Pantyhose
By
Warning: I can’t write worth beans, so this is my warning to you, but I just had to respond to this challenge, as it really happened between a friend of mine and I in a store one day! J
“Oh shoot!” JoAnne shouted from the bedroom, rushing to the bottom of the
stairs to see if his wife was all right, Roy listened carefully for more.
“JoAnne, are you alright?”
“I’m fine Roy, I just pulled on my stockings though and they got a run in
them from my nail. It’s my last pair,
will you run to the store and get me a new pair?” JoAnne asked.
“Sure honey, just tell me what you need.”
“Just a pair in midnight shade, or black, and please hurry Roy, we’ve only
got a few minutes to go before the babysitter arrives!”
Roy quickly grabbed the keys to the car and shouted a quick ‘good-bye’ as
he embarked upon his quest for a new pair of pantyhose for his wife.
*****
Roy guided the station wagon to a stop in the parking lot of the local drugstore
and quickly entered the store; he was able to locate the aisle for pantyhose
quickly enough and hastily grabbed a pair of black nylons. With item in hand, he turned to make his way
to the checkout.
“Sir, may I be of assistance?” Asked the store employee from behind him.
“No thank you, I have what I need right here.” Roy returned.
“Sir, are you sure this is the correct item? I noticed you pulled a pair of knee highs from the shelf and wanted
to make certain that you were aware of that.” The girl quietly pointed out.
“Oh. Oh, yes, you are right, I don’t
think this is what my wife wanted. Oh
thank you for pointing this out, it would have been bad news if I went home
with the wrong thing.”
“Oh no problem sir, we are here to help.
Now, what is your wife’s size?”
‘Size? I didn’t know they came in
sizes!’ Roy thought to himself.
“I I am not sure, she’s small, about 5’5””
“Oh, what I mean sir is the pantyhose are sold according to the height and
weight of the woman, is she petite, tall, queen size?”
‘Tall? No, I don’t think she’s a
tall woman at all, weight? How do
I know what she weighs? Queen size? What
the hell is that?’ Roy pondered.
“Um, I think she is average in height and weight, she’s not overweight,
no, she’s not overweight.” Roy stuttered.
“Does she prefer sandalfoot or reinforced toe?” Shot the employee, suddenly
not sounding quite as friendly as before.
‘Sandalfoot? Reinforced toe?’ Roy
could feel his blood pressure beginning to rise.
“Is she wearing an open toe shoe like a sandal, or is she wearing a closed
toe shoe?” The salesclerk asked, with her foot tapping on the floor.
“Ah, I think, no, I know she’s wearing a closed toe shoe tonight, but maybe
I’ll just take one of each, just to be sure?” Roy offered, not certain how
to answer but feeling now that there was clearly more to buying pantyhose
then he ever knew.
“Wise decision sir, now does she want regular or control top?” Fired the
clerk.
‘Oh my god, what the hell is that??’
“Um, again, I don’t know about this, can I buy a pair with sandalfoot, control
top, sandalfoot regular, reinforced toe regular and reinforced toe control
top??” Roy asked, sweat visible on his forehead.
“Yes sir, you may. Now you selected
black, does she want black or midnight shade?”
“Oh this I know, she said it could be either, or, she didn’t have a preference.”
Rejoiced Roy; at last he had a question he could answer!
“Alright sir, here are your purchases, the front counter will be happy to
process these for you.” Smiled the clerk, happy to have this gentleman’s visit
come to a close.
“Thank you, I have to get along now, we’ll be late.” And with that, Roy
made his way to the checkout counter.
While he was standing in line, curiosity got the better of him and he opened
one of the packages He was dying to know what the difference between control
top and regular was. What he saw,
he was not prepared for. He grabbed up all of the packages, including the
one he had just opened and fled back to the area where the clerk who had helped
him was.
“Excuse me, Miss, excuse me! You
have to help me, you selected all the wrong things here, clearly.” Roy gasped.
“Whatever do you mean sir, these are what you are looking for, trust
me.” The clerk replied firmly. She
did not like to have her judgement questioned.
I opened one of the packages to see what the difference was between one
pair and another, and these are way too small!
My wife can’t possibly fit into these; these will fit my 5-year-old
daughter! Look at them!!” Roy shouted, he was in a hurry,
knew that JoAnne would be frantic with worry and felt like he was back at
square one again.
The clerk did her best to stifle a laugh, but had a most difficult time
of it.
“Uh Sir, you misunderstand. Pantyhose
stretch, they stretch a great deal. Before they are worn, they are usually this small, and then they
are put on, they do stretch.” The clerk managed to get out between giggles.
‘Oh god, I have to get out of here right now.’
“Sir, if you like, I can process your purchase right over here at this counter
to save you time.” Offered the clerk when she saw Roy visibly pale.
All Roy could do was nod his head.
‘Never again Jo, next time you wear the hose, run and all, never again.’
The End.
