A FIREMAN'S WIFE
aka Michelle in Montana
Joanne DeSoto woke with a start, a stifled scream in her throat. Bathed in icy cold sweat and breathing hard, she sat up to try to regain normalcy. The nightmare had returned.
"Jo? You okay?" Roy asked in a sleepy fog.
"Fine, hon. Go back to sleep."
Grabbing one of her husband's newly washed T-shirts, she padded into their bathroom and splashed cold water on her face and neck. She peeled off her nightgown and put on the oversized T-shirt. Rejoining her sleeping husband, she held him as tightly as she could.
"It was just so real," she said to herself as tears silently fell to her pillow.
~~~
"Anyway, I was trying to get a blanket around this guy, right? I mean, he's standing in the middle of the intersection buck naked, fighting off cars with his 8 foot whip, yelling, 'I am the Master! I am the Master!' Difficult call, but what we did was we ..."
Johnny Gage continued his story in the Pizza Palace while Joanne, Roy and Megan, Johnny's fiancee, finished up the pizza they'd ordered.
Beautiful Megan McKay, at 27 years old, was a veteran surgical nurse at Rampart's trauma unit. Her long, curly red hair seemed as carefree as her laugh and sense of humor. Bright green eyes accentuated her Celtic heritage, of which she was extremely proud. Megan's lithe, athletic body was testimony to the many hours she spent on the racquetball and tennis courts.
She was different from the women John Gage usually dated, and although he tried, he could not figure out what it was about her that set her apart. The guys at the station knew she was special, too. Usually, when Chet heard Johnny was dating a new girl, he would tease the paramedic relentlessly. Not so with Megan. In the 10 months the couple had been together, the last 2 months an engaged couple, Chet would only clap Johnny on the shoulder and say, "You are one lucky man, Gage."
As the foursome was leaving their table, 2 L.A. County beepers went off simultaneously.
"I'll call in and see what's up," Roy said heading for the pay phone against the far wall.
After a short conversation, he returned to the table. "Cap O'Donnell wants us at the station ASAP. We have an assignment," Roy said.
"Isn't that a bit odd to be summoned by a Captain on your day off?" Megan asked no one in particular.
"Sometimes, the off-duties are called in if they need extra manpower on a fire or situation. It's only happened 2 or 3 times in the 12 years we've been married," Joanne tried to explain nonchalantly as they all boarded the DeSoto's Caravan. Even as she said the words, her chest tightened with fear.
~~~
The men shook hands in greeting, and Joanne gave the Cap one of her trademark hugs. Megan stood quietly at Johnny's side as he proudly introduced her.
"Captain Barry O'Donnell, I'd like you to meet my fiancee, Megan McKay ... soon to be Gage."
"How do you do?" Megan asked politely, extending her hand.
"Obviously, not as well as Johnny, here--"
"Barry!" Joanne scolded him.
"Cap!" Johnny yelled.
"So, Cap, what's this all about?" Roy asked, trying and succeeding to change the subject.
"Orders came down from Battalion about 30 minutes ago. 'A' shift of Truck 113, Station 20, and Squad 51 are to report to the Topanga Canyon Fire. Chief Campbell-"
"Topanga--" Joanne murmured, much louder than she'd intended. Of course! The dream--
"Isn't that the suspected arson fire?" Megan asked Johnny.
"Status is no longer 'suspected.' Chief Campbell confirmed this AM when our fire bug added something extra for us to contend with ... booby traps," the Cap answered. "You know, dynamite set to go off, pipe bombs hidden in hollowed out tree trunks. The usual for a psycho pyro." He paused for a moment. "I have a feeling you'll be busy with the victims of those traps more than anything else."
"Our men?" Johnny asked.
"Afraid so. Ten Hot-Shots got trapped on the east ridge earlier today. Three are still in ICU, one is on his way to the Burn Center in San Diego. Last night Bob Bellingham had a near miss when he hit a trip-wire releasing a heavy hanging limb. Jumped out of the way just in time."
