Necessary Chances
By: Lisa M. Damiani
Part 1-HERO
"Well Doc, is he going to make it?" Roy asked.
Dr. Early removed his rubber surgical gloves and smiled. For the third time this month, he just finished stitching up his favorite paramedic. "I don't know how he does it, Roy. But your partner here must have nine lives. That's as close as I can figure."
At the mention of himself, Johnny piped up. "Can I help it if I'm willing to rush into the face of death to help my fellow man?"
Roy chuckled. "Willing?...Or just too stupid to know better?"
"Ha, ha, very funny." Johnny snorted as he hopped off the table. Immediately he regretted such a quick movement. He took a moment and steadied himself. He ran a hand absently over the new bandage across his forearm. Then he looked at his partner who had been eyeing him up and said, "C'mon, Roy. You ready?"
"I am...but are you?" Roy's voice was laced with a hint of concern.
Johnny shrugged it off. "Now Roy, you know I'm made of steel." He pounded his chest for emphasis. "Let's go."
Roy shook his head and started towards the door, Johnny following close behind.
Dr. Early tapped John on the shoulder before he exited. "Try to keep those stitches clean until they come out. And just cause the x-rays didn't show any dislocations or broken ribs, that doesn't mean that your body isn't hurt. Try to take it easy for the next few days, OK, John?"
"I'd love to, Doc....." Then almost as an after thought, "ah...Could you tell the people of L.A. to stop burning down their houses and sticking their cats in trees long enough for me to rest?" Johnny said sarcastically but with a smile.
"Excuse me for being slightly concerned." Dr. Early said as he shooed John out the door. After John was out of earshot, he laughed to himself.
*************
Roy watched as Johnny gingerly opened the squad door and slid inside. "Junior, when will you start thinking before you act? I mean, you could have been seriously injured today."
"I'm fine, mom. Can we skip the lecture and go home now?" Johnny said.
But Roy was not finished. He hated talking to Johnny with the same tone he used in reprimanding his kids. But sometimes that's how Johnny needed to be addressed. The truth was, he sometimes leapt without looking ahead and more often than not, Johnny's actions would land him a trip to, if not a stay in, Rampart General.
"Maybe I'll stop lecturing you when I understand why it is you feel the need to take unnecessary chances. John, you're young. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Keep pulling stunts like the one today, and instead of a few sore muscles and 9 stitches, you may find yourself much worse or even dead." Roy shook his head. "Is it a hero complex? Must you always be the one who saves the world?"
Johnny tensed up. "I can't believe you just said that. Is that what you think? That I do what I do so I can see myself on the 6 o'clock news?" Johnny hung his head and then in a lower tone said, "Roy, I thought you knew me better than that."
Roy suddenly felt as though he had just stabbed his friend. "Johnny...I'm sorry. I didn't really think that. But I just don't understand why today you stayed in that burning building after Cap. ordered us to evacuate. I know you've been in this business long enough to know when a building is going to collapse."
Johnny continued to look down at the floor board of the squad. "As soon as I heard Cap. on the HT giving the order to evacuate, I headed straight for the door...But then...." Johnny's voice trailed off.
"But then what? Junior, tell me." Roy said soothingly.
Johnny looked at his partner and smiled. "Nah...you'll think I'm crazy."
Roy's eye's widened in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Oh if that's all your worried about than don't let it get to you....I already KNOW you're a nut! Now go ahead. Fill me in."
Johnny gave in. "Well, as I was running for the exit, I saw a dog caught under some debris. Poor guy was really stuck. I figured it would only take a minute to free the little guy. What’s a minute, Roy?"
"You know damn well the difference a minute can make in our business, Johnny! Today just proved it. Had you have left a minute sooner, you would not have gotten caught in that fall out!"
Roy looked at Johnny as he let his words sink in. "You put your life on the line to rescue....a dog."
Johnny waved his hand in exasperation at Roy. "I knew you wouldn't understand."
"Enlighten me," Roy said.
Johnny explained. "When I was a boy, my family had a barn out back. One night, it caught on fire. It must have burned for about a half hour before we woke to the smell of smoke and realized what was happening. By the time the volunteer firefighters arrived, most of the barn was gone."
"Suddenly I realized my dog, Gruffy, was no where to be found. I knew he liked to sleep in the barn at night so I instantly panicked. I ran up to one of the firemen and insisted they run in and look for my dog. Not one fireman was willing to run in. Said it was too dangerous. When I tried to run in after him, they held me back. I was the only one willing to do something and no one would let me."
"I don't know, Roy...When I heard that bark today, all I thought about was Gruffy in a burning barn barking for help and no one willing to save him. I guess I just...I just...snapped. I had to find him, Roy. Or at least give it a good try." Johnny finished.
Roy thought a moment then spoke. "Johnny, I don't know what guilt you are trying to put on yourself but...well...you just can't keep doing things like that. I mean...is this some sort of displacement theory? Saving that dog today would have given you the feeling of saving your own dog?"
Johnny just turned toward his partner with a determined look on his face. "You still don't get it, Roy. No, that dog in the building wasn't mine, nor would anything I'd done today change past events. But that dog did belong to SOMEBODY! And I just didn't want to be the fireman who came rushing out of that house and have to tell a weeping 9 yr. old boy that his best friend wasn't worth my time to save." Johnny sat back in his seat.
