The Aftermath
Part 2 of the Necessary Chances series
by Lisa Damiani
It was 2 days after Roy’s accident. There had been no change in his condition at Rampart. The men of A-shift stumbled their way into the kitchen. Chet sat down at the table with a heavy "plop". Mike made his way to the coffee pot to start the morning elixir while Marco grabbed a bag of Alpo to feed their basset hound, Henry.
"Has anyone seen Johnny today?" Marco asked from the couch.
"Not yet." Chet replied. "I saw him at the hospital last night. I have a feeling he stayed way past visiting hours. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t make it in today."
"I still can’t believe what happened to Roy. Of all people..." Mike started to say but stopped as Johnny entered into the kitchen.
Johnny looked exhausted. No doubt he hadn’t gotten more than 3 hours sleep the past 3 days. He walked as though he were just going through the motions. Like no one was home upstairs and he just moved on auto pilot.
He walked over to the cupboard and grabbed a mug. In his daze, he reached for the pot of coffee on the stove and proceeded to pour himself his morning pick me up.
Mike took the mug away from Johnny before Johnny could lift it to his lips. Johnny looked dumbfounded at the Engineer. "Mike?"
Mike poured the mug’s contents back into the pot on the stove. "Coffee’s not ready yet, Gage. You just poured yourself a warm cup of water. At least wait till I put the coffee grounds in."
"Sorry....I guess I’m a little out of sorts this morning." Johnny muttered.
Mike gave Johnny a comforting smile. "We all are, pal."
Chet looked over at John. "Johnny, any news on Roy? How’s he doing today?" He asked.
Johnny shook his head and took a deep breath. "Still no change, Chet. I wish I knew more...but...I just don’t have any news....good or bad."
Just then Captain Stanley poked his head threw the kitchen door. "Roll call, guys."
"Be right there, Cap." Marco said as he moved towards the door. Everyone followed him except Chet.
Chet just couldn’t bring himself to rise from the chair. He had been living with his guilt ever since last shift. He was hoping today he would hear of some sign of hope from Johnny, but after seeing Gage, Chet realized that the situation was as grim as it ever was.
*********
Captain Stanley held his clipboard and slowly walked through the line. He stopped in front of Charlie Dwyer, Roy’s replacement. "Dwyer, nice to have you for a shift. Wish it could be under better circumstances, though."
"Me too," said Charlie solemnly.
Before Cap could continue, he noticed he was still one man short for roll call.
"Where’s Kelly?" he asked.
The other men looked around. "I think he’s still in the kitchen, Cap." said Marco.
Captain Stanley gave a glance to his watch and then proceeded to the kitchen.
Chet was still seated at the table, his head in his hands.
"Should we bring roll call to you, Kelly?" The Cap asked.
"I’m sorry, Cap.... I was just thinking, and I guess I got lost in thought here."
There was something not right about Chet’s voice. Concerned, Hank took the seat next to the distraught fireman.
"Anything wrong, pal?" he asked.
After a few moments, Chet finally spoke. "Cap, I jinxed it. I made us get a call that night!"
It only took a moment for Hank to realize what Chet was talking about. It seemed Chet was the newest member to the guilt club.
Hank sat for a moment considering his next words. "Chet, I said it once, I’ll say it again. There is no such thing as a jinx. However, I do believe in a thing called fate. Now you know as well as I do all the tight calls we get ourselves into in our profession. Yes, we do all we can to survive and look out for one another, but I believe someone bigger than the both of us decides who actually gets to live and tell about it."
"Thanks, Cap...I know you’re trying to make me feel better but I still feel responsible," Chet sighed.
Hank turned to face Chet. "How’s this for feeling responsible, I should have known where all my men were at every moment. I didn’t even know Roy was in that building. Gage feels responsible because he never noticed Roy left the triage area. And I bet if you ask Mike and Marco about it, they’ll give you 10 reasons why it’s their fault. Chet, believe me when I tell you, there was nothing any of us could have done."
Chet fained a weak smile. "Maybe someday we’ll be able to believe that, huh Cap?"
Hank took a deep breath, "I hope so..." he admitted.
It was going to be a long shift.
*****(2 months later)*****
Every night after she picked up the kids from school, Joanne would drive over to Rampart and sit at her husband’s bedside. Every night she would pray for some kind of change. Yet, night after night, it was always the same.
