Missing Scenes from Problem
Problem written by: Preston Wood (Wood's original dialogue in bold)
Dixie looked up to see Roy leave Phillips' treatment room, distracted, as he walked toward her desk. She understood his concern. The man was in bad shape. Roy had done everything humanly possible to treat him, despite a communications failure due to the lost ambulance antenna.
"Hey Roy, Johnny called in -- said he's on his way in and that he found the antenna. Apparently when the ambulance pulled away from the scene, one of the trees in the yard snagged it and pulled it off. Once he finally got the patient's wife calmed down, he wanted to call and let us know you'd be out of radio contact." She went back to the chart she was working on. "Better late then never I guess."
Roy just nodded and looked back toward the treatment room.
Roy still looked grim-faced. "You did all you could Roy. Joe and Kel will do all they can, and his own doctor is here too."
So that was the man who had given him an icy stare when he'd helped wheel the gurney into the treatment room...
"Hey, you guys haven't had too much fun without me I hope? How's the man we brought in?" Johnny walked up and clapped his partner on the shoulder. He was immediately concerned, however, when he noted the troubled look on Roy's face.
"Not good, Johnny. The doctors are in with him now." Dixie gave Johnny a knowing look, her eyes gesturing at his partner, who was now staring at the floor.
Johnny decided to lighten the mood. "Well he'll be okay. He's got the best doctors and nurses to look out for him, right?" He didn't really expect an answer, and didn't get one. "Well," he put on a smile and plowed on. "Dix, I think we need a lot of supplies...."
**********
As he and Roy left the nurse's station, Johnny gave his friend a long careful look. He could always tell when something was bothering his partner. When he was upset, the usually expressive blue eyes were, for lack of a better description, lightless, clouded over. His friend was a quiet sort by nature, but whatever was bothering him now was drawing his focus even more inward and away from his surroundings. He'd have to ask him about it when they got to the squad.
"I want to talk to you." A tall, dark complexioned man interrupted his thoughts and approached them. Johnny was fairly certain he was one of the doctors who referred his patients here. He started to step forward and find out what the man wanted when he spoke again. "Just you." He was pointing at Roy.
Roy looked for all the world like a man about to be bearded in his den, and reluctantly, if not suspiciously, followed the man to the small waiting area near Dr. Brackett's office.
Johnny was concerned as he watched his friend walk away, stiffly -- but he was just going to have to wait a little while longer to find out what was going on.
**********
"I may have made a mistake." The words had been chasing around in his head from the moment Sunderlin walked away. What if he was right? Maybe I should have just brought him on in, and not taken the time to insert the airway. We could've made it in time, couldn't we? Those thoughts were fighting to break through the ones that told him he acted on instinct and that he had to trust his instincts, not second-guess them. But still, the man could die and it would be, in part, his fault. The thought of being responsible for the man's death was eating at his insides, and he moved woodenly to start the squad and put it in motion, not wanting to look his partner in the eye.
Johnny continued to stare at Roy, willing him to follow up that comment with an explanation. But his partner just turned onto Vermont without saying a word. Johnny pulled in a breath and steeled himself to drag the information out of his friend. This was where he and Roy were so different. Whenever he himself was upset about something, whether just a hangnail or trouble with a girlfriend, everybody at the station, most especially his partner, heard all about it. He exploded -- turned himself outward to get it out of his system. Roy on the other hand, played everything close to the vest, no matter what was happening. It was just his nature to internalize everything that was going on. They were both very intense and passionate about their jobs, demanding the absolute best from themselves, but sometimes that intensity backfired on them. As it seemed to be doing today. Something had gone wrong on this call, and whatever it was, he could see that Roy blamed himself. Which of course, was impossible, since Roy was the best paramedic he knew.
Johnny opted to try to draw his partner out. "Something happen when you lost radio contact?"
"Yeah."
Johnny sighed. Roy and his one-word answers. He was going to have to drag the information out of him quick, before they got back to the station and the other guys. He knew he could eventually get him to talk one on one, but in front of the others? "So tell me...what happened?"
Roy sighed, wanting yet not wanting to go through the whole thing with his partner. "Phillips started to aspirate in the ambulance. That's when we found out the antenna was gone. So I had dispatch call it in and I inserted an esophageal airway. It took a couple minutes, but once we got him breathing again, we headed for the hospital..." He finished his run-through of the sequence of events, then turned to face Johnny, not sure what he would find. What he did find was total agreement...acceptance of the events as he'd explained them.