There was silence in the small office as the news was digested. No one noticed Joanne's face was almost completely devoid of color.
"As for your shifts here, we juggled the schedule a bit. Anderson and Thomas will take over," the Cap continued.
"When do we leave?" asked Roy.
"A chopper'll be ready to go from headquarters at 19:00. Emergency gear is all ready to go in the locker room."
"I need some air-" Joanne said suddenly, pushing the ladder back chair out of the way.
"Honey, are you ..." Roy began.
"I'm fine ... I just really, really need some air!" She broke free of his hold and headed for the back door of the station.
"I'll go. You guys stay and finish up with the Captain," Megan offered. "I'm sure she's fine."
Roy thanked her, then turned toward the "C" shift captain and a map of the fire area divided into sectors.
~~~
Megan found Joanne outside bracing herself against the red brick building with her left arm, head down, trying to catch her breath.
"Joanne! Are you okay?" the young nurse yelled while rushing over to her.
"No, Megan. I'm not okay. I do not like this one bit! Not one little bit!" Joanne yelled while pacing the length of the building.
"Don't like what? What are you talking about?"
"The assignment, Megan ... You know, the one that's taking our guys away in about 20 minutes!" the agitated wife explained.
"I don't get it, Joanne. It's a fire, right? They go, put it out and come home, right?"
Joanne had an overwhelming urge to borrow a word from Captain Stanley and call her friend a twit. How could she be so naïve?
"You just don't get it, Megan! You just don't understand!" Joanne was shaking badly now, her voice growing louder with each word.
"Okay, okay," she said softly while taking Joanne's hands in hers. "Please explain it to me. I need to know."
The women sat on a carefully stacked length of fire hose. Joanne took a deep breath before she began. Her voice was much softer now.
"Ever since the Topanga fire started ... seven days ago ... I've had this dream. Nightmare, really. Every night.
"All of us and all of our friends, from the hospital, the station, the neighborhood, everyone ... we're caught in this huge fire! It's surrounding us and gaining momentum, but we're all in this party mode, and everyone is talking, laughing and watching the blaze grow." She stopped for a minute and looked down at her wedding rings.
"Go on--" Megan encouraged.
"At some time, I realize that Roy isn't with me and that I haven't seen him for awhile, so I start asking people, 'Have you seen Roy?' 'Do you know where Roy is?', but no one answers me. It's like I'm invisible.
"Then all of a sudden, everyone is gone ... all of you. The fire's gone and the room changes. I'm standing all alone in a church, dressed in black. There's a flag draped casket at the front. Of course, I'm afraid to go up to it, ya know? Then Cap ... Hank Stanley ... comes up behind me. He gently steadies my shoulders, and leads me up the aisle. I always wake up before we get to the casket. I'm soaked in sweat, can hardly catch my breath, and there's Roy ... right beside me in bed." Her eyes swam with tears as she finished.
"Have you told Roy about this?" Megan asked sincerely.
"Heaven's no," Joanne chuckled. "I'm a fireman's wife, Megan. I can't allow myself the luxury of fear when it comes to my husband's job. It would destroy both of us."
Megan nodded dutifully, as if she understood exactly what Joanne meant. In reality, she hadn't a clue.
A male voice broke the moment.
"Girls? We have to get goin' if we're gonna make that chopper."
The two paramedics stood at the back entrance of the station, gear in hand.
~~~
At about 1:45 the following afternoon, some of the men from Station 210 came down to Base Camp for a well deserved break. Bill Fredrickson saw Johnny and Roy sitting casually under the shade of a tent adorned with a big red cross on top.
"Hey, Gage! Man, you paramedics sure pull some rough duty!" the tall, big man joked.
"How're ya doin', Fred? It's been awhile," Johnny replied while shaking his hand.
"Good to see you, Fred. You know, Joanne has been talking about having you and Anita over for a barbeque sometime." Roy shook his hand and offered him a seat.
"I don't know," the soot covered man began, "Coming over sounds great, but after being inside this barbeque pit, I think I'd rather shower, shave and head over to some fancy, shmancy place like Chez Paris or something," he grinned.
