A Personal Emergency

Notes: A special thanks to Deanna Jordan for allowing me to reference her past meetings of S&H and Gage & DeSoto. The reference in my story relates to 2 of her stories - 'A Little Peace and Quiet' and 'Trial By Fire'. This is my first full fanfic story. Here goes...

"Stop it you two - I say it's gonna happen and it's gonna happen. Got it?" Dobey bellowed. He was sick and tired of the same reaction every time. "Change your attitudes. NOW!"

Officer Wood knocked on Captain Dobey's door. She took a deep breath, acted like she hadn't heard the minutes-long argument, and opened the door with a smile. "Gentlemen", she offered a greeting.

Both Starsky and Hutch were pleased to see that at least she would be easy on the eyes. They both put on charming smiles and offered their hands at the same time.

Officer Wood mumbled **assholes** under her breath before widening her smile and shaking Starsky's hand first. Starsky shot Hutch a 'gotcha' look as he released Wood's hand. Dobey just rolled his eyes.

*******

Several miles away, Fireman Paramedic John Gage nervously paced around the fire station. He couldn't explain his anxiety but as the wedding approached, his fiancée's career choice was weighing heavier and heavier on him. He knew his job as a fireman was at least - if not more - dangerous than hers as a cop. Hell, she had already had to nurse him back from injuries twice. That shared sense of danger is truly what bonded them in the first place. Each one could understand the other. And, Johnny thought he could accept all that went along with being a cop's husband. Now he wasn't so sure. But how could he ask her to quit? He couldn't. He knew she couldn't quit any more than he could. She loved her job just like he loved his.

"I love her," Gage said aloud without realizing it.

"Well I'd hope so, Gage!" Chet replied. "The wedding is only a few weeks away."

*******

Starsky pulled - more like screamed - out of the garage. Officer Wood swallowed her words. She wondered why the word 'asshole' had come to mind so often since meeting these 2 fellow cops. Their reputations preceded them - 'the best', 'none finer', '2 halves of a whole'.

Before she realized she was speaking, she heard herself say, "Cut the shit. I'm a cop - you're cops. I hear you're the best. I'm here to learn from you - not be impressed by you. I'm engaged so stop looking at each other with that 'I'm gonna nail her before you do' look. Let's just make the best of this. Maybe we'll ALL learn something."

Starsky hit the brakes, swerved to the right, and bounced off the curb before coming to a stop. Starsky and Hutch just looked at Wood not able to speak initially.

"Look lady," Starsky began, "we didn't ask to have a third wheel!" Hutch winced. That was a deep cut. "If the department didn't think you were one of the best new officers, they wouldn't have put you with us. We'll trust them on that although they've been wrong before."

Starsky's stare was nothing like she'd ever seen. She held that stare in a challenge of her own. When she made her point by being able to look Starsky in the eye, she turned to Hutch and stared him down. He just shrugged with an uncomfortable look on his face and turned to look out the window. He could see Wood's reflection in the window - she was still staring at him. She maintained the eye contact with Hutch through the reflection in the window until she knew she had made her point.

Officer Wood started laughing uncontrollably. Within seconds, all three had tears in their eyes from laughing so hard.

"Peace?" Hutch asked.

"Peace!" came replies from Starsky and Wood at the same time.

*******

"Well, well, well!" Huggy was liking what he was seeing. "This is a nice surprise. You two get better looking every day."

Huggy had a reputation too. Wood was not disappointed.

"Give it up, Hug. She's engaged." Hutch shared the disappointed look that showed on Huggy's face.

"Hug, meet Officer Wood," Starsky flashed the same disappointed look shared by the other men.

"The pleasure is all mine."

"Officer Wood," she offered. Huggy was disappointed again. He'd hoped for a less formal introduction.

"So WHAT should we call you?" asked Hutch.

"Huh?"

"You know, name.what should we call you?"

"I think Wood will do."

"Don't you have a first name?" asked Starsky.

Did they notice her slight hesitation? She wasn't ashamed of her name but she sure as hell didn't feel like dealing with these 2 - here it comes again - assholes. It was at her request that Dobey kept her first name from them. After all, their reputations did precede them in this area too. 'Relentless' came to mind.