Roy was just not responding to the treatment. His vital signs never improved nor did they deteriorate. It was as if he was in stasis.
Brackett told Joanne that she could only help by continuing her visits. Studies showed that there was a high possibility that coma patients heard sounds around them. It was Brackett’s hope that Roy would respond to Joanne’s voice.
Johnny stopped in to check on Roy every so often. Usually peeking in after supply runs to Rampart. He also made it a point to spend at least one entire off day a week visiting with his friend. He talked to him about the past shifts or how much Brice was annoying him. Johnny hoped that Roy would take pity on him and wake up.
****************
Joanne took her usual seat next to Roy at his bedside. She could swear there was a permanent indentation in the sheets from her sitting in the same spot so often and for so many hours.
"Hey Hon, what’s new?"
Roy remained unconscious.
"Nothing, huh? Well I can’t say much has changed since last we spoke But I’ll give you a recap anyway."
"The kids are accepting this ordeal as well as a 5 and 10 year old can."
"Jennifer still hasn’t accepted what’s happened yet. She’s used to you not being home for a few days at a time as well as long hospital stays. And even though this does seem a little longer than usual, Jen holds tight to the idea that you will be home any day now. The pediatric psychologist here at Rampart said this is normal and to give just a little more time."
"Chris understands that for the time being, he’s now man of the house. He’s even taken on some of your chores. Last night, he offered to quit school and get a job! I told him I appreciated the sentiment, but assured him that it wouldn’t be necessary. Then he told me I was right because he needed to finish school so he could be accepted into the academy. He want’s to be a fireman just like you!"
Joanne’s face fell. "I don’t know Roy... I don’t think I could go on if what happened to you happens to Chris...." Joanne’s voice started cracking at the thought. She briefly imagined Chris lying in the bed where Roy lay. Before the flood gates could open, Joanne decided to compose herself. She promised herself that she would try not to weep in front of her husband just in case he could hear her. Roy had enough troubles and didn’t need to be worrying about hers too.
Trying to raise the mood of the room, she sniffed back her tears and raised her hand to Roy’s stoic face. She traced her fingers across his cheekbone and up to his hairline. She brushed aside a stray lock of hair.
"Roy, your hair’s getting long. A little too long for department regulations. What do you say you wake up and I’ll take you to go get a haircut?"
Roy remained silent.
Although Joanne had forced her voice back down to control, she could feel it slipping again. "On second thought, screw department regulations. It’s because of that god damned department you’re in this mess instead home with me and our kids!" It was just no use. Joanne was drained. She put her face in her hands and cried.
**************
Johnny and Brice were just finishing another one of their supply runs at Rampart. Johnny nodded to Craig as he turned toward the elevator. Brice knew Johnny was off to check in on Roy. Personally, he thought it was a waste of time but after telling Johnny that once and nearly getting thrown out a window, Brice decided to let Johnny continue the visits. He would simply pretend to be busy so as not to look like he cared that Johnny was wasting his precious time.
As Johnny walked through the door to Roy’s room, he saw Joanne sitting on the edge of Roy’s bed holding his hand to her face and crying. She spun around at his entrance.
"I’m sorry, Joanne. I’ll come back later."
"No, Johnny. Please come in. I need a little air anyway." She rose from the bed and walked past Johnny through the door.
Johnny took a brief glance at his partner and followed Joanne out. "Joanne, wait up!" Joanne only slowed down but enough for Johnny to fall in step next to her.
"Are you OK?" Johnny asked.
Joanne shook her head. "Actually, Johnny. No, I’m not OK."
"How about I buy you a cup of coffee and you can tell me about it. I got about 10 minutes before Mr. Perfect is done alphabetizing the supply request form." Johnny offered, his lips turned up at the corner hoping his last Brice insult would elicit a smile from Joanne.
Joanne gave Johnny a weak smile then said, "Johnny, I cry to you enough! You should have at least ONE night where you don’t have to concern yourself with MY problems."
Johnny walked a few steps in front of Joanne and turned to face her. He put his hands on her shoulders and stopped her from walking further.
"Joanne, That’s what I am here for. I want to hear your problems. I want to help you through them. I will always be here for you, remember that! Let me help you." His voice sincere.
Joanne nodded her head and she and Johnny made their way to Rampart’s cafeteria.