Roy put the squad in gear and pulled out of Rampart's parking lot. He still didn't quite understand Johnny's irrational behavior. Johnny's explanation seemed a bit extreme. But then again, Roy thought to himself...."Johnny is an extreme person!"
*************
Two days later, Station 51's A-shift returned for work. The morning was pretty uneventful. Everyone did their chores. Mike and Chet hung hose outside. Marco cleaned the kitchen. Johnny was working on changing the sheets in the dorm while Roy got stuck with latrine duty. Cap, for his part, was doing paperwork.
Afternoon brought 3 calls. One sent the engine to a rubbish fire while the last two were minor household accidents for the squad. Evening passed uninterrupted and the men of Station 51 turned in for the night. As the men settled into their bunks, Chet commented on how uncharacteristically quiet the day had been. Immediately Chet was bombarded by 2 pillows.
"Hey, what's the idea?" Chet asked as he tossed the offending feathers back toward Johnny and Marco.
"You just jinxed it, stupid!" Marco quipped up from the bunk next to Chet's.
"What do you mean, Marco?" Chet asked.
Johnny chimed in, "He means, that your last comment just assured us of a midnight run! Thanks a lot, Chester B., you really know how to ruin a good night's sleep!"
Chet just hunkered down beneath his covers. "Oh, don't be silly guys. There is no such thing as as jinxes."
Sensing the start of yet another late night debate, Captain Stanley stood up from his bunk. "OK, listen you twits, in the hopes of ending this discussion sooner than later, let me assure you all that I agree with Chet. There are no such thing as jinxes."
Chet sat up smugly in his bunk.
"But just to be on the safe side, Chet, if we get a run tonight, you get latrine duty for the rest of the shift." Hank added as he winked at Johnny than to Marco.
"No worries, Cap. I have a sixth sense about these things. It's going to be a peaceful 8 hours." Chet tried to convince himself of his last statement. Little did he know, he could not have been more wrong. That particular night would forever be etched into the memories of Station 51's remaining A-Shift. It was the night their precious family was torn apart.
*************
3am the tones sounded: Station 51, Station 12, Structure fire. 2768 Lambhurst. 2-7-6-8 Lambhurst. Cross Street Mildred. Time out 0300.
Chet let out a groan, which could have been heard from across the street. As Johnny ran past Chet, he couldn't help but rub it in. "Thanks Chet, I was slated to clean the toilets tomorrow!"
Chet just snickered in response.
As they had done so many times before, 6 sleepy men filed out into the truck bay and boarded their respective vehicles. Captain Stanley hung back long enough to acknowledge the call and write the address down.
*************
Station 51 pulled up to the scene of houses engulfed in flames. It was one of those "project developments". The kind that the government builds to house low income families. Unfortunately, Because the government doesn't allot too much money to the program, they tend to purchase a small acreage of land and cram way too many houses then they should into it. The result is many houses jammed along side one another and no space in between.
Engine 12 was already there. Capt. Stanley ran to 12's Capt. Yardley. "What do we have, Carl?" Hank asked.
Carl, a stocky man who had been a firefighter since his youth explained the situation to Hank. "Well, it seems as though the one house on the far left caught fire. Due to the proximity of all the houses to one another, the fire seems to be rapidly spreading across to the others. I've got my men working on the first house. I need you to position your men to the right of the last house on fire. Then we'll keep knocking 'em down till we meet in the middle. I've already called in for another Engine Company."
"Are there any injuries?" Hank asked?
Carl pointed his finger to where Squad 12's paramedics were set up. "Minor smoke inhalation for 2 of the luckier victims. Afraid there's also about 3 burn victims though. So far, that's everybody."
Hank started shouting orders to his men. He instructed Chet and Marco to grab an inch an a half and start on the fire ablaze on the far right house. He nodded for John and Roy to assist Squad 12's men with their victims.
John and Roy hurried over to the triage area set up by Squad 12. The two smoke inhalation victims sat on a yellow blanket taking in some much-needed O2. Squad 12's paramedics, Jack Tris and Marty James, were feverishly working on the 3 burn victims.
"Johnny! Roy!..Boy are we glad to see you guys! We sure can use a hand here, fella's." Jack said as he briefly looked up from his patient.
"What do you need us to do?" Johnny asked.
"Well, me and Marty have these two under control. But the 3rd burn victim needs to be wrapped in sterile sheets. And Roy, can you look after the smoke inhalation victims and keep an eye on the biophone?" Jack asked.
Johnny quickly ran over to the third victim and completed the treatment that had been started by Jack and Marty. Roy squatted down next to the other two victims on the blanket and started taking another set of vitals.
Just then a frenzied man ran over to the triage area. He was screaming madly. He did not look injured. Roy grabbed him by the shoulders in an attempt to calm the hysterical man.
"Easy, man! What's your name? Are you hurt?" Roy asked.
"Ahhh...Bob....You got to help me...my daughter! Help!" Bob screamed.
Roy tried to get a grip on what Bob was trying to say. "Slow down, pal. I can't help you if I can't understand you. What exactly is the problem?"