"What do you call each other?" she asked.

"Hutch."

"Starsky. Starsk."

"Then call me Wood. That will do," she added forcefully.

Starsky and Hutch looked at each other with a slight shrug. **This could be a long assignment,** they both thought.

**Oh, God,** thought Wood, **assholes.**

*******

"Shit. It's a setup. Wood - go back and call for help!" Hutch yelled.

The bullets were flying but they couldn't see anyone. In a moment of silence, someone yelled 'Die, Starsky!"

Wood had seen the first gunman approaching Starsky and Hutch unaware of her presence. It looked like he was looking for someone although he clearly had Starsky and Hutch in his sight. His obvious distraction allowed her to sneak up behind him. She took him out with a gun butt to the head without giving up her position.

Looking around, she thought that the other man must have fled. She began sprinting towards Starsky and Hutch when she saw the second gunman. It was then that she realized he had just been reloading his gun. He yelled "2 for 1" and laughed as he resumed shooting. She got a couple shots off before going down.

Hutch rolled over to see Starsky stunned and bleeding. The shock was worse than the injury. In fact, Starsky seemed more concerned about the hole in his leather jacket than with the blood coming from the hole.

Both of them turned towards Wood laying unconscious several yards away. There was blood. Too much blood.

*******

"Station 51. KMG365."

It was an unusually silent Gage riding shotgun on the way to the call. Roy glanced over at his friend from time to time. They were both thinking the same thing. 'Officer down.' The words struck fear in their hearts like never before.

"Damn!" Johnny swore. Barely audible, he followed the curse with a plea, "Please, God, no."

After what seemed like an eternity to Gage, the squad screeched to a halt.
It was with a sigh of relief that Johnny recognized the red Torino and the two cops standing by it. The dark haired one was bleeding but at least he was standing. "Thank You," Johnny whispered as he looked towards the sky.

The paramedics grabbed their gear and headed towards Starsky and Hutch. Johnny was nearly at a run.

It was Roy who noticed the activity off to the left. He let Johnny go to help Starsky while he headed towards the other group. Captain Stanley caught up with Roy as he neared the group.

"Oh, God! Cap! Oh, God! Call for another squad. Keep Johnny away, Cap. Keep him away." There was panic in Roy's voice. He hurt for his partner. He hurt for himself.

"I'm okay, Johnny. Go help with the girl," ordered Starsky.

"The.girl?" Johnny stood frozen. It seemed like hours but it was only seconds before he turned toward the commotion over his shoulder.

Captain Stanley caught Johnny by the arm. 'Johnny, take care of your friend. I'm calling for another squad to help out. Roy will call for you."

"Cap? Is it.?" The question trailed off. The lack of response from his superior screamed in his head. "No! God, no! Is she okay?" Still silence.

"Holly!!!" The scream was deafening. Johnny broke away from his Captain and took off at a dead run.

Starsky and Hutch looked at each other. **Holly? Holly Wood?** If the situation was different, they both would have laughed. Now they understood her reluctance to share her full name. What they didn't understand was Gage's reaction. They both looked at Captain Stanley.

"Gage's fiancée."

Starsky and Hutch took off at a dead run too.

Johnny's scream almost made both men's legs buckle. Both offered silent prayers as they approached the horrible scene.

*******

Roy was frantic. He kept reminding himself that he had to stay calm. Chet was doing the same thing. No matter what they did, they couldn't seem to stop the bleeding. Why Holly was still alive puzzled them both. What they would say to Johnny worried them even more.

"C'mon, Holly. Hang on, babe, hang on," Chet pleaded. "Please, God, PLEASE."

It was about then that they heard Johnny's scream. A single tear escaped each of them.

"Chet, try to keep him away, please. He can't see this."

Chet took Roy's cue to stand and caught Johnny just feet away. Johnny looked in horror at Chet's blood soaked arms.

"Get out of my way!"

"Johnny."

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

"JOHNNY."

Gage pushed Chet to the ground and in 2 quick steps was at Roy's side. Johnny screamed a sound that even he didn't recognize. He fell to his knees not believing what he was seeing. He felt the presence of the 2 cops who had run up behind him. He could see but he couldn't comprehend. It was Captain Stanley's attempt to move him that brought Johnny around. He pulled away from his Captain again. He leaned over and kissed Holly on the forehead then turned towards his partner.