"Pretty bad up there, eh?"
"It's the damnedest fire I've ever worked, Roy, We get one sector all cleaned up, and poof! Another fire starts out of nowhere. It's the damnedest thing."
"What about the traps, Fred? Run into any?" asked Johnny.
"Not personally. But you heard about the Hot-Shots getting trapped yesterday? I helped bring one of 'em out. He kept saying, 'It wasn't there--It wasn't there.' I thought he was talking about a chopper or lake or something else he expected to see at the top of the ridge. One of the other less seriously injured guys said the fire sprung out of nowhere and surrounded them." He stopped to take a long drink of water.
"Ya know, it's kinda creepy. Like the guy is watching us or something."
The three looked at the charred landscape in the distance, the haze of smoke and ash thick in the air.
"What about you guys? They keepin' L.A.'s finest busy?"
"Actually, no. We expected lots of action ... injuries due to the traps, especially. McDaniel from 48's said they treated and transported 12 yesterday. This morning we've only seen a pulled shoulder muscle, a minor lac and a couple cases of heat exhaustion. No transports," explained Johnny.
"Hey, since it's so slow, why don't you come up and see the action on the hill? We always need more hands, and since you seem to be sitting on yours today ... " Fredrickson chided.
"Roy? What d'ya think?"
"Well, it has been pretty slow. Brice and Connolly can probably hold the fort till we get back."
"Are you kidding? Brice thinks he could take on this whole fire if L.A.'d let him," Johnny replied snidely.
"And if they need you back here, I'll run you back personally in the jeep."
The men of Squad 51 grabbed their turnout coats and helmets.
Bill Fredrickson laughed and asked, "Where do you think you're going? Some city fire? No, no, gentlemen. No need for turnout coats. We all want to see your lovely bright yellow shirts and red bandanas. That's the uniform of the day."
~~~
The men cutting the fireline in sector F were grateful for the "fresh meat" Fred brought back with him, even if the reprieve was very slight and temporary. Roy and Johnny immediately each grabbed a polaski and headed to the front of the line.
The firemen labored without incident for the next two and a half hours. The midday California heat coupled with the intensity of the nearing fire gave the workers an idea of what hell must be like.
Roy was the lead man when it happened. A lone tree, no further than 5 yards from him, abruptly disintegrated, shooting confetti-like pieces of metal, glass and wood everywhere. The sudden explosion rocked the ground beneath the working men.
Johnny picked himself up and saw Roy, who had taken the impact of the blast full force, lying on his back about ten yards from his original position.
"Oh shit!" he yelled. "Roy? Roy?!" he called as he scrambled over to the inert figure. Even before he reached him, Johnny could see bright red blood oozing out and staining the yellow shirt.
"Fred! I'm gonna need some help here. Get back to Base, tell Brice I need everything ... trauma, med kit, splints, backboard, cervical collar and get the MAST gear for me, would ya?" Johnny yelled in semi-controlled panic.
"Right," he acknowledged before he turned to run down the hill where he parked the jeep.
"Better get Life Flite or dispatch to send up a chopper," Johnny added as he reached for Roy's corotid pulse.
"C'mon pally, c'mon. Hang in there," he encouraged his partner while he carefully cut off the shirt and pulled back small pieces at a time. Roy's torso reminded him of a poorly put together jigsaw puzzle.
The other men who'd been working on the line looked on as Johnny worked meticulously.
"Roy?! Hey, Roy?!" he yelled. As a last resort, he grabbed several chest hairs and pulled hard. Still no response.
Finally, Fredrickson returned with Brice.
Together, the three of them put the cervical collar in place and secured the injured man to the backboard as gingerly as possible.
"Go ahead and get Rampart on the horn--Vitals are pulse 110 and thready, respiration's 30, labored and shallow. Give me the B.P. cuff! Get the MAST suit ready-"
"Johnny, I think you should let me treat him. You're too close-"
"DO IT!" he yelled impatiently.