*************
Johnny was relieved when the shift finally ended. Being partnered with Mr. Perfect Paramedic for two months was starting to get the better of him. Thankfully, Captain Stanley informed John that next shift, the department was sending him a new partner. A guy fresh out of training. Normally, Johnny would hate the idea of having to break in another "boot" but anyone was better than Brice, though no one could ever replace Roy.
Johnny walked out into the parking lot and headed towards his Land Rover. He drove straight home only stopping briefly at the Seven Eleven to pick up some milk. He was exhausted. To add to the stress of being around Brice, the last three days at work were nasty. The squad was called out on a run every hour it seemed. And this time only about 2% were cats in trees. This whole shift, was filled with underwater rescues, towering inferno victim searches and even a few tunnel excavations.
Mentally Johnny was drained as well. He found himself spending many of his off days at the DeSoto household if not at Rampart with Roy. After all, he still felt responsible for Roy’s predicament. The least he could do was fulfill the promise he made Roy that day in the ambulance.
It just became part of his routine. Stop by the house, fix a few appliances, help the kids with their homework and lastly, be there for Joanne when she needed someone to talk to or more often than not-cry to.
The latter was the hardest. Johnny was running out of comforting things to say. Especially since he was hurting too and nothing he said made himself feel better either. It was hard enough dealing with Roy’s absence at work, but to be reminded even on his days off... It made him miserable. The other night in the hospital was just as grueling. He had never seen Joanne that upset before. He wondered just how much more she could take. Hell, he wondered how much more he could take. Johnny decided that this weekend he was going to spend some time alone, maybe go camping. Though now, all Johnny dreamed about was his bed.
He opened the door to his apartment to the sounds of the phone ringing. "I’m coming," he shouted to no one in particular.
"Hello?" Johnny listened he waited for the female voice to calm down.
"Johnny...I’m sorry for calling. I know you probably just walked in...." Joanne finally managed to get out. She had been crying and it was evident in her voice.
"Joanne? Is that you? What’s wrong?" Johnny said worriedly into the phone.
Joanne sobbed over the phone, "What am I doing, Johnny? Who am I to play God? I just....Oh never mind. I have to work this out myself. I can’t keep coming to you with my problems. Get some sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Sorry for the intrusion." Joanne quickly hung up the phone.
Johnny stared at his phone for a long moment. The tired and drained Johnny wanted to listen to Joanne and go to bed - but the concerned friend Johnny heard the tone in her voice. Something was definitely wrong at the DeSoto house. "I have to get over there!" Johnny said. He threw the milk in the fridge and ran out the door.
*************
Johnny reached the front door of Joanne’s house and rang the bell. There was no answer. He took out his key (Joanne had made him one last month since Johnny was over her house more than his apartment these days). He entered. "Joanne?" he called out. He didn’t get an answer but as he listened, he heard Joanne’s faint sobs coming from upstairs.
He ran up the steps and stopped in front of Joanne and Roy’s bedroom. He carefully peeked inside and saw Joanne sitting on the bed. Spread out over the mattress were dozens of used tissues. Joanne’s eyes were bloodshot and puffy.
"Joanne?" Johnny said hesitantly.
Joanne looked up from her bed and stared at Johnny. "I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean for you to come all the way over here. I just got a little overwhelmed and before I realized it, I was dialing your number..."
"It’s OK. What’s the matter?" Johnny slowly made his way into the bedroom.
Joanne looked up at Johnny. "I spent all last night thinking, John. Thinking about what kind of life Roy is living right now. What kind of life his future holds. I mean really....am I doing him any favors? Keeping him on life support all this time...hoping and praying he’ll wake up....and every day trying not to be discouraged when he doesn’t. Filling the kid’s heads with platitudes.... What if he DOES wake up? You know more than I do the possible defects he’ll have if he beats the odds...."
Joanne’s voice quivered. "Johnny, maybe I’m being selfish. Maybe Roy would rather die than be a living vegetable? How dare I subject my husband to this torture? God help me for even thinking this....but maybe Brackett should... should pull the plug..."
By now Joanne was in a full cry. Johnny immediately ran to the bed and cradled the hysterical woman in his arms.
"It’s OK, Joanne..let it out...." Johnny comforted as he rocked Joanne.
Joanne continued to wail. After several minutes she raised her tear soaked face to look up at Johnny. "Johnny... your Roy’s best friend. What do you think he’d want me to do?"
Johnny hesitated and then got up from the bed. "Joanne... I can’t.... I mean.... it’s not my decision..." He stammered.