"Sounds like you did everything just right to me."
"But what if he doesn't make it? Out here every minute counts...What if I took away time from him that he didn't have? How can I be sure that my delay didn't take away that one chance he had?"
Johnny watched as his partner's pained face turned away from him while he backed the squad into the bay. Johnny's stomach tightened with worry as he realized it was going to take a lot of work to convince his partner that he'd done everything possible for Phillips. Johnny wondered if any patient really realized the depth of care and skill they received from paramedics in the field -- paramedics like Roy. He got out of the squad with resolve, ready to help his partner work through his problem. "When you started back, how long did it take you before you got back to the hospital?"
**********
Dr. Kelly Brackett took an initial assessment of the wound. "Dix, let's get set up to clean and sew up this leg..."
"Right, Kel." Dix headed for the phone on the wall. Dix stopped Johnny before he could exit the treatment room, a look of concern in her eyes. "Johnny -- Mr. Phillips died about 20 minutes ago. I just told Roy..." Her voice trailed off, letting the significance of her statement sink in.
Johnny swallowed hard as he ingested the news, his head automatically turning to look, unseeing through the treatment room door to where he knew Roy was waiting, stunned. His heart plummeted as he realized how his partner must have taken the information. He smiled weakly. "Thanks, Dix. I...I better go talk to him."
Johnny straightened and pulled in a deep, calming breath, then pulled open the door and went to look for his partner. He found him already seated in the squad, trying to look nonchalant as he waited for his partner. Nice try DeSoto, but you aren't fooling me a bit. Johnny turned to face his friend, to try and explain to his partner that he had nothing to do with Phillips' death. "Look Roy, I know..."
"Look, let's just not even get into it, okay? Everything's fine." Roy pasted on a smile and reached to start the squad.
Johnny wasn't going to let it drop there. His partner was hurting. "Come on, Roy. You're blaming yourself for something that wasn't your fault! I'm sorry Mr. Phillips died but it is NOT YOUR FAULT!"
"Let's get back to the station." Roy brushed aside the conversation and shifted into drive, his face a stone mask.
Johnny knew that when his partner got that look, there would be no getting through to him. They were off tomorrow, Johnny just hoped that the time off would help Roy think things through and come to the conclusion that everybody else had -- that nothing he did contributed to Phillips' death...
**********
Joanne put Chris and Jennifer's plates on the counter near the sink, worried about her husband. Although he had tried to put on a happy face and pretend nothing was wrong, she knew something was up. She leaned against the counter, watching the kids chatter incessantly about some new game they had made up, Roy totally oblivious to the world around him.
"OK you guys. Why don't you finish your milk then go out and play on the swing-set for a while."
Eager to play, both small children took a last long gulp of their drink and then Jennifer ran outside. Chris came to stand next to his dad. "Daddy, you wanna play ball today?" He got no response, then decided to try again, this time pulling on his sleeve to get his attention. "Daddy..."
That seemed to snap Roy out of his reverie. "I'm sorry Chris. What did you want?" He lovingly reached down to straighten the boy's shirt and pull it down evenly over his pants.
"You wanna play ball today?"
Roy smiled at the hopeful look in his son's eyes. "I sure do. You go play with Jen for a while then I'll be out and see if we can't break in that new glove, okay?" That seemed to satisfy the youngster and he headed outside.
Joanne watched her husband retreat inwardly as their son scooted out the back door. Roy began chewing on his thumbnail -- a classic sign of worry in her husband. Joanne knew it was going to be a long day if things continued like this.
"Okay, spill it." Joanne unfolded her arms and took a seat next to her husband.
"What?" He unconsciously dropped his hands, to fold them together on the table.
"What's eating you? Something happen at work yesterday?" She patted his hand encouragingly.
Roy enclosed her hand in his own and took a long time to answer. "I'm thinking about a transfer -- out of the paramedic program."
Joanne's eyes grew wide at that. She couldn't believe what he'd just said. This was not the same man, who, not more than two years ago had talked both eagerly and incessantly when word of the paramedic program started going around. He had been the first to volunteer to take the training, and had done everything in his power to promote the program and see its legal passage.
