TERRY’S POV

By

Amye

A choice. That’s what Dr. Quo gave me. But it wasn’t a choice, not really. A week, month, or year lying around; or days, possibly weeks of normal life. The first wasn’t an option for me, and the second hurt too much to consider.

When Dave came to see me later in the day, I was dressed and ready to go home. I made my decision. I didn’t like it, but I’d rather a week with Dave then a month in bed watching the walls. I knew Dave could tell what my decision was the moment he walked in and saw me dressed. His smile wavered, but he recovered quickly.

Oh Dave, I can’t marry you. Not now. I reached out and touched his shirt. It was a beautiful gesture – the roses and the proposal, but it was the wrong one.

I probably came off calm and cool and okay with my decision, but inside I was trembling. It’s so not fair! I don’t want to die! I want to stay; help my kids, be with Dave, walk on the beach every evening, ride at the amusement park, get married and have babies of my own. But life isn’t always fair. And my mother always said you had to make the best of what God gave you.

After leaving the hospital with Dave and Ken, I went over to the school to give my notice. I didn’t drive, took a cab, because Dave took my keys after Dr. Quo warned him that the symptoms could appear at any time. Dizziness, loss of balance, possibly loss of sight or hearing, any of those things could be dangerous while driving. But I couldn’t stay cooped up in my apartment until Dave finished work. He still had to find Prudholm and Woody. Then I took another cab to my church.

I needed to see my Priest. I needed to understand why. Why would God bring to me to these special children to help and love them, and then take it all away? Why would God give me David if I couldn’t stay with him? Why put so many people in pain?

Dave’s Jewish and I’m Catholic, but it doesn’t bother either of us. He rarely goes to temple and while I go often to church, I’m not the real devout type. My mother howled the first time she met Dave. She could tell he wasn’t Catholic. But Dave’s slowly worked his way into her heart, just like he did mine. Oh mom, if you could see Dave now – how gentle he is with me, how patient with the kids, how much he loves me.

When I got back I just walked through my apartment, looking at everything through different eyes. I can’t explain it. No one can understand unless they’ve been in my shoes. I’ve a lot of decisions to make and I don’t know how long I have to make them.

Should I buy groceries? Should I pay next month’s rent? One thing I do know – everything I have will go to the Welsh Home for Disabled Children. Except Ollie and a few books. I think I want to be buried with Ollie. He’s been my protector, my comforter, and my shoulder to cry on for the longest time – before I met Dave and he became all those things for me.

Shaking my head, I told myself to get over feeling sorry for myself. There were so many people worse off than me. I wasn’t in pain and felt okay, so I could still live my life to the fullest without putting myself in harm’s way.

So I couldn’t drive? I could still walk. I couldn’t teach? I could still visit. The best thing to do, I decided was to keep busy. So I began cleaning my apartment and tossing the really unimportant things. Death makes you look at possessions differently.

*****

I’m worried about Dave. He’s worried about me. Hutch is worried about both of us.

Dave won’t let me do anything. He’s gets upset if I clean or box things up. If I don’t answer the phone, he worries himself the rest of the day. I’ve been going down to the beach and he’s afraid that something will happened while I’m there alone. I know he’s trying to protect me, but I don’t need protection from living my life. Hutch and I talked about Dave the other day, though Dave doesn’t know it. Apparently Dave’s been feeling lost and angry and guilty. But he won’t let me see any of it. I knew he was keeping his emotions bottled up, which so unlike him; that’s why I called Hutch. Hutch can calm him down just as well as I. And I don’t need to worry about him on the job, because if he gets too bad either Hutch or Captain Dobey will take him off the streets. He’s giving up. His life, his job, his friends. He’s even retreating from Hutch and me.

I’m so worried about what Dave will do when he finally catches Prudholm.

Finally I had to make him give me a couple of promises, even though he said that best friends shouldn’t have to promise anything. One, not to give up his job. He’s good at what he does and people need him. Two, not to harm Prudholm. The man is sick; he needs help. Three, to let me have control over my life, and my death. And four, to have a celebration in my honor with just Hutch two weeks after I die. Whether that’s in two weeks or a month. I left something for each of them to remember me by.

Remember how I said I wanted to buried with Ollie? I’ve changed my mind. I’ll be okay. Instead I’m going to leave him to Hutch – so that he always remembers to protect and love Dave. So Dave will always have two guardians.