"Roy?"

"I'm sorry, Johnny. It's bad. BP low, shocky. I count 7 gunshot wounds. We gotta move. Cap, get Rampart," Roy said in the same breath.

*******

**Seven shots?** The question haunted Hutch. He dare not speak it but he knew it.

One of the gunman's shots had hit Starsky. That left 5 in the creep's gun. Holly had been hit by 2 more. Hutch knew he hadn't gotten any shots off. But Starsky had. In fact, Starsky had emptied his gun.

*******

Hutch was in the exam room with Starsky. Starsky hadn't figured it out yet. Hutch was hoping that he wouldn't. At least not yet.

"Thanks, Doc."

"Sure. I'd recommend a few days off but you'll be fine. You're lucky - it's just a flesh wound."

"Doc, I can't take time off. Someone's yelling 'Die, Starsky' and shooting at cops."

"Sounds like even more of a reason to take time off." The doctor saw that this was not to be. "Alright, but no driving for 1 week. Can't have you rip those stitches out with a quick turn of the steering wheel. Deal?"

"Deal! Thanks, Doc." Now he just had to convince Dobey that it served everyone's best interest to keep in on the active duty list.

*******

"1, 2, 3, 400 watt seconds."

Johnny jumped as Holly was shocked again. Roy had to hold him up.

"No conversion. Go again."

"1, 2, 3, 400 watt seconds."

Johnny couldn't help it. He jumped even higher this time. And, he whimpered. He couldn't do this and at the same time, he knew he had to. He knew that he couldn't do it alone. Roy's hand on his shoulder told him that he wouldn't have to.

"Damnit!" Brackett looked at Johnny and Roy. "Again." Brackett wondered how may more times he could do this before he had to stop.

They all looked in amazement. The heart monitor showed that Holly was back. The seventh time was the charm.

*******

"Seven? Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Seven, Hutch. At the scene, Roy said seven!"

Hutch just looked at his best friend. He knew that he'd realize it sooner or later. Despite the extra time to think about it, he still hadn't figured out how to comfort Starsky.

As Johnny and Roy stepped out of Holly's room, they heard Starsky yelling.

"I shot her, Hutch. My God, I shot Wood. All the blood. What did I do?"

Johnny found strength he thought he'd lost. He ran up to the cops and pushed Starsky backwards. Starsky grimaced in pain as Gage made contact with his wounded shoulder. Gage stepped forward and pushed Starsky again. If he saw the blood coming through Starsky's new bandages, he pretended not to notice.

"You son-of-a-bitch! What do you mean you shot Holly?"

Starsky just stared in shock. Johnny pushed him again. Starsky fell over a chair hitting the floor hard. His shoulder was now freely bleeding again. He looked up with tears in his eyes. The tears had nothing to do with the pain in his shoulder and everything to do with the pain in his heart.

"Get up you son-of-a-bitch. Look me in the eye and tell me how you killed my fiancée."

Roy grabbed Johnny from behind. "Johnny, settle down. Holly isn't dead."

Johnny spun on his heels. "She did die, Roy. Remember? Seven conversions to get her back."

"Seven." Starsky winced.

Gage and DeSoto turned to see Hutch helping Starsky to his feet.

"Yes, seven. Seven bullets. Seven conversions." Gage was screaming.

"Stop it! Johnny and Roy - get in my office and stay there. Detective Starsky - back to room seven."

**Seven.**

Hutch grabbed Starsky and gently guided him to the exam room.

**'Lucky number 7, hell.** Hutch whispered under his breath.

*******

Starsky sat with his head in his hands. He and Hutch had recounted the story to Dobey over and over. **'This has to be at least the seventh time we've gone over this,** Starsky thought to himself. **Seven.**

It had been 3 days since the shooting. Wood was still unconscious and in ICU. She was not getting any better. One gunman was dead. The other was missing - got away in the confusion following the shooting.

Dobey answered his phone. "I see. Okay. You sure? And the doctors said? Okay. Yeah. Thanks."