She could remember them lying in bed, arm-in-arm, talking about that first shift he and Johnny had worked together as paramedics. Even though Roy had been dog-tired after a grueling shift working that horrible cave-in, they had talked long into the night about it -- his fears, his accomplishments, his new partner and friend Johnny, his conviction that he'd finally found his niche -- found the way he could help people the most. She could remember how happy and at peace he was with himself...a sharp contrast to the fearful and worried man before her now.
"Honey, what happened?" She squeezed his hand, anxious to find out what had caused such a sudden change of heart in her husband.
Roy took a long time in answering. "I...uh...I just don't think I want the responsibility any more." He looked up at her with pain-filled eyes.
Joanne knew whatever was going on was serious. She stood and pulled him out of his chair. "Come on, let's go sit in the living room and you can tell me about it."
They settled down together on the couch. Joanne leaned her head on his shoulder and held his hand in hers, absently fiddling with his hand -- twirling the wedding ring on his finger. Joanne decided to settle back and wait for him to open up.
They sat there quietly for a few minutes while Roy decided how best to approach the subject. "We lost a patient yesterday. It may be partially my fault."
Joanne sat up straight. "I can't believe that! Roy what would make you think such a thing?"
He pulled her close in a hug and proceeded to relay yesterday's events. "...and I just think maybe I need to do something else for a while."
She stopped twisting the ring. She knew he was making the wrong decision, but his emotions were so strong now that he couldn't clearly see it that way. "Honey, are you sure that's what you REALLY want to do? You love being a paramedic." She looked up, seeing the mixed emotions raging a battle inside him.
"I do...but I'm not sure it's what I should be doing right now." He lay his head back and sighed. "I think it's time for a change."
"Roy, you know I'm behind you in whatever you decide, just please...think about it before making that kind of change, okay?"
He just pulled her closer and they sat their comfortably, listening to the sounds of the kids at play outside.
**********
Carol watched as Johnny and the attendants wheeled the patient through the entrance and down the hallway. "Treatment room two fellas." She pushed open the door so the attendants could push the gurney through, following after them. Since he wasn't needed, Johnny passed the doorway and headed for the nurse's station to wait for his partner, who had stayed behind to help calm down the hysterical mother. The little boy had fallen from a tree and broken his arm, nothing serious, but the boy's mother was distraught and blaming herself, almost in worse condition then the boy was.
Johnny leaned on the counter, his thoughts reverting to his earlier conversation with Roy. He still couldn't believe Roy would even think about transferring to 98's and out of the paramedic program -- out of their partnership. A part of him was hurt to think Roy could just dissolve the partnership and move in a totally different direction so easily, but that wasn't his main concern. His main concern was seeing his best friend about to make a career mistake, and seeing the department lose one of its best paramedics. Roy loved being a paramedic -- loved what he did, and it was that degree of concern for others which could be his downfall now. If he wasn't so intensely concerned in seeing that every patient got the very best, then Roy wouldn't be battling with himself right now. He was going to have to find a way to talk him out of it.
"Hey Johnny." Dixie looked around as she came around the desk. "Where's Roy?"
"He's coming. We just brought in a little boy with a broken arm. He stayed behind to help the boy's hysterical mom."
She just nodded, but then noticed the concerned look on his face. "Anything wrong?"
Johnny straightened, grabbing a pen off the desk and tapping it nervously. "I'm about to lose my partner." He looked away when he said it.
"What do you mean?" Dixie was becoming alarmed. Roy and Johnny had been partners from the start of the program and she couldn't imagine them not being together.
Johnny looked back down the hallway to make sure his partner was not coming. "Roy's going to quit the paramedic program." He leaned back down, head in his hand dejectedly.
"Why on earth does he want to do that? I thought he loved being a paramedic?"
"He does. That's why he wants to quit." He looked at the head nurse knowingly.
The alarm bells went off in her head as she realized what Johnny was getting at. "Dr. Sunderlin?" He nodded. Dixie had never seen Johnny look so concerned.
"Dix, I think he's making a big mistake." He poured out. "I've tried talking to him, explaining that he had nothing to do with that man's death, but he just won't listen. I mean...he's already told Joanne he's quitting the program..." Johnny threw down the pen in frustration.
