Interview with Two Mechanics
by Melissa Kutcher
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"Is this the make-up room?" Harlan Arliss asked the group of women getting their faces done.
"Yes it is," Tangee Taylor replied.
"I'm here for the Pamela Shields Alive show. She's doing an interview on fire department and California Highway Patrol," Harlan said.
"I'm Tangee Taylor," she said to Harlan, shaking his hand.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Harlan Arliss," he said, shaking Tangee's hand.
"Aren't you the man who invented the Highway Patrol Motorcycle Trainer?" Tangee asked.
"Yes, I did invent the HPMT. It won the Practicality Award at last year's World's Funniest Car Show," Harlan said as he was powdered.
"That was an impressive piece of machinery. I like the concept of combining a car and a motorcycle for training purposes," Tangee replied as she was having eyeshadow put on her.
"I'm really glad someone appreciates my work. Thanks for the compliment," Harlan said.
"You have to show me the HPMT later," Tangee suggested.
"Maybe you two should get together sometime," Melissa the make-up artist said.
"I already have a date for tonight," Harlan said.
Just then, the director came into the make-up room.
"The mechanics are on next!" he yelled.
"I heard Pamela's elevator doesn't go top the top floor," Harlan whispered to Tangee.
"I hope we aren't over her head," Tangee whispered to Harlan.
###
PS "Welcome back to the Pamela Shields Alive cavalcade of fun. Next on the show of shows are two mechanics. I wonder if I can get my car fixed for life," Pamela laughed.
(Harlan and Tangee both roll their eyes)
PS "I am here with Harlan Arliss and Tangee Taylor. Harlan is a mechanic for the California Highway Patrol and Tangee is a mechanic for the Los Angeles County Fire Department. I would like to welcome you to Pamela Shields Alive."
HA & TT "Thank you."
PS "My first question is for Tangee. How hard is it for a woman to break into auto mechanics?"
TT "Well, Pamela, I got a little ribbing from the guys. But when my boss saw my work, he was very happy. Her even assigned me to fix Squad 51. I love that squad."
(Pamela flirts with Harlan)
PS "Harlan, what's the best part of your job?"
HA "I like the people I work with. I respect them for what they do. I even work on their cars in my spare time."
PS "Tangee, what's your pet peeve about fixing the squad?"
(Harlan successfully ignores Pamela's flirtation.)
TT "First, I have to clean off all that smoke. Next, the A-shift paramedics have the nerve to ask a doctor to fix the squad..."
PS "Maybe he does it as a hobby."
(Harlan rolls his eyes, while Pamela looks at her manicure.)
TT (agitated) "As I was saying, finally, all the paramedics drive the squad so hard. A fine piece of machinery needs to be handled gently, treated with love and compassion."
HA "You're right, Tangee. A police car and a police motorcycle are no different from a rescue squad. A while back, I saw a motorcycle that was forced off the road by some gas smugglers."
(Pamela is still looking at her manicure.)
TT "If someone did that to the beloved squad, I would strangle them."
PS (giggling)"You're certainly not shy, Tangee."
(Tangee rolls her eyes.)
TT "Another thing that bothers me is people calling the squad "girl". It's a male squad, not a female squad."
(Harlan nods his head in agreement.)
PS "What's the difference?"
TT "WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!? You mean to tell me that you can't tell the difference? What did they teach you in journalism school anyway?"
PS (shocked look in her face)"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, Tangee. Now, Harlan, is there anything you would like to add?"
HA "The high speed pursuits are very hard on the cruisers and motorcycles. My girls are sometimes hurt badly."
PS "Girls?"
HA "Motorcycles. I've seen them run over and blown up."
(Pamela looks at her manicure yet again.)
TT "The one thing that really bothers me is people not stopping for emergency traffic."
HA(nodding in agreement) "Amen, Tangee."
PS "Why does it bother the both of you so much?"
TT(angrily) "Because the men and women in law enforcement and fire fighting need to get to the scene safely. The next life they save could be yours."
HA(angrily) "Bad drivers end up causing accidents. They also make our job harder."
PS "On that note, I would like to thank Harlan and Tangee for taking time out of their busy schedules."
TT "Thank you. Estas un lapiz rojo."
HA "Thank you. It was my pleasure. Estas muy lerda."
PS "Thanks for the kind words. Next on Pamela Shields Alive, recipes from the Los Angeles County Fire Department for our cooking segment."
###
In the station cafeteria, Harlan and Tangee have coffee together.
"Who taught you the red pencil phrase?" Harlan asked.
"Marco Lopez from Station 51. His buddy Chet Kelly made a bet with me saying that I wouldn't say that on the air. Ol' Chester B. owes me $20," Tangee said.
"I learned my phrase from Frank Poncherello. He's a motor officer," Harlan said.
"Would you like to take a tour of the fire department garage?" Tangee asked.
"Sure. I'll show you around Central's garage," Harlan replied.
Just then, Mike Stoker spotted Tangee.
"I can't believe Pamela Shields. No wonder JoAnne DeSoto calls her a Bimbo with a capital B. She even gave me her phone number, and I'm married," Mike said, exasperated.
"Bitch is more like it," Harlan said.
"Mike Stoker, Harlan Arliss," Tangee said.
"Nice to meet you, Mike," Harlan said.
"Do you want Pamela's number?" Mike asked Harlan.
"No thanks," Harlan answered.
"I don't think Johnny has gone out with her yet," Tangee told Mike.
"Thanks, Tangee," Mike said.
"That was great spaghetti," Harlan told Mike.
"Thanks, the guys at the station really love it," Mike said.
"Would you like a cup of coffee with us?" Tangee asked.
"No, I got to get home. My wife is expecting my for dinner iwth the kids," Mike said, leaving the table.
"Oh, Mike, tell Chet to give me my money, or else I may have to fix that clunker of his," Tangee said.
Author's note: If anyone wants to use Pamela Shields go ahead. It doesn't have to limited to the CHiPs and Emergency! fandoms.
"Interview With Two Mechanics" ©1999 Melissa Kutcher. "Emergency!" and its characters © Mark VII Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. No infringement of any copyrights or trademarks is intended or should be inferred. This is a work of fiction, and any similarity to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.
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