Brice reluctantly did as Johnny ordered and relayed the information, including the dangerously low B.P. reading.
"Squad 39, start IV, Ringer's Lactate wide open and piggy back a second IV. Give him 15 liters 02 and try to control the bleeding by direct pressure on wounds. 39, do you have access to MAST trousers?" Brackett's voice asked.
Craig Brice was swabbing the inside of Roy's arm in preparation for the IV, and was mildly alarmed to find his veins were already beginning to collapse.
"Squad 39, do you read me?" Brackett asked when there was no response.
Johnny quickly grabbed the biophone, ignoring Brice and answered, "10-4 Rampart, MAST suit is ready to go." Then, hearing chopper blades overhead, he added, "We will be transporting to your location via helicopter."
There was silence in transmission while Johnny fought for composure.
"Rampart, this is Squad 51 with Squad 39--uh--be advised the victim is Roy DeSoto. If you could contact Joanne, Doc-"
Kel Brackett felt his knees buckle. It was always hard to deal with a friend in trouble, and it sounded like Roy was in deep.
"10-4, Johnny. What's your ETA?"
"Rampart, ETA approximately 20 minutes."
"Will advise, be ready and waiting. Rampart out."
The doctor leaned against the cool tile and closed his eyes.
"Kel?"
"Yeah, Dix?"
"I saw Joanne in the hospital cafeteria at lunch. I think she said she was volunteering in Pediatrics this afternoon. You want me to go break the news?" Dixie offered.
"Thanks Dix, but I need you right here. Set up Trauma 2 and see if Thom Evans is still around. Either way, make sure the trauma team is ready to go when that chopper lands," he ordered, heading for the elevator.
"You got it. And Kel--be gentle," Dixie admonished.
~~~
Seeing Dr. Kelly Brackett on the other side of the double glass window, the color drained from Joanne's face. The book she'd been reading to the children in the playroom silently left her hands and landed on the carpeted floor. Without any words, she knew.
Joanne walked over to the doctor and asked simply, "How bad is he?"
Kel was surprised, but not amazed that she knew something was amiss.
"It's not good, Joanne. There was an accident. An explosion. Johnny is with him, and they're lifting him in." She nodded and turned with Kel towards the elevators. Her legs seemed to turn to rubber and she faltered just a bit on the short walk. Kel grabbed her around the shoulders, much like Captain Stanley did in her dream. She shuddered.
"Joanne, are you okay?"
"Yeah," she answered in a small voice. "Just reliving an old nightmare."
~~~
Roy's face was black with soot. Lacerations and puncture wounds from flying wood, metal and glass peppered his exposed skin, a sickly mottled yellowish-green color due to low blood pressure. Despite the thick cotton pressure bandages, the blanket covering his shaking body was saturated with bright red blood. Johnny worked the ambubag on his partner as they quickly ran into Trauma 2.
As Kel requested, the team was set and bolted into action the second the gurney hit the door. Orders flew.
"Type and cross for 6 units-"
"I need a lateral shoot of his neck and chest ..."
"Central line is in ... let's do a lavage."
"Foley's in ... It's clear ... "
"I have ragged breath sounds on the right ... none on the left. I need a chest tube, STAT."
"I'll take over here, Johnny," Dr. Thom Evans said while replacing the ambubag with a respirator. He silently motioned toward Joanne, who was standing against the near wall, watching the horrifying scene in which her husband was the main player.
"C'mon, hon. Let's go outside." The grimy fireman said, trying to lead her out the door.
"I'm staying with him." It was a strong statement of fact, and Johnny was smart enough not to argue.
"B.P.'s dropping--he's crashing, people-"
"Straightline! Paddles, Jake. Let's try 360." Dr. Evans voice was even, yet hurried.
"ROY!! OH GOD, ROY! NO! NO!!" Joanne yelled, fighting Johnny's grip.
"Clear!"
The jolt of electricity seemed to fill the air as it coursed through Roy's damaged frame.