Dixie was too shocked for speech. She knew how dedicated both these men were to the work they were doing, but it was times like these that she remembered just how much it could tear at them emotionally. Before she had a chance to recover, she was called by one of the other nurses to help a patient she recognized very well -- George -- who spent a whole lot more time drunk then sober. She noted Roy coming down the hallway, and gave Johnny a quick sympathetic look. Then she pushed back her own worry and turned to follow a weaving George into the treatment room.
**********
Johnny turned his head quietly and watched in concern as his partner headed through the dorm toward the locker room. Dragging down his arm, he looked at his watch. Almost 2:30 in the morning. And judging by the sounds of his partner's tossing and turning, he hadn't slept a wink all night.
Johnny knew Dr. Brackett had talked to Roy about the situation, although his partner really hadn't said much about it since they'd returned to the station. Johnny had talked all day until he was nearly blue in the face, trying to convince his friend that he was making the wrong decision, but Roy just remained silent, waging an internal battle over whether to stay in the program or head for 98's. It was going to eat Roy alive if he didn't come to some kind of decision soon. And, Johnny hoped, it would be a decision to remain where he could do the most good -- in the paramedic program. He debated on whether or not to try and talk to his friend once more, or leave him alone with his thoughts. Before he could decide, the tones sounded and they were off to the house fire.
**********
Johnny just shook his head at Roy's attempted humor and followed his friend into the kitchen. Thankfully, neither one of them would be going to 98's. The paramedics had no chance at first dibs on the shower, and after taking off his turnout coat, Roy settled on the couch, waiting his turn to get cleaned up. Johnny watched his friend flop on the couch contentedly, finally at peace with himself. It sure had been a timely rescue -- a rescue of a small boy and his dog -- just what the doctor ordered to help Roy get things in perspective. Johnny shuddered inwardly though. When Roy's lifeline had burned through, his first instinct was to charge through the burning home, gear or no, to find his friend and bring him out to safety. But the Cap had held him back. And Johnny was able to breathe a sigh of relief when they'd taken the ladder around the side of the house and heard the magical sound of breaking glass above them -- and Roy was okay.
Johnny lay his own turnout coat over the back of one of the chairs, then grabbed a glass and poured himself some milk. He settled down on the arm of the couch next to his friend. There was a pleasant, amicable silence.
Several minutes later, Johnny broke the quiet. "You sure made that kid's day when you brought out that dog."
"Yeah." Roy was relaxed back against the couch, smiling, at the image of the boy hugging the dog close.
"Hey..."
Roy looked up at his friend.
"Welcome back."
The shared smile showed that all was once again right with their world, and both were relaxed and happy.
"OKAY, NEXT!!!!" came the shout from the dorm signaling next man up for the shower.
Roy gestured to his friend. "You go ahead, I don't mind waiting."
"Have it your way, partner." Johnny headed for the shower and hollered over his shoulder, "I'll be sure I use up all the hot water too."
Roy just shook his head, smiling, and lay back on the couch, putting his feet up on it's arm. He decided to close his eyes and relax while he waited. It had taken a while to work through it, but during that house fire he had realized that he wouldn't be happy doing anything else. It got to be too much sometimes, but he realized he'd just have to work through moments like this one at a time -- and he had a great friend to help him do it. Being a paramedic was a part of him. He couldn't give that up. Relaxed, he drifted off to sleep.
A short time later, Johnny emerged from the shower, freshly scrubbed and changed, and trudged through the dorm. The engine crew was already fast asleep for what little rest they could get before their shift was up. Not wanting to wake them, he headed for the kitchen and day area to let Roy know the shower was free. He pulled up short, however, when he saw his friend fast asleep on the couch, one arm draped across his stomach, the turnout coat tucked behind his head.
Johnny didn't have the heart to wake him. It was probably going to be the most rest he had gotten in two days, so he opted to let Roy finish out his shift right where he was. Johnny smiled and headed for the dorm, knowing his friend would have peaceful dreams.
**********
The crew of 51 filed into the kitchen a few short hours later, heading for the coffee pot. Chet was the first to spot Roy, still fast asleep on the couch, and didn't bother to lower his voice. "What's with Sleeping Beauty over here? Is our hero to good to sleep in the dorm with the rest of us lowly firemen?" He was smiling as he said it. They were all well aware of Roy's struggles with himself as a result of the Phillips case, only just this morning being informed of the situation by Johnny, who was relieved to have his partner back.