Joanne got up and followed Johnny to where he now stood. She took hold of his hands. "Please, John. I need to know. I need advice. You know Roy almost as well as I do. Who knows, maybe even better. Would Roy think this type of life is acceptable?"
Johnny released Joanne’s hands and nervously paced the room. Finally he settled back to sitting on the edge of the bed. He ran his hands through his mop of hair, a gesture everyone who knew John interpreted as frustration. "Joanne, I love Roy. As much as anyone can love their best friend. He’s not only my partner, he’s my confidant, my teacher, and more often than not, my voice of reason. In almost every sense of the word, he’s my brother." Johnny eye’s welled up as the tears threatened. He looked up at Joanne with a look of defeat. "I don’t want to see him die.... I CAN’T see him die. Taking him off life support will kill him, Joanne."
Joanne sat next to Johnny on the bed. "Is he already dead?" Joanne choked on the last couple of words.
"Joanne, we can’t believe that... we can’t give up hope.... It’s possible..."
Joanne cut him off. "It’s possible he’ll never wake up! Don’t be selfish, Johnny! We can’t think about ourselves. We have to think about what Roy would want." Joanne spit the words out and immediately was shocked at just how harsh they sounded. She regretted her words just after they left her mouth. After all, she did ask Johnny for his opinion. But what scared her most was what she was actually considering the rampid thoughts in her head.
"Please forgive me, Johnny! I didn’t mean to.... I just don’t know how I feel anymore! I just don’t know..... I don’t want to pull the plug on my husband. I don’t want to sentence him to a life of hell either... What am I going to do?" Joanne started crying again. This emotional roller coaster was probably going to give her nervous breakdown. Johnny could see it.
Johnny again took Joanne into his arms. Pushing her head to his shoulder he whispered, "Jo, I know you want to do what’s best. We both want what’s best. Maybe it isn’t time to make this decision yet."
"Time? How will we know when it’s time?" Joanne looked into John’s warm brown eyes. "I’m so scared, Johnny. I need to know what’s right! And I need to know now..."
"Joanne, I think that..." Johnny started.
"Shh." Joanne silenced him. "Johnny, I can’t talk about it anymore. Not tonight." Joanne hesitated before going on. "Johnny, can you just... just.. hold me? I’m so scared and I need to know I’m not alone."
Johnny tightened his grip around his best friend’s wife. "As long as I live, you’ll never be alone. I promise you that."
In his embrace, Joanne felt safe. Almost as if Johnny were her shield against the outside world of pain and loneliness. This feeling of security second only to what she felt when she was in Roy’s arms.
"I don’t know what I would have done without you here with me these last couple of months, Johhny."
Joanne slowly looked into Johnny’s eye’s. It was obvious that both their guards were down. They each felt empty and miserable but took comfort in the feeling that they had each other to commiserate with.
And then, almost out of instinct, Joanne kissed Johnny on the cheek. Her lips remained there. Johnny could feel his body returning the affection and as much as he questioned himself, he couldn’t stop what he was about to do. He turned his head into Joanne’s and kissed her on the cheek in response. They continued the back and forth action with each one getting closer until both their mouths met. And in their moment of heartache....they kissed.
*************
"Mom!"
Johnny and Joanne immediately turned to the sound and were alarmed at what they saw. Standing in the doorway to Joanne and Roy’s bedroom was Joanne’s son, Christopher. Immediately, guilt and shame washed over both Johnny and Joanne as they saw the shock in the young boy’s face. The shock turned to hurt which turned to anger.
From the look in Chris’ eyes, you could see he wanted to say more. But at that moment all he was capable of was a deep accusing glare. After a few silent moments he turned and stormed down the hall. A few seconds later, the slamming of the front door echoed through the house.
Johnny and Joanne looked at each other. "Oh my God, what have we done?" They almost said in unison. They jumped up from the bed and both headed towards the door. "I got to go after him! I have to explain!" Joanne screamed.
As they reached the bottom of the steps, Jennifer came running in the house crying. "Mommy! Mommy!" She yelled. Joanne knelt down beside the little girl. "What’s the matter, Jen?"
Jennifer continued to scream. "Chris pushed me down outside! He hurt me!"
Johnny continued for the front door. "Joanne, stay here, I’ll go after him."
"I think I should go." Joanne said as she started to rise. She then felt the tugging on her blouse.
