Adventures in Matrimony

by Melissa Kutcher

JoAnne DeSoto looked at herself in the mirror, admiring herself in her wedding dress. Later that day, she and her husband, Roy, will renew their wedding vows. At Christmas, Roy asked her to marry him again at the station.

Across the church, Roy was getting into his tuxedo. His best man this time around was his long-time partner and best friend Johnny Gage. Then, all of a sudden, Roy and his stationmates heard a loud rip.

"Houston, we have a problem," Roy said.

"Maybe you should put an IV of Ringer's Lactate on those pants," Chet Kelly chuckled.

"Shut up, Chet," Roy said. "JoAnne has a sewing kit in her purse. She can sew these up for me."

"Hey, Roy, it's bad luck for the bride to see the groom before the wedding. I'll take these to JoAnne. By the way, nice clown boxers," Johnny joked.

"Jennifer got me these last Christmas. I promised her that I would wear them today. Could you please take my pants so she could fix them?" Roy asked.

As Johnny approached the room JoAnne was changing, he heard a frantic JoAnne on the phone.

"What do you mean that the flower shop burned down last night?!" JoAnne cried. "We have no flowers."

Johnny knocked at the door.

"Who is it?" JoAnne asked.

"It's Johnny. We have a problem. Can I come in?" he asked.

JoAnne let him in.

"Roy's pants ripped and he was wondering if you could repair them for him," Johnny said.

"Sure. The only time I want to see Roy without his pants is during our honeymoon," JoAnne said.

"Should I tell him about the flowers?" Johnny asked.

"He's going to find out about them sooner or later. Use my cell phone to call him," JoAnne said.

Johnny called Roy and told him about their florist burning down.

"First I have no pants, then we have no flowers. What's going to happen next?" Roy asked.

"I'll have your pants back to you real soon, Pally," Johnny said.

"I hope so. Chet's trying to get me to try out for Chippendale's," Roy said.

"Chippendale's. JoAnne would love that idea," Johnny teased.

JoAnne let out a little giggle.

"See you later," Johnny said, trying to stifle a giggle.

As Johnny was handing JoAnne her phone, Jennifer DeSoto ran into the room.

"Ow, I hurt my knee," Jennifer cried.

"Let Uncle Johnny take a look at that," JoAnne said, hugging Jennifer.

"I've got a bandage in my Land Rover. Why don't I run out and get it," Johnny told the female DeSotos.

As Johnny ran to his car to find a bandage for Jennifer, he saw Marco Lopez and Mike Stoker with the decorations for the DeSoto's car.

"Jennifer has an abrasion of her knee. Nothing a little bandage can't take care of. Do any of you have a lollipop?" Johnny asked.

Stoker, having kids of his own, pulled a bag of lollipops out of his car.

###

"It's been two days since we spoke, Roy. Isn't Johnny a little too superstitious?" JoAnne asked while on the cell phone.

"We're dealing with a man who drives two blocks out of his way to avoid a black cat and refuses to get out of bed on Friday the 13th. He even has our phone numbers memorized. He recognizes them on his Caller ID machine," Roy told JoAnne.

"Let's just humor Johnny. I'm lucky he didn't take my phone away from me, and I made it to the ladies room. My mother is with Jen and Johnny," JoAnne said.

"Honey, are my pants ready yet? Chet tried to stuff a twenty down my boxer shorts," Roy asked.

"Yes, they are. By the way, how was the party at the Del's Bar and Grill last night?" JoAnne asked.

"It went really well. Johnny was trying to hit on one of the strippers. She blew him off big time," Roy said.

"I tried calling you on the car phone while you were at the station, but it must have been a busy shift," JoAnne said.

"I tried calling you from Rampart, but the phones were busy. I found out from Vince that Johnny paid his buddies from the CHP to stand at the phones," Roy told his wife.

"Luckily we're having our pictures taken before the wedding. It's not like this is the first time that we're getting married," JoAnne said.

"At least my brother Tom let me see you at our first wedding. I tried explaining to Johnny that we are renewing our wedding vows, but he insists on keeping us apart," Roy said.

