CHiPs Poetry
by Melissa Kutcher
Ode to CHiPs 99
Welcome back to the dashing cops I have grown to love.
There is Captain Jon, always running a tight ship,
Under the watchful eye of Commissoner Getraer.
Crooks don't have a chance with Detective Grossman on the case.
No one can outrun Bear, Bonnie and Bruce on the freeway.
Ponch is still his loveable self,
Looking as cool as ever on his bike.
To CHiPs 99, I have something to say,
I still love you any day.
Having an Episode
Watch Jon and Ponch Ride the Whirlwind in the CHP BMX,
Just don't get caught in the Undertow.
Hope they keep the peace at The Battle of the Bands,
Ask Sindy about Central's Bio-Rhythms while watching Bonnie in the Thrill Show.
Hope the guys are not on Brat Patrol,
Or babysitting The Sheik.
Ponch's Angels, Mitchell and Woods, receive training on the Supercycle.
Bad guys like The Poachers, The Strippers, and Satan's Angels,
Become Jailbirds on a Rainy Day,
Sharing a cell with The Vigilante.
"The Spaceman Made Me Do It," they all say,
But that excuse is One Two Many for our heroes.
At the end of the day, Jon and Ponch can be found at
The Great 5k Star Race and Boulder Rap Party,
Showing off their great Roller Disco moves,
While the bad guys are in 40 Tons of Trouble.
A Demento CHiPs Christmas
Christmas time is alive at Central.
The officers try to avoid Christmas at Ground Zero.
"I Want a Hippotamus for Christmas," Ponch cries.
While Jon mends a hoof for Santa and His Old Lady.
Santa Claus is Watching you, or is it Grossie in a Santa suit?
Sindy, Kathy, and Bonnie all want The Pretty Little Dolly.
While Dave runs off with the Singing Dogs to sing "Jingle Bells".
Bear says "I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas."
Turner thought he saw Santa in a Rusty Chevrolet on the 405.
While Getraer agonizes over the Twelve Pains of Christmas,
And Harlan enjoys his Twelve Gifts of Christmas.
All Christmas dreams have to be put on hold,
Because Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.
This is causing Santa's Lament,
Because there is a Gridlock Christmas on the Santa Monica Freeway.
Merry Christmas to all,
And stay dee-mented. :-)
(All song titles come from Holidays in Dementia and Dr. Demento Presents the Greatest Christmas Novelty CD.)