"No conversion. Give him one amp epi and try 'er again. JOHNNY, GET HER OUT OF HERE!" Thom Evans ordered.
"C'mon, Joanne. C'mon. Let's let 'em work." This time, she numbly allowed herself to be led to the hallway.
Neither spoke. Johnny continued holding the shaking wife and mother. Both prayed.
Kel Brackett's voice startled them.
"We got him back! Once the chest tube and the epi kicked in, he turned sinus rhythm. He's still bleeding internally, so we need to operate, " he explained.
"Save him, Kel. Do whatever, just save him." Joanne ordered, her voice wavering.
"Thom's operating. I'll be assisting. Look, we don't want to waste any time ... his pressure is pretty good right now."
There was an uncomfortable silence among the 3 friends.
"I know you'll do your best, Kel." Joanne said sincerely.
"I'd better get to surgery. Thom is already scrubbing. Why don't you two wait in my office? I'll let you know something as soon as I can."
With that promise, he hurried down the corridor, quickly followed by the injured Roy flanked by the trauma team en route to OR 3.
"I'm so scared, Johnny. What if-"
"What if surgery takes awhile?" Johnny interrupted. "You're in luck ... I'm here to keep you company."
Smiling gently and easing his arm around her, they walked to Kelly Brackett's office.
Joanne quietly stood looking out the window at the ongoing activity. Johnny set about making a pot of strong, hot coffee. It was going to be a long night.
With the coffee still brewing, Dixie came in, a set of surgical greens for Johnny in hand.
"Why don't you get cleaned up and let Joe check you out? You weren't far from that explosion from the looks of it," she said pointing to a few cuts and abrasions on his smoke-stained face.
"Those damn booby-traps ... " Johnny commented accepting the clean clothes. "Thanks Dix."
"I believe Joe's waiting for you in treatment 3. I wouldn't make him wait long if I were you," the head nurse advised him.
"I'm goin', I'm goin'." Johnny learned long ago not to argue with Dixie McCall.
Once the women were alone, Dixie asked, "Joanne, is there anything I can do?"
She turned and looked her friend in the eye.
"Be honest with me, Dixie. Will Roy make it?"
She sighed deeply, then answered, "I don't know. But he's in the best hospital with the best doctors in the state. Kel and Thom will do everything they can for him."
Joanne simply nodded, afraid her voice would betray her, and turned her attention to the hurried street again.
~~~
Johnny was making his way back to Joanne and the cup of coffee he needed desperately. He'd gotten a clean bill of health from Dr. Early, used the resident's showers to clean up, and was dressed in the scrubs Dixie had given him earlier. He felt like a new man. Almost.
"Johnny? What are you ... "
"Meg! My God, I'm so glad you're here!"
John Gage picked her up in the middle of the hallway, breathing in the scent of her, hugging her so tight her lungs screamed for oxygen.
"I came in to get my paycheck. Johnny, tell me what you're doing here. Tell me what's wrong," she begged as she led him to a small waiting room.
With tear filled eyes he told her of the events that led up to this moment.
"It's awful, honey, Roy's in surgery now with Brackett and Evans. He coded on the table in ER, Meg. Coded! Needless to say, it doesn't look good," he told her while running his fingers through his still wet hair.
"Is Joanne on her way?"
"She's uh, she's in Brackett's office. I think Dixie's in with her now--Look, I want to call Cap and let him know ... he'll call the guys. I'm pretty sure the kids are at Beth Stoker's place since it was Joanne's volunteer day. I gotta call her, too," Johnny said, making a mental list.
"John, did Joanne ever tell you about--nah, never mind," Megan said waving it off.
"No, what were ya gonna say?" he pressed.
"Okay," she sighed and relayed the dream to him.
"That's why she freaked out yesterday when she heard Topanga was your assignment," Megan explained, relieved to reveal her secret.
"She never told Roy?" Johnny asked.
"Nope."
"Maybe she should have," he commented and started down the hallway.