"No, mommy! Chris hurt me! You or daddy need to fix it!" Jennifer pleaded.
"It’s OK, Joanne, take care of Jen, I’ll go find Chris." And out the door Johnny ran.
*************
Johnny turned the corner and spotted Chris trotting his way down the block. It didn’t take long for Johnny to catch up with him.
"Slow down, Tiger!" Johnny yelled as he reached out for Chris’ shoulder.
Chris wiggled out of Johnny’s grip. "Don’t call me Tiger. As a matter of fact, don’t call me anything, EVER! I never want to see or talk to you again as long as I live!"
"Chris, please let me explain, it’s not what you think..." Johnny tried to get Chris to at least face him.
"I know exactly what’s going on Uncle Johnny!" The sarcasm Chris addressed Johnny with broke Johnny’s heart. "I always thought it was strange just how much time you always spent at my house. And now I know why! You had a thing for my mom! Jeez, you could have at least had the decency to wait till the body got cold!"
Immediately, Johnny raised his hand to smack Chris across the face for his accusation. But he checked himself and relaxed his hand back down to his side. "What am I doing," he questioned himself.
Chris flinched as he saw Johnny raise his hand but he stood firm his ground. "My dad is still alive. Coma or no coma, you’ll NEVER replace my father." He stormed away from Johnny and continued across the street. He was intent on putting as much distance between him and Johnny that he didn’t slow down once before crossing the street. He never saw the car.
The next scene seemed to play out for Johnny in slow motion. His eye’s followed Chris across the street and somewhere in his peripheral vision, he caught a glimpse of the red Pontiac barreling down the street.
Johnny remained standing in place, paralyzed. Somehow he found his voice and screamed, "CHRIS!"
Chris only turned his head slightly at Johnny’s outburst. But in turning his head, he also caught sight of the fast approaching vehicle. He quickly tried to jump out of its path as the sounds of screeching brakes screamed through the air.
Unfortunately, the driver’s swerving and Chris’s late attempt of escape were not enough. The red Pontiac hit Chris’s feet as he was diving to safety. The impact spun Chris around and he landed on the pavement...HARD!
Johnny suddenly found his mobility and ran to the sprawled boy.
The driver, now stopped, jumped out of his car and came running towards Johnny and Chris.
"Oh my God! He came out of nowhere! Is he OK?" The distraught man asked.
Johnny was kneeling down next to Chris already checking his pulse and respiration’s. "Chris, can you hear me? Talk to me, Chris. PLEASE!" Johnny ordered.
Chris was unconscious and only responded meekly to Johnny’s sternal rub.
"Is he dead?" the driver panicked.
"Sir, call the fire department, NOW!" Johnny commanded. "There’s a phone right there," Johnny said as he pointed to the payphone yards away. Johnny tried to stay calm but inside he was frantic. He continued to check Chris’s pulse and pat down Chris’s body looking for fractures and broken bones.
Johnny pulled off his over shirt and wadded it behind Chris’s head giving him a softer headrest than that of the hard concrete.
"Chris please don’t do this...come on, talk to me...CHRIS!"
The driver sprinted back to the accident scene. "Paramedics are on their way! Should be here any minute." Then more in a more pleading tone, "Mister, please believe me, I never saw him until it was too late!"
But Johnny wasn’t listening to man’s rantings. He was too consumed with guilt over Chris’ accident. "What have I done now?" Johnny scolded himself.
Just then Chris began to moan softly and stir. Johnny grabbed both of Chris’ hands before Chris could aggravate his injuries.
"Slow down, Tig... um, Chris. Help is on the way. How do you feel?" Johnny asked the boy.
"Uncle Johnny?" Chris sounded confused.
"Yeah, Chris, it’s me...Where do you hurt?" He asked again.
"My foot hurts... and I’m kinda dizzy." Chris replied.
"Okay, Chris, we’re going to take care of that right away. Just hang in there." Johnny said soothingly.
Just then Johnny heard a loud gasp followed by, "Oh my God, what happened. CHRIS!"
Johnny spun around and was confronted by Joanne. Jennifer was tugging along her mom’s skirt.
Joanne quickly ran to her injured son taking his hand. "Chris are you all right? What happened?"
"Mom...." was all Chris could utter out.
Joanne redirected her question towards Johnny. "What happened?"
"I’m sorry, Joanne...I couldn’t stop him..." Johnny stuttered.