"Well, I have to call Dixie. Maybe she knows someone that can get flowers at the last minute. I love you, Roy," JoAnne said.

"I love you, too," Roy said.

###

Johnny arrived with a bandage for Jen's knee.

"Mommy's calling Aunt Dixie for flowers. She's in the ladies room," Jen said.

"I'm real sure that Aunt Dixie will find flowers. You can't be flower girl without flowers. And your mommy won't be able to toss her bouquet without flowers," Johnny said.

"Is this for me?" Jen said as Johnny pulled a lollipop out of his tuxedo jacket.

"Sure is," Johnny said as he handed the lollipop to Jen.

JoAnne returned from the ladies room.

"Could you tell Roy that Rampart is donating flowers?" JoAnne asked Johnny.

"Sure will," Johnny said, grabbing Roy's pants.

"Uncle Johnny, could you kiss my knee?" Jen asked .

Johnny bent down and kissed Jen's knee before he left.

###

Across the church, Captain Stanley was playing Go Fish with Chris DeSoto, while a pantsless Roy nervously paced the room.

"Will you sit down? You're making me nervous," Cap asked.

"We have pants!" Johnny exclaimed when he entered the room.

Roy quickly put his pants on while Johnny grabbed Roy's phone.

"Hello...Hi Dix...Highway Patrol is bringing flowers...Thanks," Johnny said as he shut off the phone.

"I heard the good news. Now the flowers should be here when the photographer gets here. JoAnne and I decided to have the pictures taken before the wedding," Roy said.

"WHAT?!" Johnny yelled. "You know it's bad luck for you to see the bride before the wedding. Are you sure you didn't even peek at JoAnne?" Johnny asked rhetorically.

"It will save a lot of time. Anyway, it's not the first time we are getting married. Do you want to go to the reception right after the ceremony, Junior?" Roy asked.

Just then, a knock came from the door. Johnny's friend from the CHP, Barry Baricza, was at the door.

"Anybody order flowers?" Bear asked.

"Just put them in the chapel," Roy said.

Johnny went with Bear to unload the flowers from Bear's cruiser. Just then, Gene Fritz pulled in with more flowers.

"Sindy and I will try to make the reception. She's on Trail Team duty today, or else she'd be bringing flowers, too," Bear said.

"Okay, see you at Del's Bar and Grill," Johnny said.

"You owe us $20 for tying up the payphones at Rampart," Fritz told Johnny.

"It didn't work. Roy and JoAnne decided to have the pictures taken before the wedding," Johnny said.

"You still owe us the money. Sindy said that she would pick hers up at the reception," Bear said, jokingly holding his pinch book.

###

"Daddy, my tie is too tight," Chris said.

"Is that better?" Roy asked, adjusting his son's tie.

"Thanks, it feels better," Chris said as he grabbed the ringbearer's pillow.

"Ooh, could you fix my tie?" Chet asked jokingly.

"Silencia, por favor, Chet!" Marco said.

Johnny came in with the boutonnieres for the groom's party.

"Rampart to the rescue, again," Johnny said, setting down the box of red carnations.

There was a rush to get to the carnations. As Johnny was pinning on his boutonniere, he stuck the pin into his finger.

"He even injures himself off-duty," Chet joked.

"Maybe you should be written up for a purple heart," Marco said.

"I agree," Mike said.

Roy pulled a Band-Aid from his wallet.

"Cookie Monster? Don't you have anything plain?" Johnny asked.

"What's the matter Gage, doesn't the Cookie Monster Band-Aid go with your outfit?" Chet asked.

"Do not even go there, Chet," Johnny retorted.

"Whatever," Chet answered, putting his hand in Johnny's face.

"Shut up, you twit," Cap told Johnny. "My kids love the character Band-Aids, anyway."

"Chris and Jen find that plain Band-Aids are boring," Roy said, handing Johnny the Band-Aid.

"What's a 'twit', Uncle Hank?" Chris asked.

###

The women were putting on their dresses. Nora Stanley and Beth Stoker were JoAnne's bridesmatrons.

