
"You don’t think you’re selling Johnny short, do you?"
Chris drew in a deep breath and released it slowly. "Doctor, I’ve never had a relationship that’s lasted more than a couple of months. I guess I really don’t how to handle it."
"How do you feel when you’re with Johnny?"
Chris smiled genuinely for the first time that visit. "I feel safe and secure. I guess I feel loved. I don’t ever want him to leave me. But then he leaves and all my doubts come flooding back on me." She looked up at the ceiling and studied the light fixture as though she hadn’t seen one before. "I don’t know what he sees in me."
Dr. Harris looked at her watch and over at Chris. "Chris, our hour is up. I’d like you to start keeping a journal about your feelings. Especially your feelings about Johnny, yourself, and..." she hesitated to be sure Chris was listening, "Jimmy Chandler."
She noted Chris jump at the mention of Chandler’s name and saw her pale.
"Chandler?" Chris’ voice was barely a whisper. Dr. Harris nodded.
"Chris, I know he’s dead but he’s had a traumatic effect on your life. You can’t face him in person but you can on paper. Writing about it can be effective therapy for you. I want you to try, understood?"
"Yes ma’am. I’ll try," Chris promised contritely. Dr. Harris handed her a spiral notebook and scheduled their next appointment. Chris left the room, feeling angry and sad. Angry that she had to keep a stupid journal and sad that somehow she wasn’t a better person. She rolled herself to the elevator to return to her room. She couldn’t wait to go home. There she’d be safe.
* * * * * * * * E! * * * * * * * * *
END PART 1, CONTINUED IN PART 2
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