"Well, that was ballistics," Dobey addressed his 2 best - and 2 most miserable - detectives. "I'm sorry, Dave. Two of the bullets were from your gun. Neither of them did any critical damage to Holly. They've verified that with the hospital."

"How do they know? How?" Starsky slammed his fist on the arm on the chair. Tears fell from his eyes.

"Dave, the bullets were all marked as to where they were recovered from Holly. Your bullets did not do the damage that has Holly in her current condition."

"Her current condition is dying, Captain! She lost blood because of me. Don't tell me she isn't in her 'current condition' because of me."

His tirade was interrupted by the phone ringing again. Hutch squeezed Starsky's good shoulder as Dobey answered the phone.

'What? Yeah. Thanks." As he hung up, Dobey yelled "Starsky, we have to get to your place now. There's a fire."

The 3 men bolted from the room. As they pulled up to Starsky's place, there was an explosion. They got out and ran to the scene.

As they approached Engine 51 they heard Captain Stanley yelling. "Code I - fireman trapped" into his handy-talkie.

Starsky was sick. Not only was his place a total loss, now more people were injured - perhaps dead - because of him. They turned in time to see a fireman being carried out the front door - or rather, what was left of the front door.

Chet Kelly was unconscious and not breathing. Starsky dropped to his knees. Hutch knelt beside him. No words could comfort Starsky. Hutch knew that. Instead, he just put his arms around Starsky in an act of support - both physical and emotional.

*******

Dixie let Roy know that Chet was being brought in. He was breathing now but still unconscious. Roy decided not to tell Johnny about Chet just yet. He'd let Johnny stay at Holly's side until he knew Chet's condition and prognosis.

Roy was confused when he saw Starsky and Hutch come through the doors. While he hurt for Johnny, he did not have the anger towards Starsky that Johnny felt.

He was heading toward the 2 cops when the ambulance with Chet pulled up. He followed Chet's gurney into the examination room. It was only a short time before he emerged very much relieved.

"He'll be fine. What are you doing here?," Roy asked.

It was Hutch who suggested they get some coffee and go talk. Roy couldn't believe the story he heard of Chet being injured in a fire at Starsky's.

"Who hates you this much?" As Roy asked the question, Starsky's head dropped. He closed his eyes. It was Hutch who answered, "We are still trying to figure that out. No leads have panned out. While we both have our share of enemies, we can't figure this one out. Of course, we will find him or them in the end."

Both men noticed the tears rolling down Starsky's cheeks.

"Starsk," Hutch gently said as he rubbed Starsky's back.

Roy noticed the bond between the 2 men. They reminded him of Roy and Johnny. Johnny had mentioned the bond between Starsky and Hutch before but Roy hadn't had the opportunity to witness it until now.

"Starsky," Roy started. "I can't imagine what you must be thinking right now. You must feel guilt, anger, sorrow. I don't know. I don't know how to make you believe this right now but NONE of this is your fault. Believe that, please."

Starsky raised his eyes to meet Roy's. Starsky's eyes showed gratitude and disbelief at the same time. Starsky couldn't speak. He squeezed Roy's hand and then squeezed Hutch's. He looked at Hutch and Hutch knew that Starsky just needed some time alone. Without saying a word, Starsky rose and walked away. He found an empty room and cried.

Hutch and Roy sat talking.

"I don't know what to say to him, Roy. Nothing comforts him. I don't think he even realizes that he's lost all he owns too. This is going to be one of the toughest roads we've ever had to travel."

"Johnny is hurting, too. I don't know what to say to him either."

"Starsky said he'd do anything to be laying there where Holly is instead of her. Johnny has done so much for us. Finding and rescuing me when those nuts the Tidewells kidnapped me and tried to kill me. Hell, Johnny almost died in the forest fire. Before that, Johnny got shot while under Starsky's watch. Now Holly and Chet. It's too much for Starsk. Too much for me too."

The men both realized they'd better go find and try to comfort their partners. They got up from the table and with a handshake, cemented their commitment not only to their partners but to each other as well.

Both men got a different feeling - almost verging on frantic - after parting. **Something is wrong**' both men knew at the same time.