Just then, the wailing of sirens marked the arrival of the squad and ambulance.
Johnny recognized Jack and Marty from Station 12. Jack came running towards them and noticing Johnny sitting there he said, "Jeez, Gage. Even on your day off you manage to find trouble."
Johnny ignored Jack’s tasteless remark. "We have a boy hit by a vehicle. No apparent broken bones. He was unconscious for a few minutes. Seems to be coherent. He’s complaining of an aching foot and dizziness."
Marty came up behind Johnny with the biophone and drug box in tow. "Okay, Gage, we can handle it from here," he said.
Johnny slowly got up from his patient. He grabbed Joanne by the elbow and pulled her up as well to let the paramedics do their job.
*************
Squad 12 took Chris to Rampart to get checked out by the doctor. Johnny followed in his Land Rover with Joanne and Jennifer. The ride to Rampart was eerily quiet.
When they reached Rampart, Johnny, Joanne and Jennifer went through the emergency entrance in search of information on Chris. They went up to the duty nurse and asked for a condition update on the boy who was just brought in.
As the nurse took off for the treatment room, Johnny, Joanne and Jen took a seat in the waiting room.
Johnny saw the fresh band aid on Jennifer’s elbow. "How’s your elbow, sweetie?" He asked as he pulled her close to take a closer look.
"S’Ok. It doesn’t hurt any more." Jennifer stated. Then she looked up at Johnny and asked innocently, "What did you do to Chris to make him run out of the house like that and push me?"
"JENNIFER!" Joanne admonished her daughter sharply. "Uncle Johnny didn’t do anything to your brother!"
"Well when Chris ran out of the house, I heard him saying something nasty about Uncle Johnny." Jennifer explained.
Johnny sadly looked at Jennifer. He got up out of his chair and knelt down in front of the girl. "Jen, I did something that hurt your brother. He was mad at me, not you. I am sorry he pushed you."
Joanne touched Johnny’s arm. "Johnny, you don’t have to....It was my fault.." Joanne started.
But Johnny cut her off. "No Joanne, it’s my fault. I wasn’t supposed to let my guard down. I’m supposed to be the strong one, remember? And well Chris...." Guilt consumed Johnny’s features. "I’m sorry Joanne....I need to think....Please wait here."
*************
Johnny started heading for Rampart’s exit. But for some reason, at the last minute he decided to continue down the hall. He ended up in the elevator. Without even noticing, he hit the button that would take him to the seventh floor. Roy’s room was on the seventh floor.
As the elevator doors slid open, Johnny numbly walked out and headed in the direction of Roy’s room. He approached the door and just as he was about to walk through he suddenly stopped.
"I can’t face him." He murmured.
Johnny held on to the door knob. He let his head bang lightly against the door. "But I don’t know who else to turn to...." He finally stepped through the threshold.
*************
The scene was the same as it had been for the last 2 months. Roy lay unmoving on the bed. He was hooked up to every monitor Rampart had to offer. His chest rose and fell to the rhythm of the respirator.
Johnny grabbed the chair which was situated in the corner and pulled it along side of Roy’s bed.
"Hey, partner. How ya’ feeling?" Johnny waited for a response and when he was met with the usual silence he continued.
"Me? Glad you asked, Roy. Well let’s see. Just finished another shift with Mr. Perfect Paramedic Brice. That was a lot of fun. Now listen Roy, I know you wanted a little revenge from that time I was hit by the car and forced you to spend a few weeks with him....but really Roy, don’t you think you’re overdoing it just a bit?"
Again there was no response from Roy. Johnny took in a deep breath. He just couldn’t go on with the pleasantries. He needed to talk to Roy. Tell him what’s been going on. Confess to him that he kissed Joanne. He needed to get things off his chest. Every minute he was there he felt like he was lying by omission to his best friend. His demeanor sobered.
"Listen Roy, we need to have a really serious conversation. I hope you’re up for it cause I just don’t know where else to turn. Life is so twisted right now and you’re the only who can do the untwisting."
Johnny searched Roy’s face for any change but it remained as stoic as before.
"Roy, things are really getting out of hand without you around and I don’t know how much longer I can keep things together here. Today I came really close to snapping myself."
"Joanne’s not doing so well either. She’s a trooper when she’s here visiting you, but outside this hospital she’s falling apart. I’m trying to take care of her for you, just like I promised you I would. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am as good at these things like you are. Everyone knows that in our friendship, you’re the rock and I’m the idiot."