~~~
Dr. Brackett's office was quiet when Megan opened the door a titch. Then she heard, "Chris, honey, I'll be there as soon as I can. Daddy needs me here, now. He needs us now. You and Jen think good thoughts and say a prayer for Daddy with Aunt Beth--I love you, too, honey. To the moon and back. Take good care of your sister and Aunt Beth for me. I'll see you soon--"
Megan waited at the door until she was sure the connection had been broken, then slipped in quietly. There was no sign of Dixie McCall.
"Joanne?" she ventured.
"Megan! Thank you for being here. I'm sure Johnny will be glad to see you," she replied while hugging her.
"I just saw him in the hall. He needed to make a few phone calls, then he'll be right in. Brr! Your hands are freezing! Let me get you a cup of coffee."
Mild shock, thought Megan as she poured the dark liquid. She'd never seen Joanne's face so pale, her eyes so wide with fear. While everyone else prayed for Roy, this nurse prayed for his wife.
~~~
The off duty men of station 51's "A" shift began to arrive shortly after Cap's call. Quite unconsciously, they "surrounded the perimeter" of Brackett's office. Chet was the first to show, standing in the doorway of the surgeon's office until Johnny invited him in. Cap sat in the main waiting area, while Marco and Mike took opposite ends of the hall. Occasionally they would switch places, or pop their heads in to the office to see if there was any news to report. Mostly, they paced, worried and prayed.
With one-fourth of the liquid still in the coffee pot, Joanne turned from her post at the window and looked at Johnny.
"Did he ever regain consciousness?"
"Yeah," Johnny answered while rubbing his blood shot eyes. "Yeah, as a matter of fact he did. Right after we got him on the chopper."
"Did he say anything?" she asked cautiously.
Johnny smiled half-heartedly. "He told me to tell you not to worry. 'I'll be fine', were his exact words," he lied.
Joanne DeSoto met his half-smile with one of her own. She knew it was a lie, and yet was exceedingly grateful for it.
Roy had come to for a short time on the flight to the hospital, but the message he'd given Johnny was much more morose.
"Take care of Joanne and the kids for me, Johnny. Promise me--" he'd pleaded through labored breaths. Those were his last words before Johnny was forced to intubate him.
The paramedic shook off the mental image.
"He will be fine, you know," Johnny reiterated.
"Oh, yeah, of course he will be. We've been through worse--You know, like the time that car hit you. You were in surgery for hours--" Joanne said, remembering that horrible night.
"Ya know, Gage, I kept telling you to stop playing in the street." Chet kidded.
"Oh shut up, Chet. If I had a penny every time I saved your hide at a fire I'd-"
"Have two cents?" he baited him.
"Johnny, I remember Chet being hurt quite badly ... head injury, wasn't it?" a smiling Megan asked.
"Softest part of his anatomy-" Johnny added.
"Gage, you're askin' for it--" Chet threatened.
"As if!" Johnny yelled, standing up.
"You think you can take me?" Chet replied meeting him in the middle of the small office.
"Settle down, boys," Joanne said using her motherly tone. "It won't help Roy or anyone else if you two end up in surgery with him." Embarrassed, the two men blamed their outbursts on the stress of the situation, apologized to Joanne and each other and went their separate ways.
Chet left the office to stretch his legs, and check in with the other waiting men from 51.
Johnny poured the last bitter drops of the coffee he'd made over 5 hours earlier into his cup.
Joanne went back to her window, which now was lit only by the tiny lights of L.A. twinkling in the distance.
Megan looked at her watch, wondering what could be taking so long. They actually should have heard something by now. She silently shared a concerned look with Johnny, who checked his watch and sighed.
Joanne finally broke the deafening silence.
"You know, Roy and I have known each other since the fourth grade--hated each other in junior high, and ended up dating on and off in high school.
"It wasn't until the night of the Senior Prom I knew he was the one for me. That night I found out from Roxie Holland that Trevor Davis was gonna ask, but Roy gave him a twenty dollar bill not to, so he could ask me to the Prom."
"Really? He really did that?" Johnny asked incredulously.
"Be quiet, Johnny. I think it was romantic," Megan interjected.