Bob took a deep breath. "I was out. I left my daughter Cindy with a sitter. I just got home and now I learn my house is on fire! I don't see my Cindy or her sitter anywhere! Please find them!"
Roy sprang into rescue mode. "Which house is yours?"
The man pointed to the second house on the left. "That one!"
Roy immediately was crestfallen. That house was nearly gone already. Roy knew there was little chance of finding a survivor in there.
"I'm sorry sir, but the truth is, there's a good chance there is no one left to save in that house." Then in a lower tone Roy repeated, "I really am sorry."
Bob began wailing immediately. "Please!" He sobbed. "After her mother died, she’s all I have left." Bob said. "She’s only 5!" With that Bob fell to his knees and cupped his face in his hands as he cried uncontrollably.
Roy felt his own stomach turn and his heartache with sadness as he momentarily switched places with Bob.
That did it.
Something inside Roy snapped. He now knew there was more he had to do. He too had a five-year-old daughter at home. If that were Jennifer possibly alive in that house, hells own fury could not stop him from trying to save her.
He immediately darted his eyes across the area in search of his captain. On the far side of the development, Roy saw the third Engine Company had arrived. As Engine 8's Captain Stone jumped out of the cab, Hank and Carl ran up to meet him. Together, they continued to strategize on how to best battle the growing blaze.
Roy knew he was in a situation where every second counted. There just wasn’t enough time to run all the way over to the other side of the development, explain the situation to Cap, and then get back in time to save the victims. "It’ll only take a minute," Roy thought as he donned his air mask and ran towards the fiery house.
As he reached the inferno, he stopped for a moment to talk to Fireman Chris Teel of Engine 12. "Chris, we have possible victims inside. I’m going in to do a quick search." Teel nodded his head.
*************
Roy quickly entered the doorway and was immediately confronted with a face full of smoke. He turned on his flashlight in an attempt to see ahead of him. It was of little help but did make a small difference. As he walked through the house, he had to be very cautious of falling debris. It seemed every piece of the ceiling was falling at various places.
He walked up to the stairway. He gingerly stepped on the first two steps, testing their stability. They creaked and felt soft under his feet but Roy estimated they would hold maybe 5 more minutes. He quickly ran up the stairs in search of the little girl's bedroom.
Knowing he only had a little time to search, Roy started his methodical search of the rooms. He started with the master bedroom. Nothing. The next room, the middle, is where Roy found his first victim.
Crumpled on the floor, unconscious, lay who Roy assumed to be the baby sitter. She was approximately 20 years old. He glanced around the room. Cindy was nowhere to be found.
He took off his facemask and started towards the baby sitter. "Miss! Can you hear me?" But there was no response.
Roy reached the woman. He placed two fingers on her neck. Sadly, he did not feel any vibration. "Damn," he thought. "Her face had already changed to a shade of blue. She’s been without oxygen way too long for me to do her any good. Even if she can be revived, she’ll have serious brain damage for sure."
He rolled her over and was not totally surprised to find a little girl underneath the dead woman." She must have tried to save her," Roy thought to himself as he checked the young girl for life signs. He was shocked yet relieved to find a weak but steady pulse.
Roy scooped the child into his arms. He held her in one arm while sliding his air mask over her face with his free hand.
Roy knew the seconds were ticking so he bolted out the bedroom and found his way back to the staircase. It was much darker now. The smoke was getting thicker. Still he was able to find the stairway. Once again, he tested the steps for stability before climbing down. They were still holding so Roy began his descent.
Unfortunately, Roy was so concerned about the steps, he never considered checking the ceiling above him. Halfway down, Roy heard a loud crumbling sound above the roar of the fire. Roy looked up and with terror realized the ceiling that was once 8 feet above him was now only about a foot overhead.
Immediately, he hunched over his victim as the ceiling came crashing down on top of them.
*************
Men from Station 12 were continuing to hose down the houses on the right side of the development. They were joined by a few men from Station 8. Suddenly, there was a loud thunderous crash. Smoke, glass and ash flew out of the doors and windows temporarily knocking the men backwards and down.
Captains Stanley, Yeardley and Stone quickly focused their attention to the crash.
"Stoney, go make sure your men and 51's are doing OK with the houses on the right. Hank, let's you and me go see if there are any casualties near the houses that just collapsed." Capt. Yeardley ordered.
Over at the triage area, John Gage looked up from his burn victim. "What the hell was that?" He screamed.
Jack looked over, "Those houses on the left are beginning to collapse."
Johnny nodded his head. "Hey, Roy, why don't you...." Johnny stopped speaking when he realized that his partner was no longer in the triage area. He turned to Marty. "Did you see where Roy went?"
Marty pointed to Bob who was still kneeling on the ground about 50 yards from where they were set up. "Last I saw him, he was with that man over there."
Johnny didn't know why, but suddenly he a bad feeling...A very bad feeling. He told Jack and Marty to keep an eye on his patient while he ran to go check on the men near the explosion.
As Johnny neared the scene, he caught the tail end of a conversation Stanley was having with one of the men from Station 12.
"What do you mean DeSoto ran in there?" Hank asked.
Fireman Teel from 12's repeated himself. "It's like I said, Cap. DeSoto ran into that building about 5 minutes ago. He said there were possible victims."
