"So what did you do this weekend?" Firefighter John Gage greeted his partner Roy Desoto in the locker room of LA County Station 51. Without waiting for an answer, he continued. "I had the most incredible date Saturday night, I’m telling you, I’ve got a whole new outlook when it comes to dating."
"This should be good." Roy rolled his eyes as he buttoned his shirt. "I can’t wait to hear about it."
"You know how I’m always asking women for dates right?" John shoved his shirt tail into his pants and followed Roy out into the garage bay. "That’s out. I saw the light this weekend."
"It wasn’t coming from a UFO or anything like that was it?" Firefighter Chet Kelly snickered.
"Shutup Chet," Johnny waved him away. "No, the new Johnny Gage doesn’t chase women." He paused for effect. "They chase him."
"How are you going to get them to do that?" Roy wondered what had given John this idea.
"Yeah Gage, you haven’t suffered from a fall have you?" Chet chimed in.
Johnny ignored the barb. "I was talking to a buddy of mine at a club the other night. Everywhere he goes, chicks are falling all over him. He says it’s because he doesn’t act interested." John moved his hands animatedly as he talked. "It’s a James Dean kind of thing. Be mysterious. Make them want you."
"If it means you being quiet, then I’m all for it!" Chet replied. "So let me guess, you tried it on your date this weekend?"
The conversation was interrupted by a blaring horn and the squeal of brakes from outside the station. The three men ran out in time to see a middle-aged man throw open his car door and leap out, cursing. He jumped around, pulling his trousers away from his body and yelping unintelligibly.
Roy made it to him first and grabbed him by the arm. "What’s wrong? Are you injured?"
"Hot! Hot!" the man gasped, pulling frantically at his zipper.
"Get him inside." Johnny took the man’s other arm and they led him, dancing, into the bay. "Sir, we’re paramedics and we can help you. Now what’s wrong?"
"Coffee…spilled coffee…" the man yelped. He was almost climbing out of his pants.
"Chet, get a glass of cold water!" Johnny unfastened the man’s belt and tried to take the glass that Chet brought back. The man snatched it and dumped it down the front of his pants, sighing in relief.
"Um, Roy, you want to examine him?" Johnny tried to keep a straight face.
"Sir, do you want us to have a look at you?" Roy glared over at Johnny.
The man was trembling but pulled away. "No thank you…that won’t be necessary." He looked down at the front of his pants, now sodden with water and coffee. "I don’t suppose you’d have a towel?"
Johnny got him some from the locker room. "So how’d this happen?"
"I was driving down the street minding my own business," the man started dabbing at his pants with paper towels, "and this maniac cuts me off! I slammed on the brakes to keep from hitting him and my coffee tipped and….well…you know the rest."
"A real unlucky strike for hot coffee, huh." Johnny handed him some more towels.
"I don’t have a cup holder, so I usually just put my coffee between my knees." The man said disgustedly.
"You might think of investing in one, they’re only about a dollar." John followed the man back out into the bay. "Drive carefully, and uh, drink safely." Gingerly the man walked back out to his car, waving his thanks, all the while muttering to himself.
"Another brilliant save by our paramedic team," Chet teased.
"That guy wasn’t the brightest," Johnny shook his head. "Can you imagine trying to carry hot coffee between your knees while you’re driving?"
"It sounds like something you’d do Johnny." Chet slapped him on the back. "After all, you’re the walking disaster magnet."
"Anyone with half a brain knows not to…"
"All right, line it up guys." Captain Stanley broke into the building argument. The assignments for the day were given out, and the men got to work cleaning the station. Johnny didn’t have a chance to tell Roy about his date before the station got toned out to a vehicle accident.
As the squad and engine approached the scene, they had to slow for the lines of blocked traffic. Ahead they could see the CHP trying to get cars moving off the main road onto a side street. Roy hopped the median and drove up as close as he could. "Hi Jon, Bear." He nodded to the two officers who were trying to direct the snarl of traffic. "How bad is it?"
"Doesn’t look like the victims are too bad, but one of them is pinned in," answered Jon Baker, never pausing from waving his arm to direct traffic to move without staring at the wreck. "Come on, let’s keep it moving!" He shouted to a man who slid to a stop.
"An accident up there huh?" The man said as he rubbernecked, trying to see beyond the police cars.
Baker was perspiring heavily from the sun and the constant arm motions, and snapped before he caught himself, "No, we just close down a road every once in a while to make life interesting. Keep it moving! We’ve got to get the rescue vehicles in here!"
Johnny swallowed a laugh, and waved at the officers as the squad was finally able to wedge through. He and Roy jumped from the vehicle and grabbed their gear. "This looks familiar," Roy nodded at the closest vehicle. It’s our Mister coffee man from earlier. I’ll take him, you check the other car."