"Are you still listening, Roy? Cause this is where it gets tricky. I don’t even know how I’m going to tell you.... But see... Roy, there’s only so much one person can take. And I think Joanne is reaching that limit. Hell, I may already be past it... I did something today, Roy. Something that I am not proud of. Something that shames me to my very being. Joanne and I had a little bit of a heated discussion. It got pretty emotional. And when we both settled down, I sorta went over to her... to comfort her... and well... before I knew it.. I mean I didn’t plan for it... but well.. it just sorta happened anyway..."
Johnny stammered. "I know I’m babbling, Roy, but I just don’t know how to tell you that I kissed your wife."
Realizing what he just said, Johnny’s eyes flew wide open. He immediately grabbed hold of both Roy’s hands. "Believe me, Roy, I didn’t mean it. It meant nothing to me!"
Instantly, John knew that didn’t sound right.
"Not that Joanne means nothing to me, Roy, that’s not what I meant... I mean... You see... " Johnny’s was exasperated. He just couldn’t find the words to express what he was feeling. Finally he said, "Well, you know what I mean."
Johnny got up and started pacing the room. Telling Roy about kissing his wife was hard enough. He dreaded the next part even more. "Anyway, just when you think I couldn’t stab you any deeper, there’s something else I need to tell you." Johnny hesitated but continued. "Chris walked in. I don’t need to tell you his reaction. Chris was so upset that he ran outside and because he was preoccupied, he was hit by a car." Johnny’s hands involuntarily flew up. "Now before you panic, he’s going to be OK. Just a sprained ankle I think."
"I know you must blame me for all this. I blame myself too. But maybe if you knew what me and Joanne were arguing about in the first place, you’d understand more. The truth is, Joanne said she’d been contemplating whether or not your value of life here at Rampart was worth living. Maybe you’d rather be at rest than live like you are..."
Again John searched for signs of response.
"Then Joanne sorta asked me what I’d do if I were in her place." Johnny sat back down by Roy’s bedside and took hold of his left hand again. "Roy, do you have any idea what it feels like to even think about having to make that decision let alone be the one that has to make it?
By now, Johnny’s voice was close to pleading. "Please, Roy, don’t let anyone have to make that decision. It’ll tear what’s left of us apart. Roy, come back to us and put things like they were before. Joanne needs you... Chris needs you... Jen needs you... I need you..." Johnny lowered his head to rest on top of his and Roy’s hands. He had said all he came there to say and now he just felt drained. He remained there for several minutes.
John may have remained there all night had he not felt the sensation of someone touching his head. Had a nurse walked in? Did Joanne? A brief shimmer of hope crossed Johnny’s mind. "Roy?" He raised his head and was rewarded with Roy’s baby blue eyes staring back at him even if they were a little glazed over.
Johnny could see Roy’s lips trying to form a word but the respirator was preventing any sound from escaping.
"No, Roy! Don’t try to talk! I’m going to get someone!" Johnny said excitedly as he jumped from his seat and ran to the phone sitting on the far wall of Roy’s room. "I don’t believe this!" He said to himself.
Johnny picked up the phone. "Nurse! Please page Dr. Brackett to room 727 stat! Roy DeSoto is AWAKE!" Johnny hung up the phone and ran back to Roy’s bed. "Roy! Oh, Thank God! You really had us scared there!" Roy stared at Johnny and then closed his eyes.
"Oh, no you don’t! No more of that! Stay with us now!"
Roy’s eyes fluttered and again he focused on Johnny. Just then, Dr. Brackett burst through the door. He was followed by Dr. Early.
"Johnny, what happened?" Brackett asked as he rushed to Roy’s bedside and started taking a set of vitals.
"Quite simply, doc, Roy’s what happened!" Johnny said.
"Hey Roy, welcome back!" Joe Early said while he grabbed his pen light and checked Roy’s pupils.
"I second that, Roy." Brackett smiled. Then Kel looked at Johnny. "Listen John, we’re going to need to run a few tests and examine Roy. Joanne’s still downstairs. Why don’t you run and tell her the good news. I’ll have some news for you both in a little bit."
"You got it, Doc!" Johnny said. Then he moved back to Roy’s bedside. "I’ll be back with Joanne to see you in a few, partner!" Johnny ran out the door faster than lightening. He couldn’t wait to tell Joanne.
To be continued...
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