Hearing this, Johnny turned into a full run towards the house that Teel was pointing at. As Johnny ran past Captain Stanley, Hank grabbed Johnny’s turnout coat and pulled him back. "And where do you think you're going?" He screamed.
Johnny was losing his patience. Why was Stanley wasting time grilling him? It showed in his voice. "I'm going in after Roy! Now let go, you're wasting precious time!"
But Stanley did not back down. "Johnny, It’s too unsafe! I can’t let you go in there! Besides, how do we know Roy is even still in there? It’s possible he came out."
"Do you see him anywhere?" Johnny screamed at his captain. He was totally exasperated. "I sure don’t see him! And another thing....I'd rather risk my life for Roy any day. Even if it is only for his corpse. I’d take that over living the rest of my days without him not knowing for sure if there was more I should have done! Go ahead and write me up! I don't care, you can't stop me!" With that said, Johnny broke free from Stanley's grip and ran into the collapsed house.
Hank hated the idea of one of his men running into a dangerous situation. Especially with no back up and in that state of mind. Maybe that was why Roy had yet to emerge. Stanley quickly turned and ran after the hysterical paramedic.
*************
As Gage came to the door, he peered inside to get a glimpse of what lay ahead. He couldn't see much through all the dust and smoke.
"Here, this might help." A voice said from behind.
Johnny turned around to see Captain Stanley standing behind him with a flashlight. He had to smile. He knew deep in his heart that Captain Stanley would not stop him from doing anything to save Roy. And the fact that he was here with him confirmed Johnny's belief that their Captain would indeed do anything for his men.
"I guess I’ll be writing us both up." Hank said to Johnny’s relieved expression.
Together they made their way into the house. There was fallen wood, drywall and furniture everywhere. "How will we find him in this?" Johnny wondered aloud.
"At least the dust seems to have extinguished some of the flames. But we can't waste too much time. The ceiling's gone and it's only a matter of time before the walls follow." The Captain urged.
Just then Johnny noticed the tan yellow of a firemen's turnout coat poking through the rubble. "Roy!" he shouted as he ran over to him. Upon closer inspection, Johnny confirmed that the figure was indeed Roy. He gasped in horror as he also noted the pool of blood rapidly growing underneath Roy’s head.
"Oh my God!" Captain Stanley said as he made his way to his two paramedics. He felt sick to his stomach.
Johnny knew now was not the time for hysterics. The clock was ticking. "Cap, he's pinned. Help me." Johnny ordered as he started lifting slabs of wood and sheet rock from his fallen partner.
Captain Stanley was there in an instant and between the two of them, they were able to free Roy rather quickly. The whole time, Johnny kept shouting Roy's name. But there was no response.
Once uncovered, Johnny carefully log rolled Roy onto his back. Still nestled in the crook of Roy’s arm was a small child. Johnny quickly felt for a pulse on the small victim. Faint, but there. "She's alive, Cap!" Johnny said. Then he felt for Roy's neck and both he and Captain Stanley held their breath while waiting for the response. Finally, Johnny let out a long sigh and looked at his Captain. "Alive, but just barely. He’s lost a lot of blood from that gash in his head. He’s definitely got some broken bones and God knows what kind of internal injuries."
Just then more thunderous sounds were heard through the building. "Shit! We’re outta time! We can't even wait for a back board. Cap, take the girl. I'll get Roy." Johnny ordered as he passed the child from Roy's firm grip to the Captain's. Johnny then hoisted Roy over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. The two fireman and their victims made their way out of the building. About one minute after they had cleared it, the thundering noise enveloped the scene as the rest of the structure fell in on itself.
Johnny and Hank looked at each other briefly before continuing to the triage area. No words were needed to tell the other person how close that just was.
Immediately, the engine crews went to work to clean up the damage.
Bob seeing his little girl in Captain Stanley's arms raced after them. "Is she all right? Where's the sitter?" He asked looking around.
"We don't know yet." Cap said as he lowered the girl to the blanket. Jack and Marty from Squad 12 had just left to take their burn victims to the hospital. Squad 8's men had just arrived moments before. Stoney had called dispatch requesting them. Rich Foley and Dave Whiton of Squad 8 hurried over to take a look at the new patients.
Dave grabbed the drug box and set it between himself and Johnny. He checked over the little girl while Johnny attended to Roy.
"She's coming around!" Dave said, looking down at his young victim. Cindy began to cough. "Daddy!" Cindy cried. Dave slipped an oxygen mask around her face. "This will help you breath, sweetheart." He soothed as he began to pat her down in search of broken bones.
Bob knelt down by his daughter. "It's OK, honey, you're going to be fine." He said, calming the little girl. "Thanks to the fireman." He said to himself, his voice tinged with sadness. He looked over to where his daughter’s hero lay unmoving. There was so much blood on and around the firefighter. Bob was no doctor but he knew the fireman's injuries were bad.
Next to them, Johnny was doing his best to focus on his preliminary exam of Roy. It was hard brushing aside his emotions for professionalism. He suddenly realized he no longer heard the labored sounds of his partner’s breathing. He quickly checked his carotid and noted the lack of a vibration there as well.