Gage nodded and headed off as Roy knelt down beside the driver’s window. A few tugs on the smashed door told him he couldn’t open it alone. "Chet, can you get me a pry bar?" He called, then turned his attention to the car’s occupant. "Sir, are you hurt anywhere?"
"My leg," the man grimaced. "But please, don’t open the door. I don’t want anyone to see me like this."
"Why not?" Roy asked as he shone his penlight in the man’s eyes, then looked down. Somewhere between the Station and the freeway, ‘Mr Coffee’ had lost his pants and was clad only in his dress shirt, tie, and boxer shorts. "What did you do with your pants?"
"I hung them out the back window to dry," the man said miserably. "I have a very important meeting and I didn’t have time to go home and change. It was working fine until I tried to change lanes. The pants were flapping around so much I couldn’t see and nailed the guy next to me."
"Well Mister…"
"Ed, Ed Franklin."
"Ed, I have to get this door open to extricate you and treat you." Roy took the pry bar from Chet and asked him to get a splint.
"I don’t want God and everyone on this highway to see I was driving like this!" The man wailed. "Can you find my pants?"
"Relax, we’ll get you a blanket." Roy didn’t bother mentioning that everyone in traffic around him had probably known he wasn’t wearing pants, since he’d gone down the highway with them flapping out the back window.
Chet and he went to work on the door and after a few minutes, forced it open. Roy did a quick check of vitals, splinted the leg and got him ready for transport. Johnny’s patient had only minor injuries and both were loaded into the same ambulance. "I’ll follow in the squad." Johnny said before loading the biophone into the ambulance.
After having safely delivered their patients to Rampart, Johnny and Roy stopped by the nurses station. "I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a twit, have you?" John got a coffee mug down. "So you want to see my plan in action?" Gage nudged his partner as he poured coffee.
Roy followed his gaze down the hall to see the cute redheaded nurse Johnny had taken out that weekend. "I thought the plan was to be disinterested?"
"It is." Gage grinned and set down his coffee. "Watch."
"I wouldn’t think being disinterested meant chasing her down the hall, but what do I know?" Roy shrugged. "I’m an old married man."
"What Roy?" Nurse Dixie McCall asked as she joined him.
"Nothing Dixie." Desoto held up the coffee pot and poured her a cup when she nodded. "I’m just watching Johnny’s new plan of action when it comes to dating."
Dixie stepped out and watched too. "What’s so different about it?"
"He’s being mysterious and disinterested," Roy snorted. They watched as Johnny walked past the nurse, stopped and took a sip of water at the drinking fountain, then returned.
"Well?" Dixie prompted him. "What did you do?"
"I walked past her and made eye contact." John grinned. "Then I nodded at her."
"And what did she do?"
"She nodded back."
"So how is this an improvement from you going on a date, and then speaking with her afterwards?" Dixie asked, looking confused.
"Because they usually don’t want to speak to him afterwards," Roy grinned.
"I’m laying a foundation here," Johnny shot an annoyed glance at his partner before continuing. "I’ll just nod when I see her, then work up to a conversation. Initiated by her of course."
"At which time you’ll act moody and mysterious." Roy guessed.
"You got it." Gage drained his coffee cup in a long swallow.
"But what if she doesn’t initiate a conversation?" Dixie asked.
"See, you have to understand, this is just the foundation." Johnny gestured with his hands as he spoke. "I’ll build up from there. She’ll be waiting for my next move and I already made it. The waiting will pique her interest." He grinned like what he’d said just made perfect sense. "See?"
Roy stared at him for a long moment. "No."
"But how will you know if she’s really just not interested?" Dixie asked. "Won’t you just be left waiting for something that may not happen?"
"Dix, she’ll be interested because I won’t be interested in her."
"But if you’re not interested then why…"
"Just agree with him Dixie, it’s much easier that way." Roy replied. "After all, he could be right. I’ve been married nine years and sometimes I can’t figure why women think the way they do."
"You two want to know the secret?" McCall leaned in close. "We do it just to confuse men." She kept her voice low. "Men are just overgrown boys you know. Very easy to read."
"Really?" Johnny put his hands on his hips and looked at Roy, then back at the head nurse. "You’re not kidding ! You think Chyrl knew what I was doing when I walked past her?"
"I imagine she did." Dixie picked up a file and had to fight to keep a straight face. "See you later guys."
"Man, oh man." Johnny walked out beside his partner. "It all makes so much sense now! Women are into this just as much as we are! Somehow I’ve gotta come up with a better plan…."
"You could just go back to being yourself John," Roy paused outside the squad.
"Yeah, but I need to be, well, more me, if you know what I mean." Johnny started to chatter, and Roy sighed.
"Believe me Johnny, I know. Heaven help us all, but I really know."
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