*******

Roy knocked lightly before entering Holly's room. Where was the noise? Why weren't the machines beeping and humming? He found Johnny with his head on Holly's chest. Johnny was sobbing and whispering, 'I love you, Holly. I love you."

Roy stood silently until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Dr. Brackett standing beside him. Both men had tears in their eyes. He felt Dixie slip past and go to Johnny. She took Johnny by the shoulders. He looked up. Dixie nodded. The tears were streaming down her face. Johnny stood and gave Holly one final kiss on the forehead. He whispered, "I'll always love you," squeezed Holly's hand, and walked away. He collapsed in Roy's arms.

"It's okay, Junior. It's okay. And, I'm here with you all the way." Roy tried to comfort Johnny as own tears began to fall.

*******

"It's okay, buddy. It's okay. And, I'm here with you all the way." Hutch tried to comfort Starsky as his own tears began to fall.

*******

Hutch kept his hand on Starsky's back as they left the hospital. They were passing the elevator as it opened and Johnny stepped out. He was being supported by Roy. Both had red, swollen eyes. Johnny was distraught.

The 4 men stood silently looking at each other. Hutch's eyes darted from Johnny to Roy. With a slight nod of the head, Roy silently confirmed Hutch's greatest fear. A gasp escaped Starsky just before he passed out.

After ensuring that Johnny was steady, Roy dropped to his knees to help
Starsky. Brackett joined the men on the floor. No one noticed Johnny silently walking away.

Starsky was quickly moved to an exam room. Roy headed back out to his friend only to find him gone. It was several minutes before Roy found Johnny in the chapel.

Johnny looked up to meet Roy's eyes. Roy say next to his best friend and took his hands in his.

"I can't do this, Roy. I can't do this."

"Yes you can, Johnny. Yes we can."

"I can't forgive Starsky. I walked away as he lay unconscious on the floor, Roy. And, I don't care."

"You will forgive, Johnny. And, you will care. In time."

*******

Starsky regained consciousness and with the blink of an eye, his nightmare returned.

"I can't do this, Hutch. I can't do this."

"Yes you can, Starsk. Yes we can."

*******

Starsky was staying at Hutch's. His place was gone. Everything he owned was gone. He didn't care. He didn't deserve anything or anyone. He wished he had died.

"Starsk. Talk to me. You haven't spoken in 2 days. You haven't eaten. Talk to me, damnit!"

"When's the funeral?"

"Tomorrow."

"I'm going." With that, Starsky retreated to the bedroom again and shut and locked the door.

Hutch sat intently studying the label on his bottle of beer. None of this made sense. He replayed the events of the past days over and over. He thought of a couple questions and called the hospital.

"Thanks, Dr. Brackett. I appreciate your time."

"No problem. I just hope you find the people behind all of this pain and heartache. Poor Johnny. He just can't get a break. Marco and Captain Stanley are here and he can't bear to visit them because of the memories of Holly."

"What? What did you say?"

"He can't get over."

"No. About Marco and Stanley?"

"Oh. Freak accident on a call today. They'll both be fine. They're begging to get out of here before the funeral tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks again, Doc."

Hutch was now peeling the label off the empty beer bottle. **Oh, man. Hang on, Starsk** Hutch thought.

"Captain Dobey. Can you get me squad 51's records? I'm only interested in the runs that Gage was on. The ones where the victim died." Hutch hung up anxiously awaiting the results of the search.

Dobey raised his eyebrows. No one had considered that. They had been trying to find the person who hated Starsky. Could it be that Starsky was a victim of someone who hated Gage?

A couple hours later, Dobey arrived at Hutch's with a file inches thick.

"Where's your partner?"

"Locked in the bedroom. I think he's finally asleep. Whatcha got?"

It didn't take long to find the most likely suspect. Both Hutch and Dobey recognized the name. Brad Dobbins. He was trouble - always had been. He'd been quiet since the accident that killed his brother. While it was Brad's fault for driving drunk, was he holding Gage responsible for his brother's death?

Hutch quickly dialed Roy's number.

"Roy? Do you remember the Dobbins wreck?"

"Was that the one where the kid brother was killed by his drunk brother?"

"Yeah. What else do you remember?"