"I need help over here!" Johnny screamed as he started one man CPR on his friend. Captain Stanley and Rich were there in a flash. Seeing Johnny performing CPR, Rich grabbed the defibrillator and oxygen on his way. As they reached Johnny, Rich handed the oxygen to Captain Stanley who placed it over Roy's mouth. Hank gave Roy 2 hits of 02 for every 5 compression’s Johnny gave. As Cap. and Johnny administered CPR, Rich set up the defibrillator and monitors. When the defibrillator beeped at 400 Watts, Rich grabbed the paddles. "CLEAR!" he yelled as a jolt of electricity flowed into Roy.
Three sets of eyes shot towards the monitor which displayed Roy's heart activity. It still displayed a fine v-fib.
"Damn!" Muttered John as he quickly returned to performing chest compression’s. Rich recharged the defibrillator. "CLEAR!" he yelled. Another jolt and Roy's heart began to beat.
"Whew! That was close!" Rich sighed. But all three men knew that the danger was far from over. Rich reached over and grabbed the biophone from where he had originally placed it. Johnny began taking another set of vitals from Roy. Hank slipped an oxygen mask over Roy's face and Rich fixed a cervical collar around Roy’s neck. When he was finished, Rich opened up the biophone and contacted Rampart.
"Rampart, this is Squad 8, how do you read?" Rich said
"Loud and clear, Squad 8, go ahead." Dr. Brackett's calm voice crackled over the radio.
"Rampart, we have 2 victims. Victim 1 is female, approximately 5 yrs. old. She was unconscious but now is awake. Victim 2 is a fireman. Age 34, unconscious. Victim 2 has multiple abrasions and is bleeding profusely from a gash on the back of his head. We’re applying pressure bandages. He was in cardiac arrest. We defibbed twice and now read sinus rhythm. We're sending you a strip lead two. Hold for vitals on both patients." Rich said.
"10-4, Squad 8, standing by." Dr. Brackett responded. He walked over to the scope at Rampart's base station and awaited Squad 8's transmission.
As Rich received the rest of the information from Dave and Johnny, he again opened the line to Dr. Brackett, "Rampart, victim one, pupils equal and responsive, tenderness in the upper right quadrant. Broken right femur. Ribs are tender to the touch. BP is 60 by palpation. Pulse is steady. Respirations are 14 and labored. We have her on 4 liters of O2."
"Victim two. Pupils are blown. Broken left tibia. Stomach is hard. BP 140 over 90, Pulse is 100, respirations 12 and labored. The bleeding from his head has slowed since applying the pressure bandages. There are possibilities of other head and spinal trauma. We've applied a cervical collar. He's also on 6 liters of oxygen."
Dr. Brackett studied the strip on Patient 2. "10-4, Squad 8, Patient 1, administer IV normal saline, splint the arm and keep with the O2. Patient 2, apply a splint to the broken leg. Start IV with D5-W and a lidocaine drip. When Victim two’s BP is closer to normal bring them in." Dr. Brackett ordered.
As Johnny started the IV, Roy began to stir and moan softly.
"Roy! C’mon, talk to me, pally. Tell me what happened." Johnny said urgently in his partner’s ear.
"The house...fell on...me..." Roy said through his daze. "Johnny?" He asked.
"I’m right here Roy." Johnny said.
"Pain...really bad...help me...MS..." Roy pleaded.
Johnny motioned toward Rich who relayed the information.
"Rampart this is Squad 8. Victim 2 has regained consciousness. He is groggy and in a lot of pain. Requesting MS IV." Rich said into the biophone though he knew what Brackett’s reply would be.
Brackett’s orders came back stern and immediately. "Negative, Squad 8. You’ve got a possible head injury there. Increase the lidocaine drip on victim 2. DO NOT START IV WITH MS!"
Rich looked at Johnny apologetically. Johnny sighed and turned back to Roy. "Roy, I can’t do it. Brackett needs to see you first. I’m sorry..." But Johnny’s words fell on deaf ears as Roy had already slipped back into unconsciousness.
Seeing all the of Roy’s injuries, Johnny was almost relieved that Roy was no longer awake. Another cry for MS and he would have surely gave in.
In the background, the wailing noise of ambulance sirens grew louder as they approached. When the first ambulance finally pulled up, Johnny sprang up. "I'll take Roy in the ambulance, Dave. There’s another right behind it. You take the girl in the second one. She looks like she can wait a few extra minutes longer than Roy can."
"You got it." Dave said.
Johnny and Mark, the ambulance attendant, loaded Roy onto the stretcher and into the ambulance. Hank, standing by the vehicle gave Johnny a worried glance and nodded his head towards Roy. "I’ll let you know," Johnny answered the unspoken question. After the Mark jumped in, Johnny followed suit. Hank closed the doors and knocked twice on them to signal the occupants were ready for transport.
Once inside the ambulance, Johnny took another set of vitals. Other than his blood pressure rising a little, there was practically no change. Now almost alone with Roy, Johnny let the situation sink in. He stared at his prone partner and took in the severity of Roy’s injuries.
"Roy, what were you thinking? I’m the idiot who runs recklessly into catastrophe-not you..." He said to himself as he took hold of Roy's hand and held it in his own. He dropped his head over the interlaced fingers.
"Because...now I understand....why...about the dog." Roy's speech was still raspy and labored.