"Not me," Joanne replied. "I was furious! I'd waited two years to go out with Trevor! When I asked Roy if it was true, he got all flustered, turned 9 shades of red, and said, "Well, yeah, I guess it is--Are you mad at me?"
"Then he looked at me and smiled. It was the same smile I'd seen since fourth grade, but I saw something different that night. I remember thinking, 'I could live with this smile for the rest of my life.'"
Joanne smiled to herself.
"You know, to this day, when anyone asks how we met, Roy tells them he bought me for twenty dollars at a dance."
"He'll be able to tell that story again, Joanne," Kel Brackett said, entering his office. He was covered with sweat, his red eyes aching for sleep.
"Kel?" Joanne asked moving toward him.
"He's a fighter, there's no doubt. He has three broken ribs. One piece of shrapnel punctured his left lung, which we repaired. Two of the ribs lacerated the liver and spleen, but we caught the lesion of the liver in time. We had to do a splenectomy."
"But he'll be all right?" Joanne asked intently.
The surgeon nodded. "I think so. But it'll be rough for awhile--for you and Roy. He took massive abuse out there, and it'll take him some time to recover."
"Can I see him?"
"He's in recovery with Thom. They'll be moving him to the Surgical Intensive Care Unit in a while. Give them time to get him settled, then go on up."
"Thank you so much, Kel." Joanne said hugging him tightly, despite his sweaty scrubs.
"So, where can a weary surgeon get a cup of coffee?" Kel asked, embarrassed at the display of affection.
Everyone in the room looked at Johnny, who had just taken the last gulp of the last cup of coffee.
"Believe me, Doc, it wasn't that good," he said smiling sheepishly.
~~~
It was almost 1 AM before she was allowed to see her husband. He was still on the respirator, a heart monitor, and two other machines she'd never seen before. Tubes and wires of all sizes and colors disappeared under the gauze bandages which covered most of his body. A casing of dark red blood hung over the right side of the bed, one of clear IV fluid on the left.
Joanne sat on the straightback chair near the bed. She carefully took his left hand in hers and squeezed.
"I love you, Roy DeSoto. You come back to me, okay? Your twenty dollars hasn't run out yet."
After watching him sleep for a few minutes, she lay her head on the bed next to his side, determined to stay awake in case he woke up. The whooshing sound of the respirator was calming; the beeping of the heart monitor reassuring. She began to watch the I.V. drip. One--two--three--four--five--
~~~
"Joanne? Joanne, wake up, honey," Megan urged, gently touching her shoulder.
"What's wrong? Is he all right?" she asked quickly raising her head off the hospital bed, looking directly at Roy's bruised and swollen face.
Megan smiled and handed her a styrofoam cup filled with hot coffee.
"He's fine. It looks like he had a good night."
Joanne accepted the steaming cup gratefully, stretched the kinks out of her sore back and neck, then asked, "What time is it?"
"Almost 7:30," Megan replied.
"I'd better call Beth and ask her to send the kids to school and give her an update," Joanne said before taking a sip of coffee.
"Joanne, Johnny left about a half hour ago to pick up Chris and Jen. He's gonna take 'em to McDonalds for breakfast and explain everything to them."
"You guys stayed the whole night?" a shocked Joanne asked.
Megan nodded. "Johnny wouldn't leave. Neither would anyone else. The rest of the guys are still fighting for sofa space in the SICU waiting room."
Joanne was speechless. Without warning, the tears she'd had safely dammed behind her eyes spilled out uncontrollably. They were surrounded by such wonderful and caring friends. Megan held her, soothed her, and let her tears fall.
~~~
Two days later, Thom Evans extubated Roy, checked his incisions and shrapnel wounds for signs of infection, and personally changed his dressings.
Joanne sat by his side and willed him to open his eyes. She talked to him about everything--Chris and Jen, their friends, Johnny and Megan's upcoming wedding, even told him of the Topanga Fire close to being under control, and the pyromaniac being in custody. Barry O'Donnell had come by to check on Roy and informed them all of the news.