"Not much. Dobbins was very combative. Kept yelling and screaming at us. He's the one who kept threatening us. I was glad the cops hauled him away before his brother died. He was one crazy son-of-a-bitch." After a pause, the implications of this conversation became clear to Roy. "Is this about us? About that kid's death? Oh, no. Is it US they hate?"

"We don't know yet, Roy. Keep this quiet. Don't alarm Johnny. I'll let you know when we find out something. In the meantime, Be Careful! By the way, Roy, Starsk wants to attend the funeral. What do you think?"

"I think if you asked Johnny, he'd say no. But, in his heart, I think it would hurt him more if you didn't come."

"We'll hang towards the back. We both do want to be there. You have been there for us in the past. It would be devastating to not be there for you."

"Tomorrow then. But let me know if you find something out before then."

"Of course," Hutch reassured Roy.

Hutch and Dobey looked at each other. There was a sense of relief not only that they might finally get some answers, but that maybe they weren't to blame after all.

*******

Starsky didn't want to talk. Nor did he want to listen. None of what Hutch said registered. All he knew was that they were going to a cemetery for a graveside service. For another woman he had brought death to. Flashes of Terry mingled with flashes of Wood. He didn't want to go on after Terry but he did. He had a home to go to then. He had some comfort. Now, another woman was being buried. The fiancée of a friend. At least Johnny used to be a friend. And there was no comfort. He had no home and he had no peace. He was staying with his best friend in the world. And, bless his heart, Hutch was doing all he could. Starsky knew that. But still, there was no peace. This was the end for Starsky. He knew that. He just hadn't decided the end of what. Of his career? Of that he was certain. Of his peace? He knew it was the end of that too. Of his life? He hadn't fully decided but he was leaning towards yes there as well. If it hadn't been for Hutch, he would have ended his life the day Holly died. The only hesitation was the effect it would have on Hutch. He loved Hutch more than he loved anyone. More than he loved himself - he was certain of that too. When he figured out how to put pen to paper and write the words that Hutch would understand, when he knew how he could do it and still leave Hutch where he would find a peace with Starsky's death, he would do it. Yes, it was the end of his life. Or, at least it soon would be.

*******

There was a small crowd around the casket. When Starsky saw that not only Chet was covered with bandages but that Marco and Captain Stanley had bandages and casts of their own, a cry escaped his lips as he looked at Hutch.

Hutch pulled Starsky tighter to his side. "That's what I've been trying to tell you, Starsk. It's not about us."

Starsky looked away. Still not hearing.

Dobey approached his men. "We still haven't found him. But we will." Dobey gave Starsky a pat on the shoulder. Starsky never raised his eyes.

Roy saw the men standing back near the trees. He slipped away from the group to greet the men before the service began.

"No news, Roy," Hutch offered before Roy even asked. "We'll find him though."

"Thanks. I'll fill Johnny in as soon as he can hear it. He can't understand anything right now. I'm hoping today will bring some closure. Of course, I'm scared to death. When he can finally register what I need to tell him, I'm afraid he'll never get over blaming himself. Hell, I feel so guilty myself. I can't stand it. I've replayed the Dobbins kid's death in my mind a thousand times. I don't know what we could have done differently."

"You know Dobbins is crazy. You know this isn't about you and Johnny."

"Yeah. I know in my head. But my broken heart doesn't get it. God knows how Johnny will be able to have his heart understand." With that, Roy shook the hands of the 3 men and headed back up to take his place next to Johnny.

The service was beautiful. Johnny couldn't speak but everyone watched as he honored his love by placing his hands on the casket, giving it a kiss, and placing a wedding bouquet over where Holly's heart would be. Hugs and kind words followed.

No one had noticed the smartly dressed stranger place the note in Roy's car.

The 3 cops stood by the trees as the rest of the mourners passed. The men from Station 51 all stopped to speak briefly as they passed. Roy and Johnny stopped as well.

"Thanks for coming," was all Johnny could muster. Starsky could not make eye contact. Roy and Johnny moved on.

"No!" Johnny found the note. He screamed as he read it.Roy, Starsky, Hutch, and Dobey all rushed to Johnny's side. Roy took the note. "Damn!"

Hutch took the note and read it out loud. "How does it feel, hero? Now you've killed 2 people - my brother and your lover. Your friends have made it so far.but not for long."