Johnny was startled. He did not expect an answer from the stoic form of his partner, let alone that answer. "Roy!" he said as he reached for his stethoscope to take another set of vitals. He stopped however when Roy raised his hand.
"Forget it...Junior...We both know I'm not going to make it...You have nine lives, not...me." Roy said.
Johnny tried to muster his most comforting and convincing tone. "C'mon Roy, don't talk like that. You're going to be fine. Brackett's going to fix you up as good as new."
"Save your charm...for someone who doesn't know you...as well as I do. We both know....I'm right." Roy said simply as he began to cough.
Johnny hung his head. He was afraid to let Roy see the look of confirmation on his face.
"The little girl...How is she?" Roy asked. He turned his head and with some effort opened his eye's to look at his partner.
"She's going to be fine, Roy. You're a real hero." Johnny flashed his trademark grin. "That's what this is all about isn't it? This is your way of upstaging me?" Johnny's attempt at humor actually made Roy smile a little. The smile faded quickly as another fit of coughing consumed him.
Johnny's eye's began to well up with unshed tears. His throat was beginning to burn as well. This was so unfair. He was the reckless one, not Roy. If anyone should be dying because of an impulse action it should be him! Not the sensible Roy. He couldn't help but feel guilty.
"Roy, by the looks of that house, there was no way for you to know if that little girl was even alive in there. The risk was too great." He knew it was a selfish thing to say but when your best friend is dying before your eyes, emotions tend to get a little tangled.
When his coughing subsided, Roy again turned to his partner.
"You didn't see the look...in her father's eyes...when we told him we weren't...going in. What if I...were in his shoes...and someone who was qualified...to look for my Jennifer said it wasn't worth it...I had to Johnny...I had to..." Just then Roy's body shook with yet another convulsion. "Johnny!" he screamed through clenched teeth. His grip on his partner's hand tightened as the pain was too great to bear alone.
"I'm right here, Roy! Hang in there. We're only a few minutes from the hospital." Seeing his best friend in this much pain and not being able to do anything about it was killing him.
"Damn it all to hell! Roy, I'm going to administer morphine. It can't do you any more harm than you have already!" Johnny quickly started thumbing though the drug box with his free hand. Unfortunately, he was shaking so badly he dropped the medication as soon as he grabbed it.
"Don't lose your license over me...It's not worth it, Damn it!" Roy said through still clenched teeth.
"Shut up Roy, I know what I'm doing!" Johnny spat back.
"No, Junior! Now listen to me...before it's too late! I need you to promise me something...It's...important...You're the only one...I trust to do it."
Johnny re-focused his attention back to his friend. "Roy, don’t...Your going to be fine. Please...." Johnny’s voice trailed off. He knew what was coming. It all seemed to be happening so fast and he wasn’t prepared to lose his best friend and partner just yet. He couldn’t contain himself any longer. Tears flowed down his cheeks.
Roy tried to blink back his own tears. He knew this was hard for Johnny, but he had no choice so he continued. "Joanne...and the kids...keep an eye on them...." Roy's body was still shaking but not as violently as before. Roy was giving it his best effort to hang on to what little control he had left. He needed his partner to understand him.
"Roy, don’t talk like that! We're at Rampart now! Just hang on!" Johnny pleaded.
"And make sure...they know...I love them..." Roy looked at Johnny with tears now flowing from his own eyes.
The look of pleading in Roy's face broke Johnny's heart. Prepared or not, he had to ease Roy’s mind. "I will, Roy...I promise..." Johnny said through his own sobbing.
Hearing Johnny's words, Roy finally seemed to relax. The tension on his face disappeared. His body fell back to the stretcher...unmoving.
The heart monitor began to emit a long monotone beep. With tears still in his eye’s Johnny quickly sprang into action. "NO!..ROY!" he shouted. "MARK, BAG HIM! NOW!" Johnny screamed to the attendant as he started chest compressions. Rampart was only 1 minute away. "We have to keep him going..." said Johnny through sobs.
************
Johnny sat numb in the Doctor’s lounge at Rampart Emergency. He didn’t remember how he got there. As a matter of fact, he didn’t remember much of anything. All Johnny knew was that he felt empty...and responsible.
Dixie walked into the lounge. She held under her arm a scrub shirt. She hesitated briefly seeing the distraught look on Johnny’s face. When Johnny had first arrived, Dixie thought it best if he was left alone. But now, with Joanne on her way, he needed to be prepared.
"Johnny... Joanne will be here any minute." Dixie said.
Johnny dropped his face in his hands. The sense of impending doom washing over him. "Is there any word on Roy yet?" He sighed.
Dixie took the seat next to Johnny and put an arm around his shoulder. "Johnny, it may a long time before we know anything. His injuries were quite extensive." She said sorrowfully.
"Dix, what will I tell her? It’s all my fault! I never saw him run into the building Dix. I should have been there." Johnny’s voice was full of guilt.
Dixie looked at the distraught paramedic. "Johnny, you’re being way too hard on yourself." She tried to comfort him.
Johnny turned to face Dixie, his voice slightly elevated. "You weren’t there. You didn’t sit by idly while your partner ran into a burning building with no back up. You weren’t there when Roy was begging for MS and didn’t give it to him. You weren’t there in the ambulance..." Johnny’s rage trailed off as he began reliving the days events.