"Cut him some slack, Chet," Johnny was grinning ear to ear, also not bothering to lower his voice. "Even heros have to sleep sometimes."
The men laughed as the commotion achieved their intent -- to wake up their sleeping comrade. Roy sat up and rubbed his eyes, looking around him. "Morning..."
Johnny walked over and handed him a cup of coffee. The doorbell rang and Hank went to answer it. He returned a moment later...with Dr. Sunderlin in tow.
Roy's peace of mind faded as he watched the doctor enter the kitchen.
Dr. Sunderlin looked at the men apologetically. "I'm sorry to catch you guys first thing in the morning. I just wanted to stop by before I headed to the hospital to do my rounds."
"That's all right, doctor. What can we do for you?" Cap wanted to know.
Roy and Johnny exchanged a look, knowing all to well. Johnny was growing more angry by the minute. Wasn't it enough that this guy had chewed Roy out once for no good reason? Was there some acid remark he left out?
"Well actually," he took a step closer to Roy, who sat on the couch, coffee cup in hand. "I was hoping to have a word with you." Dr. Sunderlin felt five other pairs of eyes on him and swallowed uncomfortably.
Roy noticed the concerned looks in the eyes of his friends but decided that whatever it was Sunderlin had to say, he would just have to hear him out. He wasn't going to let the doctor wreak havoc on his emotions all over again. He quickly stood, once again wiping his eyes to clear them. "Uh...Cap? Can we use your office?"
"Sure go ahead."
As both men left the kitchen and headed for the office, the remaining men exchanged curious, worried looks.
**********
Roy gestured the man into Cap's office.
"Let's sit down." The doctor gestured to the chairs.
"Thanks, I'll stand."
The doctor cleared his throat, looking for a way to begin. It was obvious the paramedic was expecting to be bullied during the conversation. "Look, DeSoto, I just wanted to stop by, well...because I wanted to tell you..." Making apologies wasn't exactly something he was used to.
Roy just watched him silently, waiting for him to continue, the only sign of his emotions being the clenching and unclenching of his fist against the fabric of his turnout pants.
Dr. Sunderlin shifted restlessly on his feet as he sought the right words. "DeSoto, since we uh...talked...the other day, I've had a chance to learn a lot about the workings of the paramedic program, and you're role in it." He looked Roy directly in the eye. "You men have got some very strong supporters at Rampart." He gave a hint of a smile.
Roy just looked at the floor, blushing. He wasn't sure, but somehow he knew Dixie figured into this little discussion somewhere. She had given he and Johnny unflagging support right from the beginning. He looked back at the man before him, not sure what to say.
"Anyway, I thought I should tell you...that I was wrong the other day. I know you did your very best, and that you used very good judgement in treating Phillips. Unfortunately, sometimes our best isn't good enough." He looked down at his hands, thinking of the friend he had just lost to a heart attack.
"Well uh...thanks Doc. I'm glad you came over." He paused a moment, trying to lighten the mood. "Can I get you a cup of coffee or something?"
"No thanks DeSoto. I've got my rounds to make." He reached out and shook Roy's hand. "Thank you." Roy nodded and Dr. Sunderlin left.
Roy stood there a moment, digesting what he'd just heard, then stepped out of the office, prepared to head back to the kitchen. When he made the right turn, he ran smack into Johnny, who by the expression on his face, had been eavesdropping heartlessly near the door. "Johnny -- it's not nice to eavesdrop on somebody. Didn't your mother ever teach you any better?" He was trying to be stern but the smile gave him away.
"Who's eavesdropping? I'm just...inspecting the walls for cracks..." He was grinning like an idiot as he put an arm around his friend's shoulder and walked him back toward the kitchen...
"Missing Scene from Problem" ©1999 Brenda Jackson. "Emergency!" and its characters © Mark VII Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. No infringement of any copyrights or trademarks is intended or should be inferred. This is a work of fiction, and any similarity to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.
NOTICE: The layout and graphics on this page are the property of Two Chickies Fan Fiction. They may NOT be used on any other fan fiction site and any such use consitutes HTML theft. We urge you not to support any site that engages in such tactics, and to report any such usage to Marcia or Tangee.