"The dresses are beautiful. Where did you get the idea for them?" Nora asked.

"Roy and I watching Breakfast at Tiffany's. I've always liked the way Audrey Hepburn looked in that movie," JoAnne answered.

"What do you remember from your first wedding, JoAnne?" Beth asked.

"The ceremony was going great, until we started our wedding vows. Then Roy got the hiccups," JoAnne said, giggling.

"That must have been funny," Nora commented.

"I have never seen my mother laugh so hard. In fact, all the wedding guests started laughing. After we got back from the honeymoon, Roy was called 'Hiccup Boy' by the guys at his old station, "JoAnne laughed.

"When Hank and I were taking our vows, he called me 'Laura' instead of 'Nora'. Everybody got a great laugh out of that. For five years, his parents never let him forget his faux pas," Nora reminisced.

"Well, as Mike was about to kiss me, he fainted," Beth said, holding back a giggle.

"I didn't realize that you had that effect on Mike," JoAnne teased.

"Did Mike make it to the reception?" Nora asked.

"Yes, he did, and we had a good time," Beth answered.

As the women were giggling, a knock interrupted them.

"The photographer is here. I hope you're ready," Johnny yelled.

"Be right there," everybody yelled in unison.

"I hope you weren't laughing at me," Johnny said as he opened the door.

"We were laughing at our husbands," JoAnne said.

###

In the chapel, JoAnne took every opportunity to check her handiwork on Roy's pants, while the photographer took pictures.

"You look wonderful, darling," Roy said, patting JoAnne on her bustle.

"Just wait for the honeymoon, loverboy," JoAnne said, gently kissing Roy.

"Save it for the honeymoon. It's bad enough for the two of you to see each other before the wedding," Johnny said.

"Leave them alone, you hosejockey," Kelly Brackett mockingly scolded. He was one of the ushers for the wedding.

The photo session went well. Roy and JoAnne were flirting with each other, as well as the Stanleys and the Stokers.

"Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?" Chet asked.

"Shut up, Chet!" everyone yelled in unison.

Just then, Jennifer ran up to Roy and JoAnne.

"DADDY, WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?" Jennifer asked.

Everybody had a good laugh.

"Ah, parenthood," Chet commented.

"Silencia, por favor," Marco said.

###

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to witness Roy and JoAnne reaffirm their love for each other," the reverend said.

Beth Stoker pulled out a handkerchief.

"The couple has written their own vows and would like to say them for their family and friends," the reverend said.

"JoAnne, you have given me years of happiness, and blessed me with two lovely children. I hope that we have many more years of happiness together," Roy said.

"Roy, ever since I first saw you, I knew that I would spend my life with you. I will always love you," JoAnne said.

Roy took the anniversary ring from Johnny.

"JoAnne, with this ring, I thee wed all over again," Roy said solemnly.

JoAnne took the wedding band for Roy from her sister.

"Roy, with this ring, I thee wed all over again," JoAnne said solemnly.

"Your love has been reaffirmed in front of friends and family. You may kiss the bride," the reverend told Roy.

Roy and JoAnne kissed for what seemed like an eternity.

"I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Roy DeSoto," the reverend said.

###

At Del's Bar and Grill, the wedding guests met for the reception. Whitey made a special artichoke salad for Roy, and regular salads for everybody else. The dance floor was lined with fire helmets. A big banner saying "Congratulations Roy and JoAnne DeSoto" welcomed the guests.

Johnny prepared to make the toast.

"Hey, Junior, don't make the toast too embarrassing, or I'll have you partnered with Brice permanently," Roy joked.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Roy has been my partner and best friend for six years. He has been like a brother to me, and JoAnne has been like a big sister. I wish them many more years of happiness and joy," Johnny said as everyone in attendance raised their glasses.

"Adventures in Matrimony" ©1999 Melissa Kutcher. "Emergency!" and its characters © Mark VII Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. No infringement of any copyrights or trademarks is intended or should be inferred. This is a work of fiction, and any similarity to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.

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