Dixie eye’s searched Johnny’s face. She wasn’t there at the accident nor was she there in the ambulance. But she knew that whatever happened, Johnny had done everything in his power for Roy.
"Johnny, I’m sure you did all you could for him. Now, it’s up to the doctors upstairs. Johnny, they’re the best. You just have to have a little faith."
"Forget faith, Dix. What Roy needs is a miracle! Don’t forget, I’m a paramedic. I know bad when I see it."
"I see miracles everyday around here, Johnny. Don’t give up just yet." Dixie said.
Dixie put her left hand around Johnny’s. With her right, she reached up and wiped away a stray tear from Johnny’s cheek. "Joanne needs your strength right now, not your guilt. Don’t blame yourself for any of this. It wasn’t your fault."
Johnny looked doe eyed at Dixie. "Thanks anyway, Dix."
Looking at Johnny’s bloodstained uniform shirt, Dixie handed him the scrubs she had brought with her. "It might be a good idea if Joanne didn’t see you like that."
Johnny looked down noticing Roy’s blood on his shirt. "I guess you’re right," he said as he gratefully grabbed the proffered scrubs. "You really do think of everything. How’d ya get to be so smart?"
"Years of practice. In my line of work, you see everything. Sometimes you pick up a thing or two." Dixie said.
*************
By the sound in Dixie’s voice, Joanne knew there was bad news waiting for her at Rampart. She could only hope that the bad news wasn’t too bad. Somehow, she knew otherwise. Call it a woman’s intuition or maybe just the way Dix would offer no details until she arrived. But Joanne knew this was going to be a bad day in her family’s history.
Standing in front of the Emergency door entrance at Rampart, she took a deep breath, steadied herself, and walked inside.
She headed directly to the nurse’s station looking for Dixie or better yet, Johnny. But neither of them were there. Some other nurse who Joanne did not recognize was sitting at the nurse’s station. Joanne decided to look for them in the Doctor’s lounge. If the news was that bad, she’d rather hear it from one of her friends.
Johnny was just finishing changing shirts when Joanne walked into the lounge. He was startled by her entrance.
"Johnny! I came as soon as I could. Where’s Roy? Is it bad? Dix wouldn’t tell me anything over the phone." Joanne was speaking very fast and her voice was trembling slightly.
Johnny had been dreading this moment for the last forty five minutes. Now that it was upon him, he didn’t know where to begin.
Under no control of his own, his eyes began to well up knowing the words he would soon be speaking.
"Joanne...." He said softly as he walked over and took Joanne’s hands into his own.
A picture was worth a thousand words. And this particular picture of tears falling from her husband’s best friend said it all.
"NO!" Joanne cried. "It can’t be...No, not that...PLEASE...not that!" Joanne’s knees buckled as she started weeping uncontrollably. Johnny caught her in his arms and led her to the couch.
"Now hang on a minute, Joanne. Roy’s still alive." Johnny began.
Joanne looked up tearfully at Johnny. "But the look on your face....was he burned badly? Did he lose a limb? Please Johnny, be straight with me."
"We don’t know anything yet, Joanne. He’s still in surgery. He wasn’t burned and far as I can tell, he won’t be losing any arms or legs....but...."
"I want to know everything, Johnny, please." Joanne begged.
Johnny took a deep breath and looked into Joanne’s eyes. "Joanne, he lost a lot of blood. He has numerous internal injuries. He flatlined on us a couple of times. It doesn’t look good." Johnny’s voice trailed off.
Joanne buried her head deep into Johnny’s right shoulder. Johnny just sat there and let her cry. After about five minutes, her crying became louder and she began to pound Johnny’s other shoulder with her left fist.
"WHY???? Johnny, why Roy? This is so unfair...." She looked into his eye’s for answers.
Johnny wrapped both his arms around Joanne and brought her close to him as he rocked her gently back and forth. "I don’t know, Joanne. I don’t know why these things happen to good people. I wish I had all the answers or knew what to say to ease your pain. I wish it happened to me Joanne, I really do....It should have been me..." Johnny’s voice trailed off.
Joanne picked her head up. Through her sobbing she managed to get out two words. "What happened?"
Johnny pulled himself away from Joanne’s embrace. He paced the doctor’s lounge trying to figure out what he was going to say.
Joanne waited patiently.
"We had a call for a fire at a one of those housing projects...a real nasty one. Anyway, I was with a patient in the triage area. I heard an explosion. I turned to talk to Roy about it and that’s when I noticed he was gone." Johnny stopped in front of the table and dropped himself into one of the chairs with a loud ‘flop’. He stared straight into the table. He just couldn’t look at her.
"I ran towards the burning houses and that’s when I overheard another fireman saying he saw Roy run into the house a little while before so me and the Cap went in after him. From the looks of the interior of the house, the ceiling must have collapsed right on top of him. We found Roy unconscious underneath some rubble with a five year old victim in his arms. There was little time left so Cap and I grabbed Roy and the kid and we ran outside only moments before the rest of the house fell in on itself."
At the thought of her husband in such a scene, Joanne began to sob. Johnny looked at her. "Joanne, maybe this can wait." He said.