She was reading a Newsweek article to him when a familiar voice surprised her.
"Hhhhiii--." As dry and raspy as it was, she'd have recognized that voice anywhere. The fireman's wife looked up and saw her husband smiling weakly.
Joanne neared the bed. "Hi there," she answered brushing the hair back and gently kissing his forehead, then taking his hand in hers once more.
"I'd better go get Kel."
Roy squeezed her hand, stopping her. In a painful, thick whisper, he asked,
"How much-- of-- that 20-- do you-- suppose-- suppose-- I have -- left?"
The couple shared a smile before Roy fell into an exhausted sleep.
~~~
The last few weeks had been hectic. Roy was still in the hospital recovering from the accident, but the good news was that he would recover. Another four or five weeks and he'd be back riding in the squad with Johnny. Both partners were looking forward to that day. Especially Johnny, who had been paired up with none other than Craig Brice.
John Gage looked across the small dinner table at his fiancee. Megan was contemplating her wine glass which had remained ‡ full for most of the evening.
"Why, Miss McKay, you sure are quiet this evening. Anything wrong?"
She looked around the restaurant anxiously, then began, "Johnny, I've been thinking, and -"
Ignoring his comment, she continued. "I saw how Joanne held herself together through all this. Not only herself, but Roy, the kids, you, the guys at the station--" Megan's eyes misted.
"Yeah--she's one helluva lady." Johnny offered cautiously, afraid of what was next.
"I ... wh ... I don't know what Joanne is made of, but whatever it is, I know I don't have it," she said quickly.
"Meg, you're every bit as strong as Jo-"
"No, I'm NOT! Don't you see? You might be the one on the gurney tomorrow when I go into trauma surgery. If not tomorrow, the next day or next week or next month. I can't live like that, John. I can't be in constant fear for your life!" Tears spilled onto her cheeks.
"Meg, honey, nothin's gonna happen to me ..."
"Johnny, if you'd been in the lead cutting that fire line instead of Roy, it would have been you. You can't promise me it'll never happen-- I can't do it, John. I can't be a fireman's wife."
He knew there was nothing he could say to change her mind. And he knew he couldn't make the promise she needed.
"So--we're breaking up?" he asked.
"Guess so." Her words were a mere whisper.
"Now what?" he asked, a sad smile playing on his lips.
She took a deep breath then said, "I'm going up to Salinas to visit my mom and dad for a couple of weeks. I've put in for a transfer to Harbor's Trauma Unit. Hopefully, when I get back it'll be approved. That way we won't run into each other ... well, not as much anyway."
Johnny squirmed uncomfortably in his chair. "Sounds like you've got it all worked out."
"I'm sorry, Johnny. I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe that."
He had a crooked smile and sad eyes when she looked at him one last time, kissed him lightly on the cheek, and choked out, "Goodbye, Johnny."
Tears stung his eyes as he watched her move gracefully through the crowded restaurant, her flaming red hair bouncing with each determined step. She never looked back.
It wasn't until she was totally out of his sight that the brilliant sparkle of a diamond caught his eye. Johnny picked up the ring from the table, slipped it on his little finger and gazed at the mesmerizing facets of the gem that was, until a few minutes ago, Megan McKay's.
Still looking at the ring, he absently called the hospital on his cell phone and asked for Room 515. A tired, yet familiar voice answered.
"Hey Roy? Look, I know it's after visiting hours and everything, but I--uh--do ya think I could drop by?"
Authors note: This story is dedicated to all the wives of men in uniform, who kiss them goodbye and pray they will come home safe and sound.
I also wrote this story because I wanted to get to know Joanne better. I hope you all appreciate "my" Joanne. Please e-mail me and let me know what you think. Thanks!
Email me at kmg365@mcn.net
"A Fireman's Wife" ©1999 Michelle Cornelson. "Emergency!" and its characters © Mark VII Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. No infringement of any copyrights or trademarks is intended or should be inferred. This is a work of fiction, and any similarity to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.
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