Starsky suddenly came around. Both he and Hutch pushed the other men to the ground as they looked around. Starsky felt the pain before he heard the sound of gunshots. He looked at Hutch before falling to the ground. His eyes said it all. **Thanks. I love you. I'll always be with you. Me & thee. Goodbye.**

A moment later, Dobbins lay dead. Starsky lay dying thinking that yes, his life would end. He was just grateful he wouldn't have to write that note after all.

*******

Hutch, Dobey, Johnny, and Roy sat around the table in the doctor's lounge. Starsky was in surgery. The 4 men around the table were in various stages of shock.

"So Starsky is dying because of me? Holly DIED because of me?" Johnny was sick.

"No," Hutch said. "Starsky is fighting for his life - not dying. And, Holly died because a man went crazy from his own guilt. This is not your fault. None of it is." Hutch squeezed Johnny's hand and quickly stood up. The tears were rolling down his cheeks. He'd been here before. Waiting for news. Praying. Bargaining with God. Hoping against hope. **God, please don't let Starsky die. None of us could take it at this point. If you take him, take me too, please. Please.** Hutch silently prayed.

The minutes stretched to hours. The hours seemed like days. All of the men were lost in their own thought. All of the men shed tears. All of the men prayed.

Finally, Brackett walked into the room. His look was grim. There were tears in his eyes.

*******

Hutch had to sit down. What did Brackett's silence mean? **Speak, damnit!** Hutch silently shouted.

Brackett thought he'd composed himself before entering the room. Now he was having a hard time speaking.

"We lost him 7 times during the surgery. He's back but he's not good. I just don't see how he's going to make it. I just don't know." Brackett ran his hands through his hair.

Hutch stood up, squeezed Brackett's shoulder, and quickly left the room.

Johnny buried his face in his arms and sobbed uncontrollably.

Roy put his arm around Johnny's back.

Dobey was the only one who was able to speak. "We've been here before. He's made it before - more than once. This isn't over yet." Before getting up, Dobey quickly ran through the past years in his mind. By all accounts, Starsky had used up at least 7 lives. Seven. Thinking about how young Starsky was and how he seemed to attract trouble, Dobey prayed that his friend had more than the often-believed 9 allotted to him.

*******

Hutch sat by his best friend's bed. How many more times could he do this? He knew the answer - however many times it took. He would always do this. He'd always be by Starsky's side. He knew his partner would do the same for him.

*******

Roy sat by his best friend's side. He'd do anything to take away his partner's pain. There would be no comfort or peace today though.

"We need to go see him," Johnny whispered. He was barely able to speak. "We need to be there for Hutch too."

And so it went for the next few days. Someone was always with Starsky.

It was Johnny who was by Starsky's side when Starsky woke up. Johnny nearly jumped out of his skin. He was crying with his head in his hands when he heard a weak voice say, "It's okay. Everything is okay."

Getting his wits about him Johnny realized he needed to call a nurse. Starsky stopped him. "Sit for a minute, Johnny. Are you okay?"

"What are you asking me that for? You're the one in the hospital bed."

"Because I know how you feel. I know what you're thinking."

"No you don't. You know nothing!" The guilt mixed with anger in Johnny's voice.

"Unfortunately, Johnny, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I KNOW EVERYTHING!"

Starsky spent the next few minutes telling Gage the story of Terry. Of how Starsky felt more guilt than one man could bear. Of hurt and healing. Of tears and love. Of a living hell and a final peace. Of finally being able to smile and remember the wonderful times shared with his love.

Both men were laughing and crying when Hutch walked into the room.

"Starsk! STARSK!! You're back! YOU'RE BACK!!"

*******

A few weeks later, Roy and Johnny found themselves sitting on the floor at Hutch's. How many beers had they had? Who cared! And, where did Starsky go? Neither the paramedics nor Hutch felt like getting up to go look for him either.

It wasn't long before Hutch broke into laughter. Starsky was walking into the kitchen carrying a Monopoly game. He was paging through a book that Hutch recognized. **'It doesn't matter,** Hutch thought, **you won't win anyway.** And, what was that under Starsky's arm? A football?

The End