"No, Johnny, I need to know....please." she said wiping tears from her face.
Johnny continued. "Once outside, I finally got to look at Roy. He was in a bad way, Joanne...He was bleeding from a huge gash on his head and had several broken bones as well as internal injuries. He flatlined on us. We were able to bring him back, though. He even talked a little before blacking out again."
Johnny’s voice began to tremble. Slowly Johnny’s eye’s lifted to look at Joanne.
"Oh, God...Joanne, he was in so much pain! And there was nothing I could do. Rampart wouldn’t authorize MS because of the head injury..." Now Johnny began to break into soft sobs. Joanne shakily made her way to the table and sat down next to Johnny. She cupped his hands in her own and waited for him to go on.
After wiping his nose with his sleeve, Johnny took a deep breath and continued.
"In the ambulance, Roy regained consciousness. I started to take his vitals again but he waved me off...said he wasn’t going to make it." Johnny began wiping away the tears flowing down his cheeks as the scene replayed in his mind. As I looked over him, I asked ‘why’....I didn’t expect an answer, but out of nowhere, he came around and gave me one anyway. He said he knew the risk was great but something about the look on the victim’s father’s eye’s. He said, what if he were that man and Jennifer was in there? What if a stranger was the only man qualified to do it, and wouldn’t? He said he had to...."
Joanne looked up at Johnny and tried to forge a weak smile. "That sounds just like Roy." Then after a few breaths, "Did the kid make it?" she asked.
Johnny allowed a small smile to surface. "Yeah, Joanne, the little girl is fine. Your husband was a real hero today. No matter what happens, remember that!"
*************
Time seemed to stop for both Johhny and Joanne. Neither one of them could tell how long they had been waiting in the doctor’s lounge. It wasn’t until the door swung open and revealed Dr. Brackett that they both realized they were still alive.
Dr. Brackett’s expression was very grim to say the least. His scrubs were soaked in sweat and his eyes looked tired.
Johnny and Joanne jumped up to meet him. Neither could ask the question both needed to know.... "Is he....is he.....will he...." Johnny began.
Dr. Brackett held up his hands. "Let’s all have a seat." He said as he motioned everyone back to the couch.
Once everyone was seated, Kel explained Roy’s condition to them. "His injuries were severe. By the time he got here, he had lost several units of blood. His spleen had ruptured, one lung had collasped, internal bleeding, multiple fractures and contusions....the list goes on."
"What are you trying to tell me, doctor? Is my....husband...dead?" Joanne choked on the last couple of words.
"Don’t get ahead of me, Joanne." Brackett said.
"Well, don’t keep us in suspense, doc? How is he?" Johnny asked a little too irratably.
Brackett took a deep breath. "We did everything we could. We repaired what he was strong enough to handle. But I’m afraid all the surgery has left him very week and unstable."
Brackett paused to let his next words sink in. "Roy’s in a coma."
Joanne gasped and reached for Johnny’s hand. She held it tightly.
"What’s the prognosis?" Johnny asked.
Brackett shook his head. "Hard to tell right now, Johnny. His chances aren’t very good. There was just so much damage. The next 72 hours are the most critical. The longer it takes him to wake up, the worse it could be. We’ll have to wait and see. I’m sorry... I know that wasn’t the answer either of you want to hear, but it’s all I have to offer."
Sensing Johnny and Joanne wanted to deal with Roy’s condition alone, Brackett slipped out into the hall.
Now alone with Johnny again, Joanne didn’t know what to do next. She just looked at Johnny with fear. "Johnny....what will I do? How will I..."
Johnny interrupted her. He tightened her hands in his and looked deep into her eyes. "We’ll get through this together, Joanne. I’m here for you and the kids. No matter what, for however long it takes. I owe Roy at least that much..." Johnny’s voice cracked.
Joanne stared into Johnny’s face trying to understand that last statement.
"Joanne, I should have done more for Roy! I should have ran into that house with him. Maybe there would have been something I could have done....Maybe I would have saw the ceiling buckling before it was too late. I should have been there, Joanne!"
Now it was Joanne’s turn to comfort Johnny. "Had you run into that building, I’d be sitting here worrying for the both of you right now. Now stop blaming yourself! It won’t do anyone any good. Please Johnny, I need you...Chris and Jen need you..." Joanne pleaded.
"Anything, Joanne. Anything at all...you know I’ll be here for you. It’s important you know that." Johnny meant every word.
Joanne looked back down at the table. "I wish I could have been there for him when they brought him in. I would have wanted him to know I was here for him. At least one of us was there for him." She looked up at her friend, "Thank you, Johnny."
"Actually, I think Roy always carries a little piece of you and the kids with him." Johnny paused a moment wanting to say this as positively as possible. "Roy’s last words to me in the ambulence were to tell you that he loved you, Chris and Jen very much." Johnny grinned slightly. "Though it really didn’t take a rocket scientist to be able to figure that out. Anyone who knows Roy, knows you three are his world. But you know Roy, he doesn’t leave much to chance so he made me promise I’d tell you anyway."
Joanne nodded her head in understanding and held on tightly to Johnny’s hand as if somehow she was able to draw strength from it. They sat that way for a long time.
To be continued...
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